Category: Health

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Then the check engine light came on.

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Then the check engine light came on.

I has been a week. Let me tell ya. Monday I was so anxious and overwhelmed that I skipped work. I had watched 90 Day Fiance which was me and moms show. We both call each other to remind each other it is coming on and then talk about how crazy everyone is. And Natalie be CRAZY. Mom will never see how crazy she is and we cant talk about it. Who’s watching our show with me now? Just me and the cat, I guess. And he doesn’t care how crazy Natalie is, which she really is.

I’ve been hyper focused on the cat as a bit of a break from the far heavier death of mom. So of course I’m upset that even with all the changes, he’s still only got a life expectancy of 1 – 2 years. I assume that includes a lot of decline towards the end as well. So it’s difficult. I just gave him his fluids via stabby needle an hour or so ago. He’s resting in his bed next to me. With a big lump of fluid on his side. Poor guy.

Also, I’m anxious about starting vestibular physical therapy. With not having to drive much thanks to Covid, I had kinda of convinced myself I was all better. This is fine. Ya know? And acknowledging that I still get really sick driving is a hard pill to swallow. I certainly don’t want to go back to last January when I had to do my physical therapy exercises twice a day and got nausea and vertigo every time. It was miserable. So I don’t wanna. That’s basically what it boils down to. I don’t wanna.

Work’s been… bad, I guess? Honestly, I haven’t been working. I’ve been just getting though my days. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to not break down, yall. Like I said, Monday I didn’t even make it in to work. So my not-very-important task has been halted half done. But this is the last week of the sprint so my favorite coworker was assigned to help me with it. Of course DeBitch made a snarky asshole remark. DeBitch was one of the main reasons I didn’t go in Monday. I just didn’t want to deal with that shit. And of course I feel terrible.

It’s a team carry. I’m the teammate down and my team is carrying me over the finish line. It’s embarrassing and …well… embarrassing. I’m ashamed of myself. But then I also need the carry. So I’m grateful but also want to crawl up in a hole and die. Mostly the latter.

So I’ve got a lot going on that’s stressing me out. A lot. And then the check engine light in my car comes on yesterday on the way to work. God dammit, are you serious? So I have a scanner to read the codes — it’s some faulty circuit in the temperature sensor. But still, kick me when I’m down, will ya?

I just want to crawl up in a hole and die. Or to retire and crawl up on the couch and never leave the house again. That’s fine too.

Physical Therapy

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Physical Therapy

So physical therapy on my neck for headaches and whiplash issues is wrapping up (3 more appointments).  Killing the prescription off with some dry needling.  Kinda feeling it in my upper back after this one.  The cat can’t complain when I give him his fluids later tonight.  Actually, yes he can.  I feel bad about it.  

I’m feeling a bit crummy (physically) after last night.  I drove across town in the dark.  So I got super nauseous because my vestibular system is still screwy.  So now they want to work on that.  UGH.  I’m dreading it.  I said okay, because it’d be nice to be able to drive further than across town.  However, last time I did vestibular therapy I was just sick with it all the time.  But they swear the point is to monitor heart rate and stay BELOW that threshold.  Also it’s been a year so I’m in a better place (physically).  And this physical therapy place is way better than the last one.  Right?  Plus I got to learn the Witcher lyrics while I did my eye exercises.  Ugh.

I wish it was something you could just massage and poke needles in to fix.   I much prefer the needles. But man, I’m sore as I type this.  I think it’s because I keep falling into a slouch and stretching the muscles they just electrified.  That’s one way to encourage sitting up straight, I guess.  If only they’d let me wear those motion sickness patches 24/7 I wouldn’t NEED physical therapy.  

You hit your head in the wrong way and bam, every things jacked up.   Mr C, I might need a ride when they do this weird maneuver to “reset” your vestibular system.  I’m told I won’t feel good.