Review: “Bug Bite Thing”

This is a review for the “Bug Bite Thing.” Or, as Amazon calls it, the “BUG BITE THING Suction Tool, Poison Remover – Bug Bites and Bee/Wasp Stings, Natural Insect Bite Relief, Chemical Free” (Click here).

Haha. You got me! Mosquitos treat me like free money. No, not “prime rib.” Even the vegans are going out of their way to bite me. So I’ll try anything. I get big welts that itch for days. So I saw this thing has so many great reviews and I buy it immediately.

Well, last night there was a mosquito in my house. He got me THREE times. Twice on my arm and on my forehead. I remember the “Bug Bite Thing” and immediately give it a try. I am very impressed that it actually has so much suction power.

You know what happens when you suck on someone’s skin for too long? It’s called a hickey. I know this. We all know this. How did this not occur to me? Now THERE’S A HICKEY WITH A BUG BITE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY GOD DAMNED FOREHEAD.

I’m so embarrassed. I showed my husband this morning and told him how embarrassed I was. HE LAUGHED AT ME. He told me I did it to myself. And you know what? I did. And that makes it worse.

Good one, Amazon. you got me! Hilarious! You win.