Rough First Month

I don’t know if yall noticed, but this has been a really rough first month of the presidency for a lot of us. Like REAL rough. It’s been hard. Real hard. One very high high and a fuck ton of really low lows. Mr C and I have the privilege of both being in the middle of this hot mess. I don’t have the ability to look away.

BUT. I cleaned my garage yesterday. Fuck yeah I did. I was gonna clean the back yard. But then we finally bagged up the upstairs Christmas Tree so I needed to put things away in the garage and then it just started. Shit started moving and it was on.

I’m not completely done. I ordered a big pressure washer that will need a home. So I’m going to take my bike which currently hangs horizontally and put it on a vertical hanging rack (ordered from vine). That will give me some space. I’m also gonna use that pressure washer to clean out the moldy broken freezer and move it to the not-accessable-without-a-ladder shelf. I’m also going to decide to either put the ladders where that new space is, or over by husbands car. Then I’m gonna put a tool holder where those are (for the composting tools and the brooms — organizer also from vine).

Why am I keeping an old moldy broken freezer? Because one day, I’m going to make it into a free tiny library on the corner of the property by the city greenway. It’s already water tight! I’m gonna build a box around it to make it cute (it might well be a small TARDIS complete with solar light top). Then I’m going to put a basket on the bottom for sticks and dog toys — a free dog stick library! It’s gonna be adorable. Give me some years to get around to that. It’s a plan.

Like two weeks ago, I hung out with K and K2 and did a vine craft. I ordered Easter Eggs filled with generic lego flowers (click here for that link). Each egg had a flower.

I got the dozen, so four for each of us. I did not think this would be a long activity or a hard one. It was just to get together and chat. Lord we had way too much fun though. First, why were these so much harder than we expected? It was pretty hilarious. The best part was the total silence in concentration that would be broken by little tinkering of small pieces falling to the table and muttering.

I started out on a low point. My first flower was terribly ugly. In fact, it was the ugliest flower by unanimous vote. It looked like someone tried to disguise a anti-aircraft gun. K had just put together what was my choice for the prettiest one. But we had more picks, right?

Well somehow my next two picks were also purple flowers. Ugly ones, I might add. So I was getting frustrated because I kept pulling shitty flowers. So on the last turn, I told them to pick their eggs first and I’d take the last one. Nope, K2 had to see if the trend would keep going. FUCKING PURPLE FLOWER. So, as this is a childs activity and I was frustrated, K stepped up and traded her red flower for my purple. And I got to make a red rose bud that K2 says is a tomato BUT IT’S NOT. And then K put together the second prettiest flower of all, in my opinion, with the set I just traded. Fuck.

So that last photo is all the flowers arranged from my picks for best to worst starting in the bottom left and ending in the top right (so closest (bottom row) to furthest and left to right). I put together flowers ranking #5 (the tomato I traded rank #2 for), #8 (the weird geometric thing), and then ranks #11 and #12. So not my best picking.

Ten out of ten, five star activity though! I do not think a child could put these together but we had great fun. It would be fun as an activity like we did to sit around and joke and put them together. Or like an Easter Advent type thing for a teenager+. They came out to about $1.50 per egg. We all agreed that we would rather find this in an Easter Egg hunt than $1.50. But not as much as we’d want the golden egg which is always at least $5 and maybe $20 if you’re at some rich people egg hunt.

And I don’t know about the others, but I’m from Alabama, I know my egg hunts. Easter was always a grand occasion. You got to get a shiny new Easter dress for church — with a HAT. The only time you can wear a fancy hat to church! Gotta look good for Jesus. Eggs were dyed for the Easter Bunny to hide. And all the egg hunts! I was in egg hunts from as young as I remember. So from the three-and-under class where they just throw some eggs on flat grass and the parents try to convince the stumbling children to put it in their basket — all the way up to the teenagers looking in dead tree trunks for that golden egg.

I found the golden egg once. But I’m pretty sure it was just because my moms friend called me over to the bench where she was sitting with my momma and heavily hinted that I should look *cough cough* behind it. You were a real one, Ms Jackie!

Also, to end on a tragic note — Easter was when I found out that I was too old to believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa. We had gone to Fashion Bug (a plus sized clothing store) to pick out my Easter dress. And they had the SOFTEST stuffed bunny. I begged for it. BEGGED. When we got back to the car I asked mom is maybe the Easter Bunny could bring it to me? And she told me I was too old to believe in that stuff. So I got the bunny on Easter but I never liked it because it was depressing and sad and we didn’t have the money for it.

The Easter Bunny is dead.

So Easter was pretty depressing for me. I didn’t expect it to be. I didn’t really have any expectations for Easter. Sure, we usually go spend Easter with my family since they’re closer than Mr C’s. But it never seems like a big deal. I didn’t think it did, at least. We’d go have big Easter dinner and hide eggs for the kids. Mom would always have a spread of all the best candies laid out in cute containers around the table display at her house — with Andes for Mr C (his favorite).

I made Mr C an Easter basket as always. I did not expect him to get me anything as he never has for Easter. And yet… I was really sad and depressed about it. No one called to wish me a Happy Easter. No fun present from mom. Mr C didn’t even come downstairs to get his basket for hours. He oddly claimed that he’s not used to getting anything on Easter. Which is utter bullshit as I’ve made him an Easter basket for the past twelve years now. One year his friend was visiting and I made the friend a basket too. Which he completely ignored and I got my feelings hurt that he didn’t even pretend to care. And mom always had him Andes. Were our thoughtful little gifts that forgettable?

You see, my love language is gifts. It’s how mom raised me. And gifts don’t have to be huge. Gifts can be free even. Like if I get a free drink with my lunch at work, I get something for Mr C and bring it home. It’s the “hey, I was thinking about you.” “Hey, I love you.” “Hey, I went a little out of my way to bring you a smile.” Sure I could have just not got a drink, but I got a coke and slipped it in my lunch bag for you. One of my favorite gifts from Mr C was when he drew me a cute picture with some inside jokes and my favorite things.

One year mom got us all different kinds of Jelly Belly’s. I got “Peas and Carrots” because I love peas and carrots. She mailed mine and almost had me really convinced that she mailed ACTUAL peas and carrots to me. She was on the phone with me on my way home from work when I was checking the mail. She got me.

She was my Easter Bunny. Mom never showed up without a gift. It could be a $2.00 clearance shirt from Old Navy or a pillow for my beach chairs or out of season Halloween decorations I could use the next year. She never spent much. But she was always on the lookout for something you’d like. Or that someone would like. I bet her trunk was full of these little gifts for her various children and grand kids that she just happened upon.

I miss her so much. I miss the chatting. I miss the gossip. I miss that — whats a good word — that unwavering love. The ever present unconditional love. Which might be rose colored glasses. I mean it’s not like we didn’t frustrate each other plenty of times. But alas… my Easter Bunny is dead. I miss those tiny notional gifts. I miss those phone calls. I miss the gardening help and advice. I need my mom. But that need can never be filled. She really stepped up and provided a lot of my “love” need. I’m not sure Mr C can possibly step up even close to that role. Sure I’ve got my soulmate cat — but he’s only good for like 1 or 2 more years. What then? What am I gonna do? *Heavy Sigh*