Hello Darkness, My Old Friend.

Yall know I don’t like the dark. I have night lights. I have flashlights everywhere. I don’t do darkness. I don’t want no demons looking at me from the closet or be looking out a window and seeing a face looking back at me. Hell no. I like the light.

I don’t like being able to see out of dark windows. That’s why there’s an arbor by the “cat window” with solar lights on it. That window scared me. I fixed it. If I’m home alone, I might close the curtains to the back — though less so now that I have so many solar lights out there.

All this to say, I don’t like dark.

About two nights ago, I was getting ready for bed. I don’t know what I was doing — I might have been tossing some recycling into the garage. Cleaning the litterbox, putting my stuff by the door for going to work in the morning — that kind of stuff. I noticed Louie looking out the back door. He loves to look out windows, no big deal. But he was looking pretty focused. I keep doing my thing and now he’s looking out the window by the door. I ask him what he’s looking at. Then he’s going between the window and door quickly, very clearly looking at something and trying to get the best angle. I did not like this. What are you looking at out there in the dark?

Of course I was scared to look. What if there’s a person out there looking back at me!? At least I knew I had the pool gates locked. So I opted to bravely tell my husband the cat is looking at something and I’m concerned to make light of it. Husband did not come to my rescue.

After I finished everything up, I have no more excuses. I gotta look. So I grab my cellphone and turn on the “flashlight” setting. He’s looking out the door at this point so I go over to the door and bend down to his level and shine my light out. I don’t see anything… AND THEN HIS REFLECTION MOVES.

No, not Louie. Louie’s looking outside. The reflection looking back at me looked up at me! “IT’S A CAT!” I yelled up to my husband because it gave me a jump scare. My yelling gave the strange cat a jump scare. It retreated to the sidewalk as I called for husband to come see. I don’t know why. It was a cat sort of like Louie in that it was mostly white with darker spots on top. Though it was a long haired cat. I was like “LOUIE! You couldn’t say something? You’re just gonna stare at it face to face!” He’s trying to give me a heart attack.

Upstairs as I was getting into my PJs, it occurred to me that being from a cat cafe, strange cats aren’t strange to Louie. So I guess that’s why he didn’t make a peep. He just watched. But they were face to face at the door. I literally thought the other cat was Louie’s reflection. No tail swishing, hissing, meowing, chittering — just staring.

No wonder there are racoon foot prints all over my fence. Louie probably just thinks there’s a funny looking cat out there!

Meet Darkness, Louie’s friend:

Manspreading the Whole Room

I just had a man enter my office (which contains three cubicles) and manspread the whole ass room.  I have never seen this.  I instantly hated this person. 

There are people who command with their presence in a quiet way.  This was not that.  This was not a natural, respectable, commanding (think Reacher from the TV show with Alan Ritchson, not the movie.  Or anything with Henry Caville or Alan Ritchson where they just stand there quietly but respectfully).  This was an extremely annoying “I’m important” imposition. 

He walked in, went to the center of the room, spread his feet apart, puffed out his chest, crossed his arms over his puffed out chest, and very loudly and firmly (in a quiet office sitting) said “officemate, I need your attention.” I said (disrespectfully) “she’s in a meeting.” Cause she was literally hosting a TEAMS meeting with her headphones on.  I’ve been listening to it for an hour and a half.  I fucking hate return to office. 

So she asks her meeting to give her a second and she informed him she’s in a meeting and asks who he is.  He says he’s with <<Insert bane-of-my-existence dumpsterfire here>>.  They need to talk to her.  He clarifies it’s nothing bad.  She clarifies she’s in a fucking meeting. 

So he told her to come to his office when she’s done, explains where it is, his name – way too much time taken from someone hosting a meeting.  He should have just said, I’ll send you a message or an email, but no. 

What an asshole.  I’ve never seen someone just come in and demand to be seen and heard like that.  Just fucking manspreading over the whole room.  Fuck off. 

And I know he isn’t high ranking military as they wear uniforms.  Even our directors aren’t such assholes.   

UPDATE: Oh it’s a head hunt.  Blood shall be spilled over this new dumpsterfire flare up.   

This Day is Sus as Fuck

I’m having a wonderful morning.  And I am suspicious.  I never have a good morning.  Am I going to die?

My husband is happy and woke up before me.  Hopped out of bed and went for a walk before my zombie ass even got out of bed.  He hung out with me while I got ready for work.  It was really nice.

Had nice clothes clean and not wrinkly to wear.  Husband complimented that I looked good. 

I brushed the cat.  Headed to work in a good mood while husband started unloading the dishwasher.  No traffic.  I usually hit the red light and have to wait three light cycles to get to the gate.  There was no one.  I pulled up to the white line.  I literally check my clock, because am I late?

No line at the gate.  All gates open and no one in front of me.  Am I sure I’m on time?  The clock says I am. 

Saw a crow, said hello.  Got a good parking space, WTF?

On time to settle in before joining my early daily stand up. 

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Like I’m seriously just suspicious.  If I die: I love you, husband.  Take care of Louie.  JACK BETTER BE THERE. 

*Break*

So I couldn’t post this from my phone because WordPress is having issues.  I figured I’d post when I get home. 

Walmart just called me.  (I had actually emailed them with photos and the order number plus a link to my post).  They offered to replace everything in that order PLUS refund it.  But I’m not a shitty human.  I already got a refund for the popcorn and everything else was still sealed so I’m gonna use it.  Like I’d feel really bad if I accepted that.  I’m neutral chaotic, not greedy.  

SO THEY GAVE ME A HUNDRED DOLLAR GIFT CARD. 

What is happening?  This is not my life.  If that 3:00 all hands actually ends on time (4:00) when it always runs to almost 5, I’m going to call my husband and tell him I want a natural burial.

Natural burial in comfortable clothes.  Like just wrap me in some linen or whatever in comfortable clothes (But ones I look good in.  I don’t wanna be a slob.  I like the outfit I’m wearing today.) Also, I want to actually be dressed, not just look dressed.  No shoes, no makeup.  Don’t forget Jack’s ashes!

I don’t care where it is, but I want it to be a forest near a tree that turns pretty colors in the Fall.  If we can spring for it, creepy ass angel statue coving her face cause she crying ala the weeping angels. Or just creepy ass angel in the woods. 

I don’t care if there’s a funeral or not.  Seriously, I don’t care.  If you wanna hold one, you do you.  I’d like for you to be at my burial.  That’s all, no family.  My besties can come if you need support. 

You get all our stuff and my money.  Give my nephews a bit of cash. 

Also a bit to M, K, and K2.  They’re my peeps and made my life better.  If you’re not gonna appreciate Gregory and my bird bath, make sure one of them gets it. 

Thank you for a great day.