walmart - Cursing Cats and Other Curiosities

Listen, the economy is in the shitter, so I’ve started ordering a bunch of groceries through Walmart. Specifically, Walmart Plus AKA Walmart+.

When I do grocery delivery, I’ve been pretty happy. The drivers are always nice — they like their jobs. If something is missing, it’s super easy to hop online and get a refund. Then I got to Publix to get my meats and whatever Walmart didn’t have. The only extra cost is the tip to the driver. They also do free shipping.

Well, I did a huge order this weekend. But I split it in two. Stuff I needed for Monday and perishables, I got deliverered from store. Everything else I did shipping. That way it wouldn’t be a massive total to tip on and I didn’t care if the other stuff sat on the porch.

So for shipping, I ordered:

Four big bags of prepopped popcorn (don’t judge, husband doesn’t like the fresh made as much).
Five bags of keto chips (four smaller bags per bag).
Four boxes of keto poptarts.
A bargained size box of garbage bags.
Six bags of keto cereal.
FOUR CASES OF CANNED DRINKS.

Now, I assumed all of this would come from a local store. Usually, they just have their drivers drop off “shipping” deliveries that are just in grocery bags. I have ordered the case of drinks before and it did ship FedEx (in this same clusterfuck fashion) with some other stuff, but I thought it was because my store didn’t have that flavor.

So I get a notice that it will come in two shipments Monday and Tuesday or I could pick one shipment on Wednesday. Fuck you, being my shit quicker. They didn’t get that memo because Monday, I get a notification that it has shipped via FedEx from TEXAS. States away. It will be here Wednesday. I didn’t think more of it though because I didn’t have anything I’d run out of before then so whatever.

Today, Wednesday, I get my delivery. An enormous box that is already torn open with all my shit just thrown in it. It’s torn open because nothing is actually holding any of this shit in place — it’s just a bunch of shit thrown in a box and shipped.

So I dragged the box in because it was huge and heavy and here it is:

I haven’t touched anything in that box for this photo. That’s how I got it. Cases of cans with no padding except for my other groceries. Hell, look — even the case of cans have come open and spilled cans out. Crushed boxes, crushed chips, and one popcorn even just gave up the ghost and exploded to fill the air with a lovely toasty scent and get all over my floor. There’s six bags of expensive ass cereal in there too — under on of those cases of drinks. And this is over $200 of groceries in here. All just in this one big giant box.

Even if you wanted to ship it out in one absurd box, couldn’t you package the crushables in a box and the drinks in a box and put those side by side in here? Even the damn drink boxes are banged up by each other.

Hang on, are you getting the scale of this box? Like boxes this big aren’t for shipping individual things. They’re for appliances. Or bodies.

See? That’s my fat ass IN THIS BOX. And I can’t even do anything about it. Because it shipped, if I want to do any returns they have to be SHIPPED VIA FEDEX back. Yeah, usually when you need to return something, Walmart+ drivers just come pick it up. Cause they delivered it. I fucking love that. BUT NOT IN THIS CLUSTER FUCK.

Also, like I said — this isn’t a one off. I had a case of cans mixed with a bunch of groceries once before — they just weren’t quite as crushable as these. Nor was the order as large. So there wasn’t as much box for the CASE OF CANNED DRINKS to party in.

Does anyone know how the fuck to complain about this? Yes, I called. I filed a complaint. But it’s with a call center in India so you know it won’t get seen.

If you ship anything — make sure to order heavy things BY THEMSELVES. Separate orders. Wait for the heavy shit to ship out — then order the rest. Cause good god. $200 doesn’t even buy you packaging or two boxes.

Please be sure to sing that title as REM would.

So yesterday, I posted about how my car was 10 and needed a cleaning. Well, this weekend is my long weekend and my Friday plans I was excited about got damned, so I can clean my car! I looked up the weather. Nice. I’m gonna do this. I’ll clean the inside too! So I’ve got outside car stuff, I wanted to get the Armor All wipes for the inside. I don’t like bottled cleaners — wipes are so convenient. So I go to Amazon.

I find what I need and put it in my cart. We’re checking out — when’s this gonna arrive? NEXT TUESDAY? What the fuck? Six days? SIX DAYS? On a prime item!? Are you kidding me? You also have raised your prime cost multiple times and now put commercials in my shit. Not cool, Amazon.

So if I don’t wash my car this weekend, it aint getting done. So I figure — Walmart pickup. I get everything in my cart for pickup. I’ll grab it tomorrow cause I gotta go into the office. Then it’s like Walmart turned into a shiny demon … in the middle of the road. AND HE SAID

“Want this delivered?

For free?

Today?”

That’s right, bitches. Walmart plus is free for the first month with free same day delivery. If you choose to keep it, it’s only $13 a month after that. Oh AND it comes with Paramount+. Wait, don’t you already pay a hundred dollars a year for Paramount+? “hisssssssssssss.”

And here’s my shit. On my counter.

That’s right. I even added some heavy cat litter and frozen pizzas. Got here in a few hours — only that long because I didn’t give a fuck so chose a time that it said was a “slow time.”

And this is the license plate frame I’m gonna go with:

So yeah, Amazon is going down. You know I’m always way behind on trends so if I’m here — they’re done for. And have you seen all the articles and videos about how Amazon is just filled with drop shippers and fake Chinese knock offs now? You don’t see quality name brands on Amazon anymore. They’ve made it nearly impossible to sell on their platform for legitimate businesses and they don’t care. They want you to buy the cheap Chinese junk. And most of what you see is “Sponsored” shit that doesn’t even match your search inquiry well.

Dammit. I hate Walmart AND Amazon. But I need convenient and FAST. Amazon Prime and Walmart+ prove that people will pay more for the speed. Can I get Home Depot in on this?

Also, I had the “End of the World” music video mixed up in my head with the “Bad Day” video which I always found funny. So BONUS TRACK:

It’s been an absolute fucking shit show of a week in the C household so it’s appropriate too.

Tag: walmart

What the fuck, Walmart?

It’s the end of the world as we know it.