Let’s start this post like I started my day. With Louie’s disapproving look.
He just sat like this and stared at us while we chatted in bed before getting up. This was not the pose of him being disrupted or in movement. He’s chillin’ and appauled. He hates when I don’t get up right away. Which is always.
He doesn’t want pets — no. In fact, if I pet him, he will move further away. He wants me to get up. I need to put food in his bowl that he’s not gonna eat right now cause he’s too spoiled with his evening half a can of wet food. Then we have to go outside. He might have to come in early to poop. Otherwise, he want’s to nom some grass and barf. Then I can do my thing while he does his thing in the vicinity. As long as I’m not in bed.
Currently I’m on the laptop on the couch and he’s like just sleeping in the middle of the carpet over there. This is why he wants me out of bed.
I know everyone says get him a friend. But like, I don’t think he’d like a friend at this point. He’s a ham and demands to be the center of attention. Like if you come over to visit my house, he wants to be loved. You’re his new best friend. Because everyone must worship his soft belly. But if you visit too much, or live here, he’ll be over somewhere about 10 feet away. Another cat would probably bother him. And take away the valuable spotlight. Also, he wouldn’t be getting that expensive ass food if I had two cats. I can’t afford to worship two cats. I can lavish one cat.
Look at this adorable acorn I found!
Isn’t it cute and tiny? I haven’t found a random acorn in ages. I loved finding these when I was little. I’m gonna plant it by the giant tree stump in our front yard.
Halloween is the DEVIL
Facebook advertised these super religious trunk-or-treat decorations to me. “Ain’t no ghost but the HOLY GHOST!” That ghost one cracks me up. But hey, at least these people want to still let the kids have fun in costumes and get candy. So props. Like, I guess getting candy from strangers cars instead of houses is less Satanesque.
After typing that sentence though, isn’t this the PERFECT trap? Like a venus fly trap? Like “hey kids — we have candy — it’s Halloween, we’re just religious. Here take a full sized candy ba… **SHOVES KID IN AND CLOSES THE HATCH**
Yall don’t read that if you’re the scared that Halloween will kill your children type. Come on, at least give them this.
And if you’re the type of mom I’d be — give them this until sundown when they can hit up the neighborhoods. That’s right, rake it in, my little pumpkin. Let’s go to the rich neighborhood next. Of course you don’t have to go to school tomorrow. You’re probably gonna be barfing because you ate half that shit. Fuck what your teacher says. THIS IS HALLOWEEN, DAMMIT. It’s one goddamn day. Oh hey, do you need me to tape that back on your costume? Come here, I’ve got tape and we can plug in the glue gun if we need to. I’ve got some trim we can cover that up with. Is my hat on straight? Awesome. Yeah, I know — dads lame. Next year we’ll have to blackmail him. Maybe we could all be Marvel characters! I got him to be Tony Stark once. You gotta start working him in like August.
And here’s my Monstera!
I got it a fucking grade A grow light handing from the second floor. It’s very happy. It’s my favorite. Don’t tell the others. Like the prayer plant is my second favorite. But of course I love you too, my sweet jungle cacti! String of Bananas, we’re working on our relationship. I know, you’re doing fucking amazing. But like, you need something on top. I might get you like a topiary ball frame or something to wrap around before you trail down. I’m working on it.
This week we had a wind storm come through. It was really weird. We were outside for part of it watching it. It actually created waves in the pool. It also took out a fence section. Sheared a fence section right off! The posts held sure. The section next to it was sheared on one side but didn’t come completely off because it was stuck in the ground on the bottom.
So that’s a problem. Louie now has a routine of going outside every morning which was my driving force. Also, legally, I am required to keep my pool fenced in and locked at all times. Because lawfully, it’s a death trap that attracts children and stupid people to drown. So if you drown in my unsecured pool, it’s my fault. It’s like I dug a big well and didn’t cover it up. Really, it’s a legal pain because I have to lock my fence and I can only lock it from one side. Next fence I’m upgrading to something I can unlock from either side.
The point is, I had to fix it. Fences are crazy expensive. In the current economy, wood prices are insane! INSANE! And Husband hates this fence, so no point in hiring the fix out. Plus it would cost a lot to have someone out. So I decided to fix it myself. I could totally bandaid it. The section was still held together, just not in place. So, with a few bandaids, I could stick it back up! Like fence stitches or staples. I got this.
So to Home Depot we go. I say we because K2 came for some errand hanging. Husband didn’t help. He was skeptical. I needed wood. For multiple projects. For this one, I needed 12 lengths of whatever to reattach my fence. But there was a big problem. Their saw was down. I rely on Home Depot to cut my wood to length. Not only do I not have tools, but the Sonic aint a big vehicle. I can’t shove an 8 foot board in there.
So we have a helpful associate. I explain the problem. Super nice guy. He doesn’t have anything precut in 4 foot lengths that would work. He offers to sell me a very reasonably priced circular saw and I could cut it myself in the parking lot. I wasn’t against this plan. I ask if he would help me cut it if I bought the saw. He said he couldn’t because he was working. So I ask if I can use their saw table to cut it. He wasn’t sure there was even a plug over there (there isn’t in the parking lot either), so he said hang on. And this is where he heroed out.
He went a got a circular saw. He wasn’t supposed to use it, but he’d do it. So we grabbed the wood, and I helped so we could get it knocked out as fast as possible without getting caught. I warned him one of his coworkers gave him a nasty look and he asked who. It was an old guy. He pointed to a woman within eyesight. He said that’s his manager so if she doesn’t say anything, it’s fine. Guy was amazing.
I had him write down his name so I could give him shout outs and call the store manager. He asked if I was serious. I was like yes, I’m fucking serious. I’ve worked in retail! So he wrote down his name and I slipped him some cash “for any grief he might get from his coworkers.” I left a google review WITH photo about how amazing he was by name and how thrilled I was with my Home Depot experience. It’s already got 2 likes. I’m actually a google guide because I’ve done a lot of reviews so my review gets priority showing AND the photo boosts it too. That you Travi! I also filled out a store survey AND emailed the store owner directly. I hope he gets a bonus or something.
So, with Travi’s help, I had my stitches.
Now to fix the fence. This next photo shows what needed to be repaired. One section (the red X) was completely gone. The red zig zag shows a section that had completely broken off but remained standing.
That fence section was actually surprisingly and deceptively heavy. Me and husband are out of shape, but damn. Also, it hadn’t been directly on the ground so wedging it back in between the posts was no simple task. There was a lot of donkey kicking. Like seriously, I just donkey kicked it a lot. There was also a hammer and rubber mallet involved. Then while husband held it in place, I could screw in the new bandaids.
Louie supervised:
Louie also used the new magic portal to wonder around the side yard while we shimmied the section back in place. So Husband did have to go grab him before we sealed it back off:
I’m really damn proud of myself! This thing is way more secure than it was before. I also did three stitches on the inside at the top of the three joins for extra strength.
If I paint these, you wouldn’t even notice the repairs. I asked husband to paint them but he won’t because he doesn’t care enough and he hates this fence anyway. He also wasn’t keen at first on me patching the outside of the fence because the neighbors would see it. But I’d rather the neighbors look at it than have to look at it myself. So I asked him to paint it. No go. He doesn’t care THAT MUCH.
I might paint it. I had intended to. But husbands apparently not gonna appreciate if I do or don’t so why should I? He will literally never see it anyway. It sucks when you’re so proud of yourself for something and only get a lackluster response. I’m pretty disappointed that there’s not more enthusiasm at my abilities, genius, and carry through. I saved us hundreds of dollars here. I fixed A FENCE. Within days of the fallen panel. Can I get some adoration?
Don’t get me wrong. I know husband is thankful and appreciative and thinks I’m awesome. We just don’t have the same love languages at all. He’s not big on overloading praise. His mom was more impressed than he was. Yes, I texted his family and my friends to be like LOOK! I FIXED IT! Because I need some “oh wow, you rock!” Kinda love. I’m needy. But at the same time, I think I deserve it. Come on, I FIXED IT!
… On a dark wooden hallway, cool wind in my hair Warm smell of catnip rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night…
This morning started off with a strange bit. I was up pretty early as I’ve been having horrible sleep lately. I came downstairs and noticed brown blobs through the door glass. The glass very much obscures things so I thought maybe we had a storm I missed and there were a lot of branches down?
When I opened the blinds I saw — GEESE. A fuck ton of canadian geese all over my yard.
So I ran to turn off the alarm and go outside. Here’s one of three videos I took:
I herded them all across the road so they wouldn’t get hit. This is a road people speed down — thankfully it was about 7:30am. One woman stopped and encouraged me to spread my arms to get them to go faster. Since it’s been hot as fuck here, there were ton’s of people using the greenway.
One woman said she lived close to the retention pond by Publix and when she started her walk, they were there. Then another man said they’d been crossing the street back and forth and back and forth. So I figure that they were taking a leisurely Saturday morning stroll from the retention pond to Lady Ann Lake. Approximately two miles. Why would they not fly?
Another passerby in a car pulled into my driveway worried as could be because they were crossing again about a block further down the road. She suggested we herd them to the lake. I was like, they’re gonna do what they’re gonna do and they’re halfway there. I pointed out that it was daylight at least and people weren’t particularly speeding (I said this as approximately 6 cars were stopped waiting on them to cross in the Southbound lanes).
So that’s new. Never seen that in our 9 years in this house.
When I came back inside, I fed Louie. Of course, he wanted to go outside. That is our morning routine now. He wants his food but not to eat it, and then he goes to the back door so he can come outside with me while I tend my pumpkins. As you saw in a previous post, there isn’t much to tend in the pumpkins now. However, I did acquiesce his request. He looked at a beetle:
When he first goes out, he likes to lay down and get accustomed before he starts walking around. Still pretending he can’t walk in the harness hoping I’ll remove it. I did grab some wire and fix my solar lights while he explored.
I should explain for the non-Americans or future readers. Vance (Trumps running mate) made a comment about childless cat ladies running our country. Apparently, we shouldn’t get the same vote weight as families. We don’t care about the future of our country and education because we “don’t have a stake in it.” So that’s what this is poking fun at (“there’s a crazy man with tiny hands…” LMAO)
But let me tell you, today it was 97 degrees (F) and I tried to take my cat outside but he stepped on the pavement and I was afraid it would burn his paws cause we’ve destroyed the fucking planet and it’s a hot box at the moment. Also, I have nephews. And friends with kids. Geez.
Apparently, today is International Cat Day. According to Wikipedia: “International Cat Day is a celebration which takes place on 8 August of every year. It was created in 2002 by the International Fund for Animal Welfare. It is a day to raise awareness for cats and learn about ways to help and protect them.”
Apparently, according to the Googles, National Cat Day is either October 29th or February 22nd. But Japan kicks our ass by celebrating on February 22, as the date resembles the words “nyan nyan nyan”(meow meow meow). And they’ve done it since 1979.
So, I am determined to get a post up today to celebrate this catfishing silky bastard, Louie:
That photo is actually from this morning before I knew it was International Cat Day! Look at Louie. That’s his first outside bug catch. We are working on harness training. So the last few days, I’ve taken him out back on the harness while I tend the pumpkins. I have to make sure the female flowers get pollinated with the proper males everyday. It’s also way too fucking hot so this has to be done first thing in the morning.
One afternoon we had Louie out and it was either too hot or he just didn’t want to be in his harness and he walked his ass all the way up the stairs to the door to go inside. This morning he had no desire to come in. So I’ve taught him the word and motion “up up” for when I’m going to pick him up. The motion I guess is because Jack was deaf for three years so we used motions to communicate. So I said “up up” and did the motion and Louie got up and backed away! HA. He was having far to much fun with his new bug friend. I was sweating like a fountain from moving vines around, but I sat and watched him and took some photos. But he couldn’t stay outside forever. I gotta go wiggle my work mouse, you know.
So for today’s cat post, we have DECOR! I’ve been making over the hallway. Basically we had to redo the floors. When they were installed and I saw the hall so clean and uncluttered — ugh, I dreaded moving our shit back in. So I finally pulled the trigger to buy cabinets and make that shit look better. Anyway, Louie has the same food setup that Jack had. One of the shelves had the bottom shelf removed and that was his food and water spot. Well, I really like this setup, so I kept it. It’s just white now and the shelf above with all his food stuff has doors to hide that. But yall, I can’t just make it that simple.
I ordered the cat food mat to use as a decoration. I hung it when I was assembling the cabinets/shelves, and I was like… we gotta run with this. It’s not a feeding station — it’s a Lounge now. K and I went thrifting for tiny picture frames. I decided the mat had an art deco vibe so I asked K what I should do and she sent the gorgeous art deco poster you see on the left. And I was feeling it. So I decided Monday was gonna be a mental health day and I’d spend my Sunday photoshopping for the cat. And that’s what I did.
I put a cat head on the gorgeous lady poster. I found a Jazz album cover and modified it a bit. Then, I slapped a cat head on that guy too and sampled the colors from the lady poster so they would match. Then I did a menu. Did I spend way way way too long on that menu? Yeah. Longer than either of the others. Maybe even longer than both combined. I needed it to be art deco, OK? And fonts are hard. Also, I wanted to be clever so I had to make his food sound fancy. Yes, that is actually what he eats. “Nuevo Nuggets” are actually Open Farm RawMix — it’s available breakfast and dinner. “Cat Cann De” is some over priced canned food and available for dinner only.
Look at these vibes though! I’m so happy with how it turned out. Oh and in that photo, that’s real catnip hung in the back. I bought him a catnip plant to encourage him outside but he gives no fucks. It’s also out of season so the plant was lanky as fuck and desperately needed a trim.
I’m also updating the litter closet. Since I was replacing the shelves, I had extra shelves. So I thought — hey, I should put one in the litter closet and actually make some use of that space. That way I can get the extra cat food out of the hall shelves and all the extra cat litter off the garage stairs.
Look at that storage functionality! It was a brown shelf and I painted it white to look cleaner. Cause litterboxes are dirty. I wanted it on the back wall, but the new litterbox wouldn’t fit sideways inside it. His new litterbox is bigger than his old one. Yes, he got a new litterbox because I’m insane. I got on this damn cat “cat enrichment” forum and read how EVIL lidded cat boxes are. Are they evil? No. Have any of my cats, Jack, Tabitha, or Louie had a problem with them? No. Did I feel like I had to get an open one? Yes. I mean it’s in a closet with a bathroom exhaust fan so the lid is kinda redundant anyway. That’s what I’m telling myself.
Listen, yall don’t know how judgy these insane pet people are. I posted that picture of Louie’s new lounge and someone commented about how bad it was to have a cat’s water near their food. Apparently, in nature, food near a water source would mean that water could be tainted. And that’s where I drew the god damn line. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you see how insanely over board my cat lady ass has gone? Do you see that running water fountain he has in his own fucking cat lounge? He’s got his own god damn bathroom. He’s got beds all over my house in every window he likes to sit in. And we don’t even close the blinds in two windows because he likes to sit there. SO BACK OFF. At some point, the cat has ENOUGH. This cat lives better than like 99.99999% of cats and a hell of a lot of people too. Way better. He drew the cat life lottery when he catfished me. He was like, that bitch looks like my kind of insane. Is that a cat tattoo I see? Oh she be the crazy cat lady. Let me go get on that. Oh, I also break the CARDINAL sin of cat ownership — I only have one litterbox.
Anyway…
That flower pot is the bag-of-cat-poop holder. I mean, I needed a cat poop holder and I had that pot. It makes sense.
And I printed off some cute cat pictures! I wanted to find a lot of crazy cheesy cat lady shit at the thrift store but came up empty. That “All Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work” one cracks me up! Oh and what is that blank canvas? Oh it’s gonna be one of those fun portraits of like royalty they do of your pets. But I haven’t figured out what I want Louie to be. Then I gotta photoshop him in it. I’m just going to get that printed at Staples or online and modpodge it to the canvas.
I gotta say, the litter closet makeover pleases me greatly. It’s a icky chore that I do every night. So having a fun bathroom door sign and funny art in there makes it so much nicer! Now if I can ever figure out how to wire up the fan to a motion sensor by the door…
So there you go. Happy International Cat Day, Louie. I love you. Not like Jack — but like, I’m so glad to have you. It’d be awesome if you choose to snuggle more at some point. I’m here if you want to snuggle. Like right here.
Look at this hat, yall. I’m looking for a new pool baseball cap. So I searched for “Baseball hat ponytail.” Amazons fucked up algorithm showed me a “men’s baseball cap” first (Sponsored ad, of course) and this abomination:
My scalps gonna burn right through that damn thing. AND no ponytail elastic — FAIL.
OK WAIT — before we move on — what the actual fuck is this? This one doesn’t protect your scalp or block the sun from your eyes. Why does this abomination exist?
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Anyway, new topic. Also, I do understand the irony in this next situation.
Yeah. Four times now, I’ve woken up a sweaty mess because Louie is blocking the air vent. Is Louie doing this to be near me? Fuck no he’s not. Louie isn’t a mushy lover. He has NEVER slept on my side of the bed (on occasion when we sleep late and he’s waiting for me to get up and feed him, he’ll be on the bed — on Anthony’s foot corner). And he’s not sleeping with me — hes RIGHT on the air output.
So nearest I can figure, It’s the vibrations or noise? The only place I feel anything from the BedJet is right there at the outlet — you feel the air blowing inside the sheet and therefor against your feet so it’s kind of a waveform/vibration feeling.
If he was on either SIDE of the airjet, it wouldn’t be a problem. However, hes completely blocking any air from dispersing into the sheet. This is a problem yall.
Yeah I get it hahaha, that’s so funny.
NO IT’S NOT. I’m SWEATING. I’m hot. Today, after I took this picture, I had to get out of my PJs and put on new underwear because I was so sweaty. I had a good thing and now I don’t. How do I fix this?
I just moved the nozzle to the side of the bed in hopes that maybe that will help? I don’t think it will, but we’re gonna find out. Is there a fabric that he would find very uncomfortable? Keep in mind that covering the counters in parchment paper had zero affect on him. Like would he do it on a tarp? Is there an very offensive pointy side of the velcro fabric?
And yes, I get the irony. For over a year, I’d wish and wish that he’d want to sleep in bed with me. Now it’s NOT COOL. I didn’t even intend that pun there.
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Lastly, an update: Our floor is getting fixed! They’re coming to pack up our entire first floor including kitchen appliances and move it all into the garage. They’ll be here Wednesday at 8:30am. So this is great!
And terrifying. Cause this week they’ll move stuff and fix all the dry wall. Then they wont start on the floor until like next week. I think next Wednesday? Or was it the NEW floor is going in Wednesday? I don’t know. But multiple week thing. Gotta move all our shit. Living upstairs and out of the garage. For lunch and breakfast, I gotta go in the garage where my fridge is and pass workers. I’m not looking forward to this.
Also, the mold remediation with the loud fans did something to Louie. It fucked him up. He’s all jumpy and scared of noises now. So we gotta get rid of him before any of this goes down. We can’t traumatize the cat again. So K is gonna take him in Tuesday night. But it’s gonna be MORE THAN A WEEK. And I already feel so bad leaving him! And also, like how often do I visit? Like I’m lazy and I don’t wanna go visit all the time — but he IS my cat and she doesn’t live far away. So like how often is often enough to not feel guilty? You know the answer is no amount. I will feel guilty no matter what.
So I did up a huge list of shit that’s gotta be done because I am stressed. Today, I wanted to lay on the couch and be a depressed crying blob of anxiety paralysis. However, my sweet husband kept looking at my list and going “hey we can do this” — and doing a lot of it himself. Like we tidied up the garage and got a table ready with the toaster oven. We clipped Louie’s nails. We put the card table in the master bedroom and moved all the plants upstairs. Then we took a nap and I planted some plants.
Yall, this week at work is also gonna be a SHIT SHOW. A fucking huge shit show dumpster fire. It’s not good.
Today was Louie’s One Year Adoption Anniversary! I gave him a new toy that he loves so much he already bit a chunk off. He got wet food for dinner. And we added his footprint to my leather journal of clovers and things.
We had to do the footprint twice because it smeared a lot.
Yesterday he went for his yearly vet visit. Jack never did regular visits until his last 3 years. After mom died, I took him to the vet to make sure I wouldn’t lose the damn cat too. And he was diagnosed with kidney failure. So for his last 3 years we did the vet thing — but that was out of 17 years.
For Louie, I just feel like we should do the vet thing. I’d feel bad not doing it. Perhaps if he gets kidney failure, we can catch it earlier. We can afford it. And he REALLY needed to go to the vet when I adopted him. I’m pretty sure he just has IBS. But we’ve finally got him on an expensive food that works for him (Open Farm). So he’s not constantly farting toxic gas anymore and having constant bloody diarrhea. His shit smells like toxic bombs, but I think the biggest part of that is that he doesn’t cover his poop.
His chin acne was terrible, but almost completely cleared up. I very rarely clean his chin. He has a lot of ear wax. I usually clean his ears every 2 to 3 weeks. He doesn’t mind it. So they did a test and he does have too much bacteria in his ear. They said my cleaning has been keeping it at bay. And since it doesn’t bother him, they said I could just keep doing that. But they recommended that I get a prescription ear flush and clean them once a week for a bit. Basically, the reasoning is that I’m keeping it from getting out of control, but I can’t actually get rid of it because I can’t get down deep in his ear. So an ear flush can actually cure it. The ear flush was only 17 bucks, so yeah, we’ll do it.
Oh – AND HE ISN’T FAT. There are some angles of pictures where he looks like a VERY chonky boy. And a few people have called him chonky. The vet said his weight was fine, just don’t let him gain more. He’s 12.3lbs.
So… YAY LOUIE! He’s still a catfish. I haven’t settled on his middle name. I kinda want him to be Louie Catfish C****. I also thought about using his original name as a middle name like Louie Milo C****. TBD
To really capture the excitement I have over these fabulous rocks, let me transcribe the text messages my three besties and K’s biologist S.O. got from me today: Ehem:
~~~~~~~~~begin~~~~~~~~~
“OH MY GOD. I got my rocks and they are better than I imagined!”
**Insert five more pictures of close ups of the various color groupings — ask if you want to see those***
“There’s three types of Obsidian and they’re so distinct! The Gold Sheen Obsidian doesn’t look special until you hold it up to the light and, well, gold!”
“And what’s the Blue Sand Stone that looks like GLITTER”
“Hematite is heavy as fuck”
“The Opal is so gorgeous”
“OH MY GOD, you have to come over so I can show you my favorites”
“Look at the glitter in this one!”
“This is genius marketing. Like, I know these are the chips that come off [when they’re] making those carved stone skulls and angels and shit. They took their scrap and marketed it and I AM HERE FOR IT.”
“Look at this Citrine!” ***Insert picture of Citrine***
“Look at this, it’s pure black when not in the light”
I suppose they are getting those hippy hits and all the Wiccans with this advertising, but some of us just like rocks, OKAY? Geology is fucking amazing! I can’t afford to actually own all of these beautiful stones. It would be an awesome collection though. It would also be a bit disorderly with stones of different sizes, and how would I label them? But when I saw THIS? Oooooooo ho ho. All the rocks in beautiful uniform little glass jars? Fuck yes. Give it to me.
Fucking genius marketing. Taking SCRAPS and selling them off. They just tossed their scraps in a tumbler (some aren’t even tumbled, actually — but most are).
The little jars are only 2 inches tall. I scoured Amazon for the perfect shelves for them. Honeycomb shelves! Are they made for Essential Oils? Yes. Fucking hippies all up in my shit. Husband gifted me the shelves for my birthday and they look great in my office! I even bought a cheap package of empty vials to set on the shelves (click for link. $8.99 I need an affiliate thing) — but I also plan to fill them with other things. Maybe other stones? Sand from Florida; Sand from Maine. Two are already filled with broken bracelets — one is pearls of different colors.
I arranged the rocks by color for the shelves. First black to white to browns:
Then the prettiest shelf is reds to pinks to oranges to yellow to greens:
Then flowing with the rest of the greens into the blues and purple:
Are the labels jank? Yes. Yes they are. I might fix them at some point. It would be a lot of effort. But I could get some cute tiny printable labels (maybe in silver or gold?) and print them. Then put them on STRAIGHT and at the same level all across. That would also cover the miscellaneous jars I add. It’s an option I am considering. I was going to shelve them with the labels facing the wall, however, I don’t know their names. I also want to show people my favorites. As you can see from the shelf pictures, the Gold Sheen Obsidian and Blue Sandstone are AMAZING in the sunlight, but look bland and black on the shelf. Same with the Garnet and Blood Stone (though it’s more the lighting in the picture for the Blood Stone).
So yes, I am THRILLED. I love them. Guess what else? I rearranged my office today. My desk was facing the window. Theoretically, so I could look out the window. But work let me borrow these huge-ass monitors and I see no window. Also, Feng Shui says you should face the door to be in a position of power.
So I rotated my desk. Now I’m facing the closet and door — really the closet. But, the closet is blocked by my monitors. Now I’m sitting right next to the window with a nearly full view of the pool. And to my left is my wall of happiness — including my rocks.
And believe it or not, I also knocked a big very visible work task off my list today. I fucking love my office. You know what I can do? ADD CAT SHELVES. Husband won’t let me anywhere — BUT NOW I HAVE MY OWN ROOM.
PS #2: I’m trying to change directorates (kinda like getting a new job completely — just less paperwork). If it works out, maybe they’ll let me work more than 2 days from home a week!
PS #3: On researching Blue Sandstone:
“Blue Sandstone (also known as Blue Goldstone) is a man-made stone made up of natural minerals (quartz sand, copper, gypsum and feldspar) Although this stone is man-made, its infused with naturally occurring minerals found in nature”
“Are you referring to the dark blue stone with a shimmering/sparkly star-like effect? If so, it’s also referred to as “blue goldstone” and a couple of other names.
This material is primarily silica glass. Some people make the glass from sand, which is why one name used is sandstone. The elements used change the colour; I think blue goldstone uses cobalt instead of the copper used in the brown version.”
It was a rough month, yall. You ever just get so much shit that you stop complaining about it. Like not to my husband, but like on Facebook and stuff. Cause it’s like — it not even funny at this point. I’m just getting frustrated. That was my July. But spoiler alert, I think we’re looking up for August.
OK, let me see what I’ve already posted. Wait, we got the deck in July. So it was not all bad. It got bad after that. I love my deck! Has it only been a month? We’ve gotten a lot of use out of the deck actually. When K and K2 come over, we end up snacking or drying off on the deck and there’s just so much ROOM. It’s very nice.
So July 16th, I was proud of myself for kicking ass. So yeah, maybe only the second half of July sucked. But I can tell you this is where it went down hill. I know this, because I mentioned finally getting around to addressing some laundry that had sat in the dryer for 2 weeks. I was not lying. When I wrote that post, I was freshening the clothes to get them put away. That did not happen. Those clothes did not actually get put away until last weekend. A full two weeks later. So yeah, I had laundry I washed a month ago that had not been put away. By the time I put it away last weekend, it was three full loads of laundry that needed to be refreshed in the dryer and I was fetching my underwear from the laundry room. But you know what, I got it ALL put away last weekend and it felt wonderful.
Then July 17th, we start seeing the shot show pop up. We had already addressed the salt cell for the pool. It WILL need to be replaced but we’re gonna wear that fucker out first. I ordered a small salt tester online that I can use since my readouts aren’t reliable anymore. I should test this evening, actually. So having the pool guy come out and check the salt cell meant unscrewing some PVC connections and such. PVC that’s been in full blast south side sun with no shade for 7/8 years. So, yeah, a few days later that connector gave way and the pool just gushed water in my yard until the lawn guy notified us.
I did get the pool guy out to fix that. It was about $150. He replaced the connectors and some of the PVC that he had no choice but to replace. Not all of it though, so there’s still some old shit out there. Pools running. AWESOME. I also foreshadowed my own life there by talking about adding shade “in the future” when we replace the pump. JINX, bitch! Oh, and yeah I did get that replacement battery for the security system and get it installed.
By July 20th, I had a migraine. This lasted about 2 weeks. I’m still kinda struggling with lingering small headaches at the end of the day and beginning of the day. For the most part though, it’s better. I tried Nurtec twice (you can only take it every 48 hours) and then called the neurologist. He prescribed me another rescue medication. The nurse explained insurance was going to be a bitch, so they give you a free card to get your first script while they work out prior authorizations and stuff. That’s nice! I mean it’s nice in the way that it’s a crack dealer saying the first taste is free, but I like free. Problem: the free card only works if your insurance agrees to cover the medication. Because why give you a free script if you’re never going to become a customer? See, crack dealers! My insurance wouldn’t do it because it wasn’t on my “formlary” or something. So I couldn’t even get the free first refill. Motherfuckers. The medical system and ALL insurance is fucked. It’s just fucked. That’s all I can say. Fuck, yall.
Then, the pool stopped working. Turns out the pump had gotten too stressed by running on low water and now it’s russian roulette (Fuck russia, I’m nope capitalizing it on purpose) of whether it thinks it’s overheated or not when it runs. If it thinks it’s overheated, you have to reset the breakers and hope it comes on in a good state. So it kept failing. We were going to have to replace the pump. The most expensive piece of pool equipment.
Oh wait wait — this was after a week of freak storms too. Like bad even by Alabama standards. Global Warming is really fucking us up, yall. It’s only going to get worse too. So in one of those storms, a whole-ass-tree in our front yard fell over. Yep. Just uprooted itself and laid the fuck down. And the storm continued. We have dead trees in the back, I was sure more were going to fall so I was just watching through the window. Thankfully they did not. However, that old rusted pool umbrella snapped in half, expanded in the wind and torpedoed my plants. Broke my planters feet, fucked up my coleus plants and killed half of my lavender plant.
Now since this tree didn’t fall on any “structures,” home insurance won’t cover it. I just paid for a DECK, a pool pipe repair, I’m about to buy a whole-ass pump (we’re getting to that), and don’t forget I splurged on Prime Day to get some things we needed and could save a few hundred on. So I’m broke. And there’s a god damn tree in my yard. Thankfully, my angry self got out there with a hedge trimmer and took off enough of the top that we could get down the driveway without a problem. And we don’t live in an HOA who’s gonna bitch at us about it. So I post on Facebook that I need someone to cut up a tree.
I had like 60 replies. Ton of people offering to come get it… for hundreds of dollars. One guy offered 650 and I politely told him to go fuck himself — my reply got 5 likes. What they did not understand was that I don’t want some bonded, insured, tree cutting business. I want a motivated redneck with a chainsaw. Listen, I know hiring someone without insurance is risky. But that’s why I have Homeowners insurance right? That’s what I told myself. Cause like yall, it’s already ON THE GROUND. You’re not cutting a tree DOWN, you’re just cutting it up. I called the city and they do bulk pickup as long as I cut it up myself and don’t contract the work out. Yeah sure, I’m gonna hire a friend to do it. It’s fine. Just get it to the curb.
So for days, I field just way too many people. Trying to get SOMEONE to do something about this massive clusterfuck on my lawn. And don’t forget — I’m having a 2 week migraine during all this and have already missed 2 days of work. The first two guys who came to look at it couldn’t handle the job. Then some guy on NextDoor says he’ll do it for $175. Well, that’s too low. So I told him I’d do $200 if he got the tree and cleaned up after himself and $250 if he can get the stump.
Yall, the man that showed up had a face tattoo under his eye and a very small chainsaw. One that apparently didn’t work so he left. For days. And I’m a fair person. So I gave this job out in order of people who contacted me with reasonable prices. So the fair thing to do was give this guy a chance. He had to order a part for his chainsaw. So he called 3 days later (when he said he’d have the part) and said he didn’t have the part, but he’d buy a new chainsaw. I tried to convince him not to because I had a good offer from a company who was gonna do the roots and haul away, but again, I gotta be fair. He says he has some other trimming jobs so he needs a new chainsaw anyway. Alright, stoner man, keep going. So over the course of a week, he cuts up the tree and piles it by the curb. His job was also made insanely easier by a redneck (THANK YOU) who came by and wanted free firewood. That guy took everything that had already been cut. So stoner didn’t even have to haul that heavy shit to the curb cause the Redneck took it all. I’m cool with that.
His tiny chainsaw couldn’t get the roots and trunk out of the ground though. So I gave him his $200 and God speed. So I contacted the company who offered to do the whole tree and haul it away for $150. I sent them a picture of just the stump remaining and ask how much to come get this. Motherfucker says $400. I’m just… what? The whole tree was $150, but since it’s just a stump, now its $400? Like I’m confused as to if this was a bait and switch scam I avoided or if they’re just trying to rip me off. WTF? The next quote I got was also $400.
Fuck all yall. I don’t live in an HOA so here’s my new yard decoration! Maybe I’ll paint a target on it and get some throwing axes. Or just buy an axe and wail on it when I get angry. It’s staying for now though!
So back to my pool pump problem.
The good news is, this Hayward pool equipment is easy to get parts for. You can order them yourself on Amazon. They’re like the opposite of Apple. So pool guy informs me we won’t have to buy the “wet half”, we only need to replace the half of the pump with the circuitry. So it won’t be quite as much. Awesome. Go forth and let me know how much that will cost. Bad news. In 2019, Hayward discontinued this pump. We have to buy a whole new pump. For $1800. And that’s the wholesale price the pool guy can get it for. And he feels so bad for me (plus I already paid him for all the PVC connection repairs) that he isn’t even going to charge me to go buy it and install it for me. THANK YOU POOL MAN. It was actually closer to $1750 but I rounded the check up the $1800 because if he wasn’t awesome, it would have cost a lot more than $50 to get him to even come out here, much less run an errand and install shit. Thank god for good business relationships (He’s been our pool guy go to for 7/8 years).
So yeah, had to get a new pump. Pools running again. We gotta shade this equipment like NOW. Husband doesn’t want a sunsail on the side of the house. But you know what? We can’t afford to build a structure right now so this is what’s happening. I get K and her boyfriend to come over the next weekend and we dig some 2 foot deep holes in my yard and install some 4×4 posts for sunsail anchoring. God bless reliable friends that will dig holes in your yard for you. Like, it’s invaluable. It’s just.. thank you.
A week after the concrete set up for the posts, I hung the sunsail.
Then we had a pool day and evaluated how well it was shaded. Well, since the pump is on the far edge of the pad and the sunsail is curved and not square… it was only shaded until 12:30. Fuck. We hung the sunsail as far over as we could. So we, K and I, discuss options. We need a curtain on the west side to shade it the rest of the day. OK, I order another sunsail. Now, I’m planning to get THAT up this weekend. And I am EXTREMELY proud of the plan I’ve come up with the make this thing look decent AND cover that curve fully. I’ll post pictures when it gets done.
But is the July dumpster fire than depleted my whole damn savings account over? Nope. While I was installing the sunsail, I got bit by a horsefly. I literally didn’t even know we had horseflies. I’ve encountered these bastards in Maine, but never here. And the ones in Maine are small. No, I got bit by this bastard:
The Black Horse Fly (Tabanus atratus). Yeah, it was fucking huge. And it bit me right in the middle of my tattoo thru the long-sleeved rashguard I was wearing!
“They are fast fliers despite their hefty size. Females feed on blood, and they are not averse to taking it from anything that has it. Their mouth parts cut open flesh, allowing blood to ooze out. They use a proboscis to sponge up the blood, leaving behind an open wound. These wounds can become infected, which poses a threat to livestock health. They are also very painful bites for humans. Males do not bite and do not drink blood. Males actually drink flower nectar and spend their days looking for females to mate with.”
FUCK YOU. But by that description, doesn’t it sound like the males just want a nice date to bring the chick flowers? Like that’s sweet.
So I was super anal not to scratch this thing. I can’t be messing up my tattoo. It bit me right below Jacks bowtie. Had it been anywhere else, I’d have scratched a crater out of my arm to get that thing out. It was itchier than Satans asshole. It bit me on Friday and I had a allergic reaction. By Sunday I was concerned enough to start tracking the rash to see if it was spreading:
Yep, it was still spreading. So Sunday, we have a great day with some friends (Barbie movie — loved it). I go get my groceries and I ask the pharmacist if there’s anything a doctor can give me for an allergic reaction to a bug bite or if I just have to suck it up with anti-itch creams. She says I should go get a steroid shot. Awesome. So I look up Urgent Care and it closes in 40ish minutes. I call and they stop accepting patients in 6 minutes. Well, FUCK ME.
So I went to Urgent Care the next day before work. The doctor is like “it looks infected. Is your skin normally this tight?” Well, I don’t know the exact density of my underarm flab, so I touch it and jiggle it and then touch the other arm and jiggle it — no you’re right, my whole arm is swollen. I thought it was just the bubbly mountainous mound around the actual bite. And yeah, it is red and warm but it didn’t hurt. It was just really itchy. So she gave me a steroid shot and a prescription for antibiotics. She told me if the rash wasn’t gone by that afternoon, do the antibiotics.
So damn good thing I did because I totally have cellulitis. In fact, Monday night, I rolled over on my arm and it was so painful I couldn’t sleep the entire night. I considered not even going to work Tuesday. So Monday and Tuesday were painful but it’s easing up. I still can’t sleep on it (which sucks cause I’m a side sleeper and that’s my default side). But it’s getting better. For a bit of Tuesday, I was afraid my fucking tattoo would rot off. It’s fine though. Now that the mountain is gone, there is just a little scab where it bit me. Even if that scars, it’ll probably just look like a freckle or something in the tattoo.
So wooooo. Yeah. July. Oh wait — I forgot. Louie got out. The night I did the sunsail and the monster tried to kill me. I was out so late that it was too late to cool off in the pool. So I was going to go straight to the shower instead. So on the way I grabbed a package off the porch. Louie snuck (sneaked?) out. And I mean SNUCK OUT. I watched the Ring footage. He was no where near the door when I opened it, then when I bent down for the package he hightailed it past me and down the stairs — all behind my back. Like I don’t even blame myself after seeing it on camera.
So I go take my shower. I’m getting some dinner and getting situated and I see Louie’s fat white ass at the door! OH MY GOD! I thought he was just hanging out under the bed or something (remember, he’s not a snuggler and doesn’t come when you call. He doesn’t even sleep with us). So I panicked. I thought he’d been out there for God knows how long begging to get in. And yall know we live on a 4 lane road with a speed limit of 50 so people are driving way faster! MY BABY! I felt awful. I was terrified. He was wailing like crazy and I was apologizing and I gave him wet stinky food as an apology.
While he ate his apology dinner, I watched what went down on the Ring cam. Thankfully, he never left our stoop. He was out there for a little over half an hour. He explored the stoop and found a frog to play with. I think we can thank the frog for him not running off. He was having a ball torturing that frog and pouncing it when it would leap away. At one point, the frog made it down the stairs and Louie picked it up in his mouth and brought it back up and deposited it back in front of the door for more hell. THIS is why I saw Louie’s fat white ass at the door. He wasn’t begging to come in, he was playing with the fucking frog.
So he wasn’t crying and distraught when I brought him in. He was regaling his great adventure! He never tried to get in. He wasn’t distraught. He just got to go outside and play with a frog and then I gave him his favorite dinner as a reward. It was like his best day ever!
OMG this month killed me. Now Louie has to be watched like a hawk near the door. The other day I cracked it enough to set a poweraid out for the guy mowing the yard and Louie dashed out! I tried to dash after him, but had only cracked the door and stubbed TWO TOES.
I mean. Fuck. That’s all I have to say.
Oh AND Wednesday husband texted me and work to tell me the AC was broken. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thankfully a breaker reset fixed it after we climbed in the attic to see it wasn’t frozen. We hope. Dear God.
