Review: Chewy.com is the G.O.A.T.

If you want to skip the backstory and skip straight to why Chewy is AMAZING — click here.

I love Chewy

Do you use Chewy? I don’t use it for everything and never thought I’d use it until Jack got sick. I just figured it was for the really eccentric pet people but it’s actually affordable. And they do free shipping over $50. I started using it when the Vet told me that Jack’s IV supplies would be far cheaper on Chewy.com than anywhere else. Yes, Chewy does pet prescriptions too (they can call your vet or you can upload the prescription).

SIDE NOTE: GoodRx works on pet medication as well.

When Jack was sick (kidney failure), I got all of his IV supplies and prescription food through Chewy. They’re pretty awesome. They sent him birthday cards. They run great sales. They donate to charity (right now, if you write to Chewy Claus, they might fulfill your wish and every letter received is 1lb of food and supplies donated to Greater Good Charities – up to 600,000lbs). So that’s how I came to shopping on Chewy.

Step in: Louie. When I adopted Louie, his bowels were FIERCE. It was like someone had chemical bombed our entire house — not exaggerating. Not just his poop — but he was just constant gas. Like just a little gas bomb and if he pooped you better hold your breath and run to clean it up ASAP. His abdomen was swollen. His poop was just bloody diarrhea. So I quested to get his stomach right (with the vets help and lots of prebiotics — which every new pet owner wants to shove down new pets throat). The vet wouldn’t make any food recommendations but I scoured the internet and tried to get as limited ingredient as possible. So he ended up with Open Farm Raw Mix Kibble and some Natural Wonders Limited Ingredient wet food for dinner. And we got him straight. WIN.

THEN, Natural Wonders stopped making that food. Not raised the price — they stopped making it! So I took to the internet. Lots of pet owners were angry and they all had the same problem — their spoiled pet won’t eat anything else! Did you know a cat can starve itself to death? Yeah, they’re that bitchy. Thankfully, Reddit to the rescue. Someone had found that their cat would now eat Weruva Mideast Feast. It’s not as limited ingredient — but still really good and it’s the damn whole chunks of real fish Louie wants (dude, skin on sometimes even — ew). So they don’t sale his kibble, but I went right back to chewy for this fancy wet food.

Now you’re all caught up.

So I ordered two cases of wet food for Louie. Chewy runs great coupons every once-in-a-while to get a $30 gift card if you spend $100. So when this happens, I buy up two cases of food. Rinse and repeat. That’s right, over $100 worth of cat food. Fourty-eight individual 5.5oz metal cans.

A day or two later I get an email “Hi BIL! your Chewy order has shipped!” — WAIT, BIL? I open the email. Holy fuck me, I sent it to my BIL. He’s in my addresses because last year I sent him a hilarious dog costume for his dog. He doesn’t even HAVE A CAT. He’s also 12 hours away. Do you know how much two cases of cat food weighs? I bet you do because you can do the math — it’s a lot. Do you know how much shipping costs? It’s insane!

Side story on shipping costs — feel free to skip. So I mailed my BIL the adorable pawprint ornament we made last year that I finally painted. See this post. Also this post. And here’s a picture:

So I packed it in a bubble mailer and took it to the UPS Store. They wanted $14 to ship it. It weighs 3oz. It’s in a #1 size mailer — AKA, like the smallest one. You want how much? Now I know it’s the holiday season and they’re pissy and people are mean to them, but this guy was an ass. He said that’s pretty standard for shipping. I said, its tiny, weightless, and last time I shipped him something bigger it was $6. So he goes on a spill about how that’s a good cost. So I ask how much for USPS. He says $19. Are you fucking kidding me? So another worker hears and asks where it’s going. MICHIGAN, not Europe! He says that if it’s not giving him a choice to ship ground, it’s not a choice. So I just politely tell them “sorry I wasted your time” and take my shit back. I go to the USPS office to see if this $19 is the cheapest they can do shit it true. It’s not. It’s was $6 and change. Fuck you motherfuckers! Trying to rip people off cause it’s the holiday rush. (NOTE THIS: All of you who think that USPS is not vital public infrastructure and should be privatized). So what I saying, shipping even a tiny thing is expensive as fuck.

//End Side Story

So I’ve mailed my BIL over a hundred dollars worth of very expensive and heavy cat food. Well, just having him ship it to me isn’t an option because that would be at an insane cost. So I call Chewy immediately. Get a human right away, BTW. No stupid pressing 1 for whatever and 2 for whatever nope. It rang, I got a spill about this call may be recorded and then a very nice woman answered. I explain how stupid I am. She says, it just shipped, maybe it can be rerouted. So she enters a reroute into the system for FedEx and says to call back if that doesn’t work.

Well, fuck me because somehow Michigan gets next day shipping from Chewy. Must be awesome for yall. So I call them back. Same easy call — another lovely lady picks up. I explain my stupidity again. No problem, she says, we’ll ship out a replacement. Awesome! Can you send me a label for my BIL to return the first? Oh no, just donate it to a shelter or a vet.

What WHAT? You don’t want a hundred dollars worth of cat food back? ‘Cause Amazon just made me promise that I’d ship back my AA batteries if they end up arriving after the post office lost them or I’d be charged for both deliveries and that was $14 of generic batteries that won’t arrive for over a week even though I pay for free 2-day shipping.

It’s true. Look at that — they sent out two more cases for free that got here the very next day. Look!

What the fucking fuck? Chewy is just going to let us donate all that? When it was 100% my mistake and my fault for messing up the order? Like they did nothing wrong, but just give away a hundred dollars worth of product?

Holy fucking shit, there is a good corporation!? They donate to charity (even in THIS way — we can just give this food to whoever we want — BIL doesn’t have a cat). Helpful cheerful humans answer the phone immediately. They send out hand written and signed cards to your pets. Like, seriously, they have to employ multiple people to just write cards. I got a sympathy letter when Jack died. And did you know, they pick random pets and have their portraits painted to surprise people with? Yeah, so make sure you upload a photo of your pet to your profile. I’ve seen them, they’re adorable.

This company, Chewy.com, has become huge — and they still seem like you’re dealing with the sweetest old mom and pop store to ever exist.

I’m blown away.

I was going to keep using Chewy anyway, but good lord almighty, I’m preaching Chewy now! USE CHEWY! Use the code CHEER right now to get a $30 gift card if you spend $100 — plus free shipping over $50.

Look how happy Louie is with his wet food!

Thank you, Chewy, for being fucking amazing. I can’t believe good people still exist.

The Lounge Is Open 24 Hours

… On a dark wooden hallway, cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of catnip rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance, I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim, I had to stop for the night…

I’m not weird. You’re weird.

Childless cat ladies creeping around…

Cat Vibes

Apparently, today is International Cat Day. According to Wikipedia: “International Cat Day is a celebration which takes place on 8 August of every year. It was created in 2002 by the International Fund for Animal Welfare. It is a day to raise awareness for cats and learn about ways to help and protect them.”

Apparently, according to the Googles, National Cat Day is either October 29th or February 22nd. But Japan kicks our ass by celebrating on February 22, as the date resembles the words “nyan nyan nyan”(meow meow meow). And they’ve done it since 1979.

So, I am determined to get a post up today to celebrate this catfishing silky bastard, Louie:

That photo is actually from this morning before I knew it was International Cat Day! Look at Louie. That’s his first outside bug catch. We are working on harness training. So the last few days, I’ve taken him out back on the harness while I tend the pumpkins. I have to make sure the female flowers get pollinated with the proper males everyday. It’s also way too fucking hot so this has to be done first thing in the morning.

One afternoon we had Louie out and it was either too hot or he just didn’t want to be in his harness and he walked his ass all the way up the stairs to the door to go inside. This morning he had no desire to come in. So I’ve taught him the word and motion “up up” for when I’m going to pick him up. The motion I guess is because Jack was deaf for three years so we used motions to communicate. So I said “up up” and did the motion and Louie got up and backed away! HA. He was having far to much fun with his new bug friend. I was sweating like a fountain from moving vines around, but I sat and watched him and took some photos. But he couldn’t stay outside forever. I gotta go wiggle my work mouse, you know.

So for today’s cat post, we have DECOR! I’ve been making over the hallway. Basically we had to redo the floors. When they were installed and I saw the hall so clean and uncluttered — ugh, I dreaded moving our shit back in. So I finally pulled the trigger to buy cabinets and make that shit look better. Anyway, Louie has the same food setup that Jack had. One of the shelves had the bottom shelf removed and that was his food and water spot. Well, I really like this setup, so I kept it. It’s just white now and the shelf above with all his food stuff has doors to hide that. But yall, I can’t just make it that simple.

I ordered the cat food mat to use as a decoration. I hung it when I was assembling the cabinets/shelves, and I was like… we gotta run with this. It’s not a feeding station — it’s a Lounge now. K and I went thrifting for tiny picture frames. I decided the mat had an art deco vibe so I asked K what I should do and she sent the gorgeous art deco poster you see on the left. And I was feeling it. So I decided Monday was gonna be a mental health day and I’d spend my Sunday photoshopping for the cat. And that’s what I did.

I put a cat head on the gorgeous lady poster. I found a Jazz album cover and modified it a bit. Then, I slapped a cat head on that guy too and sampled the colors from the lady poster so they would match. Then I did a menu. Did I spend way way way too long on that menu? Yeah. Longer than either of the others. Maybe even longer than both combined. I needed it to be art deco, OK? And fonts are hard. Also, I wanted to be clever so I had to make his food sound fancy. Yes, that is actually what he eats. “Nuevo Nuggets” are actually Open Farm RawMix — it’s available breakfast and dinner. “Cat Cann De” is some over priced canned food and available for dinner only.

Look at these vibes though! I’m so happy with how it turned out. Oh and in that photo, that’s real catnip hung in the back. I bought him a catnip plant to encourage him outside but he gives no fucks. It’s also out of season so the plant was lanky as fuck and desperately needed a trim.

I’m also updating the litter closet. Since I was replacing the shelves, I had extra shelves. So I thought — hey, I should put one in the litter closet and actually make some use of that space. That way I can get the extra cat food out of the hall shelves and all the extra cat litter off the garage stairs.

So… I needed this cat bathroom sign from Etsy. Like NEEDED it. Holt shit, it makes me so fucking happy. It’s by Shadowfire3D on Etsy. It’s perfect. The shipping was super fast and they made me a custom name keychain as a surprise present. Go buy one.

And here’s the before and after of the inside:

Look at that storage functionality! It was a brown shelf and I painted it white to look cleaner. Cause litterboxes are dirty. I wanted it on the back wall, but the new litterbox wouldn’t fit sideways inside it. His new litterbox is bigger than his old one. Yes, he got a new litterbox because I’m insane. I got on this damn cat “cat enrichment” forum and read how EVIL lidded cat boxes are. Are they evil? No. Have any of my cats, Jack, Tabitha, or Louie had a problem with them? No. Did I feel like I had to get an open one? Yes. I mean it’s in a closet with a bathroom exhaust fan so the lid is kinda redundant anyway. That’s what I’m telling myself.

Listen, yall don’t know how judgy these insane pet people are. I posted that picture of Louie’s new lounge and someone commented about how bad it was to have a cat’s water near their food. Apparently, in nature, food near a water source would mean that water could be tainted. And that’s where I drew the god damn line. Are you fucking kidding me? Do you see how insanely over board my cat lady ass has gone? Do you see that running water fountain he has in his own fucking cat lounge? He’s got his own god damn bathroom. He’s got beds all over my house in every window he likes to sit in. And we don’t even close the blinds in two windows because he likes to sit there. SO BACK OFF. At some point, the cat has ENOUGH. This cat lives better than like 99.99999% of cats and a hell of a lot of people too. Way better. He drew the cat life lottery when he catfished me. He was like, that bitch looks like my kind of insane. Is that a cat tattoo I see? Oh she be the crazy cat lady. Let me go get on that. Oh, I also break the CARDINAL sin of cat ownership — I only have one litterbox.

Anyway…

That flower pot is the bag-of-cat-poop holder. I mean, I needed a cat poop holder and I had that pot. It makes sense.

And I printed off some cute cat pictures! I wanted to find a lot of crazy cheesy cat lady shit at the thrift store but came up empty. That “All Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work” one cracks me up! Oh and what is that blank canvas? Oh it’s gonna be one of those fun portraits of like royalty they do of your pets. But I haven’t figured out what I want Louie to be. Then I gotta photoshop him in it. I’m just going to get that printed at Staples or online and modpodge it to the canvas.

I gotta say, the litter closet makeover pleases me greatly. It’s a icky chore that I do every night. So having a fun bathroom door sign and funny art in there makes it so much nicer! Now if I can ever figure out how to wire up the fan to a motion sensor by the door…

So there you go. Happy International Cat Day, Louie. I love you. Not like Jack — but like, I’m so glad to have you. It’d be awesome if you choose to snuggle more at some point. I’m here if you want to snuggle. Like right here.