Bungee Fitness

So, my oldest sister has gone HUGE into Bungee Fitness. She’s going multiple times a week and taking like everyone in Birmingham with her. Seriously, a friend from high school mentioned trying bungee fitness on Facebook, and mentioned my sisters. So she’s been tooting the horn of how awesome it is. So I really wanted to try it out!

Our local(ish) Bungee Fitness place only does demos like once a month. And you have to do a demo first, can’t just go to a class. We weren’t able to make any demos work. So a month or two ago, I decided we should just do a private party. Only needed 5 people and it works out to $30 a person — including a free tshirt. That’s only $5 more dollars than the demo and we could make it anytime we wanted. So we scheduled it and today was the day!

It was so much fun! I’ve never had fun doing a workout before! And let me tell you: This was a fucking workout. It was actually really intense and tiring. I’m sore. I’m bruised. My tylanol has worn off so I’m hurting. I twisted my ankle a bit so I’m limping. I’m sitting here in compression hose (so the ankle won’t swell). Like that is a WORKOUT. You could 100% get built doing that. I would have never thought it — even with all the pictures I’ve seen of people doing it — but yeah. Not easy.

I will say this though: fuck that “no pain on your joints” bullshit. I’m fat and 40. My knees felt that.

But oh my god it was so much fun bouncing around! Even just spinning around. Crazy fun. I even did voluntary burpees. And I did them totally! And I did a mother fucking HANDSTAND, bitches!

I’ve never done a handstand! It was awesome! Yes, the instructor helped me get my big fat leg up there to the rope — but then I did it! I could even do handstand pushups! And spin around. Just spinning around in the handstand was super fun. I stayed like this for a long time. I mean there was the fun factor — but also this was relieving the pain of how much that damn harness was digging into the pantylines in the middle of my legs. Felt like my panties were 2 sizes too small. And when I came down in the pushup, my head totally left a little sweat spot cause I was sweating like a fool. Should have worn a sweatband (I usually do when I workout — it’s very unfashionable). But yeah, I hung out like that for so long that the instructor kept asking if I was OK and needed help getting out of it. Nope, just giving my crotch a break!

Also, the harness is padded around it. But not enough for my 44 inch waist! So I had no padding over my stomach. So it’s bruised! Ha! K suffered the same fate. Like I need a paddle bard shoved down my shirt or something. Need padding. The skinny people got padding all the way around!

So these harnesses hook in two ways. First we did stuff with it hooked in the front. This was a lot of fun. Then we did stuff with it hooked in the back. This hurt. One, lack of padding over my stomach. Two, I’m heavy. 256lbs, thank you (I know, I’ve lost like 15lbs since me and K started at the gym!). So a lot of weight on that not padded strap. Also, I have no abs. I’m still trying to get my abs back from the surgery (you know, where they peeled back my stomach skin and stitched my abs together with kitchen twine). It’s slow going too. If I overdo it — I’m in pain for a week. So I have to carefully count how many reps of ab moves I do. Cause you don’t know you over did it until the next day, and then, you’re fucked. So if I had a decent set of abs, I think it wouldn’t have been as painful on my stomach. That’s where I’m bruised — across the stomach.

That said, I’m totally gonna do this again! A is actually signing up for a month at two classes a week. I wanted to sign up for one class a week, but I’d still have to pay the full price. Fuck that. If I do this twice a week, I won’t ever wanna work out with K and I’d rather do that. But I’m seeing at least two more private parties in my future this summer. Totally worth the cost 100%

Other Things from the day:

1) I wore my “What the Fucculent” Tshirt. I then went to the grocery store. It seems that people have to say it out loud to get it. The girl and the pharmacy LOVED it. She even called the other people over to see it. Then we discussed funny shirts for a good while. Cashier when I checked out started to mouth it and got offended. She was not humored. V liked it though!

2) Holy shit, I am so glad I did the tummy tuck and boobs. Before, I would have looked at these pictures and not been able to enjoy them. But now even when I see my self working out in the mirrors at the gym, I’m like “nice boobs.” Do I have a flat stomach? No. But damn, it has completely changed my shape. It used to go flat and then up. Now it’s a big hump and then flat. My thighs are massive, but that’s OK. I actually think I look good! Like I see pictures and I LIKE them. Even though I want to lose more weight, I’m still happy with the way I look. It’s so amazing because I’ve NEVER had that in my life. Tummy Tuck and Boobs — 100% worth it! Still skeptical about the arms. But tummy and boobs, all the way.

CrossFit Continues

Still doing CrossFit! Mostly because other people are doing it with me and I invested too much money to bail. But hey, I’m doing it. I’ve got my 4th and last one-on-one with the trainer in 45 minutes. It’s been interesting. Some things I’m better than I expected to be but most things I’m just so not capable. Like if we just had to do stretches — WINNING! Bitches I can get lower than all yall, apparently. Other things, not so much. I can’t jump rope. I can’t even do step thrus! It keeps getting caught on my shoe. God, I’m so inept!

It’s so embarrassing. And of course you’re surrounded by the fittest of the fit going about their shit and I just feel in the way. I have, however, come to accept that I just sweat like aint nobodys business. But so does everyone else. Cause these people are hard core. Tuesday, one of those guys should have just been in a wet tshirt contest.

So Wednesday will be my first general-populace-workout. Lord, that’s gonna be a shit show for sure. How far down can we scale these workouts? Like I mean real low. Box jumps, I’m doing step ups. My step up is 12 inches. My workout buddy’s box jump is 24 inches. Holy shit! Girl can jump. I can’t even jump rope! Can we just stick to stretches and warm-ups where I don’t feel foolish? Please? I feel like a dumpster fire.

Speaking of dumpster fires, it’s 96 degrees today. Yeah, lets go work out in that! Not like heat stroke is a thing! Lord help me.

CrossFit

So how on Earth is my lazy ass doing CrossFit?  I’ve never even been in any gym. Ever.

Well, it started at work.  K2 is a CrossFit evangelist.  When she moved here, she started at this gym.  She met her significant other there.  She’s all about that lifestyle.  She even just bought a house from a fellow member.  So K2 convinced K3 to sign on for onboarding (They’re both coworkers). I thought the onboarding sounded really interesting because it’s four one-on-one sessions with a personal trainer/coach teaching you how to do everything and use all the equipment. So even if I didn’t continue CrossFit, knowing the proper form and techniques and stuff would be worth it no matter what.

But then to do the onboarding, apparently you also have to sign up for a month of membership. And holy shit, CrossFit is an INVESTMENT. So K2 goes every day and K3’s doing it with me so they promised I’d never have to work out alone if I committed so OK, I’ll give it August.

Our first onboarding class was Monday.  It took about two hours.  But hold on. It would have been one if it was just one of us.  However we wanted to do it together.  So we had one coach teaching us both so taking turns back and forth with each lesson item.  So we didn’t work out for that full 2 hours.  Half the time we were watching the other.  I loved learning all the different techniques and how to scale them to stuff I can actually DO. ‘Cause you know I aint doing a pull up! We learned burpees (nope), sit ups, kettle balls (American and Russian style), air squats, ring rows (which is sort of a pull-up learner), incline push ups (loved these compared the real push ups) jumping pull ups (I only needed four risers), dead lifts and who knows what else.  Then our actual workout was walk/run, air squats (mine with a 20 inch box), incline pushups, and ring rows.    

I felt great about everything except the running.  Holy shit I am SO BAD at running.  I can walk faster than I run and I’m not even sure how that’s humanly possible, but it is.  I also learned that I might as well just jump in the pool after my workout because I sweat more than I ever would have imagined.  Also, for $300, I think I deserve an air conditioned gym.  But yeah, it might as well have been raining on me I was dripping so much.  And even the next morning, my pile of workout clothes was still a sopping wet mess.  It was embarrassing.  Very much so.  

So I’m not to the point where I’d go alone.  However, thankfully, I don’t have to!  K3 really had to work to get me in the car after work to go.  Right up until I committed that payment I was really second guessing so hard.  Of course now that I’ve paid, I’m not wasting all that money.  I’m apparently in this now until August 11th at least. 

Also, as you know, I’ve got an upcoming appointment with a plastic surgeon to see about finally getting my arms shaped up to normal and my stomach straightened out. So I really think I’ll continue this up to my surgery date (If I get one, of course) because the more muscle I have, the better the outcome will be.

And hell, by the time I’ve been doing it that long, I might be drinking the Kool Aid too.