I just want you to know that right now, on Amazon Vine, I could get 24 squishy Jesuss for like 2 bucks. Imagine it. You could yell “YALL NEED JESUS” and throw it at people.
That’s all.
Easter Fun
Category: Memes
Hallmark Keepsake Power Cord
I saw this advertised to me in my Facebook feed:
It’s a Hallmark Keepsake Power Cord.
Yes, I know it is a power cord to plug in Hallmark ornaments. However, this still made me laugh. I love the idea of a Hallmark Keepsake Power Cord. I love that it’s packaged like its own precious keepsake. I love the idea of a power cord being a keepsake.
We all have keepsake power cords. There’s a drawer, or more likely box, of cords somewhere in your house. Unless you’re really disorganized and they’re kind of just everywhere.
I actually have one adapter I keep just for nostalgia. It’s an audio out to cassette converter. Yeah, when iPods came out, a lot of cars still had cassette players. Also, iPods had audio out. So yes, I keep that because it’s funny. I used that. Then I got super fancy and bought an adapter that connected to the audio out and transmitted to an FM radio frequency. Yeah, WIRELESS! I don’t think those lasted long. But what a time to be alive. The 90s were awesome.
Related but also unrelated: last night I watched an explanation of why there are so many USB connectors. USB was supposed to be the one cord to rule them all. So why are there so many? USB A/B (plus their blue counterparts for USB 3.0). Mini USB A/B. On-the-go USB. Micro USB. Now USB C.
Then there are the unknown numbers of proprietary plugs USB was made to prevent. Plus all the various monitor cables we’ve had over the years! Parallel cables for old printers. I kinda want to make a shadowbox with all the different connectors. Maybe labeled like a specimen box. If you think I’m joking, you don’t know me. That cassette adapter deserves to be on display.
Maybe Hallmark needs to make a Keepsake Power Cord ornament. A ball of mixed cables. Or a box of them.
Not Related
Amazon also had this in a Facebook ad later in the day:
Disposable bathtub liners. On the one hand, I have seen enough OCD people to know this has a market. Especially if they do a rented house or hotel room.
But doesn’t it kinda scream crime scene? Just me?
Seeking Scottish Friend
How does one aquire a Scottish friend? The Scottish accent is the absolute best one in existence. I feel like they could cheer me up when I’m sad.
Is there like a Craigslist?
The Death of OJ
This morning we were idly chatting about Saturday morning type things. Husband asked me if I had heard that OJ died. I said no, but I saw this meme and I knew:
It’s so true. Let him go out in style. We were like the key age to remember this shit. I remember the trial VERY VIVIDLY. This was way bigger than Depp vs Heard.
Anyone who is sad about this shit can kick rocks. Motherfucker wrote a book called “If I Did It.” They had even filmed an interview for Fox called “O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here’s How It Happened.”
What a piece of shit. Also that Fox tried to pull that shit shows all their integrity. They did eventually air that interview anyway — so they never actually found any morals.
A Few Pictures for the Weekend
Well, it’s Easter weekend, so here’s a fun one:
Then here’s a product by Big Mouth. I was looking at pool floats in their website and saw this. Like it’s a bit conspicuous for a hide-a-key. Like no ones gonna give the dead resin bird a second look…
And lastly. It’s a me meme!
Friday the 13th Mayhem!
I’ve been saving this meme for like two weeks. Remember the Allstate Mayhem commercials? Do they still make those? Those were the best. Let me do some research.
*5 minutes later* Oh Lord, I’m not doing research I’m just watching Mayhem commercials on Youtube now. Let me pause this…
*30 minutes later* — Fuck, I went to post this meme on Facebook and now I’m doing THAT. Wait a second…
“Allstate developed the campaign “Mayhem” and the character (Mayhem) in response to being ranked fourth in advertising spending behind GEICO, State Farm, and Progressive.” “Nina Abnee, executive vice president at Burnett [the advertising agency], said “We wanted to kick Flo’s ass.” “
Dang, this campaign launched in 2010! Wow. I do love Mayhem though, he’s hilarious. If you haven’t seen the commercials I’m talking about, you have the hit up youtube. Here’s one of the most memorable ones to me:
“I’m a teenage girl. My BFF Becky texted and said shes kissed Johnny. Well, that’s a problem ’cause I like Johnny. Now, I’m emotionally compromised, whoopsies *hits car in parking lot*, I’m all OMG. Becky’s not even hot!”
Dean Winters is hilarious. He just plays it deadpan. He’s always in the suit and tie. In one commercial he was a cat knocking shit off counters and laying on a bookshelf.
According to Wikipedia, he was based off of Mr White from Reservoir Dogs. They mention a run of commercials in 2018. I can’t see anything about them being out of production. Looks like he was in a commercial in 2022 and an Allstate spokeswoman said. “There’s still lots of Mayhem in the world, so he could pop in when you least expect it.” I bet he’s crazy expensive now since his career has really blown up in the last decade.
So Happy Friday the 13th!
MEME TIME!
It’s time for some memes. I save good ones on my desktop to share here but I never share them. I am tonight because this first one is so very precious I want to cry! Actually, these first two are.
He got his friend a little backpack so he’d have his own shell! Jesus, it’s triggering something in me.
I shared this bat one on Facebook and it got a lot of laugh emojis. But I don’t think it’s funny, I think it’s really sweet and precious. No, I’m not hormonal. I don’t think I am, at least.
These comics were not posted together. I guess I just have a theme…
And we close with cursing parrots. So after I saw this, I did some research on these parrots. So they knew that cursing got a good response from the stupid humans so it only encouraged them to do it more. And then they’d laugh at people. Parrot squad GOALS. So, as I recall, the zoo split them up and mixed them with other parrots hoping they’d move on from cursing. But they started teaching their new parrots friends the bad words. So they had to roll back and take them out of that populace and put them back together. As I recall, the zoo put them back on display together again to curse at humans all day long. They now reside alone away from the other birds down a long sidewalk with warnings about the adult content ahead. I want to visit them.
Then here’s the update about them getting back together:
New friend?
Listen, I’d like to pretend that I would not approach this bobcat and would immediately go upstairs and call someone. But lets be realistic here. I’m gonna try to make friends with it. I’d be sneaking to the kitchen and throwing it raw chicken. Trying to make it my new cat. I’d be taking pictures. Hopefully, it would growl at me before it ripped my face off. THEN I’d do the right thing before it got worse. But … yeah, part of me would have hope I could befriend it.
I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a dog door. It’s not just the bobcat either. Man give me a freaking raccoon with with creepy little fingers. I’ll hand it treats it can hold onto with his little hands. Or a FOX! Hell, yeah I want a pet fox. It’s not like I went out and caught it — it came to ME. It wants to live here.
Spectacularly Awful
Here’s just how much I have committed to not leaving my house this weekend. I washed all my pants (I hang dry them) and bras (also hang dry). So I’m just chillin’ in my PJs.
Fuck yeah.
Meme Post!
OK, this last one isn’t a meme, but an ad I saw on Facebook. “Lifeless body?” What the Fuck?
