Shout out to Jack

A few years ago (maybe 3?) Jack had an abscessed wound. It had to be left open to heal from the inside out. Because of this, Mr C didn’t want him in the bedroom leaving puss and such where ever he sat. Well, I’m not gonna leave my precious hanging, so I spent a month sleeping on the couch with him so he wouldn’t be alone at night. He’s my special, I’m not gonna leave him – especially when he was in pain.

These past two and a half weeks, I’ve been sleeping in a recliner in the living room. And this wonderful bastard has spent almost all of these nights and days sleeping in my lap in the recliner.

Sure he takes breaks when he wants to go sit in a sun ray and heat up in the afternoon. But come night time, he’s back in my lap. He doesn’t usually sleep with Mr C and I at night in the bedroom. But while I’ve been down here recovering, he’s been with me almost every single night. He’s a damn lava rock of heat, but I don’t care. I love him.

I adore this fucking cat. Thanks for taking care of me, Jack.

Some Things 2/19

1) Chicken bologna has 4 carbs per slice. Beef bologna has less than 1 carb per slice. What the fuck are they putting in that chicken bologna?

2) Jack had his vet visit for vaccinations and kidney check up on Friday. They took him back to get blood and returned with one tech holding him and another scrunching his neck while he growled like a feral. “I’ll take that. Sorry.” LOL Then they found a heart murmur. Booo. So they wanted to get a blood pressure. The vet wanted them to take him back and the poor tech was like, can we do it in here? He’s calm with his mother. Again, sorry yall. So I held him while they did everything else. His blood pressure was fine. His kidney levels are, as expected, still stage 3 failure but have improved by like .01. And he hasn’t lost any weight. So good on that front!

Unfortunately she said cats don’t usually show signs of heart trouble. And the sign of a heart murmur is usually just finding them suddenly dead. Well, can’t fault them for holding back. So thats nice. Now he has kidney failure and a heart problem. Nothing to be done for the heart problem since his blood pressure was fine. Oh and they are transitioning him from the kidney pills to a power you mix in his food. Nice! He still has the liquid to take, but now we dont have to wrestle with pills twice a day. Which will be great when I’m recovering from surgery…

3) I had my pre-op on Friday! Breasts are paid for and scheduled for march 15th. I’m having the side and back fat removed and a lift with implants. They’re also gonna do a revision to my tummy tuck to get more skin now that my swelling has gone down so much. Yay! I’m more excited since I got to REALLY sit down and talk about size with the nurse. They’re gonna order multiple implants (high profile, smooth silicone gummy implants). I’m asking to be around a DD but not bigger as I don’t want shopping for bras to be difficult. She assured me they’ll try different sizes and the whole team of nurses and the professional plastic surgeon will all weigh in on what looks best. So I feel more relaxed about it.

She also gave me one of their bras (you have to buy your own but they had a few) to show me what to get. I thought my current zip fronts were fine but they’re not because they’re flattering and push your boobs together. Apparently we don’t want that. We want the implants exactly where the doctor put them. So the bra she gave me has absolutely no support. Why ever wear it? So I ordered two more of them so I’ll have 3 total.

I’m gonna have drain(s?) again. UGH.

4) Jack wasn’t the only one getting vaccinations Friday. I got my Covid booster shot. Woot!

Some Things 12/17

1) My poor sweet kitty, Jack, has a cold. Yesterday, bless him, he was a mess. Sneezing and mouth breathing with watery eyes. K was going to help me take him to the vet today but he’s doing much better. He woke up when I did and went straight to his food bowl. He ate a good bit and meowed (you can tell he sounds congested) and harassed me and purred for pets. So he’s feeling much better. I’m so glad.

3) I hear Mr C whistling the Top Gun theme song. I guess Christmas music is getting old. At least he’s happy. He only whistles when he’s happy.

2) My surgery recovery is well. I had two breakdowns yesterday. One, the physical. I noticed leakage from my tummy tuck incision. Oh no. I freaked out. I sent pictures. I talked to the doctor. It’s dead skin and a popped stitch. It might turn into a gross wound that takes a while to heal. But it’s normal. Just put some ointment and a bandage on it. EWWW. Dammit.

The second breakdown was mental. Combine me worried about my precious being sick with a OPEN WOUND – Panic. I had a panic attack. I laid down for bed (on the couch) at 7:30 pm. I was so upset with myself. “What have I done!?” And freaking out — I did everything right! Tons of protein, being careful, watched all the videos, got all the supplies, followed all the directions — why me boo hoo.

Some Things 9/19

1) Today was my twentieth crossfit workout (not including the four on-boarding classes). I have a baby bicep. I also think I could possibly jump rope. I can hop now which is better than I could before! I can lift weights, I can plank, I can squat, and I can sweat. I can sweat a lot. The other day, a fellow crossfitter though I had poured water on myself. Yeah, no that’s just sweat.

2) I have watched way too many plastic surgery “journeys” on youtube. Like a lot. Too many. I’m obsessed with knowing everything and now I feel like I know too much. In fact, now I have a bazillion questions for the doctor. I’m worried about making Christmas and my court date. I’m worried I’ll be bloated and swollen for a year. I’m getting a lot of anxiety.

Don’t worry, I’m not thinking of backing out. Nope. Imagine that crossfit hopping with my tummy. I have a sport bra for the boobs, but nothings holding that loose baggy stomach in place while I jump up and down. It hurts and I’m sure its unattractive. Thank you, no mirror rule.

I did manage to get another consultation with the doctor. But not until the end of October. Over a month away. But I feel like I want to really be comfortable with him before we proceed. And I have questions. He lists a lot of liposuction — won’t all that lipo compromise the blood supply to the new “flap”? And how much improvement are we really gonna see? Also, do I need a Fleur De Lei as opposed to the regular we talked about? I don’t want a vertical scar, but I think I may need one. Scars are not my primary concern. I’m not looking to wear a two piece bathing suit here. And when can I get back to working out? Most people say a little less than 2 months — but they’re wearing their compression garments and swelling up at 6 months and longer — so ???

3) My precious Jack had his vet visit a little over a week ago. I keep hoping with every visit that his levels will improve, but realistically, I know they won’t. Getting them to hold steady is the best we can hope for. His levels did get slightly worse — but not enough to worry the doctor. She says he may find a new “zone” and stay there. He hasn’t lost any weight so that’s excellent but I still with he’d eat more. I worry about him. I wish I could get him to eat more and drink more. But he”s not LOSING weight which is key.

Ungrateful Cat.

I’ve been up since 4:00. Couldn’t sleep. Partially because I took naps yesterday (multiple), partially because of bad dreams. Most of the bad dreams were the night before last — hence the naps yesterday. I knew I was dreaming but I kept waking in a house that wasn’t my own. It would seem like mine but I’d figure it out and then be tortured to death. I’m pretty sure my hand was grinded off at some point with a powertool. I’m trying to forget. I was stuck in a loop of dreams. I think I even had to forgive my father at some point trying to figure out what whoever was doing this to me wanted just to get out of the loop. It was rough. I’m not joking about grinding a bloody stump arm either. I’m trying hard to forget that part. Did I mention I’ve been depressed?

I had some maybes for coming to the pool to hang out with me but I got stood up. So I just napped instead. Me and Mr C hung out though. And I cooked chicken for supper. I went to bed late but woke at 4:00. Lame.

I changed out the litter closet this weekend. Yes, my precious has his own bathroom. It even has a cat door and a bathroom ventilation fan. He is my precious, after all. I completely changed out one litterbox for a new one and cleaned the second one up. Yes, he has two litterboxes in his swanky litter closet. He likes the pee in the left one and poop in the right one.

I did this so I could switch cat litters. I’ve mentioned a million times that he tracks cat litter all over the place. Ugh. A work friend suggested I try Fresh Step: Clean Paws. Well, I’ll try something new, sure. So I cleaned everything up and switched out to a completely new cat litter. Even put in new carbon filters. Hope it works. So far it clumps OK enough. But it’s much heavier and harder to sift through to scoop since the pieces are so much bigger. But I hope it keeps him from tracking a small white line of litter down the hall.

Did I mention when I was carrying out the cat litter, the bag had a hole and left a trail of dirty cat little from my back door to the pool gate? Cause it happened.

At least I was up early enough to give him his medicines and breakfast with no screaming banshee over my head. It went alright until he barfed it all up on the rug. Complete with undigested expensive kidney pill sitting right there on top.

Fuck me.

The things we do for the little fuzzy shits we love.

A Cat and His Harness.

As you know, my precious cat has kidney disease. I’m losing my beloved little familiar. So now he has a special diet, lots of medicine, and regular vet checkups. However my amazing cat does not like his expensive fancy cat carrier. He never has. He pretty much just screams the whole time he’s in there. If you recall: my cat talks, screams, and wails a lot. It’s his thing. He was named Screamer before I adopted him. Hes got a good set of pipes on him. He has songs he needs to express. The vet is 20 minutes away. Add in the vet time and 20 minutes for the return and both of us are at the end of our perspective ropes. It’s such a stressful experience for both of us! So I decided to try something new.

I decided to go sans carrier. I decided to get him a harness and leash. Sure, I took the carrier with my just in case, but I figured maybe it could at least ease the stress on me.

I did not expect him to take this well. However, since he’s getting older and on all that pain medicine, he’s more chill than ever. So a few hours before the vet, I harnessed the cat. He had to hold his front legs further apart, but he didn’t really act too bothered by it. In fact, he was kinda adorable in it. So adorable that I added a bow tie and took a picture. Oh don’t worry, I didn’t make him wear the bow tie to the vet.

I dare say it went well. It turned the whole thing into more of an adventure than a torture session. He was freakishly alert while driving in the car. He insisted on sitting in my lap and observing everything through the window. He didn’t whine a bit. It was just pure curiosity. It was actually kinda fun driving with my cat. And it didn’t stress him out at all! Score!

Then we got to the vet. Since covid, you can’t wait inside with your pet. You wait in your car and they call you when they’re ready and tell you what room to take your pet to. So there was no passing other animals to worry about. I just carried him in straight to room 3. It was great. The only downside, I think, was for him. He didn’t have a hole to crawl into after the mean lady took his blood. He had to settle for sitting under the bench I was sitting on. Then he eventually progressed to my lap where he proceeded to hide his face in my arm when the mean lady returned. So he didn’t have that protective factor while in the office.

Checking out was simple enough. I just held onto his leash while he sniffed the floor. Then I carried him out to the car. He was much less thrilled on our way home. He was much more subdued and a little pissy about it. BUT — there was no wailing. He just sat in the passenger seat and stewed over what a horrible person I am. He could have sat in his carrier which was in the floor board, but he chose the passenger seat. So success again!

He’s a harness cat now. I will still continue to take his carrier along as a backup, but this leash thing is solid. I was so much less stressed out by the whole ordeal. I think it went great. I’d love to take him out on the leash, but I don’t want him to start begging to go outside all the time. But yeah. I recommend using a leash instead of a cat carrier. It’s great.

Your pet is not your “baby”

OK yall, we gotta stop with this calling your pet your baby shit. I know im gonna get a ton of flack for this because literally everyone I know calls their pets their babies. Hey, my dad calls his dog my sister. He likes the dog better though, and thats why he’s a bastard.

I know, your pet is your family. You might even, like my father, openly admit you like the pet better than your children. It happens. I don’t want a kid. Have yall met my precious J? He’s my soul creature, my witchy familiar, maybe even my soul mate, but he’s not my baby. He’s a piece of me and will ALWAYS be a piece of me. He’s a splinter of my soul in cat form. I get it.

But I just got a paragraph into a Facebook post about a friend of a friends baby dying and was terribly upset for everyone involved, only to realize, like two paragraphs in, that it was a dog. THERE IS A DIFFERENCE. I thought you were mourning a human child who had been in an auto accident that another human driver was going to have on his conscious for the rest of his life. I repeat: THERE IS A DIFFERENCE.

Some Things 2/13

  • I used the last of J’s first kidney pill prescription today. 90 pills. I’ve given this cat 90 pills now. Has it gotten easier? Fuck no. He’s no quitter. He’ll take that pill when you shove it down his throat while he fights you off. 90 times.
  • Did you know you can use GoodRX for pet medications? You can! I can get his pain meds for half the cost at Publix and same for his IV fluids on Chewy.com. Also, Chewy.com sells IVs and IV fluids. Interesting.
  • Chop Chop is way over priced. It’s a damn good salad, don’t get me wrong. I don’t even like salads. And it’ll fill you up. But come on, $17 for a salad and a cup of water? Did I move to LA? What the fuck?

I wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Then the check engine light came on.

I has been a week. Let me tell ya. Monday I was so anxious and overwhelmed that I skipped work. I had watched 90 Day Fiance which was me and moms show. We both call each other to remind each other it is coming on and then talk about how crazy everyone is. And Natalie be CRAZY. Mom will never see how crazy she is and we cant talk about it. Who’s watching our show with me now? Just me and the cat, I guess. And he doesn’t care how crazy Natalie is, which she really is.

I’ve been hyper focused on the cat as a bit of a break from the far heavier death of mom. So of course I’m upset that even with all the changes, he’s still only got a life expectancy of 1 – 2 years. I assume that includes a lot of decline towards the end as well. So it’s difficult. I just gave him his fluids via stabby needle an hour or so ago. He’s resting in his bed next to me. With a big lump of fluid on his side. Poor guy.

Also, I’m anxious about starting vestibular physical therapy. With not having to drive much thanks to Covid, I had kinda of convinced myself I was all better. This is fine. Ya know? And acknowledging that I still get really sick driving is a hard pill to swallow. I certainly don’t want to go back to last January when I had to do my physical therapy exercises twice a day and got nausea and vertigo every time. It was miserable. So I don’t wanna. That’s basically what it boils down to. I don’t wanna.

Work’s been… bad, I guess? Honestly, I haven’t been working. I’ve been just getting though my days. I’m sorry, I’m just trying to not break down, yall. Like I said, Monday I didn’t even make it in to work. So my not-very-important task has been halted half done. But this is the last week of the sprint so my favorite coworker was assigned to help me with it. Of course DeBitch made a snarky asshole remark. DeBitch was one of the main reasons I didn’t go in Monday. I just didn’t want to deal with that shit. And of course I feel terrible.

It’s a team carry. I’m the teammate down and my team is carrying me over the finish line. It’s embarrassing and …well… embarrassing. I’m ashamed of myself. But then I also need the carry. So I’m grateful but also want to crawl up in a hole and die. Mostly the latter.

So I’ve got a lot going on that’s stressing me out. A lot. And then the check engine light in my car comes on yesterday on the way to work. God dammit, are you serious? So I have a scanner to read the codes — it’s some faulty circuit in the temperature sensor. But still, kick me when I’m down, will ya?

I just want to crawl up in a hole and die. Or to retire and crawl up on the couch and never leave the house again. That’s fine too.