Mr C fears confrontation. I’m not sure if he fears it, or it’s just too awkward from him — but he doesn’t confront. He has me to confront. I do not fear confrontation. I enjoy it. I take pride in it as a skill. Therefore, whenever Mr C wants to know whats going on, or pwn someone who’s trying to rip us off, he just calls on me. Cause, fuck it, I’m in.
So Friday, Mr C calls out (we’re working from home) that someone’s taking pictures of our house. “What do you mean taking pictures of our house?”
“They’ve parked in the driveway and are walking around taking pictures of our house.”
“You want me to see why?”
“I thought you’d be interested.”
“Do I have time to change out of my PJ pants?”
I’m very possessive of our property. I don’t know if it’s because I like having property or what. I just don’t like people on my property without my permission. Maybe I just like that it’s mine. Maybe I’m the old man yelling “get off my lawn!” Maybe you look shady as fuck even if you weren’t taking photos of my house.
It was gutter people. They were making an estimate on cleaning our gutters. They cool. I got their card. (Gutter Pro sent them — but Gutter Pro works like a pimp pimpin out gutter cleaning whores. I’m serious. You just sign up and say “I’ll clean gutters” and they start sending you addresses. It’s terrible. Mostly they send people ill equipped to do a large two story and we get turned down — if they show at all. I never said they were good pimps.) So Mr owner of “Chainz” (I told you these people looked sketch as all hell) was taking photos to justify a higher price for the job.
The roof was too slick for them to finish today but I asked Mr Chainz’s handyman if he could fix our coat closet doors too. Cause dude, I need a handyman. He’s gonna give me an estimate when he comes back for the gutters.
Anyway, I hate that if there’s ever a bump in the night, I’m gonna be the one investigating. I always wanted to date the protective type. The guys who were at least as big as me. I’ve got 100lbs on Mr C. Dammit cute nerds.
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