Not my meme, just found it hilarious.
Welcome to the Shit Show
Category: General Nonsense
Some Things 06/24
1) Why does Jello come in such small containers. This small 4ish ounce thing of Jello is ten calories. Who is just going to eat one of these? Can I get a BOWL of Jello? I’m a fucking adult here. And put some whipped cream on there.
2) I ordered a temporary tattoo of my goomba to try it out. They only do black and white and I’d get color — but I can wear it for a week or two and see how I like it. It came from Ink Box (Clicky). A work buddy has been using it to perfect the design and placement of her next tattoo. They last a week or two and you can do custom designs. So I got a small 8-bit Goomba to try out. Who knows, maybe I’ll get it for my Bday.
3) We’re going River Tubing! I’m getting a group together to go in late July. I’m so excited about it! I just bought two river rafts for it. We’re gonna drift down the river at a campground then bus back and grill some burgers — then maybe drift down the river again. I’ve wanted to go tubing for so long! K asked me about my sudden interest ’cause I never mentioned it before. But yall, tubing is perfect for me. It’s an outdoor activity that involves no effort. I just lay in a swim ring and flow with the current. It’s basically like a live lazy river. With coolers of snacks and your friends are literally tied to you. Plus we eat burgers at the end. It sounds AMAZING.
Also props to Aunt L. She has some amazing river tubes. They’re retail $60. She sent me a picture of a local store flyer that had them for $20. But local to HER not me. Amazon had the same ones for $40. So I searched the internet and found out Academy had them this week in their flyer for $20! The really good ones I’ve laid around in at the lake at her house! So I bought two, baby! And they had $10 off a purchase of $50 so I got a free 80lbs of salt for my pool. WINNING. Picked them up with curbside pickup today after work. This is gonna be so much fun!
Visiting Guests
Sorry for the lack of post this week. My Bro-In-Law is visiting. So far we’ve been to a Trash Pandas baseball game, a hot air balloon festival, and played a shit ton of games. So many games. It’s a cold snap so lame that we can’t use the pool.
I’m gonna need a vacation after this long vacation weekend. I need more zone-out time!
And my whole family is coming up for Memorial Day on Monday! So much stuff I gotta get done today!
Some Things 5/19
1) Someone called themselves an “art nerd” for knowing Banksy’s “Girl With Red Balloon.” God, I hate people who think they know everything about art because they took one art course or know an almost commercial artist. Fucking most people know who Banksy is. HE OPENED A SHOP ON HIGH STREET (it wasn’t a real shop, it was another art piece). You can buy his merch. He’s not some obscure urban artist. He’s in the (BBC) news all the time. Even if he was obscure, fuck you for acting like a gate keeper.
2) Yes, I have anger issues. Especially since mom died, I kinda just want beat the shit out of someone. Like, someone who deserves it, not a random person. Can someone try to steal my purse so I can just beat the living day lights out of them and get this frustration and anger out? Is that weird? Pull a gun on me, I DARE YOU. I will John Wick your ass with a pencil. A FUCKING PENCIL.
3) I ordered a Dammit Doll. I also ordered three more Dammit Dolls for my besties (I don’t think M & D read my blog, they be lazy). Cause sometimes you need to beat the shit out of something. So we can just beat these on our work desks like Bob Ross beats his paint brush.
Some Things 5/11
1) I painted my pool chairs “Key Lime.” It was like living in a Rust-Oleum commercial! Look at this before and after. The chairs were originally bright green when I bought them. However, five summers have faded them to nothing. Note the small green area on the unpainted chair. That’s because they always have pillows in them so the sun didn’t bleach there. It took two coats — so three and a half cans of paint = approximately $20.00. It’s nice to have revived the old ones rather than buy new ones. Even if they are dirt cheap, it’s still nice to have put in a little effort to revive something I already had. They REALLY pop against the dark fence too! K and I will be sitting in them on the tanning ledge soon.
2) I counted ninety three (93!) bats leaving the bat house on Saturday. Ninety Three! My little bat army. Go forth and murder all the mosquitos! Muah ha ha ha…
3) Mr C and I got our second dose of the Covid-19 vaccine Friday! I couldn’t sleep and had a headache. Poor Mr C had a fever and felt like absolute shit. But here’s to having pool days with our fellow vaccinated friends this summer! *cheers*
Some Things 5/5
1) A family friend posted a devotional on the Facebook page (she does daily). It started with how sometimes you have friends you have to kick out of your life. I can relate to that. I’ve had to kick friends out of my life. Mostly people who I thought were true friends. Then circumstances revealed it was really a one way friendship with nothing coming back. So yeah, fuck those people. They’re users. They only contact you when they need something or it’s convenient for them. Or maybe they somehow think they are really your friend and somehow justify that you’re too fat to be in their wedding but you’re still their best friend! Yeah fuck you.
Then the further in the devotional it turned out the friends were worry, doubt, and fear – not actual people. My bad. Sometimes people gotta go too though.
2) There’s this guy at work who has a weird accent “problem.” He’s from England but I think both of his parents were American. So he sounds normal American English, but every once in a while he throws in proper British English accented word. Sometimes he’ll say the exact same word a way an American would, but sometimes it falls out in more of a British pronunciation. Accents are usually nice – but not this. This is jarring. He sounds like he’s faking being fancy. Especially when he’s talking to you. Because it’s only a few random words it sounds like he’s trying to correct you on their pronunciation. It’s just really weird. He’s married too and I bet his wife loves it. But every time I hear him slip in a weirdly accented word, I cringe. I know in my brain that he’s not doing it on purpose but in my heart I feel like he’s faking and being pretentious.
I can only compare it to bilingual people. When they’re running along in perfect English but encounter a word in their native language and pronounce it correctly. Like Giatta (Food Network) talking about food and then really going hard on words like “mozzarella.” Or my Puerto Rican friend who has a dad from Wisconsin – so he sounds American but pronounces Puerto Rican or Latina dishes in their authentic way. These cases do not bother me. I find them nice, actually. Like I could learn from them.
But this guy flipping between two different English accents is really annoying. I want to CORRECT him. Like dude, no one says “task” like that. You’re killing me. It’s usually his “A” sounds. He’ll say it hard when it should be soft or soft when it should be hard. SAY IT RIGHT, THOMAS.
3) The pool is OPEN! It’s freezing cold though. Like below 70 degrees. So I haven’t been in yet. Just stood on the tanning ledge and let my feet go numb.
Clean Sheets!
You know that feeling of nice clean sheets? Well, I am looking forward to going to sleep tonight. I just bought a set of bamboo sheets to try (link). Not only that, but I got a mattress topper too (link)!
I know I like the mattress topper. It’s the same one I got to put on my moms bed. Two inches of gel foam and two inches of pillow puff. Our mattress is too firm, so I hope this helps a lot. I hope I like the sheets. I’m not a fan of synthetic micro fiber sheets and I didn’t realize these weren’t 100% bamboo. But I’m going to give them a go. I get so hot sleeping. I’m hoping these will be nice and cool. They FEEL great. You never know till you sleep in them. The not 100% bamboo scares me, but it has almost 80,000 Amazon reviews with a 4.5 star rating. So some people love them.
Last year we finally upgraded to a king bed. THANK GOD. There just isn’t enough room on a queen for two people. I need space, yall. I get hot and Mr C is like a little lava river over there. I gotta have somewhere to go. But I haven’t found a great set of king sheets yet. I have three sets of queen sheets I love (out of, like, six). But I just haven’t found a set of sheets that wow me since we got the king bed. Both sets are luxury cotton. They just don’t have that silky smooth cool feeling I love. So we’ll try this new set. It wasn’t an expensive set, so we’ll see. The reviews are good.
Here’s to a good nights sleep!
Some Things 03/15
- So spring is springing. I find it extremely depressing. It makes me miss my mother. She was all about gardening. Flowers, vegetables, any plants. All the plants. It’s time to weed and get things ready for growing. Mom would have been here this weekend helping me weed the flower bed. She’d have been bringing me drinks and insisting on helping rake out the pool area. She’d be fawning over the Candy Corn Spirea showing its true colors for the first time (we only got them last year). The daffodils are in full bloom. The purple hyacinths she bought me last year are popping up under the bat house. It all screams MOM.
- I bought new shoes yesterday. Three pairs. I know, I spent far too much. However, if you know me in real life, you know I never buy shoes. I bought the three pairs, trashed five pairs and moved the old running shoes into the tornado shelter. So I netted a big loss in shoes. I’m just not a shoe person. They’re expensive and a pain in the ass to find. I need work shoes, work out shoes, dress shoes, and sandals. So now if I just get a pair of rain boots for gardening I think I’m totally solid for the first time in my life on shoes.
I went to Fleet Feet and they did all their technology to recommend the shoes for me. I got two pairs of HOKA One One’s. Holy shit, they feel like your feet are wrapped in marshmallows and walking on clouds. I got the same shoe (the Bondi) in black leather for work and grey for walking/biking. So I went the old lady route and even though I hated the look, I bought them because they were so fucking comfortable. However, today I looked up the brand and read that they purposefully went for the huge wide foot bed as a style choice and to give you a firmer grip and more padding. That makes sense. And I realized what I thought was a PPU material is actually leather. So I like them more now. I’m really not used to my feet looking so BIG. But my lord, clouds and marshmallows, yall.
The third pair are some slip-ons. They’re actually Oofos recovery footwear. Also, giant marshmallows. I asked her if I could get them in a different, more neutral color. She said they didn’t have anything and couldn’t order anything because doctors send people there to get them and they can’t keep them in stock. Well, I can feel why. So yeah, I got those in galaxy purple. So sue me.
I wish they had more than just athletic shoes. Having them find the perfect fit for me as well as the perfect build for me made a huge difference. She knew exactly which shoes I should try and what my feet needed. And the sizes ranged from 8.5 to 9.5 because “these run short” or whatever. I mean, I know it’s the computer and not the lady – but this shit works. They found me three perfect shoes. Maybe not the prettiest but damn my feet are comfy.
- Lastly, I think I’m in the angry stage of grieving. Or just angry for no reason. I’m just angry. I’m quick to temper. I’m bothered. I’m quick to call someone a dumbass on Facebook and then get gang pummeled by people defending them. Only to double down and explain why they’re a dumbass, only to get group pummeled again even so much as to pick apart my profile picture where apparently my lipstick is terribly applied. And I get angry driving, going to the store (fuck people), being at work — I’m easily angered. I have no chill. I hate my job, my cats dying and hates me shoving pills down his throat, and my mommas dead. What do you want from me? Mr C is suffering at work too and has the cough from HELL that won’t go away. I’m just really not cheerful.
And I miss mom. I miss having that connection and our conversations. I need her opinion about my new shoes.
Stay At Home Woman’s Television AKA Start TV
I’m catching up on Ghost Whisperer season 5. I used to love this show, but I guess I never finished it out. I think maybe season 5 was a bit more scary than other seasons. Could also be why the ratings fell and it got canceled. In general the show wasn’t too scary but season 5 you meet “the shadows” and shit and it’s a bit much for me, probably. Good thing the new street lights illuminate my yard now.
Anyway, I came across it on a channel called Start TV. I set my DVR for it and so I’ve been watching this season. The commercials, of course, advertise all the other great shit you can watch on Start TV. Crossing Jordan, Rizzoli and Isles, Medium, The Closer, Dr Quinn Medicine Woman (who lets face it, would have been burned as a witch). Dude, this is totally stay-at-home-woman TV. I’m like the target demographic here, I’m just at work all day. So I just looked up this channel (got episode 12 on pause to write this). Here’s the wiki:
“Similar to its male-targeted sister network Heroes & Icons (H&I), Start TV airs legal/police procedurals and various other dramas – but instead – targeting a female audience, featuring shows led by/centered around women. The network features series from the 1980s to the 2010s, and runs a uniform programming schedule with shows airing mainly at the same time seven days a week. Start TV also has a three-hour block of E/I children’s programming on Sunday mornings between 9 a.m. and noon Eastern Time in order to fulfill FCC obligations.”
Holy shit it IS stay-at-home-womens TV! Specifically moms since it has kids shows on Sunday. Like I feel like I should be offended but I’d rather just watch more Start TV.
I looked up the sister channel for men and it has a block of Star Trek (five versions) from 8pm – 1am every night. These people are marketing geniuses.
To post or not to post
Facebook religious conservatives who think the world is out to get them:
“I can’t believe that Facebook took down my Dr. Suess quote that was filled with nothing but love! Do we live in Russia?”
My MIL:
“I’m so glad I live on God’s Kingdom!”
A few more comments on the post:
“This is getting REAL SCARY”
“This is the devil working among us! Scary, for sure!”
My over reacting response which is probably why Uncle Douche says I’m the most toxic person he’s ever met:
“Facebook’s algorithm took it down. You shared a picture that your brain processes as a quote. Somewhere in the huge Facebook world some asshole saw that picture and thought they’d be cute and report it as offensive. So now anyone who shares that picture will have it deleted automatically because some internet troll.
We don’t live in Russia.
Satan is not coming for Dr Seuss.
We live in a society of technology. Technology that relies on algorithms. There’s no one at Facebook who saw it as offensive. It’s just a bunch of internet trolls being assholes”
Listen, it might surprise you to know I’m a Christian. I am. But for fuck’s sake, stop being morons. You’re making us look bad. It’s not always Satan.
Also Uncle Douche probably just thinks I’m toxic because I don’t like Trump, or stealing software, I want a Covid Vaccine, I support mask wearing, and I’m pretty sure the Earth is round. SCIENCE IS AMAZING.
See. Last night I had convinced myself to get back into posting on Facebook more because it’s really the only platform I have to keep in touch with some people. And I know everyones getting away from it – but honestly, the friends I’ve had who quit facebook, just dropped out of our lives. They don’t make the effort to text or email or call and they live in another state – facebook was how we knew what was going on with each other. Same with distant family.
But then people go and post shit like this and it makes me go “This is why I started the god damn blog.” I can’t express myself on facebook.