Today, March 30, 2025 is Louie’s second adoptaversary! So of course, I gave him gifts! He also had wet stinky food for breakfast (it is usually a dinner exclusive). He got some wands that suction to the wall (currently the coffee table) and he got a set of birds:
So we have had this little goober for two years now! He should be about three years old. He’s settled into a routine. We have food he likes and that works for him. No more bloating and bloody diarrhea. Or, as husband reminded me, stinky farts. Oh my god! I forgot about the stinky farts. Louie was a stink demon when we took him in. It wasn’t his fault, something in his food disagreed with him. He was a bloated mess and has constant gas that could take out an army platoon. I think I blocked it from my memory.
Louie doesn’t sleep with us, but most days, he’s on the bed when I wake up. He’s not there when I pee at night, so he must come up when he senses it’s about time for me to get up. Then he curls up against husbands feet or legs to wait me out. It’s super cute.
Then he gets breakfast! He used to be insanely food motivated. His food has “marshmallows” which are actually just freeze dried meat chunks. He used to have to eat the marshmallows immediately. Now, he’s more of a grazer. Even with his stinky food, he doesn’t clean his plate all at once anymore.
Of course, this year he got the exclusive Jazz Lounge for dining. Maybe he just wants to visit more.
Then he snoozes his day away. He likes to be in the same room as us. So if I’m downstairs, he’ll be in the living room in his bowl, or the window, or his mat, or if I’m lucky — his couch blanket. While I’m at work, he sleeps in his window bed in husbands office. Same with after I got to bed.
If it’s day time he prefers to be looking out a window. I don’t even close the blinds next to his bowl anymore so he will always be able to look out. The main front window also has the blinds raised up about a foot so he can always lay in that window and look outside.
I know husband is in love with him because one day I came home and he had the blinds in the office window by his window bed up there open. Like I do the living room. HA. Crazy cat dad life incoming. Louie loves husband because husband doesn’t pet him as much. So if husband is moving around — oh man, maybe he’ll pet him. And when husband picks him up he’s such a ham.
He loves being in a sandwich with husband holding him and me petting him. He really hams it up for that.
Louie isn’t 5% of the snuggle bug my Jack was. He loves new people. New people must worship him. But we’re old news. However, when his terms decide, I do get amazing snuggles. They are slightly more often now — not every day though — but close! But when he does, he’s a teddy bear. Especially the now extremely rare times he’ll snuggle while I’m laying down. You can totally teddy bear hug him. Until he’s done, of course.
Husbands sister and brother visited two weeks ago and he slept with my brother in law! What? He slept with him on the air mattress in my “previously known as office.” And I got picture of him jumping up and sitting in both of their laps while we played games. He loves everyone because he wants universal love. Everyone must love him. No one is safe.
Last year, K2 and I did more elaborate gingerbread houses than usual. We stepped up our game. We still did kits, but we were more elaborate with decorations. Then, for Halloween, K2, K, and I went all in on Halloween houses. We made them FROM SCRATCH. I just went to grab you a link and I did not post it. I suck. Probably because deciding which pictures to use (meaning: not posting all 30 angles and combining some in photoshop) and writing it up takes a while. I’ve been working on this post for 3 days. But DAMN. That one was epic so it’s coming. I’ve looked at my media files three times to make sure but — nope, there’s no photos of that uploaded. WTF?
Anyway, so for Christmas, we REALLY wanted to step it up. I went all out on Halloween because that is my favorite. K and K2 just did regular house shapes. But I went ALL IN. We did it all from scratch and they were great. So we decided to do it again for Christmas, obviously. This time K and K2 upped their game and I’m reeling mine in a bit. I decided to simplify from the Halloween elaboration. I wanted to do a church with a steeple. Nice, but not the complexity of the Adams Family House. Plus I’ve done this before. Big house shape plus tiny house shape for steeple. Bam.
So here we go:
Day 1: The Bakening
Since these are from scratch, we had one day scheduled just to get them baked. For the Halloween houses, we made three batches of dough but didn’t use it all up by far. So this time we started with three batches. I also died it brown to get some color. I had far fewer (so so so fewer) pieces to make on mine, but K and K2 scaled up a lot, so that wasn’t enough. So we made another two batches (we might have made a third too). Pretty sure K2 had to go to the store for more eggs, but we had no choice — no way were we gonna get close. We didn’t have brown dye left, so from there, the gingerbread pieces all had a very cool swirl effect as we combined batches. I liked it.
I think K2 came over at 4pm and I was done at 2am. Yeah. Lot of baking. I mean it took us a damn long time to get it all rolled and cut and spread all over my kitchen — but you can only fit so much on one cookie sheet and there’s only three racks in the oven. So yeah, my oven was going all night with me rotating stuff in and out. The key is a fuck ton of parchment paper and counter space.
We do paper templates and follow that for the pieces (I also keep the labeled templates to match up the pieces later when assembling). This “gingerbread” recipe has no fat in it so it doesn’t spread at all which is nice. It’s also basically concrete. It’s a pain to baby sit because it wants to curl as it cooks and dries, but it is solid as fuck. If you need to cut apart your pieces (if you have two pieces adjoining on the sheet), recut it halfway through baking because this is solid.
We learned some things from the Halloween Houses:
1) This shit is so solid it does not need to be as thick as you think to be sturdy. When I tossed my Halloween house in the trash, I tried to break it apart and was unsuccessful. So I just tipped it off my counter into a bag. It hit the floor tower roof first and didn’t crack. SOLID.
2) Cutting windows by hand sucks. My house Halloween house had a lot of windows. Cutting them out by hand sucked a lot. So this time, I bought a bunch of geometric shape cutters. Oh my lord, thank you. Clean, perfect cuts. I combined the tear drop and rectangle for gothic windows on mine. Circle and rectangle for arched windows on Ks. We did big and small combos for wreath shapes. K2 went fucking nuts with circles for snowmen and stars and diamond/parallelograms. Just yes, buy cookie cutters.
3) Royal Icing is also concrete. We do hot-glue our houses together (cause aint nobody eating this shit). You only need to glue to hold it until the icing dries. So this time I only used a bit of glue because the icing is going to do all the holding – as evidenced by my trashing of the Halloween House.
4) Caramels can be structural. My Halloween house had a fuck ton of pieces because I did a porch with stairs. I had to use caramels to fix the sides of the stairs and it occurred to me that I could have just used caramels for the stairs. It’s basically clay. It won’t hold up on its own — but you only need it to hold up until your icing dries it solid. So THIS TIME, my stairs are totally caramels. In FACT, we forgot to cut two sides for me front off-shoot so I used caramels. (One got cut, but somehow not a second one.) That’s why I had to ice over those walls when I assembled it.
So here is 2am that night before I finally went to bed! My church is the greyish one on the island (I didn’t paint the roof pieces) and K and K2s are on the counter. I also meant to have a window on the front but there was a lot of cutting happening and it just got missed. Do you see all the pieces we made?
I “painted” the Halloween House purple and loved the results so much that I had to do this one as well. I always do an over-the-top red and green candy house for Christmas houses. So I wanted to go a bit more elegant this year. I wanted an icy blue-grey for the church. I nailed it, but when I was painting it, it felt like a huge fail. It was much darker than I wanted. This dough soaks up liquid like a desert so keep that in mind. And when it dried and the white sugar came through it was perfect.
This is basically just an extremely watered down royal icing that I paint on with a brush. The Halloween House had one or two layers and this has 3 or 4. What I adore about this finish is that it takes the ugly parts and makes them shine. The marbled lighter bits are the grooves and dents and cracks and imperfections. Since more icing settles in those places, it looks lighter/closer to the icing color when it dries. So it is a gorgeous way to keep the character of real baked pieces. The key is that it is a wash, not actual icing. You aren’t icing over the pieces, just washing them with a little bit of sugar (well, royal icing with a ton of water). It should be very drippy and painted on with a paint brush. You’re basting the gingerbread. It should soak into the gingerbread. I also loves that when it dries, there is a very subtle sparkle from the sugar crystals. I just adore this method.
Making Windows
If you’ve never done windows on gingerbread houses — you are missing out! They’re so easy! Throw in some battery powered LED lights while assembling and it’s fucking magic! You just cut them out when baking. They’re filled with melted hard candy. We used jolly ranchers. Separate by colors and bang them up a bit. They don’t have to be pulverized, but break them up a bit. Pretty sure any hard candy can work. butterscotches can do a nice cabin glow.
Cut the windows out and then bake.
After the ginger bread is done (cool or hot, doesn’t matter), put it on baking paper and fill the holes with candy. Put a lot in there. When it melts it will lose a lot of the volume of the bits you just sprinkled in plus some might seep around the window on the back side. Do NOT do this with the raw dough. The candy will melt very fast and will burn long before your dough finishes cooking. Do this with finished cookie pieces only.
To get the stained glass effect seen here, clump colors together in piles. Watch it because it won’t take long to melt. Once they are a uniform puddle with no lines between colors, pull them out and let cool before removing from the pan. If you are quick, you could swirl the colors with a toothpick before they cool.
NOTE: White sugar will not even come close to melting before the candy, they don’t work together.
Day 2: Decorating and Assembling
This is a minimum two day process since you have to bake everything. Day two is assembly and decorating. It’s easiest to decorate the sides before assembling. You have a nice flat surface to work on and stick stuff to.
I used black icing to outline my windows and do the stained glass lines. I used a darker grey/blue for decorating. I did a foundation of edible ball bearings (cake pearls?). I also did some swirls to add detail. Then, I assembled with hot glue and covered all my edges, joins, and caramel walls/stairs with the grey/blue icing. By this time, K2 was done with hers, so we have a photo of Louie watching me ice a roof edge.
After she left, I worked many more hours. Silver pearl things got added around some windows to brighten up the black and in a few details to sparkle. It was also looking a bit too generic and non-Christmas. So I made a wreath to glue on later and some garland on the windows. The green bits are sour gummies cut into pieces. The red bits are from a Christmas sprinkles pack we bought last year (save your candy from year to year — no one is eating this shit).
Day 3: Roofing
I needed another day to work on mine. I had assembled the church. It was iced. So Day Three, I started with trees. They are ice cream cones wrapped with sour gummy strips. Then I decided to tackle the roof. It is cinnamon toast crunch. It took 3+ hours. Louie watched TV with me though.
I decided that was a LOT of cereal roof visually, so I added some snow drifts of shredded coconut. I love them! Were they perfect? Hell no. But you know what? You can just pull off whole sections of cereal you fucked up with too many snow drifts and redo it and no one will ever know. You got a whole box of cereal.
To finish off Day Three, I used the rest of the white icing and covered a big area on my base and sprinkled it with the shredded coconut for snow.
BTW, our bases are cardboard wrapped in craft paper. We used doubled up boxes (so 4 layers of cardboard total). Put the boxes in different directions to each other so the creases for the flaps don’t’ line up. I wanted to use solid green wrapping paper but I couldn’t find any. Last Christmas, I used a green gift bag that had a glitter border and it was pretty awesome. I bet scrap fabric would work. Anything you have around to cover the cardboard.
Day 4: The Finishing
Yeah, I needed another day to work on it. Day three was a work night so I couldn’t stay up late. Day four was mostly finishing touches. I glued the wreath on the front of the church with hot glue. I decided the back needed a wreath but I didn’t have any more circle shapes, so I glued a bunch of K2s parallelograms together and glued them to the house. It was fat and I glued it on before decorating so I thought it would be a disaster but I kinda love how huge it is. It took a ton of chopped up gummies to cover.
I topped all of the trees with extra sour gummie cuts to cover the ice cream cone tops. I made little gum drop tiny trees by the church doors topped with some of our star cutouts. I added “bushes” of gum drops. I really committed to that.
I used more of the red sprinkles to decorate the tree in front of the church. And two more star cookies of different sizes for the tree topper. That’s their grand Christmas tree. I couldn’t use the red icing because it just wasn’t red enough even though we used the entire jar of red color. There are some red M&Ms on the tree and wreaths too.
Then, as my final touch… I added a little gingerbread man sprinkle by one of the door trees. I like to think a little girl left her teddy bear there by the tree.
SHE’S DONE! Light her up!
Detail shots:
Front and back:
Side A and Side B:
Holy fuck, I am so damn proud of this one! EVERYONE LOOK AT MY CHURCH! The little star Christmas tree toppers! The trees! THE WINDOWS! Look at my snow drifts!
I like to really throw my all into some projects just so I can be proud of myself and show them off. Remind myself I still “got it.”
You know whats so weird? This “elegant” gingerbread house was far cheaper than a traditional one with all the candy. Sure, it takes longer because the details are all icing. But it required hardly any actual candy. Green gummies, green gummy strips, sprinkles and jolly ranchers (plus the cereal and coconut). Usually you have to have a huge host of different candies for variety. That means it’s actually a lot cheaper to make this fancy style.
Sentimental Throw Backs
This house is a bit of a throw back to the second real gingerbread house I made with my mom back when I live in a shitty apartment in college. We did a church with steeple then too. It also had the cinnamon toast crunch roof. It even had a hershys chocolate door too! So this pleases me greatly. Momma would love it and want to keep it forever.
Another throw back — the cat destruction. It was a well known “secret” that Jack would sneak onto the counter every night and lick the icing off the gingerbread house. It was hilarious seeing bald spots appear. He never did it in front of us. But every morning there would be missing icing spots or M&Ms with the colorful shell licked off. It was part of the tradition for me.
Well, I noticed the coconut around the Halloween house was disturbed a lot and I just prayed to GOD it wasn’t a mouse. I never saw Louie do it, but I did suspect he might be the culprit. Lo and behold it is him. Louie don’t give a fuck so he got right up on the counter and started eating it right in front of me. Little fucker! And I will 100% allow it because it’s tradition.
1/2 C corn syrup (the recipe says honey, you could use molasses. Corn syrup is cheapest)
1 TBS warm water
4 eggs
(Fuck spices, no one’s eating this)
6 C flour
Optional: Food coloring if you want that gingerbread look you would have gotten from the molasses, spices, and brown sugar. This is gonna be sugar cookie pale so maybe add some brown food coloring if that’s your thing. On this Christmas house bake, we did add all my brown to the first batch. Then we made more and didn’t have food coloring so we just combined them and got an awesome swirl effect.
Instructions
Preheat oven to 325 degrees F
Bake that shit until it’s dry. I’ve done it twice and it varied a lot. Just make sure it’s dry but don’t over cook it.
BABYSIT IT — this might bubble and it certainly likes to curl. We’ve used it twice and it varied so much.
The original recipe says: Bake the pieces at 325 degrees F for 15-20 minutes, rolling the dough once after 10 minutes. I don’t know if we used too much water, but this took a LOT longer. Just look and tap it. If it’s shiny and soft, it’s not done. I actually flipped these pieces so they’d just hurry up and cook. Maybe I just cooked them too long? No one’s eating it, it’s fine.
The original recipe also says to put a pan on it while it cools to prevent curling. Probably not a bad idea. IT CURLS. Babysit it.
1/2 tsp cream of tartar (no, I do not measure this shit. I’ve also forgot it in some colors and didn’t notice a difference. I just sprinkle it in there. It’s cheap)
Do you use Chewy? I don’t use it for everything and never thought I’d use it until Jack got sick. I just figured it was for the really eccentric pet people but it’s actually affordable. And they do free shipping over $50. I started using it when the Vet told me that Jack’s IV supplies would be far cheaper on Chewy.com than anywhere else. Yes, Chewy does pet prescriptions too (they can call your vet or you can upload the prescription).
SIDE NOTE: GoodRx works on pet medication as well.
Step in: Louie. When I adopted Louie, his bowels were FIERCE. It was like someone had chemical bombed our entire house — not exaggerating. Not just his poop — but he was just constant gas. Like just a little gas bomb and if he pooped you better hold your breath and run to clean it up ASAP. His abdomen was swollen. His poop was just bloody diarrhea. So I quested to get his stomach right (with the vets help and lots of prebiotics — which every new pet owner wants to shove down new pets throat). The vet wouldn’t make any food recommendations but I scoured the internet and tried to get as limited ingredient as possible. So he ended up with Open Farm Raw Mix Kibble and some Natural Wonders Limited Ingredient wet food for dinner. And we got him straight. WIN.
THEN, Natural Wonders stopped making that food. Not raised the price — they stopped making it! So I took to the internet. Lots of pet owners were angry and they all had the same problem — their spoiled pet won’t eat anything else! Did you know a cat can starve itself to death? Yeah, they’re that bitchy. Thankfully, Reddit to the rescue. Someone had found that their cat would now eat Weruva Mideast Feast. It’s not as limited ingredient — but still really good and it’s the damn whole chunks of real fish Louie wants (dude, skin on sometimes even — ew). So they don’t sale his kibble, but I went right back to chewy for this fancy wet food.
Now you’re all caught up.
So I ordered two cases of wet food for Louie. Chewy runs great coupons every once-in-a-while to get a $30 gift card if you spend $100. So when this happens, I buy up two cases of food. Rinse and repeat. That’s right, over $100 worth of cat food. Fourty-eight individual 5.5oz metal cans.
A day or two later I get an email “Hi BIL! your Chewy order has shipped!” — WAIT, BIL? I open the email. Holy fuck me, I sent it to my BIL. He’s in my addresses because last year I sent him a hilarious dog costume for his dog. He doesn’t even HAVE A CAT. He’s also 12 hours away. Do you know how much two cases of cat food weighs? I bet you do because you can do the math — it’s a lot. Do you know how much shipping costs? It’s insane!
Side story on shipping costs — feel free to skip. So I mailed my BIL the adorable pawprint ornament we made last year that I finally painted. See this post. Also this post. And here’s a picture:
So I packed it in a bubble mailer and took it to the UPS Store. They wanted $14 to ship it. It weighs 3oz. It’s in a #1 size mailer — AKA, like the smallest one. You want how much? Now I know it’s the holiday season and they’re pissy and people are mean to them, but this guy was an ass. He said that’s pretty standard for shipping. I said, its tiny, weightless, and last time I shipped him something bigger it was $6. So he goes on a spill about how that’s a good cost. So I ask how much for USPS. He says $19. Are you fucking kidding me? So another worker hears and asks where it’s going. MICHIGAN, not Europe! He says that if it’s not giving him a choice to ship ground, it’s not a choice. So I just politely tell them “sorry I wasted your time” and take my shit back. I go to the USPS office to see if this $19 is the cheapest they can do shit it true. It’s not. It’s was $6 and change. Fuck you motherfuckers! Trying to rip people off cause it’s the holiday rush. (NOTE THIS: All of you who think that USPS is not vital public infrastructure and should be privatized). So what I saying, shipping even a tiny thing is expensive as fuck.
//End Side Story
So I’ve mailed my BIL over a hundred dollars worth of very expensive and heavy cat food. Well, just having him ship it to me isn’t an option because that would be at an insane cost. So I call Chewy immediately. Get a human right away, BTW. No stupid pressing 1 for whatever and 2 for whatever nope. It rang, I got a spill about this call may be recorded and then a very nice woman answered. I explain how stupid I am. She says, it just shipped, maybe it can be rerouted. So she enters a reroute into the system for FedEx and says to call back if that doesn’t work.
Well, fuck me because somehow Michigan gets next day shipping from Chewy. Must be awesome for yall. So I call them back. Same easy call — another lovely lady picks up. I explain my stupidity again. No problem, she says, we’ll ship out a replacement. Awesome! Can you send me a label for my BIL to return the first? Oh no, just donate it to a shelter or a vet.
What WHAT? You don’t want a hundred dollars worth of cat food back? ‘Cause Amazon just made me promise that I’d ship back my AA batteries if they end up arriving after the post office lost them or I’d be charged for both deliveries and that was $14 of generic batteries that won’t arrive for over a week even though I pay for free 2-day shipping.
It’s true. Look at that — they sent out two more cases for free that got here the very next day. Look!
What the fucking fuck? Chewy is just going to let us donate all that? When it was 100% my mistake and my fault for messing up the order? Like they did nothing wrong, but just give away a hundred dollars worth of product?
Holy fucking shit, there is a good corporation!? They donate to charity (even in THIS way — we can just give this food to whoever we want — BIL doesn’t have a cat). Helpful cheerful humans answer the phone immediately. They send out hand written and signed cards to your pets. Like, seriously, they have to employ multiple people to just write cards. I got a sympathy letter when Jack died. And did you know, they pick random pets and have their portraits painted to surprise people with? Yeah, so make sure you upload a photo of your pet to your profile. I’ve seen them, they’re adorable.
This company, Chewy.com, has become huge — and they still seem like you’re dealing with the sweetest old mom and pop store to ever exist.
I’m blown away.
I was going to keep using Chewy anyway, but good lord almighty, I’m preaching Chewy now! USE CHEWY! Use the code CHEER right now to get a $30 gift card if you spend $100 — plus free shipping over $50.
Look how happy Louie is with his wet food!
Thank you, Chewy, for being fucking amazing. I can’t believe good people still exist.
Crafts and more crafts… And cards… And decorating…
So, I’ve got a lot going on. Two different craft projects. Plus Christmas decorating. Plus Christmas cards (expensive and so much work. Why do I do these? Like I can’t break the streak. That’s why). And tomorrow I gotta pick up the Thanksgiving ham. So my counter is full.
Speaking of crafts, you know it’s the good shit when there’s a skull and crossbones warning on it.
Actually, that wasn’t the good shit. It fucked me over. It’s supposed to go over the top of EVERYTHING. Including a few layers of sealant. I wish it had specified that. The second I put it on, my enamel paint just dissolved. I found out about the sealant thing when I googled “what the fucking fuck.”
These paw print ornaments are killing me. But I won’t give in. As I told you, the top coat I previously used was old or something and left yellowish bubbles and streaks. Maybe THIS SHIT could have saved it. So I got mineral spirits to try to get it off. After so much elbow grease, I had barely anything off. So we brute-force it: repaint. Now keep in mind, everything I do to these takes two days. One day for front to dry, then another for back. And then actually another for the writing on the back in the paint step.
So I repainted. They look amazing. Time for top coat! FUCK ME it disolved the paint. So repaint the ones I tried and fucked up.
I’m going with something I know this time, bitches. Modpodge. Super gloss Modpodge. Got the back done and second coat on the front now. It says you can do a second coat after an hour (I waited a day) but it takes FOUR MOTHER FUCKING WEEKS TO CURE?! Sweet baby Jesus, are you kidding me?
For mine, that’s fine. They’re dry to the touch so I can hang them. But I gotta mail my brother-in-law his! What if the packaging leaves dents? Or sticks to it for some reason? FUCK.
And I thought Pottery Barn was smoking crack.
As seen here in my text messages, Pottery Barn prices are insane.
Is that a hilarious National Lampoons Christmas Vacation pillow? Fuck yes it is! Do I want it? Oh hell yes. Is it $70? Also yes. Who are you catering to, Pottery Barn? Who?
Well, this weekend, I needed craft supplies (enamel paint in red). It’s cheapest at Hobby Lobby. I know that is insane, but it’s true. $7.99 online or $2.39 at Hobby Lobby. It was also half off Christmas and I needed lights for our tree.
Y’all, I’ve never seen Hobby Lobby so chaotic and full. FULL. The giant ass parking lot was full. You could barely move in there. The longest string of lights they had was 100 count, so fuck it, I got a ton of those.
I saw these cute blowmold Christmas Trees at the front. Would possibly be cute to have. And half off! I had to find one with a price tag though. Holy Mary mother of god! FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS EACH.
Who are y’all marketing to? Who? A fucking blowmold? Seriously? What the fuck is happening? Tariffs haven’t kicked in yet, y’all!
Plants!
My plants are doing well. Look at my Thanksgiving Cactus of Friendship blooming right on time! I love how the red turns to magenta on the tips of the petals! Stunning. Today the second layer opened up!
Also, husband helped me put up the main Christmas tree because my anxiety was killing me. So I had to move plants around. Plus the end table. And I’m over wintering some things (I haven’t even brought in the lemongrass from the garage yet). So Louie is now… JUNGLE CAT.
Aging without any grace whatsoever
How’s menopause (perimenopause)? I’m glad you asked. Terrible. I’m not having nightly panic attacks anymore. I need to remind myself they were nightly. But I do still have them around once a week. Also, I’m moody and I’m hot.
We went to the Venardos Circus for my birthday. It was going to be 50s and down into 40s when it let out (fahrenheit). So maybe long sleeves? I wore a thin long sleeve hoodie. Big mistake. The second I got in Ks heated car I was like, I have made a terrible decision. Even inside the tent. I switched seats with husband because K2s commentary is honest to god, half the joy of the circus. But when I switched and realized the seat beside him was open, it was heaven! I wasn’t between two hot people!
Where can I get Christmas tank tops? Not joking. Want.
Also, I’ve reached the age of “I have to pee.”. Like, I used to be able to hold my bladder for hours. Gotta pee? It’s fine, I’ll go when I get home. No more. Now my body gives me like one “I gotta pee.” Then, if I ignore it, all the following “I have to pee” signals will be accompanied by a small bit of pee. Too much information? WELL ITS MY LIFE. So at the circus, my brain was like “I gotta pee.” I’m not allowed to ignore it anymore so I had to use a freaking porta potty! The shame!
I thought Gods punishment to Eve eating the apple of knowledge was painful child birth. The Bible don’t say shit about menopause. Of course neither did anyone else in my life.
Fuck getting old. I’m supposed to be happy and child free with money. Not peeing a little, moody, sweating all night and waking up to panic attacks.
I’m finally painting the paw print ornaments we did last year. I did a set for Louie and I did one for my brother-in-law’s dog. Here’s a picture but they aren’t finished yet. The clear coat was a disaster. I gotta get it off, touch up paint as required and use a new coat.
But I wanted to show them to you. These insanely cheap kits are AWESOME:
These kits are under $10 bucks. It’s an extremely lightweight air-dry clay. Lighter than playdough. You make a little paw print and it dries and boom, paw print forever!
Now at just that, they aren’t awesome. You can see one I have one not painted in that grouping. The all white. It’s fun but not attractive. It doesn’t stand out. And Lord knows it’s not gonna be pristine white after you wrestle a fuzzy animal’s paw on it.
But… Look at them painted! I use an enamel model paint kit and they look like really nice ceramics. Of course they’re light as a feather and unbreakable, but that’s great for hanging on the tree!
Here’s the initial kit with everything I bought years ago to paint some game tokens:
Testors Enamel Paint.
I’ve done these paw prints three times now. Back in 2020, I did Jack. Look how big his paw is compared to Louie! Jack is the red and green and Louie’s are the other three small ones.
I’m repainting two of Jack’s. This red one always needed a touch up on the back where I put it down too wet and some paint stuck to the surface. His silver one has been a little totem I sleep with sometimes. Perfect size to hold in my palm and press a finger into his little print.
That’s another reason I think everyone needs to do these. It was adorable when Jack was alive. But after he died, it was a piece of him. A tangible piece. The vets did an ink print and even a sand print post mortem. But I can’t touch those. Also, that’s creepy. I have the good memory of making this with him.
Speaking on that memory, I have lessons. Listen, I don’t know if I didn’t read the directions or they weren’t there, but with Jack I just smushed out balls of clay and stuck his foot in it. But this shit sticks to everything like crazy. So I ended up on the floor with flour everywhere pressing his foot into flour, then clay. It was a mess. And they are clearly not circles.
The kits come with one big circle, but it’s way too big. Even for the dog print I did there in red and black.
So for Louie’s I used a very small glass to punch it out. And this stuff takes forever and a week to dry, so if you fuck it up, mix it around and do some more! I did a bunch for Louie and punched out the 5 best ones and am painting the best three.
And this time (last year), I read the directions! Everything sticks to this shit BUT NOT WATER! So you get their paw wet (bowl of water) then press it down. Bam! Then get something with a circle, get it wet and cut it out. The dog paw is lopsided because I used a bowl and couldn’t see the print. And he thought it would be too traumatic to do it again. Which is kinda BS cause dogs love attention. I did Jack’s like 10 times LOL. I think Louie made out a little better.
Oh and the nice clean ribbon holes? A straw. Yep. Wet the straw and stab it. If the clay doesn’t come out, no biggie – you can still do more.
So yeah, last year we did Louie and BIL’s dog. I’m finally getting around to painting them so they can go on Christmas trees. And, like I said, touching up two of Jack’s. That silver enamel paint is my favorite but it just doesn’t dry solid like the others. So after two years of me rubbing it in my hand, it needed a reshine.
Of course such a small painting project will go fast! Nope:
Why do all craft projects end up vomiting over an entire room?
Then, you ever have a jar that is stuck shut but you will have the last word so help you god? Fucking red.
The jar opener and pliers combo started tearing into the metal lid. So I was like fuck it – I’m stabbing it.
And it was bone dry. You win this round, Testors.
So I had to use regular red paint to be redeemed with the clear enamel finish. Only… The finish was way too old. I mean this kit is over a decade old so the fact that only the gloss was messed up is a great testament. I had just used all the red. So now I ordered more clear gloss (and red – plus a few others I was low on). When it gets here I can try to get the gloss coat off with paint thinner. Then, I assume, touch them up before the new gloss. I hope not too much because I did so good writing the names and dates on the back with the black paint marker!
But yes, this year MAKE THESE. It’s adorable now and a precious memory when they are gone. A little paint and you’re golden! If I like you enough, mail it to me and I’ll use my enamel paint supplies to paint them and mail the back. (Becki, you can have your kids paint them! Then after Christmas of them hanging on the tree, you could send them my way. I could fill in the printed part (if needed) and give it a few enamel coats for permashine)
I have three for each. One for a Christmas ornament (Jack is green on red, Louie is red on gold). One for the living room (Jack is white on black, Louie is white on dary grey). Plus a bonus extra (Jack is black on silver and Louie is black on blue).
So tonight is All Hallows Eve, AKA Halloween. The Eve of All Hallows or All Saints Day in the Christian tradition. A time to celebrate and remember those who have passed and visit their graves.
There’s also the theory that it’s just a Christianized version of the Gaelic festival Samhain. To be fair, the church did realize that people didn’t want to give up their holidays so they made a lot of them Christian holidays; so probably true. Samhain (the end of harvest season) is a transitional festival. It marks the end of the light and the transition to the darker part of the year (when the days are shortest). Therefore, it is believed to be when the veil between this realm and the next is the thinnest. Parties are held with offerings to appease the Fairies who would fuck you up. Disguises to trick them. And places set at the table for past family members to visit.
All Hallows, or All Saints Day is tomorrow. Then All Soul’s Day on Saturday, November 2nd, wraps up the three days of Allhallowtide. There used to be 8 days, according to the Catholic tradition, but in 1955 they were like “fuck that, it’s 3.” Catholics make it up as they go along. However, some faithful still believe you earn plenary indulgences for visiting cemeteries and praying for the dead during the octave of Allhallowtide. And what is an Indulgence? No, not a Reeses pumpkin — according to the Catholic church, an Indulgence is “a way to reduce the amount of punishment one has to undergo for (forgiven) sins.” Totally makes sense.
Sorry, I got distracted. Allhallowtide, and particularly All Soul’s day also coincides with… wait for it… Día de (los) Muertos! AKA the Day of the Dead in English. And how do we celebrate this holiday? Leaving favorite treats, images, and items of our loved ones out in remembrance of them.
So basically, if the dead are gonna visit, it’s now according to multiple cultures.
So you know how some people get the warm and fuzzy feelings that their dead loved ones are with them? Yeah no, I’ve never gotten that. So WE’RE GOING ALL OUT, BITCHES.
That’s right, we have an ofrenda. No, those are not Mexican marigolds (AKA the Flower of the Dead), but I did grow these merigolds myself from seed!
Mom, I got out one of those cute heart plates I used to leave your coffee on. And the very used cutting board you gave me from that Pioneer Woman set. If you visit and know where the yellow measuring cup/dish from that set is, let us know.
I tried to get you one of those amazing apple streusel muffins you loved from Panera, but the lady said they haven’t sold those in years. The world has gone to absolute shit so I’m not surprised. I did, however, get the blueberry streusel and I’m pretty sure you’d like it too.
I grew these marigolds in my pumpkin patch! You’d have loved my pumpkin patch. And I know you are so proud of me. Have you seen my new body? Like the stomach and the boobs? I look good! You’d be amazed. Also, I’m pretty sure you’d love the art of the tattoo I’m still working on. I did the red poppies for you.
And Jack — you sweet sweet adorable biggun — my precious — my fuzzy — my spirit animal — my soulmate — WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I’m dying here. I miss you much more than is rational. I still cry that you are gone. My snuggle buddy! Oh how I miss you. And your polka dotted belly. I fear I am forgetting you. It sounds stupid, but having a new cat — sometimes I’m afraid I will forget you and how you were. Sometimes I wonder if you were as snuggly and lap cat as I remember and then I look at photos and yep, you were always in my lap. My precious. And I remember when I came home, I’d pick you up at the door and you’d stretch out full length and stretch out your back legs as long as possible and look over at husband and purr like “yeah, she’s mine.” And what I miss the most, your good night wishes. Bedtime is when I miss you the most. You always followed me to bed and waited until I got settled to smash your paws into my breast bone and purr while I petted you and wished you goodnight. Then, when you knew I was settled and not going anywhere, you’d go downstairs and hop on the counter to see what noms were to be had. Oh we heard you, you never fooled us.
Speaking of, not only do you have your favorite banana toy — I made icing JUST FOR YOU. Husband asked why there was cream cheese and butter on the counter and I said it was for you and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’ve lost it. Half cream cheese icing, half butter cream. Your favorite. I already ate some so I know it’s delicious. Yes, I made a little extra for me to have on toast or something. And fuck it, eat the merigolds and pumpkins if you want. You’ve earned it. And the gingerbread house! It’s absolutely covered in icing. Have at it, buddy.
Seriously though, sometimes the only way I can cope with the absence is to think of you and mom sitting together sharing a biscuit or an apple streusel muffin together while you wait on me. We know she shared her breakfast with you every morning and you loved her for that. And I never minded. I thought it was adorable and sweet. Oh how you loved when mom visited. BREAKFAST! Well, here’s yalls muffin. Enjoy.
And Jack, come give me some purrs, please. Just a little snuggle.
If husband had an ask, he’d probably ask you to tell Louie to stop biting him so much. It’s kinda hilarious, but I know it hurts too cause teeth are sharp. *sigh* Louie can never replace you. Yall are nothing alike. Maybe that’s good. I don’t know.
May the scent of the merigolds and the love from my heart bring you home for just a little bit. I miss you.
Oh! One more thing! Mom, YOUR COFFEE! How can you an Jack have breakfast without coffee!? I’ve got pumpkin spice coffee too! I’ll make you a cup right now before I head off to bed. Dang, I might have to dig out the Keurig. It’s cool, it’s yalls ofrenda.
Sweet dreams and Happy Halloween. I love you.
Mom, take care of Jack for me.
UPDATE: I did add mom’s coffee after I posted this:
Yall, I’m so petty, and I have NO SHAME. So, if you are blessed enough to work telework at all, you are familiar with the Zoom and Teams meetings. The little squares or circles of peoples initials. Most people don’t bother to upload a picture. If you’re REALLY lucky, someone uploads their pet as their icon.
One afternoon I ran into a girl with pink hair at work and recognized her from her icon — because pink hair. And I was like OMG! I’ve been debating what to make my icon. Like do I go professional, tattoo, or pet? Cause I do love the pets. Well, I went pet. Classic Louie with the sunglasses. That’s been my icon for months. People recognize me by it. I’ll introduce myself in person and say “I’m the cat with sunglasses!”
So I usually hop into meetings a few minutes early just so I don’t lose track of time. One meeting a while ago — we were still a few minutes from start and I joking said “oh man, we already have two cats and a dog — this is gonna be a good meeting.”
Well, asshole chimed in that he prefers people to use their faces so he knows who people are. I just joked it off that I prefer animals.
Yall, this motherfucker’s picture is a black and white selfie in sunglasses and a ball cap that had to have been taken 15-20 years ago. — Just for the full picture.
Then he’s mentioned it in two meetings since. The last time, he called me out directly. It was a meeting with nothing remotely related. I was talking about requirements and he said something like “I’ll agree if you stop using your cat for an icon” or something. IN THE MIDDLE OF A MEETING WHERE WE WERE HAVING PROFESSIONAL DISCOURSE. So, I snapped back that I’ll change mine when he shows his face as in his own icon as he’s got a hat and sunglasses on. He says he’s perfectly recognizable in his. I disagree.
So today, he has pissed me off. He does that a lot. So TODAY, since it’s OCTOBER, I changed my icon to Louie with batwings and a pumpkin (from last year). It’s Microsoft, so it will take a while to trickle down through the various apps.
Yall. What can I do for Thanksgiving and Christmas? I gotta get under his skin REAL GOOD. How can Louie reflect Thanksgiving?
It’s got to be funny and cute because normal people will find this adorable and a bright spot in their day to see my cat dressed up in the work meeting. And every time someone compliments it, it will FUCKING KILL HIM INSIDE. So we need max cuteness.
Let’s start this post like I started my day. With Louie’s disapproving look.
He just sat like this and stared at us while we chatted in bed before getting up. This was not the pose of him being disrupted or in movement. He’s chillin’ and appauled. He hates when I don’t get up right away. Which is always.
He doesn’t want pets — no. In fact, if I pet him, he will move further away. He wants me to get up. I need to put food in his bowl that he’s not gonna eat right now cause he’s too spoiled with his evening half a can of wet food. Then we have to go outside. He might have to come in early to poop. Otherwise, he want’s to nom some grass and barf. Then I can do my thing while he does his thing in the vicinity. As long as I’m not in bed.
Currently I’m on the laptop on the couch and he’s like just sleeping in the middle of the carpet over there. This is why he wants me out of bed.
I know everyone says get him a friend. But like, I don’t think he’d like a friend at this point. He’s a ham and demands to be the center of attention. Like if you come over to visit my house, he wants to be loved. You’re his new best friend. Because everyone must worship his soft belly. But if you visit too much, or live here, he’ll be over somewhere about 10 feet away. Another cat would probably bother him. And take away the valuable spotlight. Also, he wouldn’t be getting that expensive ass food if I had two cats. I can’t afford to worship two cats. I can lavish one cat.
Look at this adorable acorn I found!
Isn’t it cute and tiny? I haven’t found a random acorn in ages. I loved finding these when I was little. I’m gonna plant it by the giant tree stump in our front yard.
Halloween is the DEVIL
Facebook advertised these super religious trunk-or-treat decorations to me. “Ain’t no ghost but the HOLY GHOST!” That ghost one cracks me up. But hey, at least these people want to still let the kids have fun in costumes and get candy. So props. Like, I guess getting candy from strangers cars instead of houses is less Satanesque.
After typing that sentence though, isn’t this the PERFECT trap? Like a venus fly trap? Like “hey kids — we have candy — it’s Halloween, we’re just religious. Here take a full sized candy ba… **SHOVES KID IN AND CLOSES THE HATCH**
Yall don’t read that if you’re the scared that Halloween will kill your children type. Come on, at least give them this.
And if you’re the type of mom I’d be — give them this until sundown when they can hit up the neighborhoods. That’s right, rake it in, my little pumpkin. Let’s go to the rich neighborhood next. Of course you don’t have to go to school tomorrow. You’re probably gonna be barfing because you ate half that shit. Fuck what your teacher says. THIS IS HALLOWEEN, DAMMIT. It’s one goddamn day. Oh hey, do you need me to tape that back on your costume? Come here, I’ve got tape and we can plug in the glue gun if we need to. I’ve got some trim we can cover that up with. Is my hat on straight? Awesome. Yeah, I know — dads lame. Next year we’ll have to blackmail him. Maybe we could all be Marvel characters! I got him to be Tony Stark once. You gotta start working him in like August.
And here’s my Monstera!
I got it a fucking grade A grow light handing from the second floor. It’s very happy. It’s my favorite. Don’t tell the others. Like the prayer plant is my second favorite. But of course I love you too, my sweet jungle cacti! String of Bananas, we’re working on our relationship. I know, you’re doing fucking amazing. But like, you need something on top. I might get you like a topiary ball frame or something to wrap around before you trail down. I’m working on it.
This week we had a wind storm come through. It was really weird. We were outside for part of it watching it. It actually created waves in the pool. It also took out a fence section. Sheared a fence section right off! The posts held sure. The section next to it was sheared on one side but didn’t come completely off because it was stuck in the ground on the bottom.
So that’s a problem. Louie now has a routine of going outside every morning which was my driving force. Also, legally, I am required to keep my pool fenced in and locked at all times. Because lawfully, it’s a death trap that attracts children and stupid people to drown. So if you drown in my unsecured pool, it’s my fault. It’s like I dug a big well and didn’t cover it up. Really, it’s a legal pain because I have to lock my fence and I can only lock it from one side. Next fence I’m upgrading to something I can unlock from either side.
The point is, I had to fix it. Fences are crazy expensive. In the current economy, wood prices are insane! INSANE! And Husband hates this fence, so no point in hiring the fix out. Plus it would cost a lot to have someone out. So I decided to fix it myself. I could totally bandaid it. The section was still held together, just not in place. So, with a few bandaids, I could stick it back up! Like fence stitches or staples. I got this.
So to Home Depot we go. I say we because K2 came for some errand hanging. Husband didn’t help. He was skeptical. I needed wood. For multiple projects. For this one, I needed 12 lengths of whatever to reattach my fence. But there was a big problem. Their saw was down. I rely on Home Depot to cut my wood to length. Not only do I not have tools, but the Sonic aint a big vehicle. I can’t shove an 8 foot board in there.
So we have a helpful associate. I explain the problem. Super nice guy. He doesn’t have anything precut in 4 foot lengths that would work. He offers to sell me a very reasonably priced circular saw and I could cut it myself in the parking lot. I wasn’t against this plan. I ask if he would help me cut it if I bought the saw. He said he couldn’t because he was working. So I ask if I can use their saw table to cut it. He wasn’t sure there was even a plug over there (there isn’t in the parking lot either), so he said hang on. And this is where he heroed out.
He went a got a circular saw. He wasn’t supposed to use it, but he’d do it. So we grabbed the wood, and I helped so we could get it knocked out as fast as possible without getting caught. I warned him one of his coworkers gave him a nasty look and he asked who. It was an old guy. He pointed to a woman within eyesight. He said that’s his manager so if she doesn’t say anything, it’s fine. Guy was amazing.
I had him write down his name so I could give him shout outs and call the store manager. He asked if I was serious. I was like yes, I’m fucking serious. I’ve worked in retail! So he wrote down his name and I slipped him some cash “for any grief he might get from his coworkers.” I left a google review WITH photo about how amazing he was by name and how thrilled I was with my Home Depot experience. It’s already got 2 likes. I’m actually a google guide because I’ve done a lot of reviews so my review gets priority showing AND the photo boosts it too. That you Travi! I also filled out a store survey AND emailed the store owner directly. I hope he gets a bonus or something.
So, with Travi’s help, I had my stitches.
Now to fix the fence. This next photo shows what needed to be repaired. One section (the red X) was completely gone. The red zig zag shows a section that had completely broken off but remained standing.
That fence section was actually surprisingly and deceptively heavy. Me and husband are out of shape, but damn. Also, it hadn’t been directly on the ground so wedging it back in between the posts was no simple task. There was a lot of donkey kicking. Like seriously, I just donkey kicked it a lot. There was also a hammer and rubber mallet involved. Then while husband held it in place, I could screw in the new bandaids.
Louie supervised:
Louie also used the new magic portal to wonder around the side yard while we shimmied the section back in place. So Husband did have to go grab him before we sealed it back off:
I’m really damn proud of myself! This thing is way more secure than it was before. I also did three stitches on the inside at the top of the three joins for extra strength.
If I paint these, you wouldn’t even notice the repairs. I asked husband to paint them but he won’t because he doesn’t care enough and he hates this fence anyway. He also wasn’t keen at first on me patching the outside of the fence because the neighbors would see it. But I’d rather the neighbors look at it than have to look at it myself. So I asked him to paint it. No go. He doesn’t care THAT MUCH.
I might paint it. I had intended to. But husbands apparently not gonna appreciate if I do or don’t so why should I? He will literally never see it anyway. It sucks when you’re so proud of yourself for something and only get a lackluster response. I’m pretty disappointed that there’s not more enthusiasm at my abilities, genius, and carry through. I saved us hundreds of dollars here. I fixed A FENCE. Within days of the fallen panel. Can I get some adoration?
Don’t get me wrong. I know husband is thankful and appreciative and thinks I’m awesome. We just don’t have the same love languages at all. He’s not big on overloading praise. His mom was more impressed than he was. Yes, I texted his family and my friends to be like LOOK! I FIXED IT! Because I need some “oh wow, you rock!” Kinda love. I’m needy. But at the same time, I think I deserve it. Come on, I FIXED IT!
… On a dark wooden hallway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of catnip rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night…
