Things I Bought Today

1) Solar light inflatable flamingos for the pool. I saw my sisters in a video and they were adorable how they bob around in a little flock with the wind. They’re also big enough to not go in the skimmers. So I was like “I want those!” When I looked them up I saw they were actually also SOLAR LIGHTS. Fuck me, I bought them right then. Hell yeah. Got a set of 4. My sister has, like, 10 but we aint rich over here.

2) A cat harness. Does Jack have a cat harness? Yes. Yes, he does. However, his cat harness has some issues. First, it’s a bit tight in the neck. It’s a bit tight in general, really. He wasn’t with me when I bought it. Second, it’s a pain in the ass to put on. Thankfully Jack is a good boy, but every time you put it on him, you have to weave the chest buckle through the loop in the harness. And it has to go over his head. Yeah cats love having shit shoved over their heads. Third, it’s one of those multi-pet harnesses. So a dog harness, really. This one I ordered is just for cats. It’s also been advertised to me like 3 times and I’m a sucker. But, to be honest, I really do like the way it has a big neck hole and that there’s no straps around the cat — just fabric. And its a step in, not over the head. Plus, while it does buckle, it velcros before you buckle it. I mean it does look like a damn good cat harness. Jacks harness is shitty. So… I bought. He got the blue lined in orange.

3) I did NOT buy more Pair Frame toppers for my glasses. A while back I ordered some “blanks” that were 3D printed on Etsy. I got 5 for like $20. I bought them to try to salvage the “fuck” tops by gluing them to plastic so they wouldn’t be floppy. This failed. I did, however, paint two pair! First, I popped on one of the just white blanks. And I actually loved the way the white frames popped. But they were matte finish and if you looked close you could see they weren’t smooth. So I got some white nail polish and now they’re so shiny! While shopping for nail polish I went for something more fun too — one of those ones that changes color depending on the angle you look at it. I went with green because green is my favorite color. Check it. With all 5 blanks and both nail polishes, these were actually cheaper than buying Pair brand toppers:

Rhaegal: the Dragon of Majesty and Scams

I got a good one for you today, folks. I got SCAMMED. I got scammed hard and hilariously. Meet Rhaegal:

I ordered Rhaegal from the scam website freshyness.com (*Clicky* but NOTE IT’S A SCAM SITE). He was to be K’s house warming present. A regal dragon to stand in front of her new house and be decorated for various holidays. An epic creature of grace and fun.

Instead I received Rhaegal: the Inflatable Dragon of Majesty and Scams.

I saw that Rhaegal was being delivered today on USPS’s delivery dashboard. I was so excited that I showed him off to people at work. I was going to hide him in the storage closet and have K fetch a pool float from the closet when she comes over Sunday. I was so excited! Then I got home and had this awesome pool float in my mailbox. I thought someone sent me a fucking sweet pool float as an anonymous surprise! It’s not unheard of, I send my friends little gifts and sometimes they send me little gifts. And I mean, look at it — that has me written all over it. But when I contacted everyone who might have sent it, they all denied it. That’s when it slowly began to dawn on me… this is Rheagal…

Jokes on those bitches because I love it! I would totally have bought this for the pool at a reasonable price.

Thank god for credit cards. I already contested the purchase and will have my money back in 15 days or less. FREE POOL DRAGON, bitches!

To be clear though, the website freshyness.com is a complete scam. It’s a chinese company that sells expensive awesome shit and sends you cheap, but still kinda awesome shit. Don’t buy anything from them. And always use a condom. I mean Visa card.