It’s Happening!

So after the plastic surgery consultation, I had to talk to Mr C.  Obviously, I’m 100% for it.  I wants it [sic on purpose because I’m Gollum and I wants it, dammit].  The question is just when for me.   When can I have it?  Mr C has our purse strings (Don’t worry, we both wield equal powers, some of us are just better at certain things and therefore get to be in charge of them.  Mr C is excellent with finances. I am not) and this is a BIG chunk of coin. 

For Mr C, I think the biggest thing was how invasive it’s going to be.  I don’t think he realized just how fucked up I’m going to be – helpless, basically.  A tummy tuck itself is a painful minefield, I’m combining it with my arms!  How does one get up if you can’t use your arms or your abs either?  Well, one does CrossFit to get in shape for this shit.  One might use a blanket you can pull me up with without having to touch me.  I’m not a pioneer here, lesser people have done this and survived.  For me the only booo was that I’ll be wearing drains for two to three weeks!  Ugh.  I knew I’d be wearing drains and was actually thankful they would just be my stomach and not on my arms too – but three weeks?  I’m going to have to get over the creepiness of a port TO MY INSIDES.  Anyway, we’ll manage.  I might have to request a helper join us for a day or three to help Mr C take care of me while I get my bearings.  But we’ll manage. 

So?  MR C SAID BOOK IT! 

Fuck yeah, he did!  I’m having plastic surgery on December 1^st!  My arms ‘gonna be skinny and my pudge ‘gonna be gone!  I’m ‘gonna be so sexy.  Then I’m ‘gonna go back and get boobs latter!  Yall better watch out!  Next summer: nothing but tank tops.  No sleeves, bitches!  And all kinds of cleavage hanging out of everything.  You’ll live with it.  Fifty’s dresses galore!

Next year is our tenth anniversary too!  A few years ago, when I wanted to make my wedding dress into a piece of art we could actually use – Mr C wouldn’t let me.  He thought it’d be nice to take pictures again one day — like our anniversary.  Oh that baby is getting altered to hell and back!  I’m much skinner and my boobs are going to be much bigger!  It’s going to look sooooo good.  I’m thinking a pumpkin patch or a sunflower field.  It’s going to be amazing! 

And we’re ‘gonna have a boobie party!  I’ve been talking about wanting plastic surgery forever.  While the stomach and arms are going to be the big things that matter the most to ME, personally… Come on, everyone’s just going to care about the boobs.  My friends, especially A, have been joking about throwing me a boob party.  Well bitches, it’s finally happening!  I’m thinking when the pool opens up next summer – I can get a super skanky low cut bathing suit.  And we will have a boobie coming out party!  I want a boob Mardi Gras necklace! 

I’M SO EXCITED!