Please be sure to sing that title as REM would.
So yesterday, I posted about how my car was 10 and needed a cleaning. Well, this weekend is my long weekend and my Friday plans I was excited about got damned, so I can clean my car! I looked up the weather. Nice. I’m gonna do this. I’ll clean the inside too! So I’ve got outside car stuff, I wanted to get the Armor All wipes for the inside. I don’t like bottled cleaners — wipes are so convenient. So I go to Amazon.
I find what I need and put it in my cart. We’re checking out — when’s this gonna arrive? NEXT TUESDAY? What the fuck? Six days? SIX DAYS? On a prime item!? Are you kidding me? You also have raised your prime cost multiple times and now put commercials in my shit. Not cool, Amazon.
So if I don’t wash my car this weekend, it aint getting done. So I figure — Walmart pickup. I get everything in my cart for pickup. I’ll grab it tomorrow cause I gotta go into the office. Then it’s like Walmart turned into a shiny demon … in the middle of the road. AND HE SAID
“Want this delivered?
For free?
Today?”
That’s right, bitches. Walmart plus is free for the first month with free same day delivery. If you choose to keep it, it’s only $13 a month after that. Oh AND it comes with Paramount+. Wait, don’t you already pay a hundred dollars a year for Paramount+? “hisssssssssssss.”
And here’s my shit. On my counter.
That’s right. I even added some heavy cat litter and frozen pizzas. Got here in a few hours — only that long because I didn’t give a fuck so chose a time that it said was a “slow time.”
And this is the license plate frame I’m gonna go with:
So yeah, Amazon is going down. You know I’m always way behind on trends so if I’m here — they’re done for. And have you seen all the articles and videos about how Amazon is just filled with drop shippers and fake Chinese knock offs now? You don’t see quality name brands on Amazon anymore. They’ve made it nearly impossible to sell on their platform for legitimate businesses and they don’t care. They want you to buy the cheap Chinese junk. And most of what you see is “Sponsored” shit that doesn’t even match your search inquiry well.
Dammit. I hate Walmart AND Amazon. But I need convenient and FAST. Amazon Prime and Walmart+ prove that people will pay more for the speed. Can I get Home Depot in on this?
Also, I had the “End of the World” music video mixed up in my head with the “Bad Day” video which I always found funny. So BONUS TRACK:
It’s been an absolute fucking shit show of a week in the C household so it’s appropriate too.