Month: July 2024

IKEA Quest: Attach Bookcases Together

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Are you looking for a way to attach your IKEA Billy Bookcases to each other? Are you looking for how to screw them together? Glue? What do other people do?

As the youths say: I got you, fam’

Have you discovered the IKEA Barrel and Bolt Spare Parts 100402 & 100644? Are you searching the breadth of the internet for what goddamn bit size you need for your drill?

I got you, motherfucker.

You see, I am redoing my hallway. I am decluttering it with a beautiful array of IKEA Billy Bookcases. It’s fabulous. After I ordered all my cases and doors, I knew I’d need a way to attach them together. I figured I would screw them together. But I didn’t have them yet so I didn’t know how wide the sides were and therefore what screw size to buy. So I took to the great internet wasteland. I found a better way.

IKEA actually has a FAQ about this. “How do I link my BILLY bookcases?”

You’re home free, baby! But wait, the link takes you to a place to order spare parts. They want a postcode, but you keep getting an error. Why have the gods forsaken thee? Fear not friend, you are on the IKEA site for the Netherlands. Are spare parts only available to the Dutch? Do they get legal weed and free IKEA parts while the rest of us are relegated to IKEA Billy Bookcase Hacks?

Nay. You just need to find the same page on the US (or your relevant country) site. Go to your home IKEA site and find “Customer Service.” Then find the link to order “Spare Parts.” From there, click “Order Small Spare Parts” Bam, motherfucker. Free parts unlocked!

Barrel Bolt & Screw

So you want to attach your IKEA furniture together? You need a barrel bolt and screw. You can buy these at any hardware store or online. But did you know that IKEA has them for the IKEA PAX system? And you can use them for your IKEA Billy system? Oh hell yeah you can!

Yes, You just need a few spare parts. You need the pair: IKEA part 100402 and IKEA part 100644. You will need a pair for each join. I chose to join my short IKEA Billy Bookshelves with two near the top and two near the bottom of each join. For the taller ones, I added two in the middle as well. Order extra. You’re going to wait a while for them so make sure you don’t need to order more. Also, they’re free!

That’s right, bitches: FREE. Straight from IKEA. You can google these part numbers and find them on eBay and Amazon. But those people probably just got them free and are scamming you. Yeah. Just get free ones from IKEA. I got 16 of each. They arrived about a week after the shelves themselves (even though they were ordered the same day). You’re welcome.

What size drill bit do you need?

This is where I hit a road block. I scoured the internet. I looked at Reddit’s r/IKEA. I looked on IKEA’s own site. I looked at the Amazon and eBay listings. NO ONE said what size drill bit I needed. What the actual fuck? So I had to go to Walmart to hold the damn barrel bolt up to drill bits and try to figure it out. I figured it was a 3/16 inch by eye. Thankfully, they had a super cheap set of drillbits though so I got that instead of the single bit I THOUGHT I needed. Look, it has a tool for this shit!

Perfect fit for… the 13/64 Inches hole.

Why doesn’t America use metric again? What the fuck is this Imperial shit? 13/64s? Really? Anyway, no, I do not know what it is in metric. I only have this little tool that came with my cheap drill bits from Walmart. I’m sorry. Google it. Or better yet, I saw that IKEA sells a set of drill bits and a drill. Why the fuck didn’t they try to up-sale me that? I’d have totally bought it! And I’m sure it has the right size. Every order of furniture on the IKEA site should suggest you buy those tools. I’d have bought them, IKEA.

Thinking you can sneak by with that 3/16? You can’t. I tried. I mean, you can hammer it in with enough gusto. I just ended up using the 1/4 bit because that was the next size up I had. Good thing too because I was trying to line up the holes perfectly, and surprise, I don’t drill perfectly straight and parallel holes! So I needed the wiggle room. Even then, I was jamming screw drivers through to find the matching holes.

The videos I have seen have you drill straight through the two sides and attach. I wanted to be a bit more exact. So I separated the cases and drilled through a matching shelf support hole on each case. This way, I knew I wouldn’t screw it up and have a lopsided set of shelves. Cattywampus as we say in the South. But when I lined the cases back up, I discovered: I suck at drilling straight. So good thing I had a little extra wiggle room. I used a screwdriver to find the other hole and determination got me through. Jam that barrel bolt through any way you can and screw in the screw. TA DA!

You will need a screwdriver for each side. One to hold the bolt from spinning and the other to turn tighten up the screw. You’ll also need a vacuum for the saw dust.

Oh and DON’T PANIC — your hole is gonna look like shit. This is MDF with a paper overlay. The drill is not gonna leave a clean hole. It’s ok! Don’t panic. Just shove all the edges back in the hole before you put the fasteners in. See how clean it looks?

NOTES:

  • Drilling holes in things means you can’t return them.
  • If you ever disconnect these shelves, now they have random holes in the sides.
  • Do not use the two top and bottom sets of holes that are for door hinges. You might want to add those later.
  • Know where your shelves are going to go because the screw now takes up that hole so you can’t place a shelf at that level.
  • Do this before you install the doors. It will be a bit difficult for one person to reach both sides of the shelves around a door.

So there you go. The info I couldn’t find ANYWHERE. Go forth and assemble custom shelving solutions on the cheap. If you are going to build IKEA Billy case’s, shout out to this man:

That’s PP FlatPack on YouTube fucking pwning the assembly. Look at how he spreads the panels like a fucking deck of cards. His way is far superior to the IKEA way. Look how fucking fast and efficient he is! You know that instruction book/guide doesn’t even have words. Just watch this. I had watched it before mine arrived, took one look at the book, and did it his way. I had them together in no time.

And yes, I will totally show you the hall transformation in another post. I haven’t put the tall doors on yet. (Future me says click here for that reveal.)

I did put the two short doors on and that was a breeze! I thought it would be hard. I couldn’t find any particularly good youtube videos for it so I just used the book. Super easy.

DEADPOOL! Deadpool deadpool DEADPOOL!

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Are you aware that Deadpool 3 AKA Deadpool and Wolverine comes out Thursday? TWO DAYS FROM NOW. Did you know?

So tonight, I’m watching Deadpool. Tomorrow, I will watch Deadpool 2. And you’re damn fucking straight I already have our Thursday tickets. I bought them this weekend. DEADPOOL DATE! Yep, my husbands going to see Deadpool with me!

Let’s Fucking Go.

No seriously, I’m fucking JAZZED. Look at this adorable Deadpool Lego mini figure I got this weekend at Nerdy Noel. I have him sitting on my monitor like he was sitting on the highway in the first movie. See his little legs are even swinging:

And I didn’t know this until after I bought it and had it at home — BUT HIS MASK COMES OFF! His face is all fucked up and everything:

I’m kicking myself for not getting all three Deadpools they had and I don’t know the booths name to contact them. They had Bob Ross Deadpool and also Deadpool in the X-Men in Training shirt from the second movie.

Oh and I had to replace my refrigerator notepad. I had the “Note from Jack” pad but it got lost in moving. Somehow I have the BACK of the notepad, but none of the paper. So I got a yellow one with gold foil that says “Let’s Fucking Go” off of Etsy. Don’t yall act like you put that pad on yellow on accident. Uhuh.

DEADPOOL! I gotta go get dinner and then me and Louie are watching Deadpool 1. And just because I’m seeing it Thursday doesn’t mean I won’t go see it with you. You going another night? I’m down. Let’s Fucking Go. I already know I’m going to be obsessed with it.

Pumpkin Farming Adventures

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Welp, the first pumpkin patch experiment continues. I’m learning a lot. It’s not going as well as I had hoped. Keeping up with their water needs has been a huge pain. I had to get a cheap irrigation line and timer. The timer runs every 6 hours (it was that or every 12). They still wilt in the afternoon heat.

But then, global warming is killing us. Like literally, it’s cooking us.

Then I thought, maybe the water was draining through too fast. So I rigged up milk jugs to fill with the water and slowly disperse it through a pin hole. They perk up right after watering, but I worry how it will affect the fruit.

Slugs have also proven to be a problem. I expected assault from above and so I used insect netting. Turns out slugs were coming out between the mesh barrier and concrete and munching my leaves. I went out one night and saw the fuckers just eating away! WTF?

At first, they just terminated two vines early. But by the time I got slug bait/poison, they got to the heart of one plant and the main vine of another. Here’s how they looked this weekend:

Last night, I went out and cut off all the yellow leaves and found the heart of the problem. They had directly attacked the main vine. It has healed, but all that yellow in the middle died. Here it is today:

So frustrating! That’s the Jack-o’-lantern plant that had a month head start over the others. It takes 120 days to mature so it went out early. Bastard slugs!

Still, I’m finally getting some female flowers to pollinate! You can see that I removed the insect mesh since it wasn’t doing any good. I decided it would better serve me to cover more ground to keep out slugs and keep the weed vines from tangling with my pumpkin vines.

The past two mornings I’ve been able to go and fertilize two females each morning. Two minis and two large. Tomorrow, another large should bloom.

Im not sure if it was the slugs or my pinching off the male flowers that was causing my females to prematurely fall off. Maybe both. But now that I’m letting them bloom freely and removed the netting, there are many happy bees. Look at these cuties from this morning:

They were inside the prettiest vine. I think this is the vine that grows the big grey/green pumpkins. Love the variegated leaves and it has the prettiest flowers.

Unfortunately, it’s also the ones where the slugs attacked in the soil. I know because the marigolds I planted there are heavily munched. It is stunted, but still has some growth. No females on that one yet.

Lessons Learned So Far

I was very smart to put down a ground barrier. So smart that I used the insect netting to extend that barrier on the side. I used a sun sail and it is great. It’s thick and doesn’t let water sit long. Also blocks the light out and looks clean. However, I think the double layer of insect netting will serve the same purpose at a cheaper price. It’s much thinner. It will not keep light from the weeds, but it will keep them under it. It also stays wet longer, but I don’t think it’ll be too bothersome.

I like the twine that I tied from the plants (the poles that were holding up the netting) to stakes across the barrier. The vines want to grow towards the south and I’m training them to the East. I just inspect them every day or two to note female flowers and twist the latest growth around the twine. Also, since I’m growing in grow bags, the main plant is about 2 feet off the ground. This led to my first vine folding under its weight (had to use wood trim to support it). The twine has allowed me to slowly train the vines down to the ground while supporting the weight.

As for cons, well, slugs. I’ve got bug repellent and slug killer out now. The vines are so close together that it is murder to walk through for inspection. But I have to keep track of my female flowers. I only have one of each vine so I can’t rely on the pollinators. Maybe two of each type next year? Or make sure I use the same species so they can inter-pollinate? I will judge after the yield.

I’ve also let the vines on the sides spread out to make more room. I’m even letting the Jack-o’-lantern climb the stair railing to get it off the ground and away from the slugs.

The critter netting worked great until I could get everything growing well. Then, I added a layer of compost and a layer of mulch.

Instead of the cheapest timer, it might have been worth getting one with more customization options. Then I could water only in the heat of the day and not every 6 hours. Turn it on when it’s drooping and skip watering when it rains.

Another fail was using a cheap hose. I hooked up the timer with a cheap hose. It burst the next day. No shit. I guess it wasn’t meant to hold water pressure in a bend and full Alabama sun. Had to steal the hose from the garage for it!

This has been a more expensive and frustrating adventure than expected. Especially before this week. For two months I’ve been tracking female flowers only for them to fall off before they bloom. Now that I’m getting possible pumpkin babies, I’m much happier. I do hope they survive so I can watch them grow!

Oh, and I bought little labels to very loosely tie around the females to keep track of them. Super helpful when digging around in there to see if they’re soon to bloom. The females grow much closer to the main stem so you have to push leaves aside to find them.

It’s a big learning experience. I do hope to have something to show for it this Fall! It’s also been nice to watch it grow in that ugly rock corner. Such insanely large plants I started from seed!

Grow, my pumpkins, grow!

Well this lives rent free in my head now.

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So this is now moved into my head. We finally got our stuff moved back in and unpacked. So I posted the boxes and paper on Facebook Market Place to whoever wanted it — Free, of course. Someone came for the boxes and some of the paper. Then I reposted this post for just the paper. It was mostly a copy paste of the original text (hence the “We also” I didn’t edit out).

Screenshots and Text Only below. I didn’t edit out their names in the screenshots cause fuck ’em. I also didn’t edit out anyone’s (including my own) typos.

Screenshots

Text of screenshots (For ease of reading)

Actual Post: FREE! Just had our floors redone and had everything professionally packed. Well, these people must get paid by how much paper they manage to use!

We also have the MOUNTAIN of paper. No, we didn’t try to make that look bigger than it is. It’s that much paper. There is some paper I have flattened to keep for myself. You cannot have THAT paper.

Bring your own garbage bags! Like a lot of garbage bags. You bag it and take it. Do not stay here for hours flattening it out.

Don’t wear dirty shoes in my house. This was all over having to redo the floors.

First who can pick it up gets it. No dibs. I want it gone ASAP.

Comments

P1: You sound like a very pleasant person to deal eith

P2: I was thinking that too

P3: and look at her name, Karen!!!

P1: nailed it

P3: I say she can clean that shit up herself.

P1: I’m betting that’s what is gonna happen.

Nice Woman: Hi Karen I’m definitely interested. PM where to go. I live almost to Athens coming out of madison

P1: make sure you don’t spend hours straighten it out. Oh, and you can’t have the pieces that have already been straightened out. Oh, wash your nasty feet first

Nice Woman: she was very nice I got it all.

P4: Definitely a Karen lol

ME: I don’t see whats wrong with giving away almost a hundred dollars worth of quality paper for free. I thought someone who did paper craft would like to use it. Would make wonderful base for sculpting or paper mache or someone that does parade floats. Or a teacher or community center that does crafts for multiple people. It ended up going to someone who ships out a lot of product.

It’s rude to wear dirty shoes in someones house. That’s just manners.

And why would I give away the paper I took the time to flatten out myself? I only wanted enough to pad my Christmas decorations and to give a friend who is getting a garage soon and will be packing things up.

If someone hadn’t wanted it, I’d have bagged it up myself and found somewhere to donate it or take it off to recycling. It’s clean large sheets of heavy weight paper in an air conditioned room. It’s not a big job to bag up. I just didn’t want to go buy more garage bags because I knew I didn’t have enough. I just figured I’d give someone the chance to have it if they wanted it. Sorry that offends you?

Nice Man: They get paid by the amount of boxes so the more they fill up with paper the more boxes they use so you pay more

ME: Holy crap — that would explain THIS! Even all my canned goods were individually wrapped. This is a tiny tomato paste can.

And a vase of paper flowers was in its own box with nothing else!

I will ask my contractor what their charging model is. This was all due to a washing machine overflowing and damaging the ceiling, walls, and floor. So insurance is covering it all. I’m just paying my contractor (who built my house originally) and he’s the one who contracted out the movers.

I’ve no doubt I was charged heavily for all of this top quality paper as well.

I was shocked when they moved everything back in because we didn’t have that much stuff. But there were almost 10 boxes just from my pantry. Like this tomato can and all my nalogene bottles were individually wrapped as well. 5 cans of pumpkin puree, all individually wrapped in this giant paper. It was insane. I finally had to get my husband to come help me unwrap stuff. Because it wasn’t that we had so much, it was the unwrapping that was taking forever!

They packaged my craft buffet and one of my crayon boxes has about 200+ crayons. They’re all organized in those typical crayon boxes within a box that hold two rows each. Well, they ere packed in doubles. Yeah, not just wrap up the crayon box. They separated out the crayons and wrapped the individual sub-boxes two at a time. In this huge paper.

My husband (and the first lady who took the moving boxes and some of the paper) thought they were just being thorough so we cant claim they broke anything…

But it was literally just being moved from my house to the garage.

Conclusion

WTF? I fucking hate people.