Tag: health

Unbiased Review: BedJet and Cloud Sheet

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Unbiased Review: BedJet and Cloud Sheet

I’m using headers here for people who just want a review. If you wanna skip the intro (this is a personal blog, so I talk a lot) — Go to the heading that says ‘THE REVIEW: BedJet 3 Climate Comfort Sleep System.” (This is a link to skip the the review. I looked up how to do this for yall). I tried to make this review all encompassing to cover all the questions I had before purchasing. So if there’s something I’m missing, drop me an email so I can add it, please!

Also, no I’m not sponsored — I fucking WISH! Bedjet, if you want me to review the travel unit — EMAIL ME. I’m just a hot person who couldn’t sleep and paid a lot of money to try this out.

I don’t like heat.

I’ve always been heat intolerant. I don’t like to be hot. I was told that when I lost weight, I’d be cold all the time. Bull-fucking-shit. I got down to 175lbs and was still hot all the time. So it’s not just fat. I’m just HOT. Then I lost my thyroid which helps regulate body temperature. And it seems that as I’ve aged, I’ve just become more and more heat intolerant. To a medical problem degree. I sweat like a water fountain just standing around. Its embarrassing. AND NOW, I’ve hit the untalked about reverse puberty known as perimenopause. Fuck my life.

A few years ago, I started sleeping with just my fuzzy blanket. It’s a velour blanket. It’s meant to be used between blankets as a thermal layer (trapped air) — but if you use it by itself, it’s just light and fuzzy. It’s made out of foam so it doesn’t hug your body. If you have the fan on, air actually blows through it. So I’ve been making the bed with that under the comforter and sheet and I just throw the comforter aside every night. If I get cold (I do keep a high powered fan pointed at me), I pull the sheet over. This has been my setup for years. I even travel with this blanket.

A few months ago though, I started to get hotter. All of the sudden, I started getting night sweats. We’re not talking a little bit of sweat either. I’d wake up so wet that I’d be immediately freezing (remember, high powered fan pointing at me). I had to take off my PJs some nights because they were just drenched. Like I just got out of the pool kinda drenched. Even in new PJs, I couldn’t go back to bed because my spot in the bed was drenched too! I tried shifting where I slept so I’d have a secondary spot to use. I tried sleeping on a blanket. I figured I could get up and toss the blanket and have dry sheets! But I toss and turn so much that the blanket kept getting wadded up and I just had a wrinkly wet blanket and wet sheets.

I thought this was a temporary situation. I assumed I was just super hyper thyroid and the doctor would fix it. My thyroid hormone level is never correct and our yearly physicals were coming right up. So I had hope.

I’m fucked

Then I got the diagnosis. Perimenopause. No quick fix. This is my life now. Well, it also explains the nightly panic attacks and all of the crazy anxiety attacks. All the stress and crazy. The sweating just standing around. But yeah — the night sweats.

He doesn’t want me to jump straight into hormone replacement therapy (HRT) for medical reasons. Don’t come at me about it. I’m gonna give other shit a chance for a minute. So I started the over-the-counter supplements he recommended. I started researching. I started the internet spiral of researching into echo chambers of crazy. I also talked to the cleaning lady at work.

Yeah, so she came into my office and asked about my tattoo. She has 2 full sleeves and so we were talking about it and she has kids and they think she looks like “the mean mom” because of her tattoos. And I was like “they’re flowers, how is that mean vibes?” So yeah it got into getting older with tattoos and then I was like don’t tell me about older, I’M JUST GOT DIAGNOSED AS PERIMENOPAUSE. And she was like holy shit, you gotta get this Sleep Number mattress pad! It’s fantastic! It was a thousand dollars, but you gotta get it. So I looked it up.

The Sleep Number DuelTemp layer for half the bed is $1,200.00. OOF. Like I’m dying, but I’m also not allowed to spend a ton of money. Yall know my husbands rules! And I just paid $1,200.00 to buy a new salt cell and have it installed when they opened the pool. So *cries*

The Bedjet has entered the stadium.

What about that BedJet thing? Like I’d heard of that before. What’s that about.

I don’t know when or where I’d heard of the BedJet before. They were on Shark Tank and I spend most of my life on the internet, so who knows. I give it a google. Ok, Ok, half the price of the sleep number. But from what I remember, it’s just like a hose attached to a fan that blows under your covers. That doesn’t sound nice. The only part of me that ever gets cold (aside from my face and ears) are my feet. So I really don’t need a fan blowing on my feet. That doesn’t sound nice. Also, I could rig that up way cheaper. But wait — Cloud Sheet? I like clouds. Tell me more.

Perhaps the BedJet used to only have the fan option. In fact the BedJet is just the fan option. But there’s an optional cloud sheet accessory.

“Patented double layer sheet construction has special interior air flow chambers. BedJet air flows directly into the air chambers to then gently diffuse onto your body through the sheet. Improves the performance of the BedJet by evenly distributing the cooling and warming air in your bed, eliminates feeling of flowing air.”

Um, did you just fix my only qualm? Ok. I want this. But for $500, I must research. I had questions.

It’s cooling — but there is no cooling mechanism. I get that room temperature air is 20 degrees below your body temperature, but how can you claim it’s cooling if it doesn’t cool air? And why can you set the temperature on the remote if it can’t make it any cooler than the room temperature air? That sounds sus as fuck. Have people used this thing and like it? Does it make you cool? Has anyone with night sweats tried it? It advertises the sweat evaporation as one of it’s biggest benefits. But, most importantly, is there a cheaper knock off that doesn’t have heating? I don’t need a heater.

So enter the crazy echo chambers and why I’m writing a full review. I’m not writing this for the five people who read my blog. I’m actually writing this in hopes that people find it useful. I hope that when people google for BedJet Reviews, BedJet questions, cloud sheet review, cloud sheet questions, anything BedJet — I can give them some answers. Without the crazy. I’m sorry, I just did type a few pages of crazy, but it wasn’t directed at your life choices to not take HRT. Lets review:

REVIEW: BedJet 3 Climate Comfort Sleep System and Cloud Sheet

I ordered the BedJet 3 with remote as that is the current model at the time of writing this. There were options:

  • The Bedjet 3 with remote for $429 with the 30% off for Mother’s Day Sale — which is now a 30% off for Memorial Day sale. Probably just wait for any random holiday and get this price. (I got this option)
  • You can get a model without a remote and save about $40.00. This is doable because it is bluetooth capable and there’s a phone app. I did not get this because, from what little I could find of unbiased reviews, the phone app is absolute shit.
  • You can also buy a certified refurbished BedJet (does not come with remote) from the company and save about $80.00. It does still include the 2 year warranty. BUT it won’t come with the 60 Day money-back guarantee.
  • You can upgrade to a duel comfort system where each partner has a BedJet to set to their own liking. This is approximately twice the price of a single. Which makes sense. I did not go this direction. I know that husband would have used the hell out of the preheat button, if nothing else. However, husband is “thrifty” — he would not have approved of me buying that if it was just a $50 upgrade. I’ve bought stuff for him before that he made me take back because he didn’t need it. He DOES NOT waste money. So.

I wanted the single system, with remote. For $500, I wanted that 60 Day money back guarantee with free return shipping. Plus refurb means old parts — I’ll go new. Again, I will note that there’s a 2-year limited warranty on all systems which is pretty damn sweet.

When it arrived, I was EXCITED. I’m gonna sleep good tonight! Lets set this up! The setup manual is 5 stars. Top notch. I should add a photo (UPDATE! Photo below. See, I’m helpful). It’s a full magazine size manual. Tons of pictures, big print, glossy pages. Nice.

BedJet Setup

There are two ways to set it up. It has a very small form factor so you can set it under your bed. The whole box can fit if you have 6 inches of clearance. If you have 6 inches under your bed but lower side rails, it can still go under the bed if there’s 3.5 inches of clearance under your side rail. If your bed is freakishly low or on the floor, you can set it on its side to take up less floor space and have it beside the bed. I went under the bed.

I noted in the instructions that it does not recommend using it with an extension cord. I thought that was a bummer because even with outlets on either side of my bed, this cord barely reached my outlet. Why not make a longer cord? But, during assembly, I noticed the air tube has a lot of length. So I could have had it way further back and just stretched out the accordion-style air hose to get the length to the end of the bed. They even sell an extension tube in their parts section, so yeah. WITH the hose extension, you can get 8 feet of air hose. But you might wanna note that if you don’t have a close outlet. There might be a big air tube running across your room or something if the outlet is not on the same wall as your bed.

There are buttons on the unit. I was a bit scared — especially since one had to do with low power mode and has a big warning section in the manual about it. The manual said to follow the instructions on the remote to set it up. It comforted me that, by answering the remote’s questions, it would select the proper power settings for me. Sweet. So I put the batteries in and the remote came on in setup mode. It has a nice sized LED display, so answering the easy prompts was a simple task. Then it was setup and ready to go. I didn’t have to touch anything on the unit.

Note that there is a USB “Expansion port” on the unit. The book says it’s only for factory testing and not a functioning USB port.

So the air hose has a funnel-type attachment that points the air at you. That fits on top of the tube. Then there is a plastic bar that slides under your mattress. On this bar, there are risers. The system comes with 4 risers. These hold a clamp for the air hose to hold it in position against your bed and at the right height. You can add or remove risers as needed until the funnel is at the right height. Don’t worry, if you have a tall mattress, they will send you extra risers for free. How do I know?

Even with idiot proof instructions, I still messed up the setup. I did not include the funnel because I was using the cloud sheet. It worked fine that first night, but I thought it was a stupid design. Also, without the funnel, I had to pull my cloud sheet down further. So I requested some more risers. I also asked why you wouldn’t want to use the funnel with the cloud sheet as that seemed stupid. A heavy set of blankets could easily block the air without the funnel.

Well, I’m just a dumbass. Customer support responded to my email quickly and dispatched a set of 4 more risers at no cost. They also pointed out that I was still supposed to use the funnel with my cloud sheet. I also had a question about that low power setting. The remote asked me if I was using this on a twin bed (which would affect the power setting). I’m not, but I am using a twin sheet. So… do I still answer no? Apparently, you answer by bed size not sheet size. Awesome. Thank you, customer service. Oh, and they said the bed skirt would not affect performance as long as it does not affect airflow.

Is this a good time to mention it’s an American company in Rhode Island? It’s even family owned. Like damn, an AMERICAN product? It’s become an international company now, so I really doubt it’s made in America — but still. I’m impressed. And I was super impressed with their customer service.

So on the second night of use, I had it set up correctly (tough still too low) with the funnel snapped securely into my cloud sheet. It did work better like that.

Review: BedJet Cloud Sheet

The BedJet does not come with a cloud sheet. That is an optional additional purchase. You can use the BedJet as is and just have it blowing under your covers. Either directly on you under your sheet, or maybe between your sheet and comforter. You do you. But I didn’t want to sleep in a wind tunnel, so I opted for the cloud sheet.

The cloud sheet is a duel layer sheet. It’s like a duvet cover, basically. It snaps over the air output and it fills up with air — like a cloud. Get it? CLOUD sheet?

It is 100% cotton and heavy as fuck. I bought the TwinXL sheet. We have a King bed. So there were two options to cover my side only. I could buy the large duelzone sheet and only use one side, or I could go TwinXL. I was concerned that if we shared a sheet, Husband would get too much of my cold air, so I went Twin. I did my due diligence and washed it before using. One nice feature is that you can connect the air hose to the foot of the bed through the sheet — or through the side of the bed through the sheet. It has two options. That’s cool (no pun intended).

So the sheet has one side that is suppose to be touching your body. I wouldn’t be able to tell which was which — but there is a nice contrasting colored patch sewn on one side that says “This Side Down.” Thank you. Well executed and obvious if you have it on upside down.

The duel zone sheet would cover the entire bed but has a seam down the middle. This allows each side to be controlled by a different bed jet. Or one side to just be a heavy ass sheet with no air flow. Here’s our problem though — air seepage. My husband does not want my cool air. He is a little stream of lava and he wants to stay that way. So while only my side of the bed has the sheet, we’re under the same comforter so his side is still getting some air blown over there. Perhaps if he had a BedJet going as well, the air would block it — but since he has no air pocket, my forced air is invading. This sucks. I can’t think of a way to prevent this without a physical barrier. For right now, we have my body pillow between us on top of the comforter. It works. It takes up too much space, but it works. I’m going to get crafty with my friend and sew a long tube to fill with rice or beans or something to make a little skinny weighted tube to put down the middle of the bed. I suppose we could also just have our own blankets and not share the comforter as another solution.

UPDATE 09/04/2024 – I finally made a long sock (out of an old sheet) filled with rice to lay down the center of the bed. This serves to keep the air on my side and not affect his side. It takes up way less space. AND I get my body pillow back. Here’s a picture of the updated situation. My side is turned on so you can see it’s very puffy without any air on his side. Only downside – It smells like rice. A lot. Might switch to a different filling.

Cloud Sheet Cons (Still 100% recommend it though):

  • My biggest complaint is that the cloud sheet will always feel wrinkly. It’s a sack. There is no avoiding it. I love crisp new sheets that are perfectly smooth on the bed. This sheet is always going to feel wrinkled. Even with the air going, this isn’t a pool float — it’s going to move around with you. I can’t fathom a way for that not to be the case, though.
  • I wish it came in something other than stark-fucking-white. That could just be me.
  • The top foot or so of the sheet doesn’t puff air. WTF? You’re already losing length to pull it all the way down to the hose — I want all the air. I guess they assume people don’t want it at the top of the sheet where their shoulder are? Well, I do. If I didn’t want it that high, I could just fold it over.

Cloud Sheet Pros:

So the cloud sheet goes under your covers. You don’t want all that nice air just blasting out of the top of the sheet into the room! You want it directed at your overheating ass. So it works best with covers over it. So as you can see, I have it (per instructions) under the top sheet, comforter, and even an extra blanket over our feet.

Yall, It’s been years since I could snuggle up under the covers in anything but the middle of winter. IT’S SO NICE! It’s so snuggly. It’s so comfortable. And I can use the comforter to block the fan if its too much, or the bright sun in the morning. AND I’M NOT HOT. WHAT? I love this! I’m under the covers, yall!

What I think after using it for two weeks.

I love it. The only problem I’ve had was last night we had severe thunderstorms and the power blinked. So I woke up to my BedJet not being on. I had to use the power button on the unit to restart it because the remote said it couldn’t connect. Other than that, FUCKIN’ A!

I haven’t had the night sweats since I’ve been using it! I’ve had maybe a bit of sweat between my legs on a few nights, but then I just split my legs and I’m cool.

Somewhere I think I read that most people have it set on 74 degrees (F) and I forget what fan speed. Fuck that. I have it at 68.

That brings me to an important topic!

The BedJet does not actually cool air. At all. It has no cooling capabilities. This is not an air-conditioner. It will only blow room temperature air at the coolest. So if your room is above 79, probably not gonna help. BUT, I like that there is a warning on the remote which acknowledges this. If you set it below the room temp, you get this message:

“Based on your current room temp, Lowest regulated setting for cool mode is [x]” — with X being the temperature of air the unit is reading. So think of the cool setting as a “floor.” Don’t go colder than this — that’s basically what you’re saying.

Speaking of remote, I’m so glad I got it! It’s very nice! I have a king bed so plenty of room to have it. It has a small LCD display that shows you the current settings, the room temperature, and the count down to auto shut off. It also shows the unit name (because you can control multiple units with one remote) and the battery power left in the remote.

The only thing I dislike about the remote is that it can’t show you the time. It knows the time and shows you the time when it is not running. However, when it is running, you don’t get to see the time. Still, great remote.

The remote is extremely intuitive. You’ve got your menu button with the direction pad and center select button. Super easy to navigate. This is well written software (IMO). Then “Off,” “Cool,” “Heat,” and “Turbo” settings. Turbo is for preheating your bed before you get in, apparently. See, that would be husband’s favorite button. Then you’ve got the set of up/down toggle-type buttons. One for fan speed, one for temp, one for the auto shut off timer. Super intuitive. Then there’s a “Dry” button. The manual says this is “for rapid sweat drying without being too hot or too cold.” As far as I can tell, it’s gonna blast you at 87 degrees, but don’t quote me on that. I assume “10H” makes the timer jump to 10 hours. Then you have the memory buttons. These are so you can have preset settings you like. Forgot how the fuck to program those? I did too! I so I pressed one and the remote told me how to do it. Good software.

If you care, to program a memory button on the BedJet remote, just get the settings to what you like and hold down the memory button you want to save that too. Then the remote will ask you if you want to save it. So easy.

I also really like that the remote senses motion. So it lights up when you grab it. No need to press a button. You can set how sensitive it is. Mine’s probably too sensitive right now because it lights up when I roll over. I guess I’m a violent roller. Whatever. I can turn that down if I want.

There is a “Biorhythm Sleep Sequence Function.” At first I just ignored this. I mean it’s kinda misnamed because it doesn’t have any feedback from your body. However, I just reread what it does. Basically, you can set the times (based on duration or clock time) that you want your setting to change — with up to 33 changes that will automatically run over the course of the night. Now that I’ve been using it for two weeks, I might try this out.

UPDATE 09/04/2024: I now use the biorythem as a delay. Some nights, I don’t want to get in a cold bed. Like if I have cold feet already. I want to feel snuggly for a little bit. But I can’t not use my bedjet or I wake up in a pool of sweat! Solution? I made a Biorythem and set it to the M3 key. It has the unit do nothing for 25 minutes and then turn on to 74 degrees at 80% power for 10 hours. FANTASTIC.

So I start the night at 68 degrees (no, my house isn’t that cool — I fucking WISH) and 90% fan. Why 90? Well, I want ALL THE FAN but I don’t wanna push my unit. This I like. I also like that I can make a little funnel under the covers by my face and have a wind tunnel blowing across my face. That’s nice. It does blow a lot of air — but it’s true that you don’t feel the air movement with the cloud sheet. The only thing you feel is the vibration of the air being blown in by you feet.

At some point in the night, I get up to pee because I am a female and I drink a fuckton of water. I like to be hydrated. Did I mention I get hot? HYDRATE. So when I get up to pee, I usually find the bed to be too cool. So I slip on some socks I now keep on my night stand and turn it down to 75% fan. On long weekend sleeps, I might turn it off in the morning. I’ve done that twice.

So yeah, this thing WORKS. We’ve been setting the air at 72 degree and I’m sleeping UNDER THE COVERS WITH SOCKS. WHAT? We are gonna save so much on the AC bill this summer! Man, if you combined this with that $1200.00 Sleep Number pad, I bet you’d be in HEAVEN. Totally worth the money. It has a two year warranty. If it just up and dies after that two years, I would totally buy another. (As long as it’s not breaking down and I keep getting this great customer service).

I guess the only other thing to mention is that it has a filter. It’s just a crazy thin piece of foam in the back. Pull off the back cover and there it is. You can totally buy new filters. But yall, they aren’t even trying to rip you off like that. The book just says to clean it off as needed.

I love you, BedJet. Can I travel with this? Do I need another one just for travel? DO YOU MAKE A TRAVEL SIZE? Because there’s no way my perimenopausal ass can sleep without this now. Insurance should cover this. 5 Stars!

But it could still be better. Give me a longer sheet or make the air run all the way to the top. And give me sheet color options.

OH! One more thought. People ask how loud it is. Low hum. I sleep with a Turbo fan on high so this is NOTHING to me. I can’t hear shit over my fan. I’d say this sounds like a fan on a very low setting. I would not say it is loud by any means, but you will hear it.

UPDATE 09/04/2024: If your head is under the sheet, you won’t notice that it is louder, but you will not be able to hear things around you very well.

Also, it blows so much air out that if you fart and have that awesome slip stream by your face — that fart gets blasted out immediately. It’s like the opposite of a dutchoven.

UPDATE: Three Months Later

I’ve been using this nightly for over three months now. I love it. I’ve thrown in a few updates in here that you might have seen — like using biorythem to set a timer for it to come on after you fall asleep.

I had a big problem when my cat decided he wanted to sleep on the jet. I solved this by using two full sets of stackers — 8 stackers so the funnel sits a few inches over my mattress. That way if my cat gets close, I can easily slip my feet under the funnel and he is forced to sleep to the side.

I still wish the sheet was longer or the air went fully to the top. I found myself sleeping unusually high in my bed due to acid reflex and wanting the use the wall to support slopped pillows. Only my legs were covered by air. This was not sufficient for me not to sweat.

The “DRY” function is awesome! It really works! If you accidentally get sweaty, kick it on and it’s really not too hot or too cold. And it drys you off pretty quickly with the fan at 100%. Surprisingly, one night I fell back asleep with it in Dry mode and was comfortable all night.

I’ve fallen into the rhythm of 90% fan on 73 degrees when I go to bed. After I come back to bed after I pee, I change it to 74 degrees at 80% fan. We’ve been able to keep the AC set on 71 or 72 for three months now! I was a 68-degrees-or-I-will-kill-you person before!

I finally made a long rice sock to divide the bed between heavenly air on my side and nothing to stop the lava on my husbands side. This works well enough. Nothings perfect and I don’t see how to avoid this problem without a physical barrier over the covers or using completely different bedding on each side.

100% recommend. I’m seriously considering the travel size for, well, travel. Maybe I’ll put that on my birthday list!

Also, can I get a light grey sheet? Beige? Greige? Something not stark white? Please?

Hiiiii

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Hiiiii

I know, I should post. But like, I’m still spiraling out of control with my perimenopause over here. My anxiety is off the charts. So much so that I had a stressful work meeting this morning and had an anxiety attack and took the afternoon off. Work is shitty right now and I’m not in the mind space to handle this clusterfuck. So I laid down around 1:00 and slept till 5:00. DAY GONE. Awesome. But I did need the rest.

So I was going to post about the bedjet that I bought. It’s fucking awesome. But you know what? I’m not cool. And I want to post a really good review of it to help people like me that were trying to get some actual details on that shit. So I need to get some pictures. Also, they’re sending me some more (free) risers because my mattress is taller and I’m using the cloudsheet. So that’s coming.

When, I was trying to research it, I ended up in the Reddit subreddit r/menopause. I read a few threads about it but still had questions. So I asked my questions. And while I was posting, I mentioned the Estroven my doctor recommended and asked if anyone had any experience with that. Well, that was a mistake.

Crazy people can’t make support groups with just other crazy people. That’s how cults happen.

Apparently, r/menopause is a bunch of hormone replacement therapy (HRT) evangelists and anyone who doesn’t immediately give you HRT is a shitty doctor who doesn’t know shit about the “current research.” Well, I mean, I’m 41 — I just got diagnosed, I don’t wanna jump straight into HRT. Maybe I’ll regret that later. Probably. But my doctor said to try a few over the counter things first. And I’m cool with that. I don’t agree with their opinion that you should use a telehealth doc that you can lie to to get it prescribed. Also, the threads about the hell of menopause and all the horrible effects are terrifying. Itchy ears? WTF? that’s a thing!? Like what are we talking, a contestant itch? Outside the ear? Inside? Does scratching help? How common is that?

So basically, it’s just a toxic cesspit and I had to leave that subreddit.

It reminded me of when I joined all the misophonia support groups. I found the constant focus on it and people bitching about it made it much worse.

I still would like info though. So I try googling about it, but there’s just a million differing opinions. And people selling supplements. And doctors have different opinions. It’s a clusterfuck. And I don’t see the point of trying to join anymore groups. The people seeking out these groups are the people like me — we’re spiraling out of control crazy people. And so then it’s a echo chamber of bat shit crazy woman demanding fake hormones and divorces.

I mean think about it. If you, say… worship Trump and feel like you’re being shunned by all your friends who say you’re crazy. You go online looking for solace and similar minded folks. All the sudden your in an insane echo chamber of Q-anon people and you won’t speak to your family cause you’re in some weird crazy Trumper cult now.

Crazy people can’t make support groups with just other crazy people. I’ll say it again for the people in the back. Crazy people can’t make support groups with just other crazy people. That’s how cults happen.

BTW, that’s why I loved my CODA group which I now avoid cause of that crazy guy. Is it a bunch of crazy people getting on zoom every Monday? YES. But we’re led and guided by a retired psychiatrist who points out our crazy.

To be fair, Doctors do fuck up — like a lot.

Though I don’t think a doctor would help these menopause groups because they don’t trust the doctors. Old (read MOST) studies say no HRT because increased bloodclots, heart disease, and cancer risks in some of us. Some studies say that’s not true. Some doctors say the better sleep and restfulness outweighs the risks to your heart because it’s helping you be more healthy in general. You know medicine, it’s always changing on what it says is healthy and what isn’t. Remember the fucking food pyramid? It was a foundation of carbohydrates. Literally. Breakfast cereal was in the FOUNDATION.

Also, I’m the first person to say don’t trust doctors. They tried to murder me when my gallbladder was going bad. The only reason I didn’t die was my underhanded squirrliness. I had a surgeon because of the gastric bypass surgery. So I made an appointment to see him. Sure it took a month or two, but that was gonna pass anyway. In the mean time I went to the ER three times and a specialist who said having my gallbladder removed was stupid. And another doctor that did an ultrasound and said all I had was asymptomatic gallstones. Meanwhile, I’m curled in a ball on the floor in the bathroom at work in pain (gallstone attacks — now we know). In FACT, that exact scenario was one of the ER visits. Work sent me to the ER.

Then I finally see my surgeon and he nearly kills me by poking under my ribs and is like holy fuck — we gotta do a liver biopsy on you ASAP. I agreed to LET HIM do that if he agreed to take my gallbladder out while I was under. Deal — that was Friday, Monday morning I had surgery. And what did they find while in surgery? Oh look, shes got internal gangrene. This gallbladder is literally dead and rotting. I bet if we pop that out she’ll feel better. THANKS GENIUSES. And do you know how risky having surgery with internal gangrene is? For real, I know someone that died from it (exploratory surgery). Because if the organ had ruptured during the surgery — well, now gangrene is all up in your abdominal cavity and you probably won’t be waking up. So even though I got what I want, fucker still almost killed me.

So I get it, don’t trust the doctors to know whats best. Get lots of opinions. But I also can’t listen these insane people.

Don’t come at me.

Also, don’t be insulted — not everyone in menopause and perimenopause will be insane. I understand. Please understand that I’m talking about people like MYSELF. I’m already on two antidepressants and an antianxiety. So anything that causes severe anxiety IS NOT GONNA BE OK.

My mom is dead, my sisters are bitches and all my friends are younger than me. So I HAVE NO ONE. And no one ever told me you’d go through some crazy 10-year reverse puberty BEFORE menopause. I’ve heard of menopause. I didn’t know it was this bad and I’ve never even heard of perimenopause! Fucking middle finger for living past child bearing age.

So that’s my rant. Bedet is fucking awesome though. Gonna review that IN DEPTH for my fellow hot sleepers.

Life: Purpose for the shit show?

Also, it occurs to me that that gastric bypass surgery has always been a big shame for me. Cause you know, I gained it all back. Then lost it with keto — gained like half of it back. So I’m still fat, basically. So it’s SO EMBARRASSING to say I had gastric bypass surgery. BUT BUT BUT

I just realized. Had I not had that, I wouldn’t have had contact and ability to get an appointment directly with surgeon. And had I not took it upon MYSELF (not a referral) to ask that surgeon to cut me open, I would have died whenever the gallbladder ruptured. He said possible two weeks.

So… maybe God had a reason there?

Interesting.

No, probably just still shit show.

Still, fuck hormones. Also, maybe if I didn’t have the surgery, the gallbladder wouldn’t have had issues. So who knows. Life is a shit show.

Mammograms Don’t Hurt

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I work a 9/80 schedule. That means I work my 80 hours over nine days instead of the usual ten. So I get every other Friday off. Long weekend! Not really. Everything ends up getting scheduled for that Friday off. So yesterday was a LOT.

I met with the lawyer at 10. Our lawsuit is OVER! (Kinda mostly.) I signed over the settlement check and he wrote me a check for our cut. So we paid him, plus all the stuff like depositions, and he handled negotiating BCBS down to like half of what they paid and sent them their check. The only catch is, we didn’t pay back disability. I had short term disability for two months and the contract you sign states that if there’s ever a settlement, you have to pay them back. Well, we weren’t allowed to bring that up in court. So my lawyer wants to argue that I don’t have to pay it. He sent them a letter over a month ago and they haven’t replied back. So he gave me three options: Just send them a check for the full amount out of my good heart, let him keep negotiating (though he hasn’t heard from them), or just leave it be and wait to hear from them. He recommended and I chose the latter. The contract states that if they do come after me for their money, he still represents me and will negotiate with them. So yeah, IT’S OVER!

Oh, and it was tornado weather. So it was windy as FUCK. So after the lawyer I came home to take a nap, but kept getting alerted by the phone and weather radio for a million things. We were fine tough. Just a trashcan in the yard.

At 1:00, I had to go to the gynecologist. This is always fun. Men don’t have to put up with this shit. I made the appointment because I had been having a lot of pelvic pain and thought maybe my IUD had shifted. So they took my back for an ultrasound. Had me undress (yes, guys — the ultrasound is done from the inside) and did their thing. Then they had me get dressed and moved me to another room for the doctor where I had to undress again. I think this was kinda stupid. Like I’m already naked and up here on an exam table, why we gotta do this twice? Why did I just get dressed?

So I haven’t seen the GYN since I had my tubes removed which means I was way over due for a checkup and a pap smear. So of course we had to do all that. I didn’t mean to not get my pap smears, I just kinda forgot that was a thing I had to do. I have a lot of doctors, okay? So I was toying with having my IUD taken out because I obviously don’t need it, so why have it? A few people had recommended I do an ablation to get rid of periods instead. (I’m writing this as an informative subject, if you’re wondering why I’m writing this). So an ablation would burn out my uterine lining and well, if that’s gone, no periods! My doctor said we could totally do that if I wanted, but she didn’t recommend it. She says it can mask uterine cancer. So stay with the IUD it is.

She also mentioned that now that I’m 40, it’s time for mammograms. I told her I didn’t think I could do mammograms because I have implants. I was wrong. She asked when my last one was. Never. She was shocked that I didn’t have one before my implants. I shrugged. Apparently, this really surprised her because she mentioned it again later in the appointment. Anyway, she gave me the paperwork to schedule the appointment and I went back out to the waiting area to drink water so I could pee in a cup.

Oh yeah, if you’re gonna make me pee in a cup, I need ADVANCED NOTICE. I don’t know if all yall have some special muscle that lets you pee on command, but I do not. If I don’t have to pee, I can’t. So they told me to pee in a cup and I was like, “I’m not pregnant.” Apparently, they check for a lot more than just that so I wasn’t getting out of it. But I had just gone to the bathroom when I left the house — like normal people do. So I had to wait in the waiting room and drink 64 ounces of water.

While I was in the waiting room, I decided to bite the bullet and schedule the mammogram. I knew if I didn’t, I’d put if off forever. I call them up and I’m like “hey, what are the odds I can get in today?” So they called the clinic and surprise! Can I be there in 10 minutes? AWESOME. So I peed in the cup and left.

Turns out the mammogram place is literally next door to my GYN. I thought they meant a building over, but they meant the same hallway. So time to do this. I’ve always heard mammograms hurt. They smush your boobs in between two plates to take pictures and it’s horrible (supposedly). So I was not enthused. I told the person this. She had me put my fist on the machine and clamped it down to show me how much pressure there would be. Instant relief. WTF? Who complained about this? We really need a counter campaign to let woman know this is not a big deal. It doesn’t hurt at all! If you’ve had sex, you’ve had your boobs squeezed so you know what it feels like. Is it awkward? Hell yes. Is it pleasant (when a machine does it)? Nope. Is it painful? Not at all. Every year we have stuff shoved up our vaginas for exams but women are complaining about breast pictures? Suck it up. I just had three different tools shoved up my vagina while I was naked and in stirrups and let the doctor feel me up — that was WAY WORSE than some pictures of my boobs.

Oh and the mammogram lady was shocked I’d never had one. “They put implants in you without doing a mammogram?” Yep. She couldn’t believe it — especially “at [my] age.” So apparently, that’s a thing. How was I supposed to know? Ladies, if you get implants — do a mammogram first. It’s a thing, apparently. Oh and the lady said I was insanely lucky they had an opening. It usually takes 2-3 months to schedule a mammogram but so many people had canceled because of the weather (and school being closed) that they had openings. Cosmic alignment win!

So then I picked up some Chicken Salad Chick for myself and K. I’m not usually on that side of town, so if I am, I pick up a large container of Olivia’s Old South for sandwiches. Then I ran in Target for some Lily’s chocolate chips for brownies. I was gonna go by Publix, but at Target I could get quest pizzas! They were out of the chocolate chips and their freezer section was closed. God dammit. But I did use their restroom because, yall, I drank a lot of water in that waiting room.

Then I took the lawyers check to the bank. I was worried because that side of town had lost power (remember, it’s tornado weather). They were back up though! So I got to deposit the check and even got them to write me a cashiers check so I could pay for the air conditioner repairs. All the money is going straight to the mortgage. Mr C does not believe in debt. So we gotta pay off the house before we do anything else. He said I can get a new car when we pay it off though! Of course he specified we have to save for the car and not take out a loan. But still, once the house is paid off, we’ll be saving a ton each month so it won’t take long. I wanna get a hybrid cross-over or small SUV. So that’s something to look forward to! He’s the one who needs a new car but he doesn’t want one. I don’t wanna drive a tiny car anymore. I wanna win in a car wreck. I’d totally drive a truck, but a small SUV would be way more functional. Also, cheaper than a truck.

So then I dropped off K’s chicken salad (she likes the one with the cranberries — ew) and I renewed our car tags online. Plus I baked brownies. How fucking productive was I? I did ALL. THE. THINGS. I was so proud of myself! Now I’m not gonna get dressed today. I earned it.

So ladies, remember: MAMMOGRAMS AREN’T PAINFUL. It doesn’t hurt! Insurance covers them! Go get them when your doctor says to!

Bungee Fitness

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So, my oldest sister has gone HUGE into Bungee Fitness. She’s going multiple times a week and taking like everyone in Birmingham with her. Seriously, a friend from high school mentioned trying bungee fitness on Facebook, and mentioned my sisters. So she’s been tooting the horn of how awesome it is. So I really wanted to try it out!

Our local(ish) Bungee Fitness place only does demos like once a month. And you have to do a demo first, can’t just go to a class. We weren’t able to make any demos work. So a month or two ago, I decided we should just do a private party. Only needed 5 people and it works out to $30 a person — including a free tshirt. That’s only $5 more dollars than the demo and we could make it anytime we wanted. So we scheduled it and today was the day!

It was so much fun! I’ve never had fun doing a workout before! And let me tell you: This was a fucking workout. It was actually really intense and tiring. I’m sore. I’m bruised. My tylanol has worn off so I’m hurting. I twisted my ankle a bit so I’m limping. I’m sitting here in compression hose (so the ankle won’t swell). Like that is a WORKOUT. You could 100% get built doing that. I would have never thought it — even with all the pictures I’ve seen of people doing it — but yeah. Not easy.

I will say this though: fuck that “no pain on your joints” bullshit. I’m fat and 40. My knees felt that.

But oh my god it was so much fun bouncing around! Even just spinning around. Crazy fun. I even did voluntary burpees. And I did them totally! And I did a mother fucking HANDSTAND, bitches!

I’ve never done a handstand! It was awesome! Yes, the instructor helped me get my big fat leg up there to the rope — but then I did it! I could even do handstand pushups! And spin around. Just spinning around in the handstand was super fun. I stayed like this for a long time. I mean there was the fun factor — but also this was relieving the pain of how much that damn harness was digging into the pantylines in the middle of my legs. Felt like my panties were 2 sizes too small. And when I came down in the pushup, my head totally left a little sweat spot cause I was sweating like a fool. Should have worn a sweatband (I usually do when I workout — it’s very unfashionable). But yeah, I hung out like that for so long that the instructor kept asking if I was OK and needed help getting out of it. Nope, just giving my crotch a break!

Also, the harness is padded around it. But not enough for my 44 inch waist! So I had no padding over my stomach. So it’s bruised! Ha! K suffered the same fate. Like I need a paddle bard shoved down my shirt or something. Need padding. The skinny people got padding all the way around!

So these harnesses hook in two ways. First we did stuff with it hooked in the front. This was a lot of fun. Then we did stuff with it hooked in the back. This hurt. One, lack of padding over my stomach. Two, I’m heavy. 256lbs, thank you (I know, I’ve lost like 15lbs since me and K started at the gym!). So a lot of weight on that not padded strap. Also, I have no abs. I’m still trying to get my abs back from the surgery (you know, where they peeled back my stomach skin and stitched my abs together with kitchen twine). It’s slow going too. If I overdo it — I’m in pain for a week. So I have to carefully count how many reps of ab moves I do. Cause you don’t know you over did it until the next day, and then, you’re fucked. So if I had a decent set of abs, I think it wouldn’t have been as painful on my stomach. That’s where I’m bruised — across the stomach.

That said, I’m totally gonna do this again! A is actually signing up for a month at two classes a week. I wanted to sign up for one class a week, but I’d still have to pay the full price. Fuck that. If I do this twice a week, I won’t ever wanna work out with K and I’d rather do that. But I’m seeing at least two more private parties in my future this summer. Totally worth the cost 100%

Other Things from the day:

1) I wore my “What the Fucculent” Tshirt. I then went to the grocery store. It seems that people have to say it out loud to get it. The girl and the pharmacy LOVED it. She even called the other people over to see it. Then we discussed funny shirts for a good while. Cashier when I checked out started to mouth it and got offended. She was not humored. V liked it though!

2) Holy shit, I am so glad I did the tummy tuck and boobs. Before, I would have looked at these pictures and not been able to enjoy them. But now even when I see my self working out in the mirrors at the gym, I’m like “nice boobs.” Do I have a flat stomach? No. But damn, it has completely changed my shape. It used to go flat and then up. Now it’s a big hump and then flat. My thighs are massive, but that’s OK. I actually think I look good! Like I see pictures and I LIKE them. Even though I want to lose more weight, I’m still happy with the way I look. It’s so amazing because I’ve NEVER had that in my life. Tummy Tuck and Boobs — 100% worth it! Still skeptical about the arms. But tummy and boobs, all the way.

CrossFit

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So how on Earth is my lazy ass doing CrossFit?  I’ve never even been in any gym. Ever.

Well, it started at work.  K2 is a CrossFit evangelist.  When she moved here, she started at this gym.  She met her significant other there.  She’s all about that lifestyle.  She even just bought a house from a fellow member.  So K2 convinced K3 to sign on for onboarding (They’re both coworkers). I thought the onboarding sounded really interesting because it’s four one-on-one sessions with a personal trainer/coach teaching you how to do everything and use all the equipment. So even if I didn’t continue CrossFit, knowing the proper form and techniques and stuff would be worth it no matter what.

But then to do the onboarding, apparently you also have to sign up for a month of membership. And holy shit, CrossFit is an INVESTMENT. So K2 goes every day and K3’s doing it with me so they promised I’d never have to work out alone if I committed so OK, I’ll give it August.

Our first onboarding class was Monday.  It took about two hours.  But hold on. It would have been one if it was just one of us.  However we wanted to do it together.  So we had one coach teaching us both so taking turns back and forth with each lesson item.  So we didn’t work out for that full 2 hours.  Half the time we were watching the other.  I loved learning all the different techniques and how to scale them to stuff I can actually DO. ‘Cause you know I aint doing a pull up! We learned burpees (nope), sit ups, kettle balls (American and Russian style), air squats, ring rows (which is sort of a pull-up learner), incline push ups (loved these compared the real push ups) jumping pull ups (I only needed four risers), dead lifts and who knows what else.  Then our actual workout was walk/run, air squats (mine with a 20 inch box), incline pushups, and ring rows.    

I felt great about everything except the running.  Holy shit I am SO BAD at running.  I can walk faster than I run and I’m not even sure how that’s humanly possible, but it is.  I also learned that I might as well just jump in the pool after my workout because I sweat more than I ever would have imagined.  Also, for $300, I think I deserve an air conditioned gym.  But yeah, it might as well have been raining on me I was dripping so much.  And even the next morning, my pile of workout clothes was still a sopping wet mess.  It was embarrassing.  Very much so.  

So I’m not to the point where I’d go alone.  However, thankfully, I don’t have to!  K3 really had to work to get me in the car after work to go.  Right up until I committed that payment I was really second guessing so hard.  Of course now that I’ve paid, I’m not wasting all that money.  I’m apparently in this now until August 11th at least. 

Also, as you know, I’ve got an upcoming appointment with a plastic surgeon to see about finally getting my arms shaped up to normal and my stomach straightened out. So I really think I’ll continue this up to my surgery date (If I get one, of course) because the more muscle I have, the better the outcome will be.

And hell, by the time I’ve been doing it that long, I might be drinking the Kool Aid too.

Three Year Ketoversary!

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Today marks three years that I’ve been keto. I have gained a bit from last year but I know I’ll get it back off. It was depression and my thyroid being off. I never stopped keto, so I really think I’ll get back down. 2018: 320lbs, 2021: 238lbs. Goal: get back to 2020lbs.

Still meeting with the plastic surgeon in August. I called to see if he does tummy tucks and arm lifts in one operation. They said its no unheard of but really not preferred. So we shall see. I really want to get my tummy and arms done before the breasts so I can see what I’m working with before I choose my new cup size. And I’m only gonna do two surgeries, not three.

Mr C and I talked heavily about this yesterday. My stomach and my arms are what bother me the most too. So ideally, I want them done together. He asked if that was really a deal breaker for me and if I could only do one, what would I do. Well, we talked about it and I thought hard about it. So arms. If he won’t do tummy AND arms, I’ll start with arms. Then I can come back with the “mommy makeover” of stomach and breasts.

I decided arms because I’ll be getting this done after summer. So they’ll have all winter and spring to heal up before I start getting in the sun heavily again (sun = bad for scar healing). Plus I REALLY wanna get my tattoo. So I need those babies to heal up so I can get a sleeve for my 40th birthday!

I dont want to combine breasts with arms even if it is an option. I read that that can compromise a lot of the blood flow around your arm pits. So yeah. Also stomach and arms have longer healing times that a breast augmentation, so it’d be good to pair them together. Like I said, we’ll see.