Listen. I’m just shitting around trying to delay going to bed. So I decide to look at my checking account. I just wrote a big check for the pool opening and of course paid C for cleaning — I just check sometimes, OK? And they changed their UI. Now it shows pending charges as RED. So when the page pops up my eye goes straight to THIS:
WTF? I’M NEGATIVE MONEY? NEGATIVE MONEY? The overdraft fees gonna be more than that! I have great credit — I can’t remember the last time I overdrafted. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? I’m going to die.
But no, they just changed the colors around. I’m fine. That’s just a pending withdrawal. There is money to cover it. WTF, Wells Fargo? I almost DIED. I used to be poor, Wells Fargo! You’re giving me poverty flashbacks over here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
In other news, Louie found a frog in the house. And he wanted to eat it. I saw him stalking something with the intense butt wiggle. I had to check to see what it was. Demon? Wood Roach? What are you doing? It looked like trash from my spot in the kitchen until IT JUMPED. It was a frog. It came in in my watering can. And now it’s hopping on all the chair legs under the table as I try to catch it while Louie ties to eat it.
Husband came to the rescue. Thank you, husband.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Also, I’m FREAKING OUT about the poison ivy in the pool rocks. I can’t handle it. I sprayed it with the $100 round up on Sunday and it’s not dead. NOTHING IS DEAD. How am I gonna get rid of it? I can’t weed eat poison ivy, I’ll be covered in it! As will the rocks and it’ll get on me every time I’m out there barefoot which I am BECAUSE IT’S A POOL. I can’t handle this. I don’t even want to get out my pool stuff. Cause there’s poison ivy! And I thought about a flame thrower but that will disperse the oils too — I looked it up. I can’t pull it, I can’t cut it, I can’t flame thrower it — WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? This is not OK. I am not OK.
I just wanna put out my Christmas present hammock!
God, I have to go to bed. It’s only Wednesday. I’m not gonna make it.
So today, I read a post my my bestie M on Facebook that got me off my ass. He posted about suffering from ADHD. Particularly “Executive Dysfunction.” Which, I know nothing about. So I can only say what he conveyed about it. He said he would go for days without eating actual food because he couldn’t make his body go to the grocery store no matter how much his brain told it to. He said, and I quote: “it presents externally to the outside world as laziness, it’s actually a WAR between mind and body to get done what you know needs to get done.”
Wait, do I have ADHD? Yall. Listen to WHEN I read this. So I posted the other day about having a legitimate panic attack. I did. I’ve had a few. Because I’m insanely stressed. You know what I’ve been most stressed about? Needing to clean up the backyard around the pool. Hear me out.
So it’s surrounded by rocks. Every year I have to rake out all the branches and leaves and bullshit that piles up in there and not rake out all the rocks. I need to pull weeds. I gotta spray poisons. It’s a huge effort. And the weeds will just come back over and over and over and over again. All fucking summer. It’s a nightmare and I HATE IT. Those pool rocks were the WORST decision we made with this house. Seriously the number one worst decision. I cannot emphasize that enough. The rocks are my #1 regret about this house. Need more closets downstairs? No, IT’S THE ROCKS. No lighting in the backyard for night swimming? Did you hear me say ROCKS? It’s the motherfucking rocks.
If the rocks weren’t there, the yard guy could just mow those weeds along with all the other weeds. Easy peasy! And this years there’s kind a bigger onus on it. I got the hammock and stand I wanted for Christmas — awesome. So like, I need to clean up and put it somewhere. Maybe buy some paving stones to get to it (BECAUSE ROCKS). So like I need to do this thing. And I’ve needed to do it for a month and I can’t make myself do it. Not because I’m having fun. No, I’m not having fun. I’m napping on my couch because fuck, I’ve got so much that needs to get done and I’m STRESSING OUT.
So today, I wake up and grab my phone. Good weather today and tomorrow. Oh no. The forecast of rain was the reason I couldn’t spray the poison. So that means today would be a great day to do the thing. So I stayed in bed for almost 3 hours. Just going “no.” Because if I don’t get out of bed I don’t have to make decisions. HA! Logic. And then I read M’s post about the grocery store. And I realized I have caused myself actual physical pain over not getting this done. Fuck it, I’m doing it.
I didn’t even eat breakfast. I got dressed in my overalls. I ate half a chocolate bar and grabbed some poweraids and went outside. Note, I actually went back inside to put sunscreen over my tattoo — important for later.
So MK was actually opening my pool when I got up! Awesome! So this was a bit late to be getting this done. However, it meant I had he and his daughter for conversation as I did it which was super nice. So I pulled the weeds I could get roots on and sprayed the rest. I did not rake up the leaves and stuff, but just doing SOMETHING was massive. So I’m super happy I got that done. Also, note that I took a LOT longer than I expected. Like a few hours. And I only sunscreened the tattoo. So…. there’s a tan line around the tattoo now…
Not sure if that’s a great advertisement for the sunscreen or not. Maybe? I’d still only give it 3 stars out of 5. It’s mineral sunscreen stick so the zinc very much whites out the area — even though it says “sheer.” It was also very thick. So great for a day on the lake. However, I was hoping it would be a good everyday protection this summer. I’m not whiting out my tattoo everyday. So if anyone has good sunscreen suggestions, send them my way. Highest SPF available if possible. I’ll be swimming in long sleeve rashguards but I need something for general daily wear. This ones great for sweaty activities like yard work. Or I guess swimming, if I was gonna risk that.
Anyway, so I treated the weeds! Finally! But tragic news. This year there’s poison ivy in the rocks. Yall, I’m SEVERELY allergic to poison ivy. I didn’t notice it until I was spraying. Which means I was probably all up in it when weeding by hand. UGH. So after I finished up everything, I dumped everything (even the hat) in a hot wash and hopped in the shower. I recruited Husband to scrub my back for me with the instruction to scrub like you’re trying to peel off a layer of skin. I washed thoroughly like 3 times. My skin was squeaking. So I’m praying I don’t get a rash. Dear god PLEASE no rash and hives. PLEASE.
Husband is letting me get a quote to do a ground level patio/deck and removing the rocks. I have literally no idea the ballpark that would even cost. So our builder is coming over and I’m gonna get him to do a quote for the lower patio (concrete, wood, composite? Don’t care) and then a quote for getting this god forsaken evil rocks out of my life. Hopefully, I’ll meet with him tomorrow. I say hopefully because he was supposed to meet with me Friday and then today and neither happened. PLEASE TAKE THE ROCKS AWAY.
Listen, I need to vent. I know we’ve only had Louie for like 5 or 6 weeks. He’s also young, so he’ll change a lot. But… I’m feeling a little catfished.
Remember that snuggly stoner cat in the cat lounge? The cat that just wanted to be held and fall asleep on you? Like if your lap was open it was going to be sat in? This is not that cat. And when I first brought him home and he wanted to be in my face as much as possible? Gone.
I kinda feel like this cat tricked me.
Don’t get me wrong, he’s still a really cool cat. I’m not gonna trade him in for a better model… you know, like one who WANTS TO CUDDLE. Ehem.
Husband refers to him as a “proximity cat.” He enjoys being in the same room as you. Right now he’s sleeping on the couch near me. Proximity. But he no longer wishes to sleep on me or in my arms. Like at all. He either doesn’t sleep in our bedroom or sleeps under the bed. I’m not sure. When I go to bed, I don’t see him again until morning after I wash up. He does not wish me goodnight. (Which BTW, was my most cherished memories with Jack). When I go to bed, he does not come. For a while, when I get up in the middle of the night to pee, he’d come out and let me snuggle him for a bit before leaving. However, the past few nights, I’ve called for him and got nothing. I actually thought Husband might have shut him in the office. But after brushing my teeth and coming out of the bathroom, there he is ready for attention.
The cat likes me. Don’t get me wrong. But he’s certainly a far far far cry from the velcro cat I requested. This isn’t even like cheap velcro. This is like that cheap double sided tape they use in china to stick cheap seasonal decoration bits together that have already separated by the time you get them.
And on top of everything, he likes Husband better than me.
Yeah. I got catfished. Maybe this is why he wasn’t recommenced to me initially. He wasn’t what I wanted. He didn’t “choose” me, he fucking catfished me.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I just need to vent. I’m upset that he’s not a snuggler. He’s not even sleeping on Husband’s side of the bed anymore. I miss Jack so much. I needed a snuggle buddy. He’ll change. And it’s good that he’s so comfortable to just lounge around where he pleases and not cling to me out of fear.
I don’t think another cat is the answer. If Louie was all over us trying to get attention, I’d say he needs a friend. But Louie is totally cool with just doing his own thing. He loves looking out the windows. And he plays with his toys a lot — just by himself. I got him a motion activated chick. He attacks it and it starts chirping and waving it’s wings and then he just leaves it until hes ready to sneak attack it again.
I like having a cat. I LOVE that he greets me at the door. He does do that. He’s very excited when I wake up (after I’ve cleaned up) and when I get home. It’s just… I feel like he tricked me with all the snuggles and love bombing.
Usually, I write off my brachioplasty (arm lift) results. There’s multiple reasons. I didn’t get liposuction (would have if I knew to ask!) so I still have really big arms. I also still have that obnoxious fat overhang on my elbow. So I’m usually frustrated with it. Like I went through ALL THAT and still have huge arms. Really? This shit was so expensive too!
Also, when you compare my other surgeries, those are just far more impressive. I had a stomach pouch for years even after I lost weight so tummy tuck — huge. And boobs — they make every single outfit look better. Combine those two, and there’s so much oomph! This is the only time in my whole life where my breasts have stuck out further than my stomach. Seriously. I’m pretty sure I was fat before I grew breasts, so yeah. I mean the abdomen is just a complete overhaul. The difference is amazing. So yeah, I’m usually not too jazzed about the arms in comparison. Also huge scars. I’m not terribly bothered by the scars but I am disappointed that they looked like they would be so perfect and neat right after surgery but have since expanded.
HOWEVER (yes, in all caps), if you look at old photos, the arms do look hella better. They’re not all floppy either. There was a good bit of skin removed there. Before this, I’d never have worn a tank top to work. I’d CERTAINLY never have considered a tattoo sleeve. Fat flabby arms can’t have tattoo sleeves. Now that I have tighter arms and working on a fucking fabulous tattoo sleeve, I’m all about some tank tops.
Whenever an ad for a sale at Lane Bryant or Torrid pops up, I’m like “do they have any work-appropriate tanks tops?” I have a smallish collection of work tank tops hanging in my closet now. They’re my favorite to wear. I gotta show of my sweet tat.
I know it’s a work in progress. I can’t wait till we do the shoulder! But it’s nice and substantial and damn cool already. Hopefully, it greatly detracts from my balding head and acne/hairy/PCOS chin. No seriously, I’m having big issues about feeling ugly so let’s all look at the boobs and tattoo. Oooooooo.
I’m so so so glad it has my Jack in it. I miss him so much. I rub between his eyes and tell him I miss him. (He liked having me scratch right between his eyes sometimes). So I do frequently look at it and touch his little face. And people love it.
Almost everywhere I go, someone comments on it. Seriously. Just about everywhere. “Love your tattoo!” “Gorgeous tattoo!” “Who did your tattoo?” “Is that a cat!?” “Where’d you get it done?” “That work is amazing.” “Holy shit! I love it!” It’s a hype piece. A conversation starter for sure. I love it! Nearly everywhere I go, it’s mentioned.
(And yeah, hopefully it’s drawing attention away from my face. Look at my cleavage or something.)
I need to post here more. I need to set up and email account that will auto post for me. I have things to say, just not easy to get them here. And when I get off work, I just want to zone the fuck out.
Tonight, I checked on the GoFundMe for Aric and Samantha “Sam” Hutchinson. A little over a week ago, they were in an accident right after their wedding. They were on a golf cart driving away from the wedding when a drunk driver hit them. She died at the scene in her wedding dress. To be honest, i was checking to see if he died too. Last I checked, he was in critical condition. Looks like he is home recovering. Abso-fucking-lutly tragic. If I were him, I’d never have wanted to survive.
Death has been on my mind. Obviously reading something like that just kills you. But I had a better death-related happenstance last week. I’ve always been bothered by Robin William’s suicide. Not just a little, severely bothered. I’ve been suicidal. I had an excellent plan. Thankfully, I decided to give psychiatric medication a shot before I called it. But I was there. As they say in the Princess Bride “at worst I’ll kill you in the morning.”
So like I know that darkness depth of loneliness. I’ve always been so troubled that Robin freaking Williams killed himself. Like that happy man who everyone loved — if he couldn’t make it, what chance have we? He could have called ANYONE and we’d have been there for him. So it’s just always weighed heavy on my heart.
By happenstance, I came across this article by his wife (link). He was dying. He had Lewy body disease, not that he knew the name of it at the time. It had taken away his mental health. It had taken away his genius. His activeness. It had taken everything from him. He knew he was dying and quickly at that. He had a lucid Saturday with his wife and they had a wonderful day. She thought he might be getting better and then he killed himself on Monday. Tragic, of course. But he went out on his own terms. The state he was in was tragic.
But finding out that he wasn’t alone. He had his wife with him until the very end. And that it wasn’t a pit of loneliness. He was just speeding up the dying process. He was diagnosed by his brain. One of the worst cases of the disease ever seen. Half his dopamine receptors were completely gone. His entire brain was infected. He knew it was time.
And that lifted a heaviness I had. I know thats weird. But it did. I always mourned how he must have felt to do that. But knowing it wasn’t like that — it brightens my heart. He knew how loved he was. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t depression that took him. And he wasn’t alone.
RIP, Robin Williams. You are missed by many.
Also, K2’s mom was talking about how her mom had morbidly completely planned out her funeral to a tee 20 years before she died. So I’m about to post about that. I have a funeral plan. I think. Gotta run it by the husband. How much are life sized weeping angel statues?
I just purchased this backpack for my new cat. I had two carriers from my previous cats. However, those carriers were obscenely expensive and had a ton of features I didn’t need. Like wheels. This made them heavy and awkward as hell. So I decided to retire them and find something new.
I settled on a backpack because I loved the idea of letting my cat peak his head out of the top. So I looked at a lot of backpacks. I had a few requirements:
* Lots of mesh for breathing. (No plastic. Sure that bubble is see-thru and maybe even cute until it gets filthy with nose prints.)
* I wanted pockets for keeping important things like rabies tags.
* I also decided I wanted the bottom to be solid all the way around. This way my cat could lay down and have privacy if they were scared.
I took looks into account as well and picked this one. It came just in time for me to pick up my new little guy! I’ve had it for almost a month now and it’s already been through the ringer! He’s been to the vet. I took him to the grocery store (because why not). We also took him for a walk outside and he pooped in it. So it’s also been washed! So I feel like I can really review this bag now.
PROS:
Tons of mesh for airflow.
The bottom is solid on all sides so my cat can lay down for privacy.
Pockets! I didn’t even expect to use the two side mesh pockets. However, as you can see in my pictures – my wallet ended up in one and his medication from the vet ended up in the other.
Three entryways. Both sides of this open up wide and the top opens. I find it easiest to stick him in the side.
Washable! Did I mention he pooped in it? Well, I washed it and we’re fine! I was afraid the bottom liner would shrink. It’s just zippered over a piece of cardboard-ish material (see photo). I popped it in the hot wash and air dried it and it fit back perfectly. No shrinkage.
My cat can sit up. I had never considered that my cat might want to sit up instead of being forced to hunch down as in a traditional carrier. But he really likes to sit up. He’s laid down in it once. But he vastly prefers to sit up. The top opening lets him look out perfectly.
The fact that it’s taller than a normal carrier means I can buckle it in! See my photo to see my cat buckled up and sitting pretty ready to go for a ride in the car.
Soft carrier. This is a must for me because I had a cat that would throw herself against the side of her carrier in a panic. So I always go for a soft carrier for cat safety.
The smaller footprint makes carrying this around less awkward.
It’s a backpack, so you can wear it hands free.
I love the way the top opening rolls up and velcros in place. I leave this sitting around with the top open in case my cat wants to hop in it in to sleep.
The top handle is nice and secure – thick and comfortable to hold. I like it for carrying. It’s not just for looks.
It’s a good looking bag. I got the grey and don’t mind it sitting out in my house. It’s not ugly.
It folds up for storage.
CONS:
Not super high quality. You get what you pay for and this is insanely inexpensive. That means your gonna sacrifice a bit on quality. In this case the bottom is only cardboard and the zippers are not exceptional.
Yeah, that harness clip is worthless. I had hopes of buckling in my cat so I could open the top for him to poke his head out. Not gonna happen. The harness clip is on a long tether and attached to the top of the shoulder straps. Meaning your cat can easily and comfortably get out and sit beside this thing. I’m actually contemplating cutting if off and sewing a shorter length to the middle or bottom of the bag.
It’s a bit small. The dimensions are 12″L x 10″W x 15.5″H. So that means the bottom pad is only 12” x 10”. My cat can curl up in there – but he’s only 9.5lbs. I’m afraid he might outgrow this. For the price, that’s fine. However, be warned – no medium or large cats. Only small cats.
I wish it had support around the sides. Some bags have steel support to keep their shape. This does not. So sometimes when wearing it as a backpack, the top can scrunch and take away some of the head room.
In practice, when walking with this as a backpack, there’s a lot of swaying for the pet inside. We found that my large hips swing a bit too much so we switched to my very slender husband for the walk. Even then he was swaying back and forth a good bit.
SUMMARY:
I’m super happy with this purchase. I gave it 4 stars because it is by no means perfect. I probably won’t be using the backpack feature anymore. However, I like the taller bag with a smaller foot print. It’s easier to carry and buckle in the car. Also my cat likes to sit up and see what’s going on. Love all the mesh and various entry ways. Already had to clean up a worst-case-scenario and it’s still as good as new!
100% worth the price. One of my friends already asked him to send him the link so he could purchase one.
Yes, that’s a gratuitous tattoo shot. You’ll survive.
This is the third time I’ve received one of these emails:
Planet Fitness wants to know how likely I am to recommend them to others. Simple, click a number. OK. But then, it’s going to take me to a survey. And that survey will ask me if I have any comments. OF COURSE I have comments. The last two times I replied with meaningful and helpful suggestions. Do you know what happened?
Those motherfuckers CALLED ME. ON. MY. PHONE. What in gods name made them think that I wanted the local Planet Fitness to call me about my feedback? NO. Fix your shit. That’s what I want. I want more barbells and for you to kick stragglers off the 30 minute circuit that are hogging the machines. I don’t want to talk to you. Fuck.
Sorry for lack of posting. I’ve been in a funk. I moved offices at work and I’m supposed to be doing a fuck ton of training before I can take over this other job. A job, I don’t want mind you. And the person leaving that job is leaving in two weeks. So I have two weeks to do a weeks worth of training and then be taught how to do this insanely important job. Oh and this one person who has been doing it is one of those crazy work-aholics that won’t let ANY BALLS drop — she admits just this single part of her job is more than a full time job. She’s been saying it for months and SURPRISE — now she’s leaving. Yall burnt her out.
So I had a frank discussion with my boss boss. I can do this. But if I do this, I can’t do the rest of my job. Not an option. I have to be at least 51% on my own job. Well, then this job isn’t gonna get done. Her response? Other people are gonna have to step up. And that’s all fine and good to say… but no they’re not. They’ve worked here for 15 years and no one knows what they actually do. Like they just get paid. That’s all they do. She says she’ll take care of it. But he hasn’t returned her calls all of last week. Uhuh…
And I’m not even close to be done with this training. UGH. I didn’t sign up for this shit.
Friday, we did a bit more work on the tattoo sleeve. I haven’t been excited for this session for two reasons. One, it was small session to finish up what we didn’t last session before we break for summer. Two, It was gonna hurt. Elbow and inner elbow. Yikes. We had done the pumpkin “shard” in this area last session and it was the most painful bit so far. So it was safe to assume this whole appointment was going to suck. Also, the last one hadn’t went that great. But a tattooin’ I went.
I was right, it hurt. Surprisingly the elbow more than the inner elbow. But jack has a tail now and some bright red leaves. We’re breaking for summer now so I can heal up and use my pool!
Tattoo by Devon Greig of Alchemy Tattoo.
So after last session, it was clear we weren’t on the same page of where this tattoo was going. So I told her that after this session, I wanted to get some sharpies out so we were on the same page when we pick up in October. Well, she wanted to do that FIRST (that’s why you see all the sharpie on my shoulder in that picture). If she used the sharpies after I was tattooed, she’d have to toss them because of contamination. So we played around with markers beforehand.
We had a pretty solid concept of what was going on above Jack, and that is next place we’re going. I also came around to the idea that it doesn’t have to wrap around my arm. I love the sharp relief of the detailed leaves againt my bare skin. Also, it’s pretty damn impactful and distracts from my scars as it is. Plus the detail is so fine that I wondered if it would get muddied and lost with too much. And you’ll also recall, I wasn’t thrilled with adding more “stuff” I didn’t care about just to take up space.
We had discussed a squash vine below — going down my arm with squash blossoms. However, I had a better idea. If we’re doing flowers, why not do flowers I liked? Also K and I discussed doing matching dahlias or poppies. So I thought, yeah I could do fall flowers… like… from MY WEDDING BOUQUET. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not about celebrating my wedding (though I do love my sweetie). It’s about how gorgeous that bouquet was and how it was totally my ascetic. It would look great with this tattoo. So I pulled up some pictures. She was completely onboard! So this appointment was like the opposite of last.
So we decided to pull a flower in the top (it’s still mostly leaves) and some berries so it would be cohesive. We added swirls. More leaves. Bats! We bulked up the design towards the back of my arm. I told her the areas I wanted to cover (apparently this is a surprise to some. I don’t like when sleeves just cut off at the top of your arm. I’m not a barbie doll with a removable arm seam. I like the idea of how robotic arms connect — like the shoulder is part of the whole thing. Or as I’ve said, raglan sleeves. So my vision was always it going up onto my shoulder). So she played around with sharpies for almost an hour.
Not only did this get us on the same page, but she was able to sketch to fit my anatomy and take pictures for when she does the actual templates to apply in Fall. Also, this made me SO EXCITED. I am so sad we can’t fit in another session before summer! Look how AMAZING this is going to look:
Tattoo and sketches by Devon Greig of Alchemy Tattoo.
As you can see, we played around with the front a lot. Turns out I wanted less there than I thought. I am IN LOVE with the back. My swirls! I’m also confident the green frame behind Jack was an excellent choice.
So I am pumped. We scheduled my appointments for October, November, and December to get the top done (I hope?). Then we can schedule some Spring appointments to get working on the lower arm. I’m very thrilled with where this is going.
I’m trying to review a lot of the things I’ve purchased for Louie. Which, of course, is a lot of things. But I can’t review these odor eliminating products. Why? Because I just chunked everything available at the problem so there’s too many variables.
I have charcoal bags. Charcoal and baking soda litter freshener. Gel odor absorbers. A little soapish paw print that I tossed in the litterbox. Bath and Body Works Plug-In and candles. Cause Louie has some kind of digestive issues.
I mentioned his gas problem in a previous post (clicky). So I took him to the vet the day after I got him. They prescribed him prebiotics and they did a lot! His gas is a million times better. Our house had just smelled like cat diarrhea. Now we’re doing good. However, his poop smells beyond foul. Yall, it’s bad. Hence the barrage of odor solutions. It’s been two weeks so it’s not anxiety. So time to switch his food. I researched foods for pet food specific for this problem and was recommended Blue Buffalo: Grain-Free and Natural Balance: Limited Ingredients by Google. I asked the vet what they would recommend but they said they don’t recommend specific foods because different food work for different pets. Kinda sounded like bullshit, but whatever.
So Blue Buffalo is good ingredients, but don’t I need to figure out what he’s having issues with? So I chose Natural Balance: Limited Ingredients. We’re switching now. He hasn’t noticed because he’s a vacuum. I hope this gets rid of the smelly poop. I’ve got the house under control, but once you open that litter closet — DAMN.
Also, as to him being a vacuum. I feel bad. I free fed Jack and Tabitha so they always had food available. I tried that with Louie and he ate more than a days worth in like an hour. So Louie gets fed twice a day but he eats it immediately. So I feel bad for him. But I don’t want him to turn into a basketball either. No conclusion to the paragraph, I just feels bad, ya know?
Mario
Have you seen the new Mario movie? It’s fucking fantastic, if you have not. Well, if you like Mario it’s fantastic. It’s a kids movie so we’re not looking at Oscar material here. However, if you know the Mario games and appreciate them, it’s awesome. I was worried because I don’t like Donkey Kong and he’s obviously a big part of it — but Seth Rogen played him great. It was basically just Seth Rogen in a monkey suit and it was fine. Also, Bowser was Jack Black. And it was HILARIOUS. Jack Black is obsessed with Princess Peach and want to marry her. Jack Black sings about her. It’s perfect. I love Tenacious D, so I’ve had the “Peaches” song in my head for over a week. And that’s impressive considering the lyrics are mostly just “peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches.”
The absolute standout though — Lumalee. In Bowser’s prison, there is a demented Luma. We cut to Bowser’s prison throughout the film — the penguins are there (OMG, I have to have some kind of King Penguin merch). Luigi ends up there. And Lumalee is always there. And all Lumalee wants is the sweet release of death. Yall, demented Luma is so fucked up and amazing. I have no idea how they decided to put that in the movie — but my god, it made it wonderful. Lumalee is constantly dancing and singing and user his magic — but he’s dark as fuck. He calls Luigi “more meat for the grinder” when he arrives. And when he’s about to die in the climax, he lays down in his cage and says “finally.” Of course they’re rescued and all you see is Lumalee laying there saying “boooooooo.”
The move ends and it’s good — we’re all happy. Them Lumalee pops up to say that was a happy ending. Except now there is nothing left but the emptiness and the void. What the actual fuck? I’m sorry to the parents that had kids there who heard me say “what the fuck” every time Lumalee said something. I’d want Lumalee merch, but I feel the only way it would be good is if it had the lines from the film. Like maybe a stuffed Lumalee and when you squeeze it, it just says dark shit. 100% would buy.
