work - Cursing Cats and Other Curiosities

Bringing Joy & Passive Aggressive Teams Icons

Posted on October 2, 2024 | by cursingcats.com | 2 Comments

Yall, I’m so petty, and I have NO SHAME. So, if you are blessed enough to work telework at all, you are familiar with the Zoom and Teams meetings. The little squares or circles of peoples initials. Most people don’t bother to upload a picture. If you’re REALLY lucky, someone uploads their pet as their icon.

One afternoon I ran into a girl with pink hair at work and recognized her from her icon — because pink hair. And I was like OMG! I’ve been debating what to make my icon. Like do I go professional, tattoo, or pet? Cause I do love the pets. Well, I went pet. Classic Louie with the sunglasses. That’s been my icon for months. People recognize me by it. I’ll introduce myself in person and say “I’m the cat with sunglasses!”

So I usually hop into meetings a few minutes early just so I don’t lose track of time. One meeting a while ago — we were still a few minutes from start and I joking said “oh man, we already have two cats and a dog — this is gonna be a good meeting.”

Well, asshole chimed in that he prefers people to use their faces so he knows who people are. I just joked it off that I prefer animals.

Yall, this motherfucker’s picture is a black and white selfie in sunglasses and a ball cap that had to have been taken 15-20 years ago. — Just for the full picture.

Then he’s mentioned it in two meetings since. The last time, he called me out directly. It was a meeting with nothing remotely related. I was talking about requirements and he said something like “I’ll agree if you stop using your cat for an icon” or something. IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING WHERE WE WERE HAVING PROFESSIONAL DISCOURSE. So, I snapped back that I’ll change mine when he shows his face as in his own icon as he’s got a hat and sunglasses on. He says he’s perfectly recognizable in his. I disagree.

So today, he has pissed me off. He does that a lot. So TODAY, since it’s OCTOBER, I changed my icon to Louie with batwings and a pumpkin (from last year). It’s Microsoft, so it will take a while to trickle down through the various apps.

Yall. What can I do for Thanksgiving and Christmas? I gotta get under his skin REAL GOOD. How can Louie reflect Thanksgiving?

It’s got to be funny and cute because normal people will find this adorable and a bright spot in their day to see my cat dressed up in the work meeting. And every time someone compliments it, it will FUCKING KILL HIM INSIDE. So we need max cuteness.

WHAT IS THIS? A school for ANTS?

Posted on June 2, 2024 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

Look at this hat, yall. I’m looking for a new pool baseball cap. So I searched for “Baseball hat ponytail.” Amazons fucked up algorithm showed me a “men’s baseball cap” first (Sponsored ad, of course) and this abomination:

My scalps gonna burn right through that damn thing. AND no ponytail elastic — FAIL.

OK WAIT — before we move on — what the actual fuck is this? This one doesn’t protect your scalp or block the sun from your eyes. Why does this abomination exist?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyway, new topic. Also, I do understand the irony in this next situation.

So did you read my last post about how life saving and amazing my new BedJet is? Well, you just got the summery. So it blows air into a cloud sheet to keep you cool under the covers. Awesome. Until…

Yeah. Four times now, I’ve woken up a sweaty mess because Louie is blocking the air vent. Is Louie doing this to be near me? Fuck no he’s not. Louie isn’t a mushy lover. He has NEVER slept on my side of the bed (on occasion when we sleep late and he’s waiting for me to get up and feed him, he’ll be on the bed — on Anthony’s foot corner). And he’s not sleeping with me — hes RIGHT on the air output.

So nearest I can figure, It’s the vibrations or noise? The only place I feel anything from the BedJet is right there at the outlet — you feel the air blowing inside the sheet and therefor against your feet so it’s kind of a waveform/vibration feeling.

If he was on either SIDE of the airjet, it wouldn’t be a problem. However, hes completely blocking any air from dispersing into the sheet. This is a problem yall.

Yeah I get it hahaha, that’s so funny.

NO IT’S NOT. I’m SWEATING. I’m hot. Today, after I took this picture, I had to get out of my PJs and put on new underwear because I was so sweaty. I had a good thing and now I don’t. How do I fix this?

I just moved the nozzle to the side of the bed in hopes that maybe that will help? I don’t think it will, but we’re gonna find out. Is there a fabric that he would find very uncomfortable? Keep in mind that covering the counters in parchment paper had zero affect on him. Like would he do it on a tarp? Is there an very offensive pointy side of the velcro fabric?

And yes, I get the irony. For over a year, I’d wish and wish that he’d want to sleep in bed with me. Now it’s NOT COOL. I didn’t even intend that pun there.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lastly, an update: Our floor is getting fixed! They’re coming to pack up our entire first floor including kitchen appliances and move it all into the garage. They’ll be here Wednesday at 8:30am. So this is great!

And terrifying. Cause this week they’ll move stuff and fix all the dry wall. Then they wont start on the floor until like next week. I think next Wednesday? Or was it the NEW floor is going in Wednesday? I don’t know. But multiple week thing. Gotta move all our shit. Living upstairs and out of the garage. For lunch and breakfast, I gotta go in the garage where my fridge is and pass workers. I’m not looking forward to this.

Also, the mold remediation with the loud fans did something to Louie. It fucked him up. He’s all jumpy and scared of noises now. So we gotta get rid of him before any of this goes down. We can’t traumatize the cat again. So K is gonna take him in Tuesday night. But it’s gonna be MORE THAN A WEEK. And I already feel so bad leaving him! And also, like how often do I visit? Like I’m lazy and I don’t wanna go visit all the time — but he IS my cat and she doesn’t live far away. So like how often is often enough to not feel guilty? You know the answer is no amount. I will feel guilty no matter what.

So I did up a huge list of shit that’s gotta be done because I am stressed. Today, I wanted to lay on the couch and be a depressed crying blob of anxiety paralysis. However, my sweet husband kept looking at my list and going “hey we can do this” — and doing a lot of it himself. Like we tidied up the garage and got a table ready with the toaster oven. We clipped Louie’s nails. We put the card table in the master bedroom and moved all the plants upstairs. Then we took a nap and I planted some plants.

Yall, this week at work is also gonna be a SHIT SHOW. A fucking huge shit show dumpster fire. It’s not good.

STRESS

Snake in the Grass

Posted on April 10, 2024 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

OK, I came here to post a review about cat hair cleaner. But I can’t I gotta talk about something else. Something bigger. Something fucking huge and infuriating and disgusting. I was going to post about it when I had time to reread the initial email and use quotes but fuck it — here we go.

First, yall know I don’t like people. People suck. They only give a fuck about themselves. But I don’t live in fear of people. I don’t expect every person I walk past to stab me, I just think they’re probably a selfish asshole or a dumbass until they prove otherwise. I’m actually a nice person. Despite the fact that I’m bitter and shit. I’m also southern. We’re nice down here. So let me tell you — when I got fucked over SO DAMN HARD this week, it was actually a shock.

Like, damn, I knew she was a bitch — but I didn’t know she was snake in the grass. What the fuck? Who DOES THAT? Bad people.

Like I know, my moral compass doesn’t line up with yours. But my moral compass is strong. I have values. I have rules you just don’t break. I have unacceptable. And this… holy fucking shit.

So. The Snake has come after me. There’s this bitch at work (previously “bitch” — now we’re out of curse word range. Like she has passed jovial words at this point). No one wants to deal with her. I only deal with her when I have to. No chatting. Just emailing each other questions to get the job done. We don’t work in remotely the same department or line of work, so we don’t even interact that much. I have no idea of her work location. I’ve never spoken to her over voice chat, phone, or in person. She’s just one of those people you have to deal with sometimes. And whenever you ask her a question, she’s almost always a bitch about it and says that’s not her job or you should already know or some shit. And she’s always blaming my group (of 2 — but mainly me) for shit to customers. And she’s rude as fuck to customers. Like this bitch is so rude, I’ve complained about it to my boss multiple times. And yeah, I have the receipts because some were in writing.

But everything was fine. Sometimes you just work with bitches and assholes. You just try to avoid them. You ask other people when possible. Or when you get a snappy reply you just forward it to your boss and ask for help.

Yall know I don’t give 2 fucks about work. Work isn’t my life. I don’t get my kicks and personal satisfaction from work. I just wanna do my job and go home. My boss knows this. I’m pretty positive I said it in the interview. So you know that I don’t have enough fucks to give to be mean to someone. One, I’m not mean. Two, I don’t shit where I eat. Three, I can’t be bothered. I just need the information to do my job so I can go home and pet my cat. And as far as I know, until this week, this person quite liked me. I COULD be wrong. I’m not sure when her attitude changed about me.

It might have happened early this week. She sent an email about some paperwork she’s corrected on the last 4 things I’ve submitted. My coworker was copied on it and gets in way earlier than me so there were already some back and forths on the chain before I joined in. So I get it and go — my bad, I’m a dumbass. I didn’t even KNOW there were multiple of that thing — I’ve literally been copying and pasting from the last one I submitted. Can you send me the different ones and what they are for? (Obviously the email was longer and didn’t curse).

So as is her normal, she responded with a bitch of an email. Like 4 paragraphs that started with something like “Mrs C, you have been on countless emails where I have sent blah blah blah blah blah. You should know blah blah blah blah blah. It’s not my job blah blah blah blah blah. I sen out an email months ago blah blah blah blah.” And never actually gave me the information. Just said I already had it and should know it. And she reiterated that she’s corrected it on my last 4 submissions and she doesn’t call people out on every little thing because she’s not that kind of person. She will only call someone out when it’s a repeated error and so they might need a better understanding of the process.

So I replied back. I did not curse. I was totally politically correct. And I was a BITCH. There were TWO “per my last email”s and one “per your last email” and one quote from her last email that I referred to as the “antithesis of helpful.” It basically came down to “per my last email, I’m a dumbass and never knew that there were multiple of that thing. Per your email, you only point things out when someone needs a better under standing of the process. I’m telling you directly that I need a better understanding of the process. Saying “blah blah blah blah blah you already know” if the antithesis of helpful. I will ask you again as per my last email, please send me the things and what they are for.”

And this isn’t in some vacuum. There’s at least 5 people on this email chain. So one of them pipes in with hey hey hey, lets step back and turn things down a few notches. Why? Because I’m never so rude and it was obvious (on purpose) that I was DONE.

***** Inserted later — oh an earlier that morning she had emailed my boss (without me on it) complaining about my charging overhead on my time card. She was super mean and spiteful and said STRAIGHT OUT that I should not be allowed to work without a direct charge code — even though she had literally started a email complaining about me doing something wrong that morning so she knows I’m working. And she DEMANDED an explanation. Well, my boss is awesome and this snake has no level to demand shit from her — so she COPIED ME in her 5 word response that she had already talked to X about it. So my email of politically correct direct fire also included that she knew, “from her curt email this morning about my lack of charge codes” that I was doing work for programs I was unfamiliar with and that’s why I didn’t know about the things. *****

Has anyone sent me the thingies or where to find them and when to use them? Nope. Still nope. Because that would be helpful.

So Wednesday, I go for an in person meeting. Before the meeting, I swing by my boss’s office to ask her about one of these submissions (new one). Like I said, I try to avoid asking the snake stuff if I can. So we discuss it, she’ll reach out to this other person to get the answer cause neither of us know. And then at the end, she’s like “hey, when this person if making you mad, let me handle it. And NEVER drop the f bomb in an email to her.” And I’m like OK. I curse a lot, but I never curse in email so whatever. Check, boss. And she says that she complained that I kept dropping the F bomb in emails which I suspected to be untrue but couldn’t prove right then. So then we went to our meeting.

So hours later, I get home. I immediately check my emails I’ve sent to her. Nothing. So I PDF every single email I’ve ever sent her and send it to my boss. I tell her I find it concerning that this person has complained about me twice that I know of and that I have not: 1) ever incorrectly charged my time or 2) cursed at her via email. I DID go through my entire chat history with her and had used two curse words (in a year, pretty impressive). I screen capped those two occurrences and attached those as well to be fully transparent.

(For the record, they weren’t AT her. One of them was me AGREEING with her that that was “fucking” stupid of them to do.)

Then, I message my coworker and tell them that this person is a lying snake in the grass! I checked EVERY EMAIL with her in the “To” line and not a SINGLE ONE had a curse word. I used advanced search functions. And coworker says “yeah, but at least we don’t have to deal with her as now we’re to copy boss on EVERYTHING”. And I’m like wait, what? She didn’t tell me that. When did she tell YOU that? And coworker says boss called. And something about a complaint. So I’m like wait wait wait — WHAT?

So I call my boss. Me and my boss get along great. I’m like um… what’s happening?

So boss tells me that snake sent an email to HER division director and my boss (who is my division director because I’m missing a lot of people in my chain of command — I refused to take the position of my own boss even though I could). So like she skipped from zero to overboard already by never saying anything to anyone and jumping to directors. So my boss is cool. She says “I can’t SHARE this email with you, but I can SHOW you it.” So she screenshares the snakes email to all these directors. (I screenshot it, don’t tell).

YALL. YALL.

YALLLLLLLLLLLL.

When I got off the phone I SCREAMED for my husband to come look at this. Not that I was screaming at HIM — I was just screaming because WHAT THE FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT?

She sent an email as a victim. That she has sat on this overnight to think about before saying anything. But she’s put up with this for too long. She’s kept it to herself and only talked to AAA about it (*AAA loves my ass, BTW). She tried to ignore it as she’s a peacekeeper, but Mrs C has created a toxic workplace. She can provide “at least 25 emails” of Mrs C being horribly rude and hateful (or something, I refuse to go upstairs to read this lying piece of shit again). That no one should dread work this much and that it has come to where she comes to work in a state of fear. She used all the key words — harassment, fear, toxic work environment.

Coincidence that we had training on this like last week and she knows the supervisors are required to elevate this up the chain? Oh I think not. She filled that email with so much lies and bullshit and made sure to use EXACTLY the right key words to get my ass in huge trouble.

Snake came after MY JOB. Like FOR REAL. With an email of LIES.

LIES YALL. 100% LIES.

And my boss was ON the chain of emails that started this. And I had already sent boss every email I’ve ever sent this woman. I went through them — they’re all just questions. Mostly when I was super new and didn’t know shit. Absolutely ZERO kick back until that last email. And absolutely ZERO inappropriate language. So I’m like BOSS, you gotta forward that email to her director! I literally HAVE ALL THE EMAILS. If she’s going to accuse me of this, I want receipts! Tell her to provide those 25 emails! I give you full permission to send that PDF of emails out as proof.

Boss is cool and just trying to calm me the fuck down. She’s like don’t worry about this woman. If it was some other director, we’d have a problem — but her director knows how she is and I know you so we’ve already talked about it. Worst comes to worst, you’ll have to be sat in a room together with us and HR and hash it out. And I’m like “I can’t sit in a room with her and not call her a blatant liar to her face” — Boss says that’s cool as long as I don’t curse.

So now I’ve been in a panic since Wednesday. Like, my job is not at risk. I know that. My boss loves me and NEEDS me. Also, I have receipts. Crazy snake doesn’t have receipts. I also have receipts of emails I sent my boss complaining about this woman’s unprofessionalism. I wonder if she ever complained about me?

Like yall, I’m gonna have stroke any minute now. I can’t NOT THINK ABOUT THIS. Husband is like “you can’t fixate on this” and I’m like ‘WOULDN’T YOU?”‘ To which he says yes, and that’s why he knows how bad it is.

I don’t want boss to sweep this under the rug. I WANT this to go to HR and I want to go pay staples to print out binders of EVERY GOD DAMN SINGLE WORD I’ve spoken to this woman so I can collate and earmark it with colors and put it in front of everyone in the room as MY RECEIPTS and ask her to show where I’ve harassed her? Where I’ve made her “FEAR” me? I’ll even highlight the TWO times I cursed and sincerely apologized because, yes I was wrong. It wont happen again and wish she’d have told me it offended her. And I’ll use one color — maybe green? — to mark all the times she’s praised working with me and how thorough I am.

Do I need to sign up for the union? Seriously? Like am I being stupid thinking this isn’t HUGE because my boss has my back and these are obviously all lies?

But honestly, before I sent her every email in PDF format with assurance there were no “F bombs.” — boss probably believed her. Because I do curse casually. So she’s using this one truth — Mrs C is casual and curses a lot to wrap up this huge lie of my harassing her and making her fearful of me.

Yall, I CALLED coworker so we could speak off the record and prefaced this with, can we talk off the record as friends here? And told her ALL of this. She was APPALLED. She was like — “how can you create a toxic work environment when yall don’t even work together?”

I KNOW, RIGHT?

And she’s been on almost every email I’ve every had with this woman. None of them are rude (except for that last one when I purposefully owned her ass). She said that Snake is just mad that I threw her words back at her. She’s like an uncle I have — can dish it all day but can’t take a single bad word back. Husband had already said he same thing. And it is true — everyone knows how bitchy she is and just ignores her.

Yall, I’M DYING OVER HERE. I know people are pieces of shit. I know it deep down in my soul. But for someone to randomly just go from zero to threatening MY JOB? Holy shit. What kind of person ARE YOU? It’s like, man I’d be less insulted if someone pulled a gun on me to rob me. Like if you shot me, I’d be less insulted. Because on my morality scale, that just makes you a druggie that shoots people. I’d just take you to court and hope you got prison time. To to be so… slimy. So… disgusting. So two-faced. Just… wow. To just blatantly throw out a shit full of lies and threaten someones job because they hurt your feelings, I guess? I mean holy fucking shit.

This is why I curse so much yall. There is ONE VERSION of Mrs C. I’m never gonna surprise you. You’re gonna be like “yep, saw that coming.” Because holy fuck, these snakes in the grass. At least someone robbing a bank just owns that they are robbing a bank. Does this snake see how bad her actions are? Does she think life is just some game where you can be a “mean girl” and toss around such accusations at your whim? How can you do this to someone?

I can’t believe I’m so shocked that someone is a scumbag. Like Mrs C, you knew she was a bitch. But yeah, I knew she was a bitch, yeah. I didn’t know she was… THIS.

You know whats funny? He has now harassed ME. SHE HAS CREATED A TOXIC WORKPLACE. I’m now scared to email HER. How fucked up is that?

Laugh at my Failure

Posted on March 6, 2024 | by cursingcats.com | 2 Comments

Yesterday, I had an email thread I fucked up so very badly, that I’ve been sharing it with people to cheer them up. Because hey, I fucked that up like three ways — you should get a laugh and realize we all fuck up and look like dumbasses sometimes. Enjoy.

First, if you’re not someone who has known me long enough to realize it — I get words mixed up. I meet a Kevin or a Keith? Fuck no, they’re both 5 letters that start with a K — it’s not happening. My brain cannot process this. This happens a lot where I mix up words based on what they start with — sometimes going so far as to be the phonetic start and no the actual letter. My husband has become an excellent mind reader when I do this. Context clues, people! So with that in your head:

Wednesday, we had half of a team flying in to tour and meet up with the other half of the team. So I’m tagging along to tag up with my other half. This is an all day event. I’ve told everyone I’m busy all day and my status shows as busy. But I still have my good old leash. It’s a fucking iphone and I hate it because I’m an android person – CAN I GET A PIXEL? It’s half the fucking price! That has nothing to do with this though.

So where was I? So I get a TEAMS message asking me to email Shelby about the A1111 program funding. OK, I can do that. First, I ask for a last name and they’re like “it’s in your email.” Well, outlook on the iphone doesn’t have a goddamn search feature so is it SO HARD for you to type the damn name? It literally takes less strokes than writing out “It’s in your email.” So I’m thinking ShelbyA but this is a different Shelby. Also, note that I do more budget shit that anything else. I’m a configuration manager with experience as a software engineer and a computer science degree — why am I pushing contract money? So keep in mind also that I’m pushing money for shit I have nothing to do with. I don’t work these programs, I’m just submitting the contracts for the people who do.

So I email Shelby and ask about funding for the A2222 program real quick during my lunch break. They reply:

“Ma’am, I’m the POC [Point of contact] for the A1111 program.” Fuck.

So I’m flustered, embarrassed, and still don’t have a lot of time here to deal with emails so I reply with something close to:

“Ma’am, I sincerely apologize. I intended to ask about funding for A1111.”

They reply with the fact that they’re not continuing funding, they told my boss this last week, and….

“ALSO, I’m a man. Shelby is a unisex name.“

Fuck me.

How much dumber can I look to this person? Also, I didn’t even KNOW Shelby was a unisex name. In fact, I didn’t believe it so I googled that shit. Apparently it’s Norse and it means “from estate by the willow.” Ok, Viking name, badass. But how much did you get made fun of in school?

I’m southern — so when I hear Shelby, it’s Shelby from “Steel Magnolias” played by Julia Roberts. It’s a fucking fantastic, classic movie. If you live in the South, you know this movie by heart. Highly recommend. Look at the cast!

Starring	Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Daryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, Julia Roberts, Tom Skerritt, Dylan McDermott, Kevin J. O’Connor, Sam Shepard

(I copied this from wikipedia and the links came along. You’re welcome, I guess?)

Also, the red velvet armadillo grooms cake? That shit is fucking GOLD.

Anyway, ShelbyA is also a female. I’ve never known a male Shelby. But then my husband points out some fancy sports car named after a Shelby and I’m like “but have you seen Steel Magnolias?” He has not.

So there you go.

Update Time!

Posted on February 7, 2023 | by cursingcats.com | 6 Comments

I’m writing this from work. Unfortunately, I don’t really have anything to do yet. A lot of time spent on my phone. I had to up our plan to unlimited data. I finally got a computer, but I do not have access to the training sites yet. I’ve tried to go and get access myself to the point where my boss told me to stand down and be patient and that I was emailing the wrong people. That made me feel a bit bad, but at least I was trying to be proactive. With her permission, I tried again today and got shut down again by the same people she’s been dealing with. Ah government speed.

Soon I’ll even have a cellphone so the can get in touch with me whenever they want! YAY! Well, I’ve managed to avoid a work phone this long. It was bound to happen eventually. Tis the cost of my job. I plan to charge it downstairs in the kitchen so I don’t find myself checking email at odd hours. The bigger concern with the cellphone is… how to carry two cell phones?

Women’s pants pockets are already a joke and now I have TWO? I got out of carrying a purse and wallet by getting a sweet phone case that holds my license and credit card. So for well over a year, I’ve only had to take my phone places. Now I don’t know. Do I go back to carrying an annoying purse everywhere? I honestly haven’t figured this out yet. Suggestions welcome.

I’m still glad I went government even if I don’t have anything to do yet. The people I will be working with seem lovely. The benefits seem to be awesome. (Though my thyroid pills just became crazy expensive for freaking generic thyroid medication.) I’m on site everyday even though I have NOTHING to do. Maybe that’s a reason for being on site. Like we’re paying you – at least be here. So OK, that’s fair.

One of my engineering certifications expires next month. I got permission to work on the renewal at work. Which is awesome, because it’s going to be at least 10 hours. However, my boss recommended I wait until I can access the training system. Her reason is that if I pay for it, they will not reimburse me. But if I request it through the system, they might pay for it themselves. That’s a couple of hundred dollars so worth waiting to see. It will also count towards my continuing education in the system if I wait.

On another note, everyone keeps trying to give me cats. Stop it. They’re not trying to do it FOR me, they’re just trying to get rid of cats. Even my sister asked me to adopt her two cats. Yesterday a coworker tried to get me to take his cat since my friend that he’s marrying doesn’t like cats. There have also been at least two other earnest people begging me to take their cats.

I get it. I’m a great cat owner and I am lacking a cat. I admit that I am a cat lady. I will get another cat, I assure you. However, I do not want just any cat. I don’t want a cute corner decoration. I want a snuggly cat. I am a needy person who wants a very needy cat. Jack was my fuzzy soulmate. He never let me leave his sight. I want a cat that likes attention. I want to play with the cat and love on the cat and cuddle it all night. I figure my best bet is to reach out to foster organizations to see if anyone has a cat like that needing a home. A lot of people wouldn’t want a needy cat. But I’m also just not sure I’m ready. Not having the chores is nice – but also, I just miss Jack so much. I haven’t got to where I want “a cat” – I want Jack. Just Jack. I want my Jack back. And no cat can come close to competing with him.

Oh and next week we’re gonna work on my tattoo sleeve some more! He’s getting a body and his bowtie next Friday!

Review: Close to perfect notebook!

Posted on January 31, 2023 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

This is a review for the SUNEE Graph Paper Notebook. Or as Amazon likes to call it (click for link): SUNEE Graph Paper Notebook – 300 Pages, 5 Subject, 8.2″x10.8″, 5 x 5mm Grid Lines Notebook with 5 Pocket Colored Dividers, 3-Hole Punched Quad Ruled Paper, Black Graphing Spiral Notebooks for Math, Engineering, Writing/Drawing Journals, Home & Office. Amazon has a beautiful way with words.

I debated giving this a 4 or 5 stars. It deserves 5 stars for being amazing but I half wanted to give it 4 for not being absolutely perfect. It’s so close though! The specs:

Page Number: 150 Sheets/300 Pages
Page Weight: 80g/m²–Ivory Color
Metal wire-o twin loop wire binding
Cover is waterproof frosted plastic
Five movable subject dividers with pockets
Perforated pages with three ring punched holes
Available in graph paper or college ruled

So I needed a notebook for work. I was using a three ring binder but I quickly found out that it takes up too much room on a crowded table in meetings. So I needed a ringed notebook I could fold over. I prefer engineering graph paper. It’s super light colored so still easy to read over and gives you a million options for what you want to write, how large, drawing tables, endless possibilities. This came in graph paper so close enough. It’s also smaller than the average graph paper squares at 5 per inch so not too bad.

I also work on a lot of different projects. So I decided to look for something with multiple subject dividers. This not only has 5 subject dividers — they’re also movable and have pockets! Pockets are an obvious win for handouts and notes from meetings. And the movable dividers mean I can devote more of the notebook to larger projects. It also had something I didn’t realize I wanted: 3 hole punched pages. This means if I need to save something long term, I can pull it out and put it in my binder of things to keep for reference. Excellent addition.

When I received my notebook I was very pleased! The black plastic cover is understated enough to be professional without looking like you tried too hard. The subject dividers do not stick out past the book width as they do in the product photos which means it won’t get messed up when I toss it in my bag. I’m pleased with the thickness of the wire and the style of the double wired spiral. The first thing I did was stamp the front and back pages with a big “unclassified” stamp, as one does. I was sad to see that I could see the ink through the other side of the page. It didn’t bleed through completely, but it’s obvious that I won’t be writing double sided on this with my favorite gel ink pens. That said, if one were using regular cheap pens or pencil, this is certainly thick enough to work double sided in that case.

So for this to be the perfect notebook, I’d want it to be the engineering graph paper and thicker paper weight. Maybe an ostentatious cover as well. That said, however, it’s the best notebook I’ve ever found. I will most likely buy another when I need it. I also added it to my list of “Things I recommend 100%” (click for link).

It’s been a week.

Posted on January 15, 2023 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

Hi. I need to get some shit off my chest. And it’s a raw shit dump. I haven’t talked to anyone about this. That includes my friends and my husband. But I’ve been awakened by panic attacks for two days in a row now and I need to get it out. Don’t worry, I will totally talk to Mr C about it — but he’s currently asleep and then he’s got D&D later so that might not happen till tomorrow. Eh, even then it’s his birthday so maybe not then. He’ll read this. (Hi, my love!) And I’m going to go to my friends house to talk and pet their dogs. I’m like dressed and everything.

So the fact that I haven’t had this shit dump to an actual human yet is 100% on me, OK? I’ve talked to K on the phone extensively — hell, I saw her all three days of the trial. And Mr C and I even watched the Glass Onion last night (It’s the sequel to Knives Out — and holy shit, they are both incredible movies — must see). The problem is, sometimes I don’t realize what I’m feeling. I guess I’m not in touch enough some times. So I have my very logical side and my very emotional side. And right now my logical side is having a fucking millennium New Year’s party while my emotional side is crying in bed and therefore waking me up in panic attacks to try to get some attention.

It’s been a rough week, yall. So this was the last week at my shit show job, the week of my court case/trial, and also our HVAC needs repair.

So let’s start with the elephant — the court case. This has been 3 years over due. The car accident which caused a concussion which led to post concussion syndrome and me losing my job and being out of work from October to August — that happened back in mid October of 2019. Obviously, settling is ideal. However, State Farm only offered me 7k. To cover 10 months of not working. However, I’m not that stingy, I only asked for the 7 months because I was released by my doctor to work PART TIME in May. It took until August before I actually got put on another contract and took a 20k pay cut. But we’re only arguing for when I technically was allowed to go back to work. But yeah, 7k aint gonna cover it. So I had to get a lawyer.

So we get a lawyer and sue. Some fun facts: the police report is inadmissible in court because it’s hearsay — they didn’t witness the accident. Also you cannot even MENTION insurance in court. Probably because if the jury knew insurance were the assholes and the ones paying up, everyone would logically go “no shit, that’s what insurance is for” and you’d always win. That’s my theory on that rule. So it’s not me suing insurance, it’s me suing the 16 year old kid that hit me in his daddy’s car. And the opposing lawyer is representing the kid, but the kid didn’t hire that lawyer — insurance did. This is all pomp and show of insurance using the kid as an avatar. The kid will never pay a penny ’cause… THAT’S WHAT INSURANCE IS FOR. But it doesn’t change the fact that I am suing that young kid over there sitting with his mommy and daddy for comfort. Do I get anyone for comfort? No. Cause Mr C has a job, I guess? I’m too self conscious to ask him to be there for me? Maybe I didn’t think I needed it because strong independent woman? I don’t know. He had offered and I was like no, there’s no point in you missing work for this BS. So anyway, I was alone. It was my own fault, but my point is — I made an error in judgment and so I had to go through this alone. </SCENE>

So I spent three days getting ripped apart in court. Because I’m the plaintiff, and the kid is the defense. So the other side didn’t even bring any witnesses. They admitted 100% fault in the accident. Their argument was that I’m a big fat liar about the illness that caused me to miss work and lose my job and wreck my face. He even quoted the TV Lawyers’ pitch “In a wreck, get a check!” But like, we’re arguing this to a jury so the main case is she’s a big fat liar. But we gotta lather it on — so we’re also gonna throw in she’s crazy (it’s documented since 2003). And then for the cherry on the cake — how is this bitch worth a six figure salary? Also somehow we’re gonna throw in that she has a lot of medical problems – let’s discuss all of that. Somehow maybe it’s just the thyroid or anemia that’s been well under control for 15 years.

So OK, I know I’m not a liar. So that’s really just an anger issue. But every time I complain about this piece of shit scumbag lawyer whose job is to drag my reputation through the mud in the dirtiest most exploitative ways — every time I mention wanting this fucker to die, everyone — even my husband, just say’s “That’s his job.” “He’s just doing his job.” You know what, I don’t give a fuck. Hit Men are just doing their jobs too. They got nothing personal against the people they’re paid to kill. Maybe he chose an asshole job? Maybe he has no ethics because he’s a piece of shit? I mean he sleeps just fine at night. That makes him a fucking asshole. He said a lot of bad things about me and he doesn’t care. He doesn’t get off because it’s his fucking job. Why is everyone just DISMISSING my anger? I’m fucking allowed to be angry.

So then let’s discuss my mental health. Cause it’s not like a sensitive subject or anything. Why are you crazy? Why do you require two antidepressants and take valium 3 times a day just to leave your house? Let’s talk about it. You take a lot of medication (Not like that’s something of a touchy subject like when my MIL snooped on my first trip up there and commented to my fiance that “she takes a LOT of medications.)” Do you think maybe you just didn’t wanna go to work? Even you doctor says he thinks underlying psychological conditions are probably contributing to your condition — sounds like he doesn’t believe you either. How do you feel about that? Do you think you’re crazy? You wanna cry about it cause you’re a big fat baby?

Also, why should you get paid this much? Like, you kinda suck. And you have a fuck ton of medical issues. Perhaps you just don’t wanna work? ‘Cause you’re lazy. Which I am. I am lazy, yall. Maybe you’re just trying to get a big payout. And it’s true that I’m heavily money driven, yall. That’s why I wanted my missed wages back. It’s also very true that I had to wake up early every day so K could come over on her way to work (GOD BLESS GOOD FRIENDS) and spray paint my hair brown. Cause as I am, I do not deserve that much money. I only deserve that much money if I present myself as better. With brown hair and makeup and better clothes and confidence. Cause normal Mrs C is a crazy wreck who doesn’t deserve her good life. Only prettier people deserve nice things. That’s never been a sore spot for me.

And yall, I’ve suppressed a lot of shit these past three years. Like this wreck FUCKED ME OVER. I’m over here getting headaches and motion sick all the time. I can’t travel. But it could be worse. I’ve mostly recovered! I’m so lucky! Yay me! You’re not allowed to be sad cause other people have it worse. And my career took a reset. Major pay cut. Lost the job I liked and was super proud of. Was gonna be a SME — the pinnacle goal of my software engineer career — on a very important and prestigious contract. Now, after having not been able to do math for a few months and not having worked on complex software for three years, I don’t anymore. I decided to step back from development cause I’m not sure I’m good enough anymore. Not like imposter syndrome is a thing anyway. Let’s talk about it in front of 20 – 30 people.

And to finish off this fun time — let’s interrogate you in front of everyone. Because that’s what it it is. An interrogation. When you testify, you don’t just get to tell a lovely story — you just answer questions. About EVERYTHING. Remember everything your lawyer told you to say. Your dates better be right and your numbers gotta be right and you better remember everything exactly that happened three fucking years ago cause it better match up completely with what you said in your deposition almost two years ago. And don’t talk to much — only answer the question asked. And don’t nervous laugh — stop that!

So yeah. That case ripped my fucking face off. It was a highly traumatizing experience. It opened old wounds. It made me super self conscious about pretty much everything. But it’s over. It’s totally over. And we “won.” My lawyer is handling the shit ton of people I now I owe money to (gotta pay back everything BCBS paid for my medical — gotta pay back everything short term disability gave me. The doctor’s depositions come out of my part of the winnings. And the lawyer gets 40% before any of that). So the jury awarded me my lost wages for the 7 months, plus a very small bit for medical and pain and suffering. After everyone gets their cuts, I get like 3 months missed wages.

So it sounds like it wasn’t worth it. Cause I only got 3 months when I missed 10. Yes, again — I got fucked by this wreck. Life isn’t fair. I got a ton more than the 7k insurance offered before I got a lawyer. And while I will not see a third of it — State Farm had to pay into 6 figures for this case after the verdict, the trial, the failed arbitration, and putting me though bullshit by dragging this on for three years. So making them pay is part of the win. Fuck them.

So that’s over — I should be shitting rainbows! Instead, I’m looking around like a fucking mac truck just hit me. What the fuck just happened? Why is that allowed to happen? I really over estimated my mental fortitude. I shouldn’t have just asked Mr C to come, I should have asked K and K2 to come too! I got killed even though I won.

And listen, I’m petty. So like I know that when I married Mr C, I agreed to be a financial squirrel. We want to retire. And he doesn’t believe in any debt — even good debt. So our number one priority is to own this house ASAP. We can’t even buy new furniture for the house until we own it. So this money will all be put directly to the house. I acknowledge that. And that’s fair. He was 100% the sole breadwinner when I was out of work and it cost us our savings. Do I agree with his view that even mortgage debt is bad debt? No, I don’t. It’s OK to have a mortgage in my opinion. And K’s about to get a new car and I don’t like driving my tiny car cause I want a bigger car that wins in the car accident rather than gives you a brain injury. So were I single, I’d be buying a new car. But I’m not. So I asked if I could keep just a tiny bit to pay for a bit of my sleeve tattoo and Mr Cs first gut reaction was to question why I needed it when I was supposed to be saving for my tattoo. That hurt. I mean he’s letting me have it, that was just like his gut instinct cause Mr C’s gut instinct with money is that he is a squirrel and it must all be saved. NO TOUCH.

Also, my laptop, which is my only computer, is freaking out something major this week so DON’T DIE, PLEASE.

Anyway — my last week with the shit show. This should make me happy. I should have just been able to coast through it flipping middle fingers to everyone, but shit show is a shit show. I went directly from court verdict on Wednesday to work. Had anything that needed to be done get done? Nope. I have spent the past two weeks requesting an inventory of the classified items in my possession. I have requested multiple times that a witness inventory them and sign for them. I got nothing. So I had to stay late on Wednesday and I sent a really bitchy email to everyone. I stated that I tried to get these items inventoried and signed over. And I took and made my own inventory of all of my assets. As my contract was terminating, I could not be held responsible for these assets and anything missing is not my fault because security has refused to give me their inventory.

That’s terrifying. Because shit show IS A SHIT SHOW. They lost 11 pieces of government property JUST THIS WEEK. So you think they’re not gonna lose my shit? The classified shit that was last signed for by ME? Making ME RESPONSIBLE FOR IT. They could just accuse me of stealing it if they want. So I printed out my bitchy email and attached the 9 emails to security and supervisors requesting that this shit be taken care. And I told them I’d be keeping it in my own records in case you ever wanna blame any of this on me.

So that was extremely stressful. Thankfully, two hours before I left for good, they inventoried my shit and at least verified that they saw it. Thank you.

What else? Well, there’s something wrong with the HVAC. We had it fixed up and repaired last summer but towards the very end of summer the downstairs stopped cooling. I didn’t care to pay someone to fix it as winter was coming and we had just been through this. Then two weeks ago after the crazy winter storm, my kitchen starts smelling like spray paint chemicals. It wasn’t the refrigerator or tankless hot water heater. So I correctly (it turns out) surmised it was the HVAC unit leaking chemicals.

So, did you catch the part where Mr C has lordship over the money? I have lordship over the practical shit. No offense to my actual rocket scientist, genius husband, but he’s worthless with that shit. I wanted to put it off cause I got enough on my plate but Mr C is afraid of dying from toxic fumes so I had to get someone out to look at it. Now, our AC people are not in our city. So to pay them to just come look at the unit is $175 for travel. And they’re honest guys so they’re the first ones to tell me to get someone local to do it. So I figured, just for diagnostics, lets get a local company out to diagnose if it’s leaking chemicals. They’d be $109. They did correctly figure out that our coil had a total blow out, all the chemicals are gone and told Mr C it’d be $3,100 to replace the coil but they’d just replace the unit. As I had told him to do, he told them to fuck off. I mean, he doesn’t curse but whatever.

BTW, the internet says a replaced coil with labor should be between $800 and $2000 dollars. The highest price estimate I could find was $2500. Also note, our coil is aluminum, not copper so it should be cheaper. Why are the trades people allowed to just rip you the fuck off? They’re allowed to just pull a number out of their ass and expect you to pay it. WTF?

So then I call our guy. I tell him the problem we think we have. Luckily his minion is already in town on another call so he’ll pop over. Awesome. So I met with him. I love this guy because he always teaches me so much. He explains everything and how it works and whats what. Anyway, the other people were right. He said personally, he’d just replace the coil. However, we want to know the numbers on the coil vs the unit and calculate whats cheapest in the long run since our units are 7 years old. So his boss is gonna figure that out for us. Oh, and the coil was like totaled so all the chemicals spilled out at once. And yeah, we’d have smelled that. But like there’s no more even left to spill out.

That was Thursday evening. That night, it got kinda fucking cold. It was 60 degrees downstairs. The heater had been fine, the AC was the problem. I had tried flipping the breakers off and back on but nothing was happening. So when my fingers started needing gloves while I watched youtube, I decided to text the minion and ask if like maybe he did something to it? Thankfully, minion calls me immediately and profusely apologizes. He thinks he disconnected the unit and forgot to hook it back up. But he’s willing to walk me through getting it back on. Sweet.

So I grab some shoes and venture out into the freezing cold darkness to wade through giant japonica bushes to get to the HVACs God forbid we have lights over there so I’ve got this guy on speaker phone and am using the flashlight function of my smart phone. He tells me what to do, it’s pretty easy and he tells me what to check for. Sweet, it’s running. So I return to the much warmer 60 degrees of my house with him on speaker phone and ask him about those estimates. He hasn’t talked to his boss yet so he doesn’t know if he priced the coil or bought one or what. Cool, we’ll figure it out next week.

So Mr C heard and comes down to get the gist of whats going on. I explained it and hes all twenty fucking questions about HVACs and what they guy said and estimates and did they buy the coil even though we haven’t even told them if that’s what we wanna do? We don’t know, no ones talked to the boss. Well are they gonna buy the coil without asking us? I DON’T KNOW. I don’t even care. We haven’t committed to buying it so even if they did order it, it does not concern us!

Jesus H *****, can I get a thank you? I just fucking fixed the heater. If it had been up to him, he’d have frozen all night and paid them to come back out and hook it back up themselves! I’M HANDLING IT. He won’t ask contractors a thing buy he’ll play twenty fucking questions with me about it. I was kinda angry.

However, I’m not the silent type so a little later I pointed out he hadn’t thanked me for fixing the heater. Because if I know what I need, I ask for it or at least hint at it. So yes, he totally thanked me for fixing the heater. And pointed out how great I did this week handling all this bullshit and he was very sweet. He’s a good husband so I keep him.

What I didn’t know, was like how fucking upset I was about all of this bullshit. I apparently need more than some pats on the back to recover from this — whatever the fuck this was. So yeah, I’m waking up to panic attacks. And because the office (his lair) is right above the living room (my lair), I hear everything. And last night he was telling his friends about he trial and we this and we that and we’re doing this. Which I get that we are a unit. I also get that when you’re talking to your friends you are the point of reference these people have. But my bitter ass just kinda had a guttural reaction of “WE aint doing shit. I’M DOING IT.” Not that I said anything — cause when I’m angry it’s best if I just go to bed. But then I woke up with another fucking panic attack.

Jesus, one day I’m gonna have a heart attack and just ignore it thinking it’s a panic attack.

So yeah. That’s where I am. So it’s Sunday of my four day weekend before I start my new job. The new job that terrifying because what if it sucks? Or I can’t do it? You know, normal new job feels. So uh yeah. I should be relieved cause the trials over and I’m done with the shit show _

PAUSE

There was another thing. Friday at like 4:50PM I got an email for monies owed from the Shit Show. They are saying that I have to pay back my sign on bonus. I do not. And I replied that they better reply ASAP that they’ve figured out their problem or they need to send me paperwork stating why the original terms of my contract have changed and I need to give them to a lawyer. But it’s a 4 day weekend so I won’t hear back until Tuesday. So surely this was an error and they will fix it. But as it stands they have now said that not only do I not get my final paycheck, but I OWE THEM MONEY on top of that.

Yay, that’s not stressful at all. Not because Mr C freaks the fuck out about every dollar and now we’re talking about me taking a muli-thousand dollar hit.

So, Mrs C, why aren’t you like just so happy to be done with the trial and done with the shit shit show? It’s a four day weekend — and no job stress cause you’re between jobs! Why are you having panic attacks? WTF?

I THINK I FIGURED IT OUT.

I’m still sitting a bloody mess on the side road after being hit by a mac truck going “what the fuck was THAT?” This week was the “THAT.”

Uncomfortable Conversations

Posted on January 3, 2023 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

Today at work, I had to work with a new person to get a release out the door. He’s not new at all, he’s just been out on sick leave because he had cancer. So I got stuck with people like the dumbass that brought his cell phone into a classified lab that ended up in a report on my permanent record because I signed him in.

So I introduce myself. We’ve met before apparently, before he took leave. I don’t remember this at all but OK, off to a great start.

Anyway. This guy is thorough. Crazy thorough. Opposite of what I’ve seen at this wretched company. Don’t get me wrong — I respect it. Don’t put your name on shit you haven’t verified. Awesome. I’m over here shipping this shit out to be fielded — and just this morning I had to bitwise wipe the damn things to nuke them so they wouldn’t mount so I could manually repartition them and reprogram them. Dear god check it for me. He had a lot of questions and I didn’t have answers to any of them. Because B, who does this shit, quit. So I’m just flailing around making do. I’m trying to get him answers and he just keeps saying that’s not the way B did it. But he couldn’t remember anything about the way B did it except that what I was doing wasn’t it. Joy.

Also, anytime I tried to point something out or highlight something for him, I was constantly reminded that he’s been doing this with B for 4 years. Awesome, but can you just check it off?

So we’ve got 4 people trying to figure out how to show specific items to be checked off and we make it work. TEAM GOALS. I’m only here two more weeks. He’s griping about how we’re always doing this shit so last minute — and hey, I agree — that’s why I quit this shit show. But it’s specifically our fault because Hardware doesn’t do this last minute shit. OK.

So I’m making light conversation, as you do. I mention that it’s a bit warm (I have 6 computer towers under my desk — don’t worry though, he knows because he’s been doing this with B for 4 years and she did too) – anyway, that shit puts out heat. And I’m heat intolerant, as you know. Cancer-guy thinks it’s fine. OK, it was just small talk, whatever.

But then…

“If you think THIS is uncomfortable, let me tell you about uncomfortable.”

Oh god.

He’s a veteran. And he’s been in trench warfare where they didn’t even have toilets or sleeping bags or showers for weeks at a time. And he starts telling me about trench warfare and Eeyore’s wandered over now and they’re discussing war tactics and shit and the misery of being in the military. And weren’t those banned in the IRN treaty — yeah because of cancer guys team! Awesome. And there’s no sleeping or eating and I’m just kinda leaning back in my cubicle surrounded by kids toys and figurines and there’s a rubber ducky (left by B) in between me and this guys face as he tells me how bad people smell after three weeks in a trench without showering. And I’d never survive.

Listen, I’m an engineer. I couldn’t cut it in the military. I’m not athletic, I have flat feet, severe problems with authority, and I despise sweating. I’m a pansy, I get it. I don’t even have a dick so why are we in this dick measuring contest? How did this happen?

And just when it’s finally ending and he’s about to move — Eeyore mentions that he hasn’t seen him in a while — where’s he been? Some kind of medical event? “Medical event? Only THE medical event. Cancer.” God dammit, Eeyore. I’ve never even met the guy and even I know he had cancer. So now, we also wouldn’t survive cancer. It’s a hellish experience and and he had radiation and chemo on his neck and it hurt so much that he couldn’t even swallow water for weeks. He used to love spicy food but now ketchup burns going down.

But at least he did better than Brenda who works/worked a hall over and got diagnosed a month after him and DIED.

This conversation is fun. I’m having fun.

Yay work!

Case of the Mondays

Posted on August 22, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

Holy shit, my Monday has been rough. It started out like it was going to be all good, to lure me into its trap. I woke up before my alarm and petted my precious Jack Jack for a minute. I needed to be on time today for testing that they wanted me to come in for on Friday but I couldn’t (cause Mr C had minor surgery and was high as fuck so I had to husband-sit). So I was rolling to get there quite easily ahead of time.

I usually get in at or slightly after 8:00am. Today, I arrived easily at 7:25. Fuck yeah. That’s in major rush hour traffic too, which I apparently usually don’t have. And just as I went to swipe my badge, I realized I did not have it. Fuck me. So I had to come home to get it. Then, right as I pull in my drive way and hit the bump, the tire pressure light comes on. Gahhhh dammit.

So I go back to work and now it’s 8:15. Fucking rush hour! It never takes that long. So, at work, of course nothing works. Because that would be too easy. Nope, everything’s broken. You said that because we only had one computer that works this one specific task, it would inevitably break, and you’d just laugh ’cause you told those fuckers they better fix your computer. But you’re not laughing, you’re just fucking pissed because it’s MONDAY.

Then somehow this megadumbass doesn’t invite you to a very important meeting. The kind that must be done in person once each year or you lose your super special privileges. So now you have to make it up next Monday. The Monday you were going to stay home in the morning to watch the super important milestone first launch of the SLS to the moon with your husband. The launch yall had planned for years to go see in person but now Mr C doesn’t wanna go. Fuck it all. I’ll just go to this meeting instead. Not that they’d really take away the privilege that only two other people in the building have. I’d love to see that. Ha. But you don’t mess with security. Every office has their politics and at my office, they’re the mean girl club. So you don’t shake that particular boat. Even though they’re stupid bitches. For the record, they’re stupid bitches.

Ok, my car makes it thru work without going flat. That’s something. I’ll get groceries then swing by the gas station for air. Only the air pump is out of fucking order. THANKS. And the other gas station only takes quarters and you don’t even have cash. AHHHH. It’s ok. I’m cool. I’ll just get a car wash and use their air pump! Only apparently, they don’t have air pumps! Those things you assumed were air pumps are just air guns to spray you the crevices of your car. But now you’re trapped in the god damned line so you can’t get out. Guess we’re washing the car now.

If you have pressurized air guns at a fucking car wash, why not just make them tire pumps? Like one or two? Just one? No? Fuck you.

I have a headache and it’s not even over yet. I still need to go out to the garage and use the car powered pump to put air in my tires and hope it’s just a slow leak and not that I ran over something. Cause my car doesn’t have that fancy technology that tells you what tire and how much pressure it lost, it just has a indicator light that looks like a flat tire. It’s like me, goes straight to panic mode.

Fuck Mondays. I need a tylanol.

It was the right choice.

Posted on July 2, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

So I’m glad I switched jobs. Does some of it suck, yeah. This week was insanely stressful because we had people in from another state down to do dry runs and we didn’t even get them done. My ass is so new that nothing was setup correctly and just fail after fail after fail. With 3 different people breathing down my neck wanting updates on shit I can’t control. One guy even moved into the empty cube next to me so he’d know when we could proceed. So yeah, stressful.

And obviously going back to 9 hour days in office sucks ass. I’d much prefer everyone be in office for like 2 or 3 days a week, or just afternoons in the office. I mean sitting there for 9 hours is just painful. So yes, every day I text my husband about how miserable I am and I want to come home. But that’s kinda just having a job in general. I’ve never been one to like working. Ever.

But it was the right choice. Being back in the office is better for my well being. Working from home full time wasn’t working for me. I was getting depressed and lonely. I need to get dressed and have some days where I’m like “damn, I look good today.” I need small chat. I gotta have it. I want to know what your plans are for this weekend. I want to hear gossip. I want to be walking down the hall and hear someone call out my name. I want to hear the cleaning lady (who, BTW used to be a pharmacist in New York but found it far too stressful) wonder why she didn’t see me on Monday (I was out, thank you for noticing!).

Do I get exhausted and need to come home and stare at the wall with my cat? Yes. Do I hate having to get to work by 8? Yes. Are the days long and tiresome, yes. But I feel good being back in the grind. In the grind, I don’t feel bad for being lazy as fuck when I’m home.

I like making new work friends. I like that B was telling me about how V is a tough army type but he was never in the army. Oh really? Cause when I met V he was amazed at my goomba tattoo and raised his pants to tell me he usually wears his mario socks. We connected on a different level.

And the work is easier. Is it a lot more work? Yes. But it’s just tedium and frustrating shit. Which, I’ve so far been able to just go “yeah, not my fault.” I’m learning a lot of new things and once I get in the groove it’ll be better. This job is paper work paper work paper work and a shit ton of emails. I can do that though. I can get shit done on a deadline. I can own some documentation. Is it a pain? Yes. But hey, you gotta have a job. I don’t work well without tight deadlines. I’m too lazy. I admit this.

And it’s so awesome to feel those moments of boss bitch. Like yeah, I own this. I’m good. I know it. I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I certainly didn’t get to feel that way working from home. And im really enjoying the “office friendships” I’m developing.

So yeah, I wish I could do half weeks or half days from home. But then again, you gotta pay the bills and you can’t always get what you want. I think taking the lesser job and going back to office full time was the right choice for me.