Snake in the Grass

OK, I came here to post a review about cat hair cleaner. But I can’t I gotta talk about something else. Something bigger. Something fucking huge and infuriating and disgusting. I was going to post about it when I had time to reread the initial email and use quotes but fuck it — here we go.

First, yall know I don’t like people. People suck. They only give a fuck about themselves. But I don’t live in fear of people. I don’t expect every person I walk past to stab me, I just think they’re probably a selfish asshole or a dumbass until they prove otherwise. I’m actually a nice person. Despite the fact that I’m bitter and shit. I’m also southern. We’re nice down here. So let me tell you — when I got fucked over SO DAMN HARD this week, it was actually a shock.

Like, damn, I knew she was a bitch — but I didn’t know she was snake in the grass. What the fuck? Who DOES THAT? Bad people.

Like I know, my moral compass doesn’t line up with yours. But my moral compass is strong. I have values. I have rules you just don’t break. I have unacceptable. And this… holy fucking shit.

So. The Snake has come after me. There’s this bitch at work (previously “bitch” — now we’re out of curse word range. Like she has passed jovial words at this point). No one wants to deal with her. I only deal with her when I have to. No chatting. Just emailing each other questions to get the job done. We don’t work in remotely the same department or line of work, so we don’t even interact that much. I have no idea of her work location. I’ve never spoken to her over voice chat, phone, or in person. She’s just one of those people you have to deal with sometimes. And whenever you ask her a question, she’s almost always a bitch about it and says that’s not her job or you should already know or some shit. And she’s always blaming my group (of 2 — but mainly me) for shit to customers. And she’s rude as fuck to customers. Like this bitch is so rude, I’ve complained about it to my boss multiple times. And yeah, I have the receipts because some were in writing.

But everything was fine. Sometimes you just work with bitches and assholes. You just try to avoid them. You ask other people when possible. Or when you get a snappy reply you just forward it to your boss and ask for help.

Yall know I don’t give 2 fucks about work. Work isn’t my life. I don’t get my kicks and personal satisfaction from work. I just wanna do my job and go home. My boss knows this. I’m pretty positive I said it in the interview. So you know that I don’t have enough fucks to give to be mean to someone. One, I’m not mean. Two, I don’t shit where I eat. Three, I can’t be bothered. I just need the information to do my job so I can go home and pet my cat. And as far as I know, until this week, this person quite liked me. I COULD be wrong. I’m not sure when her attitude changed about me.

It might have happened early this week. She sent an email about some paperwork she’s corrected on the last 4 things I’ve submitted. My coworker was copied on it and gets in way earlier than me so there were already some back and forths on the chain before I joined in. So I get it and go — my bad, I’m a dumbass. I didn’t even KNOW there were multiple of that thing — I’ve literally been copying and pasting from the last one I submitted. Can you send me the different ones and what they are for? (Obviously the email was longer and didn’t curse).

So as is her normal, she responded with a bitch of an email. Like 4 paragraphs that started with something like “Mrs C, you have been on countless emails where I have sent blah blah blah blah blah. You should know blah blah blah blah blah. It’s not my job blah blah blah blah blah. I sen out an email months ago blah blah blah blah.” And never actually gave me the information. Just said I already had it and should know it. And she reiterated that she’s corrected it on my last 4 submissions and she doesn’t call people out on every little thing because she’s not that kind of person. She will only call someone out when it’s a repeated error and so they might need a better understanding of the process.

So I replied back. I did not curse. I was totally politically correct. And I was a BITCH. There were TWO “per my last email”s and one “per your last email” and one quote from her last email that I referred to as the “antithesis of helpful.” It basically came down to “per my last email, I’m a dumbass and never knew that there were multiple of that thing. Per your email, you only point things out when someone needs a better under standing of the process. I’m telling you directly that I need a better understanding of the process. Saying “blah blah blah blah blah you already know” if the antithesis of helpful. I will ask you again as per my last email, please send me the things and what they are for.”

And this isn’t in some vacuum. There’s at least 5 people on this email chain. So one of them pipes in with hey hey hey, lets step back and turn things down a few notches. Why? Because I’m never so rude and it was obvious (on purpose) that I was DONE.

***** Inserted later — oh an earlier that morning she had emailed my boss (without me on it) complaining about my charging overhead on my time card. She was super mean and spiteful and said STRAIGHT OUT that I should not be allowed to work without a direct charge code — even though she had literally started a email complaining about me doing something wrong that morning so she knows I’m working. And she DEMANDED an explanation. Well, my boss is awesome and this snake has no level to demand shit from her — so she COPIED ME in her 5 word response that she had already talked to X about it. So my email of politically correct direct fire also included that she knew, “from her curt email this morning about my lack of charge codes” that I was doing work for programs I was unfamiliar with and that’s why I didn’t know about the things. *****

Has anyone sent me the thingies or where to find them and when to use them? Nope. Still nope. Because that would be helpful.

So Wednesday, I go for an in person meeting. Before the meeting, I swing by my boss’s office to ask her about one of these submissions (new one). Like I said, I try to avoid asking the snake stuff if I can. So we discuss it, she’ll reach out to this other person to get the answer cause neither of us know. And then at the end, she’s like “hey, when this person if making you mad, let me handle it. And NEVER drop the f bomb in an email to her.” And I’m like OK. I curse a lot, but I never curse in email so whatever. Check, boss. And she says that she complained that I kept dropping the F bomb in emails which I suspected to be untrue but couldn’t prove right then. So then we went to our meeting.

So hours later, I get home. I immediately check my emails I’ve sent to her. Nothing. So I PDF every single email I’ve ever sent her and send it to my boss. I tell her I find it concerning that this person has complained about me twice that I know of and that I have not: 1) ever incorrectly charged my time or 2) cursed at her via email. I DID go through my entire chat history with her and had used two curse words (in a year, pretty impressive). I screen capped those two occurrences and attached those as well to be fully transparent.

(For the record, they weren’t AT her. One of them was me AGREEING with her that that was “fucking” stupid of them to do.)

Then, I message my coworker and tell them that this person is a lying snake in the grass! I checked EVERY EMAIL with her in the “To” line and not a SINGLE ONE had a curse word. I used advanced search functions. And coworker says “yeah, but at least we don’t have to deal with her as now we’re to copy boss on EVERYTHING”. And I’m like wait, what? She didn’t tell me that. When did she tell YOU that? And coworker says boss called. And something about a complaint. So I’m like wait wait wait — WHAT?

So I call my boss. Me and my boss get along great. I’m like um… what’s happening?

So boss tells me that snake sent an email to HER division director and my boss (who is my division director because I’m missing a lot of people in my chain of command — I refused to take the position of my own boss even though I could). So like she skipped from zero to overboard already by never saying anything to anyone and jumping to directors. So my boss is cool. She says “I can’t SHARE this email with you, but I can SHOW you it.” So she screenshares the snakes email to all these directors. (I screenshot it, don’t tell).

YALL. YALL.

YALLLLLLLLLLLL.

When I got off the phone I SCREAMED for my husband to come look at this. Not that I was screaming at HIM — I was just screaming because WHAT THE FUCKING GOD DAMN FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT?

She sent an email as a victim. That she has sat on this overnight to think about before saying anything. But she’s put up with this for too long. She’s kept it to herself and only talked to AAA about it (*AAA loves my ass, BTW). She tried to ignore it as she’s a peacekeeper, but Mrs C has created a toxic workplace. She can provide “at least 25 emails” of Mrs C being horribly rude and hateful (or something, I refuse to go upstairs to read this lying piece of shit again). That no one should dread work this much and that it has come to where she comes to work in a state of fear. She used all the key words — harassment, fear, toxic work environment.

Coincidence that we had training on this like last week and she knows the supervisors are required to elevate this up the chain? Oh I think not. She filled that email with so much lies and bullshit and made sure to use EXACTLY the right key words to get my ass in huge trouble.

Snake came after MY JOB. Like FOR REAL. With an email of LIES.

LIES YALL. 100% LIES.

And my boss was ON the chain of emails that started this. And I had already sent boss every email I’ve ever sent this woman. I went through them — they’re all just questions. Mostly when I was super new and didn’t know shit. Absolutely ZERO kick back until that last email. And absolutely ZERO inappropriate language. So I’m like BOSS, you gotta forward that email to her director! I literally HAVE ALL THE EMAILS. If she’s going to accuse me of this, I want receipts! Tell her to provide those 25 emails! I give you full permission to send that PDF of emails out as proof.

Boss is cool and just trying to calm me the fuck down. She’s like don’t worry about this woman. If it was some other director, we’d have a problem — but her director knows how she is and I know you so we’ve already talked about it. Worst comes to worst, you’ll have to be sat in a room together with us and HR and hash it out. And I’m like “I can’t sit in a room with her and not call her a blatant liar to her face” — Boss says that’s cool as long as I don’t curse.

So now I’ve been in a panic since Wednesday. Like, my job is not at risk. I know that. My boss loves me and NEEDS me. Also, I have receipts. Crazy snake doesn’t have receipts. I also have receipts of emails I sent my boss complaining about this woman’s unprofessionalism. I wonder if she ever complained about me?

Like yall, I’m gonna have stroke any minute now. I can’t NOT THINK ABOUT THIS. Husband is like “you can’t fixate on this” and I’m like ‘WOULDN’T YOU?”‘ To which he says yes, and that’s why he knows how bad it is.

I don’t want boss to sweep this under the rug. I WANT this to go to HR and I want to go pay staples to print out binders of EVERY GOD DAMN SINGLE WORD I’ve spoken to this woman so I can collate and earmark it with colors and put it in front of everyone in the room as MY RECEIPTS and ask her to show where I’ve harassed her? Where I’ve made her “FEAR” me? I’ll even highlight the TWO times I cursed and sincerely apologized because, yes I was wrong. It wont happen again and wish she’d have told me it offended her. And I’ll use one color — maybe green? — to mark all the times she’s praised working with me and how thorough I am.

Do I need to sign up for the union? Seriously? Like am I being stupid thinking this isn’t HUGE because my boss has my back and these are obviously all lies?

But honestly, before I sent her every email in PDF format with assurance there were no “F bombs.” — boss probably believed her. Because I do curse casually. So she’s using this one truth — Mrs C is casual and curses a lot to wrap up this huge lie of my harassing her and making her fearful of me.

Yall, I CALLED coworker so we could speak off the record and prefaced this with, can we talk off the record as friends here? And told her ALL of this. She was APPALLED. She was like — “how can you create a toxic work environment when yall don’t even work together?”

I KNOW, RIGHT?

And she’s been on almost every email I’ve every had with this woman. None of them are rude (except for that last one when I purposefully owned her ass). She said that Snake is just mad that I threw her words back at her. She’s like an uncle I have — can dish it all day but can’t take a single bad word back. Husband had already said he same thing. And it is true — everyone knows how bitchy she is and just ignores her.

Yall, I’M DYING OVER HERE. I know people are pieces of shit. I know it deep down in my soul. But for someone to randomly just go from zero to threatening MY JOB? Holy shit. What kind of person ARE YOU? It’s like, man I’d be less insulted if someone pulled a gun on me to rob me. Like if you shot me, I’d be less insulted. Because on my morality scale, that just makes you a druggie that shoots people. I’d just take you to court and hope you got prison time. To to be so… slimy. So… disgusting. So two-faced. Just… wow. To just blatantly throw out a shit full of lies and threaten someones job because they hurt your feelings, I guess? I mean holy fucking shit.

This is why I curse so much yall. There is ONE VERSION of Mrs C. I’m never gonna surprise you. You’re gonna be like “yep, saw that coming.” Because holy fuck, these snakes in the grass. At least someone robbing a bank just owns that they are robbing a bank. Does this snake see how bad her actions are? Does she think life is just some game where you can be a “mean girl” and toss around such accusations at your whim? How can you do this to someone?

I can’t believe I’m so shocked that someone is a scumbag. Like Mrs C, you knew she was a bitch. But yeah, I knew she was a bitch, yeah. I didn’t know she was… THIS.

You know whats funny? He has now harassed ME. SHE HAS CREATED A TOXIC WORKPLACE. I’m now scared to email HER. How fucked up is that?