A Deep Dark Pit

I just sent this text to my besties:

“My bestest buddies.  I hate who I have become.  And that is the crazy lunatic on the street corner yelling about the end of the world.  No really.  Every bit of life seems covered in the black ink of a trump-musk-lovecraftian-cephalapod with  tentacles reaching into every thing.  

I can’t seem to escape it.  It’s everywhere.  I feel like America is just doomed and I need to leave the country.  

I’m serious.  

If I lose my shitty fucking  job, I don’t have health insurance and I can’t live without health insurance and there’s no jobs here.  

I miss my mother so much lately.  I almost reflexively called her leaving work the other day.  At least I don’t have to see her become a MAGA cultist cause she sure would have and I don’t know how I’d have been able to maintain our relationship as it was. 

An online buddy messaged to commiserate about *gestures broadly* and I just wanted for like an hour.  Cause that’s me now.  I’m like the opposite of whatever a MAGA cultist is.  Like if they’re Q-Anon, im like Z-laid-Bare.  

I went with Z because Q is round and curly and Z is straight and spiky.  

How are you getting through?

Send me happy pictures of you enjoying life.  I’m laying on my couch.  Maybe I can nap. “

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Here’s me ranting of over an hour to someone who tried to talk to me:

“I hate this place”

You sent: Same same same

*Husband* won’t move though

Like fucking everyone loves Germany

We know people who worked there for years

He’s like “it’s too close to Russia”

AMERICA IS TOO CLOSE TO RUSSIA RIGHT NOW

[…]

How on Earth can a trumper be married to a non?

Cause I can’t even get online and play pinochle with my in laws LOL

Cause I got nothing nice to say

Don’t ask me how I am. Don’t ask about my job. Don’t ask about my hobbies. Don’t ask about my friends.

TRUMP HAS DESTROYED EVERYTHING

we are a military town. Period

It’s being destroyed and half the people here voted for it

We were purple at best

Everyone is losing their damn jobs

Including my husband

Every single company is on a strict hiring freeze

Our savings and retirement has TANKED

my job is constantly under threat

I’m one of those understandable federal workers y’all hate so much

They crippled the unions

I get near DAILY email updates about work changes

4 Cadbury Eggs is NINE DOLLARS

Boardgames are dead

Indi Kickstarters can’t function now

Ive got 200$ in board games I likely will never get now

One was supposed to ship in July.

Oh and Nintendo halted all presales of the new switch 2 and Mario kart to the US

My friend lost her job at ** because she was a contractor and wanted to leave her contractor. She had an offer they couldn’t meet. ** tried everything to hire her, but it’s a hiring freeze. There’s nothing they could do to keep her

Oh we’re going into a depression

Our town is already on the brink

My whole family voted for this

And *husband*’s parents did

And his mom keeps posting crazy as fuck trumper cult shit

Calling the left the Nazis

WTF

and he’s talking about sending US citizens to El Salvador prisons

And he put out another damn EO that federal workers who work on policies are now a new category that can be fired if they don’t do what the president wants

It’s sounds fake, but that’s legit what it says in those words

So only yes men, not actual advisors

Legally

He’s in contempt of the damn supreme court

The unions were trying to fight. And they cut all the autodeduct union dues

Illegally, of course, but most of this shit is

But good luck fighting it with no money

*Husband*’s bro and sis aren’t MAGA thank god

But I’ve honestly gone crazy

I’m ranting as much as a MAGA person

I’m unpleasant

I’m furious

And I can’t ignore it CAUSE ITS MY JOB

Like I can’t stop ranting about this shit because if you ask me about ANYTHING, Trump has wrecked it

Fuck, last night I got a cat bed ad that they were having to close because they can’t source their wool from the US

This is insane

I want to leave but *Husband* won’t hear it

Plus I think he thinks I’m joking

I suggested Germany since we have family that lived there for years on work

Or Scotland. They speak English! Louie wouldn’t even have to go into quarantine

He doesn’t even have a job so only one of us has to get one

There won’t be any jobs here anytime soon

And if I lose mine, we don’t have insurance

And they are restructuring the DOD and literally no one has any idea what that means

Someone in a ** all hands asked if ** might get cut and the answer was WE DON’T KNOW

And it’s so damn stupid

Every single federal salary is less than 4% of our budget

So it’s all for show

And my MAGA family wants to go to a wedding they have to fly to. So they need Star IDs. But every StarID office is booked out for months all over the state and the wedding is next month

Oh you know why? Those were FEDERAL WORKERS

And they’re legit complaining

Also, you’ve had like a decade to get this

Yeah. I’m so sad because for some weird reason the *city* Reddit is just people who actively hate *city*. And they’re cheering this shit

Cause they see all the engineers as snobs or whatever

Oh and I’ve forgotten return to office

It’s hell

And so stupid

None of our work has changed, we’re still on all TEAMS calls, just with other people on the same or different TEAMS calls in the same room with us

Broken pipes

Buildings that haven’t been kept up since 2000

Air quality that fails national standards

Internet infrastructure that can’t keep up

And pipes that literally can’t handle all these people using the toilets

We got administrative leave the other day cause they revoked telework and the heat didn’t work LOL

And a lot of the buildings are completely given up or demoed. So the space everyone had previously isn’t there

And everyone’s just like “oh poor you, you have to go to the office like the rest of us”

My building is getting a new roof RIGHT NOW and the tar smell and burnt rubber smell makes my eyes literally water

But there’s signs posted everywhere that it’s not toxic!

So see, I’m just a mad woman now

I got another antianxiety pill LOL

I think we could immigrate if we wanted. And I totally would

And dude. Dude. This is just the beginning

Tomorrow trump gets the 90 day report on the border

He can declare martial law

And all these CHRISTIANS

Don’t care about the immigrants

But they post that whole “they came for the Jews and I said nothing …” Shit

ARE YOU FUCKING BLIND

EXACTLY!

And Jesus Jesus Jesus

That cabinet?

Kennedy?

Everyone’s like it’ll change in 4 years. There’s checks and balances

If the government collapsed, no it won’t

And Trump is literally in contempt of the SUPREME COURT

and listen I hate that smug motherfucker so much and I’d take a bullet for him cause YOU WILL NOT MAKE HIM A MARTYR

I haven’t seen any actual trumpers I know show regret yet

They spout his lies

Just blatant fucking lies LOL

Like saying that poor Maryland guy was in court multiple times and found to be a gang member

They said that

On TV

But like dude, that’s not remotely in the realm of truth

I want to say you can’t just LIE

But apparently, you totally can

And are we actually going to invade Greenland? I honestly think we are

Now our allies AND our enemies hate us

And DOGE took all the classified info from every database

They have all the info for everyone. Voting registration, immigration status

They literally just marked a ton of legal immigrants as dead in the ss system

And they ACTUALLY SAID they want to “make their lives do difficult they will self deport”

Soon anyone anti Trump in high position will be a terrorist and in El Salvador

He lined it all up already

Especially with yesterday’s EO

That means everyone in Congress who disagrees

Senate

“Policy makers”

[…]

Oh the majority of Christians have never followed anything Christ actually said

It makes me sad it’s so easy to get into heaven but I’m supposed to rejoice in their salvation

But like… Can they go now?

OMG and war plans on a phone chat app

My god

I need more pills

I’m not gonna make it

And *Husband* is just like you gotta get off the news

You gotta get off social media

Stop reading reddit

stop watching YouTube

These are what I do

I can’t even follow gaming now cause board games and Mario kart got fucked

Ugh. I hate myself now. I hate who I’ve become. I hate what this country has become

I’m going to get ice cream

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Also, there is family DRAMA going down. Dad’s in the hospital again. I got disowned last time over this. Now it’s happening again. Yay, text messages…