Revisiting a Review: “Bug Bite Thing”

I’ve posted a review of the Big Bite Thing already. It left a hickey on my forehead. See this previous post for photos and initial review. The gist of it is: This is a professional hickey maker.

Here’s my update on that previous review with photo:

We’ve discussed mosquitoes love for the sweet sweet vintage of my blood. Well, last night, a mosquito in my house got me FOUR TIMES on the shoulder. When I saw the welts in the mirror, I decided to give this thing another try. It’s not my face this time. So I ran up to my husband and got him to use it on the four bites on my back.

I have attached the resulting picture. My husband was laughing uncontrollably. This thing is a professional grade hickey maker. That’s it. Now, maybe hickeys are the cure to mosquito bites and these people are the first ones to figure that out. I suppose this is a more sterile way to create a hickey so there is that. So you get 2 stars.

I’m gonna be honest. Those four bites DON’T itch anymore. My husband swore the itch would come back when they recovered from the trauma, but they’re still not itchy. I’m not going to say they’re fine because now they’re purple, but it is what it is.

I may sound silly, but it’s a scientific fact: “Sucking is sufficient to burst small superficial blood vessels under the skin.” What does this product do? “Suction Tool” is in the TITLE. We’re all idiots.

I’m not gonna lie though. As long as it’s covered by clothes, I’ll use this thing. With full acknowledgment of the hickey that will result. I pray I never have to explain why I have a cluster of perfectly round hickeys to a medical professional. Right now it’s looks like a giant chicken stood on my back. Chickens are descended from dinosaurs so I’m going with Raptor attack.

Review: “Bug Bite Thing”

This is a review for the “Bug Bite Thing.” Or, as Amazon calls it, the “BUG BITE THING Suction Tool, Poison Remover – Bug Bites and Bee/Wasp Stings, Natural Insect Bite Relief, Chemical Free” (Click here).

Haha. You got me! Mosquitos treat me like free money. No, not “prime rib.” Even the vegans are going out of their way to bite me. So I’ll try anything. I get big welts that itch for days. So I saw this thing has so many great reviews and I buy it immediately.

Well, last night there was a mosquito in my house. He got me THREE times. Twice on my arm and on my forehead. I remember the “Bug Bite Thing” and immediately give it a try. I am very impressed that it actually has so much suction power.

You know what happens when you suck on someone’s skin for too long? It’s called a hickey. I know this. We all know this. How did this not occur to me? Now THERE’S A HICKEY WITH A BUG BITE IN THE MIDDLE OF MY GOD DAMNED FOREHEAD.

I’m so embarrassed. I showed my husband this morning and told him how embarrassed I was. HE LAUGHED AT ME. He told me I did it to myself. And you know what? I did. And that makes it worse.

Good one, Amazon. you got me! Hilarious! You win.