Plastic Surgeon Consultation

So today Mr C and I went to see the plastic surgeon. It was strange. Most of it was the nurse telling me a million things I already knew. I’ve heavily researched what I want done so none of it was new. I know the recovery times, the scars, the areas they cut, the results to expect, the recovery time. I even celebrated when she mentioned exparel! Yeah, bitch I know that — it’s a pain blocker shot they inject directly into your muscles while they operate that lasts 3 days. $400, shoot me up, bitches! Less oral pain meds and gets you over that nightmare day 2 and 3. Hells yeah. You want me to leave the surgical tape on as long as possible, of course.

So then it was waiting around for the doctor. And sweating like crazy.

Oh wait — first were the terrible pictures of me in teeny tiny underwear that was way too small for my fat ass. One size does not fit all in the plastic surgeons office, ladies. Pictures of every angle, mostly butt naked, all up in my fat folds. Thanks. This is the photo shoot I always wanted. I felt a lot better having Mr C with me, actually. It was like we were suffering this craziness and embarrassment together. Awesome. I look forward to being in your photo albums.

Then was the waiting around for the doctor and sweating like crazy. I took off that stupid paper gown because paper doesn’t breath. And I asked for a paper blanket to cover up because again, one size doesn’t fit all, ladies. That “gown” had ties on it but they were for Barbie — they weren’t gonna go half way around my ass.

I think my nakedness freaked the doctor out. Which I didn’t get, I mean you’re here to look at and grab and poke at my fat rolls. But he insisted on “as much modesty as possible.” Not sure he liked me — but he likes my wallet so he couldn’t show it 😉

Oh, also, apparently Mr C doesn’t have curiosity about buttons and switches. While waiting, I discovered the switch that made the photo backdrop go up and down AND the volume control for the non existent music. That man lacks curiosity. It’s not the first time I’ve noticed it. He just isn’t inquisitive. He was like “I bet if you had a red button that said do not press. you’d press it.” Well, first I’d ask what it did. But yeah, you leave me alone long enough with no answer, that button is gonna consume my every thought.

Anyway — Surprisingly, the doctor 100% agreed with me! While doing the arms and stomach at the same time is frowned upon and not normally what he would do. He said he’d do it! I’m gonna be in a shit ton of pain for 2 weeks, but he’ll do it! Why? Well, he totally understood. For most people, boobs are their biggest concern. For ME, though — they’re last. My arms bother me the most. That’s followed by my stomach. my stomach pudge sticks out further than my breasts. It makes it look like I’m wearing skin tight pants even if they’re actually too big. It’s just always there flopping around. How can I make an educated decision about my boob size when my arms and stomach are so huge? I don’t know what I’m gonna look like at all! How much is my stomach going to go down? What will I want to balance out my ass? I might not go as big as I would now with this huge stomach. He understood this and agreed. Lets do the stomach and arms and then decide on the breasts!

Now the prices, they were a lot more than we expected. The stomach and arms are as much as we thought the whole kit-and-caboodle was gonna cost. So I’m all in, the question is with Mr C. He’s in charge of finances. So will he go for now or will he want to save up more…

To Be Continued.