Review: AMMSUN 17″ Beach Umbrella Table Tray: A drink table IN. THE. POOL.

Look at how perfect this is! I have an umbrella anchored in the middle of my pool and now it has a table on it! No bugs crawling on our drinks. No moving the drinks and tables to keep them in the shade — they’re always in the shade now! And it’s huge! It even holds my 32oz insulated thermos!

Five out of five stars. I am thrilled with this product! It even came with a completely unnecessary but high quality carrying bag. Let me tell you, this is PERFECT for the pool. I might buy more for my other pool umbrellas. It’s perfect for having coffee on the tanning ledge. It’s perfect for parking your cold water or wine while you drift on a float. Throw some extra sunscreen on there so you don’t burn. You never have to get out of the pool now! It’s perfect.

I’m even going to amp it up to 11. I got out my dremel to add drainage slots to the snack trays and am spray painting it lime green to match my pool furniture.

I’m so happy with this purchase (Amazon link — clicky clicky)! I was afraid it wouldn’t hold my favorite beverage containers, but everything fits great! It’s wonderful. Did I mention perfect for the pool? All the stars.

A Cat and His Harness.

As you know, my precious cat has kidney disease. I’m losing my beloved little familiar. So now he has a special diet, lots of medicine, and regular vet checkups. However my amazing cat does not like his expensive fancy cat carrier. He never has. He pretty much just screams the whole time he’s in there. If you recall: my cat talks, screams, and wails a lot. It’s his thing. He was named Screamer before I adopted him. Hes got a good set of pipes on him. He has songs he needs to express. The vet is 20 minutes away. Add in the vet time and 20 minutes for the return and both of us are at the end of our perspective ropes. It’s such a stressful experience for both of us! So I decided to try something new.

I decided to go sans carrier. I decided to get him a harness and leash. Sure, I took the carrier with my just in case, but I figured maybe it could at least ease the stress on me.

I did not expect him to take this well. However, since he’s getting older and on all that pain medicine, he’s more chill than ever. So a few hours before the vet, I harnessed the cat. He had to hold his front legs further apart, but he didn’t really act too bothered by it. In fact, he was kinda adorable in it. So adorable that I added a bow tie and took a picture. Oh don’t worry, I didn’t make him wear the bow tie to the vet.

I dare say it went well. It turned the whole thing into more of an adventure than a torture session. He was freakishly alert while driving in the car. He insisted on sitting in my lap and observing everything through the window. He didn’t whine a bit. It was just pure curiosity. It was actually kinda fun driving with my cat. And it didn’t stress him out at all! Score!

Then we got to the vet. Since covid, you can’t wait inside with your pet. You wait in your car and they call you when they’re ready and tell you what room to take your pet to. So there was no passing other animals to worry about. I just carried him in straight to room 3. It was great. The only downside, I think, was for him. He didn’t have a hole to crawl into after the mean lady took his blood. He had to settle for sitting under the bench I was sitting on. Then he eventually progressed to my lap where he proceeded to hide his face in my arm when the mean lady returned. So he didn’t have that protective factor while in the office.

Checking out was simple enough. I just held onto his leash while he sniffed the floor. Then I carried him out to the car. He was much less thrilled on our way home. He was much more subdued and a little pissy about it. BUT — there was no wailing. He just sat in the passenger seat and stewed over what a horrible person I am. He could have sat in his carrier which was in the floor board, but he chose the passenger seat. So success again!

He’s a harness cat now. I will still continue to take his carrier along as a backup, but this leash thing is solid. I was so much less stressed out by the whole ordeal. I think it went great. I’d love to take him out on the leash, but I don’t want him to start begging to go outside all the time. But yeah. I recommend using a leash instead of a cat carrier. It’s great.

Anatomy of our emergency bags.

It’s tornado season! Time to check your supplies. Check the charges in your batteries. Make sure the food in your shelter isn’t expired. I got out our battery packs to charge them this weekend. I usually add something every year for the shelter or our bags. So I thought I’d show you our bags.

I like to be prepared. For anything. I think it’s important. And if you can afford it, do it. We have a stocked tornado shelter. Part of the tornado shelter stock is broken out into our emergency packs that live in our cars. The idea is that you grab your pack on the way to the shelter. This allows the bags to serve multiple purposes:

  • Tornado blew the house down
  • Roadside emergencies
  • Urban catastrophes
  • Stranded in butt-fuck-nowhere emergencies
  • Fuck-I-have-to-fend-for-myself-in-the-woods emergencies (unlikely to happen)

I started with two Yukon Outfitters mid-range emergency kits (Amazon Link). I paid a pretty penny but woot.com had them on special. I’m sure they’ve upgraded their kits by now and you can find a similar pack. One thing I love about this kit is the Alpha Pack. I actually like this backpack so much that I bought it in silver to use as a overnight bag (Amazon Link). First thing you’ll note, the bags are marked. Mine has a ribbon and name tag so I know which is which. That’s because some contents depend on the individual (hello, spare clothes). Over the years, I’ve added various things as I’ve realized they’d be handy.

Let’s get started. The Yukon bags prepared us for the probably-not-gonna-happen case of surviving in the woods. Here’s a handy rundown of the contents (And a few things I added to supplement):

  • Backpack with many pockets (Gotta carry your shit).
  • 5 Liter Foldable Water Container (You need water for survival).
  • I added some water purification tablets to the pack too. Clean water is even better for survival.
  • Stainless Steel Water Bottle (Steel is important. This is so you can throw that puppy in the fire for cooking or boiling water. Take off the plastic top first).
  • Rainfly – it’s basically a tent cover or a big tarp for your hammock, or just keeping your sad ass out of the rain or sun. It’s fancier than a tarp though because it has high visibility lines (so people can find your sad ass), anchors, rope to hang it, and a fancy carrying bag.
  • Mosquito Hammock. My ass isn’t sleeping on the ground. Fuck that. Fuck bugs too.
  • I added Hammock Tree Straps to hang the fucking hammock. Why wasn’t this included in the kit? What are you gonna do with your hammock and no tree straps? Think ahead, people.
  • LED Flashlight/Lantern. Fancy little flashlight. Don’t forget to add batteries and store them separately so they don’t erode!
  • Locking/Folding Knife. Of course you need a sharp pointy thing. This is a simple 7 inch hunting knife.
  • 100 feet of Paracord. I don’t know what this is for… yet… But rope is handy for anything.
  • Emergency Medical Kit. This contains a LOT. It’s got all the basic fancy medical kit coverage plus a SAVE-MY-ASS-OVER-HERE whistle, sewing kit, basic fishing kit, a spork (who doesn’t love a spork?), fire starter tool, poncho, and emergency blanket. All in one bright ass orange kit. Oh and it has a notepad and pencil. I guess so you can write sad poetry.
  • NOTE: I added everything else from here on out: Like matches. Yeah, I have a fire starter, but hey — matches are better.
  • Firesticks because we have time to prepare in advance, lets make this fire starting easy.
  • Food. I have some just-add-water mashed potatoes and beef jerky. The mashed potatoes aren’t keto but I made these before I was keto. Also if I’m dying in the woods, I’m having carbs.
  • A fleece blanket that zips into a sleeping bag. I wanna be comfy. Also this can be used for spontaneous picnics and festivals where you don’t want to sit on the ground! Blanket in the car.
  • Two fire blankets. They can be useful.

So okay. We’re not likely to be stuck in the woods. But what about road side emergencies? Well…

  • HALO BOLT. (Amazon link). Why don’t you own one of these? Everyone should have this thing. It’s just a big battery pack — that can also jump start your car. I’ve used it twice already on other peoples cars. Also, can charge your phone. Even has a freaking A/C plug on it if you just wanna plug in a lamp. If you drive a car, this should be in it. Period. Makes jump starting so easy and a one-person job. No second engine needed. No creepy strangers to help you needed. GET ONE. Check it twice a year to make sure it’s charged.
  • I put a phone charger in with the Halo Bolt because if I’m stuck some where, I want a charged phone. NOTE: Keep up with current technology. We got new phones last year and I had to get new chargers to put with the bolts. Didn’t even realize until I got them out to verify the charge this week.
  • I bought a nice bag for the Halo Bolt because the one it comes with sucks. I bought this one: Amazon Link. Perfect fit.
  • Safety Beacon. This is basically a really big road flare. It’s bright as fuck. Multiple modes and it’s magnetic to slap on the side of your car. Don’t forget to, again, add batteries but store them separate so they don’t erode. (Mr C, your pack doesn’t have this. Sorry, it was a present I got.)
  • NOTE: You already have the flashlight from above.
  • This weekend I added a roll of duct tape. DUH, why didn’t I have that?

Okay. So what about other emergencies? Once I wrecked my car and had no spare clothes for days because I didn’t plan on being there for days. Once all the power in half the state went out – for three days. You think anyone was taking credit cards? Nope.

  • Spare clothes. Underwear, socks, long sleeved tshirt.
  • Cash in small bills. Plus some quarters in case you need air in your tires. (I actually have a mini air pump for tires in my car, but Mr C doesn’t). Pro Tip: When the powers out, restaurants gotta get rid of their shit. The italian place with a wood fire oven was selling anything for $5. But you had to have cash and exact change.
  • Antibacterial hand gel and wipes.
  • A travel toiletry kit. Includes: Shampoo, conditioner, comb, soap, tooth brush, tooth paste, deodorant and floss. I started with this one (Amazon link) and added a razor and face wipes.

Maybe you can start your own emergency packs. What would you include? I add something new every year. This year was new phone chargers, toiletry kits, and duct tape. Next year might be getting a bigger bag! Maybe switch to a slightly larger duffel…

Mom’s Hummingbird Memorial

The hummingbird I had made for mom arrived Friday. I ordered it from Spirit Pieces. They took her ashes and mixed it with glass to make a beautiful hummingbird. In this particular piece, the ashes are swirled in the body of the bird. They look like little air bubbles.

I did balk a bit at the price. However, after seeing it and holding it, it’s worth it. It’s a memorial we’ll have forever. I had originally wanted a flamingo plant stake. They could only do it in baby pink though. Mom loved some flamingo stuff. I have a flamingo garden by the pool. But she liked gaudy flamingos, not pastel flamingos.

Mom was a bird lover. She had tons of bird feeders in her yard. I gave her a big picnic table feeder that could hold the doves. She had three or four out in the trees for robins and cardinals and whatever other local birds wanted a meal. She filled them all every single day. She basically had the yard of a disney princess. Even just talking on the phone with her I could always hear birds in the background. She also fed hummingbirds. Even more so recently as their house became a hot spot for them. She had three HUGE hummingbird feeders that she filled twice a day. They would swarm — sometimes thirty at a time — feasting on her feeders. So a bird is appropriate.

I hung it in the leftmost living room window. The living room faces the sunrise. The left-most window looks out over a field. So when mom was here and I’d get up early, she’d usually have just that one set of blinds open where she had opened them to watch the sunrise with her coffee. It’s a nice tribute. I’m sad. I’m depressed. I’m really depressed. But I’m so thankful to have been blessed to have such a wonderful momma. What a blessing to have someone you miss so much when they’re gone. It means they were just that wonderful when they were here.

Stay At Home Woman’s Television AKA Start TV

I’m catching up on Ghost Whisperer season 5. I used to love this show, but I guess I never finished it out. I think maybe season 5 was a bit more scary than other seasons. Could also be why the ratings fell and it got canceled. In general the show wasn’t too scary but season 5 you meet “the shadows” and shit and it’s a bit much for me, probably. Good thing the new street lights illuminate my yard now.

Anyway, I came across it on a channel called Start TV. I set my DVR for it and so I’ve been watching this season. The commercials, of course, advertise all the other great shit you can watch on Start TV. Crossing Jordan, Rizzoli and Isles, Medium, The Closer, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman (who lets face it, would have been burned as a witch). Dude, this is totally stay-at-home-woman TV. I’m like the target demographic here, I’m just at work all day. So I just looked up this channel (got episode 12 on pause to write this). Here’s the wiki:

“Similar to its male-targeted sister network Heroes & Icons (H&I), Start TV airs legal/police procedurals and various other dramas – but instead – targeting a female audience, featuring shows led by/centered around women. The network features series from the 1980s to the 2010s, and runs a uniform programming schedule with shows airing mainly at the same time seven days a week. Start TV also has a three-hour block of E/I children’s programming on Sunday mornings between 9 a.m. and noon Eastern Time in order to fulfill FCC obligations.”

Holy shit it IS stay-at-home-womens TV! Specifically moms since it has kids shows on Sunday. Like I feel like I should be offended but I’d rather just watch more Start TV.

I looked up the sister channel for men and it has a block of Star Trek (five versions) from 8pm – 1am every night. These people are marketing geniuses.

Good Thing: ThermoPro TP03 Digital Thermometer

As for the “Curiosities” part of this blog, I thought I might feature things I think are nifty. Most of them will be from Amazon. Not because I get money for links (I don’t have that set up), but because I’m lazy as fuck and most things I have come from there. Sorry, not sorry. Kinda sorry. I mean, it is really fucking convenient but they treat their workers like trash.

I review everything I buy. I’m trying to get into their “Vine Voice” program where they give you free shit in exchange for honest reviews. So far I’ve worked my way up from some 4 or 5 millionth reviewer to in the 2,000s. And I’m a top contributer in Camping and Gardening. Not that I’d camp to save my life, ha. Well wait, I would to save my life. In fact I’m a bit of a prepper so that’s how that happened. We have a fully stocked storm shelter and bugout bags. Check me out; like my reviews. Every helpful vote gets me closer to free shit. (Clicky clicky)

ANYWAY, so first lets feature my new cooking thermometer. The ThermoPro TP03. Or, as Amazon calls it: the “ThermoPro TP03 Digital Instant Read Meat Thermometer Kitchen Cooking Food Candy Thermometer with Backlight and Magnet for Oil Deep Fry BBQ Grill Smoker Thermometer.” They like the words.

I always cook meat with a thermometer. I’m a great cook, and I could totally not use one and be fine. But why be fine when you can be certain? If I’m serving shit to other people, I’m not giving them food poisoning. Especially Mr C as he has a sensitive tummy sometimes. So chicken, burgers, whatever it is, I’m checking the temperature. I’ve had two digital thermometers that served me well in the past from a wedding gift and then Publix. But they were both lost to dropping them in oil. Sorry, faithful thermometers. And this time, I couldn’t find a damn digital thermometer anywhere in person. Not Publix, not Target, mom looked at Walmart and said not there either. So in steps Amazon. Cause I don’t go to the store.

Why am I showing you this thermometer? Well because it is fucking fantastic, that’s why. It does all the great things a meat thermometer should:

  • It’s digital
  • Has a bright back light
  • Big-ass readable numbers
  • Magnetic so you can hang it on the fridge or a hook if your more of a hook person.
  • Reads the temperature super fast (way faster than my old ones)
  • It’s cheap
  • Folds up for storage and non-stabbyness

Oh did you not catch the meaning of that last one? I’ll tell you what that means. It means it’s a badass, motherfucking, SWITCHBLADE thermometer. Hell yeah!

Don’t act like anything switchblade is not badass. When you got your first car key that was a switchblade, you loved that shit. Well now your thermometer can be too. Press the button and whip this baby out to check the burgers. “WHAH-CHA” Perfect FDA-approved 160 degrees. Dinner is served.

So for $14 bucks, I highly recommend this thing. As Martha Stewart used to say: “It’s a good thing.”