Category: General Nonsense

Midlife Crisis? Not a thing.

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So as I start the week of my fortieth birthday, I am approaching midlife. Technically, I’m past midlife as, in the US, life expectancy is 77.28 years (by 2020 data, probably took a drastic fall with Covid). So I passed midlife slightly over a year ago. When I had a tummy tuck and new boobs installed and started getting tattoos. Could these be symptoms of a midlife crisis? Nope.

See, the thing is: Midlife just happens to coincide with the time in your life when you can finally afford to do the shit you’ve been wanting to do for two decades. A suburban husband buys a stupidly impractical sports car and we call it a midlife crisis and think he’s acting like he’s twenty. Nope. No, he wanted that car when he was twenty but he couldn’t afford it. He’s just finally getting the chance to live his dream. He slaves away his life at work and he just wants to enjoy his fucking car.

People hitting midlife and getting divorces? Well, that relationship wasn’t working for them. They have enough experience to go “yeah, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s not a midlife crisis, that’s a midlife reckoning.

In a way, I think it’s the exact opposite of a crisis. It’s the age where you’re finally confident in yourself and who you are (or maybe you’ve figured out who you’d rather be). Plus you finally have security and money for the first time your life. Add it together and you get people making big changes.

Bring on 40. I’m here for it.

I started my sleeve! (Sleeve Session 1)

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Yesterday, I finally got to start my tattoo sleeve! It’s going to take a good while to finish because I didn’t book any more appointments in advance and we’ll have to break for summer (cause I’m not missing pool time to heal). It’s going to be the adorable bow-tie photo of Jack on a background of Fall leaves with pumpkins in front of him around the bottom. It’ll be a 3/4 sleeve. That way I can roll up my sleeves a bit and still not show if it’s for a job interview. Also, I just love raglan sleeves and the 3/4 length of them so yeah.

Reminder of the photo:

So I chose the absolutely fabulous Devon Greig in Nashville for the job (she did my goomba when we consulted for the sleeve). This is her first photo realism portrait but you’d never know it. She’s amazing. Look at this:

It looks like a painting! I’m blown away. I couldn’t have asked for better! I am in love with it. It’s my Jack!

She chose to just focus on the face in this session since it was so detailed. It took just around 4 hours of tattooing. I scheduled appointments in February and in April to do more work on it. The plan is to get his body and pumpkins in before summer. Then finish it out Next Fall/Winter. I’m so excited! Here’s the progress shots I took while she worked on it. He kinda looks like a terminator Jack with half a face here:

Man, her skill just blows me away. I could paint this, sure — but I can go over spots again and again to get them right. I can’t imagine doing it with a tattoo gun and not being able to revise any mistakes! And her FIRST realism tattoo. Damn, girl! Amazing.

She’s a pleasure to work with too! I told her I wanted to cover up my elbow fat lump because I hate it so much. I feel like if we did the half sleeve above the elbow, it would stand out even more. She was like yeah, we’ll just put a pumpkin there! Excellent. I am psyched.

Also, this didn’t hurt half as much as my ankle tattoo. The ankle felt like having a freshly skinned knee for a few days and a lot of burning as it went in. This felt like scratching sure, but tolerable. I mean, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but I expected worse. The only part that hurt the most was the closer she got to my collar bone — so that ear. The mid face was totally fine. I suspect the REAL pain will be when we get to the elbow and especially my scar. But for now, it doesn’t even feel like anythings there. So awesome.

In between chatting with Devon, I watched Enola Holmes on my phone. It’s got Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, and Helena Bonham Carter. It took a good bit to get going, but once it did it was awesome.

FUCK

I just looked it up to get the spelling of the actors names and I watched the SEQUEL yesterday. No wonder if took a while to get going. Fuck me, I watched them out of order. I guess I’ll be watching the first one today then…

Cavill quit the Witcher!?

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I’m so devastated that Henry Cavill announced he is leaving the Witcher. HE IS GERALT. He’s sex on a stick as Geralt. He’s gushed about this character. He wanted to be this character. He’s a big fan of this character and he’s quitting for Superman? Fucking Superman sucks.

But you know, I may be a naive idiot, but I truly believe Henry Cavill is a big fat nerd and would choose the Witcher over Superman. I think he’s leaving, not for Superman, but because Netflix isn’t remaining true to the source material he loves. Everyone fucking loves the Witcher — and Netflix wants that. But the books are about Ciri. And they’ve already deviated a lot from the books to keep Ciri and Geralt together (Ciri should have been sent off to lean magic at the temple and eventually train with Yennifer alone). And the next bit is Ciri getting lost and spending at least what would equate to a whole season on her own with little horse in the desert and then joining the rats.

It sucked reading the parts with just Ciri cause you’re watching/reading for Geralt. But that’s the source material. And I don’t think Netflix wants to do that. Not that it wasn’t still good. The books also switch to Geralt’s journey to find Ciri and we meet two of the most awesome characters — Milva and Regis because of it. But I don’t think Netflix wants to gamble on us watching the real story if it means leaving Cavill out for huge swaths of time. Which it requires.

I admit, I LOVE Cavill as Geralt. He’s insanely hot dirtied up with grey hair. Like hot. He does nothing for me as Superman. However, I think his nerdy ass self kept the Netflix show on track. Without him it’s gonna be a shit show that completely veers from the books. Netflix knows we wanna watch Geralt and not a whole season of just Ciri coming to age. But Cavill knows thats an important part of the story that needs to be told. So he’s bailing rather than bastardizing the material. IMO

Like I said, they’ve already changed a lot from the books. The monoliths weren’t in the books. In the books, Ciri grew up knowing about Geralt and loved him and wanted him to take her to be a Witcher but he didn’t want to. But now that it’s time to really commit to Ciri as the central character, I believe, Netflix is chickening out. And this makes me sad. I could skip the Ciri bits, sure — but the Geralt bits that come after are awesome! I wanna meet Regis! I fucking love Regis!

Dammit, Netflix! You suck and I hope the show doesn’t even finish now.

Nerds Unite!

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So I was at the surgery center for a few hours today. Mr C had a minor outpatient procedure. So I had to stay the whole time. I waited by the elevator at the entrance because a guy in the waiting room was smacking his gum and fuck that.

Anyway, I’m reading my Sandman Graphic novel because the Netflix series was fabulous and now I’m down the rabbit hole. And I’m wearing my favorite Super Mario shirt like I do. And this guy walks in and says “cool shirt.” Thanks, random guy! Well, he was in the wrong building so he walks back by (on the way out) and asks if that’s my car with the goomba on it. Hell yeah it is, it matches my tattoo. I indicate my sweet ass goomba tattoo. He nerds out and goes “It’s even pixelated!” I say I know, she did great, right? He says hes a big Bowser fan and we nerd bonded for a second.

Yall, a stranger thinks I’m cool. Which totally means I am.

British not Blown Away by the Americans.

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So I recently finished bingeing all five seasons of The Great Pottery Throwdown. It’s a spinoff of The Great British Baking Show. It’s pretty much the exact same show, just with pottery instead of baking. The Britishness is there. The camaraderie. The passion. The group is there. They work as a group of passionate artists rather than as competitors. When someone breaks down, the others swarm around them to help. “How can we help,” “We can fix this,” “Just get something up for judging,” “Don’t give up.” They’re just so damn friendly and helpful.

It’s not just the contestants either. When it’s time for judging, the judges find the positives to say about everything. Usually when they point out a failure it’s kind of a combination sentence. Like “We can see the obvious cracking in the structure, but you’ve really excelled at getting the lip on this pot just right.” “We can see your throwing skills are really improving.” So much fucking positivity. I love it.

Now I’m about to finish up season three of Blown Away. It’s an American competition show with glass blowing. And like most American competitions, it’s cut throat. The contestants are out to get each other. They’re fighting for the win. Everyone else there is someone blocking your way to the finale. Even the judging is harsh. They’re looking at these beautiful glass sculptures and just picking them apart and saying every bad thing they can think of about every one. Even abstract shit like “I just don’t like it.”

Well, I just don’t like it either. I love the — well, love — of the “Great British …” shows. They’re uplifting. And is it a coincidence that the British shows are being played for titles and “worthless” trophies. The American shows are up for money and prizes and glory.

Watching one right after the other is just a bummer, really. I want more nice people making pretty things! I guess I’m gonna have to start burning through the seasons of The Great British Baking Show that I haven’t watched yet.

Some Things 08/05

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OK, It’s been a bit, I should post. Really this week was just hard. I’ve just been getting through. I’m tired, I don’t wanna go to work. I’m just getting through. But today was super nice. It was my off Friday. I had an appointment (AKA complete waste of time) with the dermatologist about my hair. He asked if I had any side effects from the medications. I don’t. He said awesome, see you in six months. So glad I drove across town and paid $50 for that.

1) Speaking of long week, people be driving crazy after work. I was behind a car at a green light that didn’t realize it was green. Probably messing with their phone. Coincidence had us both traveling the same way for a while. We were side by side on a main road and they weren’t slowing down for a red light. Now, these red lights are super short so a lot of us don’t slow down until the last minute because it’s likely to change before you get to it. But like, this person was pushing it. And they just breezed right through it. I swear to god, I don’t even think they knew they ran a red light. There was no braking of repentance after they blew through it — they just kept off into the sunset. People be crazy.

2) Mr C and I watched Season One of Stranger Things. It’s so good! Why have I not watched it?

3) I’m watching The Sandman now. It came out today. I’m 4 episodes in and loving it. I fear this is going to be another “Witcher” where I got out and buy all the books because I can’t wait for more.

4) My arms hurt. I got injections in my arm scars because they’ve keloided. Well, they hurt now. It sucks. I’ve been used to them being healed and not hurting and now they hurt again. It blows. Will this stuff even work? Does it take multiple injections? They’re all dark and bruised too. Lame.

5) Speaking of surgeries, boobs are still doing great. When I wear tight shirts, the janitor at work (who used to be a pharmacist in New York) tells me how great I look. She told me this again on Thursday so I ordered some more tight shirts. The Lane Bryant “Fit and Flare” shirts just look fantastic on me. I just can’t replace my whole wardrobe. I have a lot of good clothes that are a size too big. It’s not that I don’t want to wear the tight shirts.

And it’s weird. I’ve gained a lot of weight. But I still look rocking compared to before the surgeries. I have to keep telling myself, yeah the scale sucks — but damn, I’m looking good.

6) K2 has been coming over pretty much every weekend to do pool with me. It’s fantastic. I don’t really do pool by myself because it’s lonely. Especially with mom gone. So K2 coming over most off days has been awesome. Sometimes she just falls asleep in an eggplant, but it’s still good company.

By the way, the egg plants are dying. They’ve been on the way out for a bit but I was hoping they’d make it the rest of the summer. Naw, they need air at least every day now. Multiple times today. So I ordered two new ones.

7) I took out a yellow jacket nest today. Fuck those bastards. They were making a nest in my pool gate! Thank GOD K2 didn’t get stung. I had to take them down with spider killer ’cause I was out of wasp spray. There were at least 12 yellow jackets on there. I probably sprayed myself with cancer trying to keep them away from me. Fucking wasps.

8) Oh yeah, and my Family was in Florida this week. They all got covid. Covid Condo. Bro got it from work (he’s a doctor) and then tested positive when he got down there and gave it to everyone else. Sucks, man.

Some Things 6/12

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1) Two days ago, I decided to start working out again. My legs are jellofied again. I am not approved to work out chest yet, but I can work out my lower body. So I did 3 minutes (about 50) squats and 4 minutes of knee tucks on the floor. My legs have not forgiven me yet. They be hurting. Sitting down, getting up. They be hurting. My ass hurts too.

2) Boobie Party is next weekend! It snuck on up on me. Do I have to get rid of all the weeds around the pool now? Ugh. I’m not sure if I’m gonna do it after work one evening or just say fuck it.

3) I finally bought some clothes that fit my new boobs! I got a shirt from Lane Bryant that’s their “Fit and Flare” — holy shit. It looks so good, I ordered two more (different styles, same cut). I also got a dress I can wear braless. Never could have worn that before! Now if Torrid would just ship those capris I ordered last week…

4) A thought for the road:

Some Things 5/14

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1) So as you know, my precious cat Jack Jack is deaf. However, for 16 years, he’s “found” me by screaming for me. He wakes up and screams, I call out to him, he comes. So now he wakes up and screams, but gets nothing. So he just walks around screaming and caterwauling. This drives Mr C insane. But he did the sweetest thing.

I was laying down trying to get a nap when Jack started wailing and wailing and wailing. Mr C picked him up (he hardly ever touches the cat) and carried him into the bedroom where I was. Well, Jack didn’t see me immediately so he just screamed at Mr C till he finally walked over to me and Jack saw me waving at him. So Jack runs over for pets and Mr C goes back to his peace and quiet. So sweet of him to help my Jack Jack out.

2) Does your internal rage ever just jump immediately to full speed and you’re like “woooooah.” Like you didn’t even realize you were pissy and all the sudden you’re about to snap? That happened to me at Taco Mama. I was meeting up with friends for lunch. I was waiting in line. It’s important to know that at Taco Mama, the table numbers are just sharpied on triangles of wood. So he gets number 99. Now go away. Then he goes “haha, is it 99 or 66?”

Motherfucker, it won’t even stand up like that.

3) This job decision is really stressing me out. A lot more than it should. There’s so many pros and cons on both sides. I thought I had decided for sure — take the new position. But then I keep thinking of all the reasons not to. I’m not at peace about this.

Some Things 5/11

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1) Got my last surgical drain out! Hell yeah! It’s gonna be swimming time soon! I even got to try on all my bathing suits! Plus order a new top piece!

2) They picked up my rented lift recliner. Farewell, friend. He was a good recliner. Jack was sleeping in it when they came for it. We shall both miss it.

3) Filling out medical paperwork to see the dermatologist on Friday and there’s this drop down for marital status:

16 options? Really? I had to google what the fuck “Interlocutory” even is. It sounds like something that happens when the Borg assimilate you.

3) My pool still isn’t open and it’s still surrounded by huge weeds. HELP NEEDED.