Let’s start this post like I started my day. With Louie’s disapproving look.
He just sat like this and stared at us while we chatted in bed before getting up. This was not the pose of him being disrupted or in movement. He’s chillin’ and appauled. He hates when I don’t get up right away. Which is always.
He doesn’t want pets — no. In fact, if I pet him, he will move further away. He wants me to get up. I need to put food in his bowl that he’s not gonna eat right now cause he’s too spoiled with his evening half a can of wet food. Then we have to go outside. He might have to come in early to poop. Otherwise, he want’s to nom some grass and barf. Then I can do my thing while he does his thing in the vicinity. As long as I’m not in bed.
Currently I’m on the laptop on the couch and he’s like just sleeping in the middle of the carpet over there. This is why he wants me out of bed.
I know everyone says get him a friend. But like, I don’t think he’d like a friend at this point. He’s a ham and demands to be the center of attention. Like if you come over to visit my house, he wants to be loved. You’re his new best friend. Because everyone must worship his soft belly. But if you visit too much, or live here, he’ll be over somewhere about 10 feet away. Another cat would probably bother him. And take away the valuable spotlight. Also, he wouldn’t be getting that expensive ass food if I had two cats. I can’t afford to worship two cats. I can lavish one cat.
Look at this adorable acorn I found!
Isn’t it cute and tiny? I haven’t found a random acorn in ages. I loved finding these when I was little. I’m gonna plant it by the giant tree stump in our front yard.
Halloween is the DEVIL
Facebook advertised these super religious trunk-or-treat decorations to me. “Ain’t no ghost but the HOLY GHOST!” That ghost one cracks me up. But hey, at least these people want to still let the kids have fun in costumes and get candy. So props. Like, I guess getting candy from strangers cars instead of houses is less Satanesque.
After typing that sentence though, isn’t this the PERFECT trap? Like a venus fly trap? Like “hey kids — we have candy — it’s Halloween, we’re just religious. Here take a full sized candy ba… **SHOVES KID IN AND CLOSES THE HATCH**
Yall don’t read that if you’re the scared that Halloween will kill your children type. Come on, at least give them this.
And if you’re the type of mom I’d be — give them this until sundown when they can hit up the neighborhoods. That’s right, rake it in, my little pumpkin. Let’s go to the rich neighborhood next. Of course you don’t have to go to school tomorrow. You’re probably gonna be barfing because you ate half that shit. Fuck what your teacher says. THIS IS HALLOWEEN, DAMMIT. It’s one goddamn day. Oh hey, do you need me to tape that back on your costume? Come here, I’ve got tape and we can plug in the glue gun if we need to. I’ve got some trim we can cover that up with. Is my hat on straight? Awesome. Yeah, I know — dads lame. Next year we’ll have to blackmail him. Maybe we could all be Marvel characters! I got him to be Tony Stark once. You gotta start working him in like August.
And here’s my Monstera!
I got it a fucking grade A grow light handing from the second floor. It’s very happy. It’s my favorite. Don’t tell the others. Like the prayer plant is my second favorite. But of course I love you too, my sweet jungle cacti! String of Bananas, we’re working on our relationship. I know, you’re doing fucking amazing. But like, you need something on top. I might get you like a topiary ball frame or something to wrap around before you trail down. I’m working on it.
If I turn into a crazy plant lady propagating shit to hoard and sell online, this is where it started. Right here.
Look at these little adorable babies. I made these. Free plants. They’re cuttings from my other plants. LITTLE BABIES! On the left, you’ve seen my Fishbone Cactus scrap cuttings. They’re doing well. And on the right we have K’s prayer plant. She requested a cutting of mine. I didn’t want to cut it, but she did cut her Christmas Cactus for me so…
It actually worked out for the better. I had three vines just growing all lopsided and sloppy. I snipped off one vine and made 5 cuttings. Then, I actually staked the other two vines. So my original plant actually looks better than ever! It’s all spread out and just popped out three new leaves! And LOOK AT THIS ADORABLE BABY! So adorable! I love it. I wants to keep it. I don’t need it and I don’t do unglazed terracotta. It’s just adorable. It’s also the only 2 cuttings that rooted. Yeah, this one didn’t take well. I used rooting hormone and everything. 40% survival rating. So I put the two survivors together here.
My little babies!
I actually rooted some of the Christmas Cactus of Friendship for K2 earlier. Now it’s on to the third friend in the chain! All three of those cuttings grew great roots. I watered them last weekend while K2 was on vacation and all three cuttings had baby leaves already! So fun! Baby plants! Free plants!
PUMPKINS!
Also, right on time, Publix has their pumpkins out! So normally I would have bought a few. But I already have my own pumpkin display!
These are the guys that survived the Great Pumpkin Massacre. Obviously squash bugs kicked my ass this year. And there was a huge learning curve. So my harvest wasn’t huge. And then…well, the massacre. That’s why there are so many super teeny tiny white pumpkins. The massacre halted their growth and they tiny. But adorable.
However, three of the vines have started putting out again so I think I’ll get a few more pumpkins! I will do a post at the end of the season and show all of them and everything I got from each vine. Believe me, I’ve taken tons of photos. I love pumpkins (have you seen my tattoo? There’s two main pumpkins, a Jack-O-Lantern lid on my shoulder and a big pumpkin vine on my back)! Lots of lessons learned this year. But to think — this is from SIX PLANTS. Six tiny little seeds. Six seeds made all this! Did it cost more than the Publix pumpkins? Yes. Was it hard? Yes. Did I cry? Yes. Am I so proud? Hell yes. My pumpkin babies! It’s like magic. Like six tiny little seeds in some dirt made all these. Like how? MAGIC IS HOW.
Composting
What else? Oh, I’m going to start composting now. I’ve been toying with the idea this season. Mainly just because of dirt storage. I usually over winter my summer plant dirt in pots or a bag in the garage. But you have to keep that shit watered or it becomes hydrophobic. So you literally have to water dirt. Last year was the first year I’ve ever overwintered plants. I’ll be overwintering my ferns this year and maybe the front porch plants. But I’ll still have a ton of dirt. Those pumpkins are in six 20lb grow bags. And I’m overwintering the lemon grass as rooted cuttings in water. So there’s all the dirt from them too. Dirt is expensive.
(NOTE: On second reading, yall might not know why I store dirt! Ha! Well, dirt is different all over the world. I happen to live where it’s all red clay. Like my outside dirt is red clay. It’s hard and it stains fucking everything. Red clay mud is the devil. So we have to buy our gardening dirt. When we plant flower beds, we buy all that dirt. Like the first time I traveled and saw a bunch of black dirt just on the ground, I was like “that’s a lot of money wasted.” So yeah, we have solid as fuck foundation dirt — but not good for the pretty plants dirt. We buy that shit. And it’s expensive.)
Also, this year I got a real eye opener in good dirt vs bad dirt. I got some super cheap dirt at first so I have a few pots with it. Then I bought two car loads of good dirt for the pumpkins and front porch. So at the plant swap, I picked up 3 miniature sunflowers. I put two on the front porch (in the good dirt pots) and one on the back stoop (in the poor dirt pot where the coleus hasn’t even done well). Holy shit. The sun is about the same. The water is about the same. But DAMN. The ones in the front have had like twenty blooms each. The back — maybe five? And that dirt won’t hold water to save its life. Even the coleus is sad in it.
So I’ve been tossing around the idea of composting. K2 jumped on it like a spider monkey because she wants to stop throwing away her food scraps. So if I compost, she can dump them here. And we have a lot of food scrap too. Come fall, I’m going to have a lot of plant scarp as well. And dirt to store. So… why not compost it? It’s not like I don’t have the ROOM.
So I’ve been learning. I learned it actually required effort, one. I mean I thought shit just rotted in a pile but no, it’s more complex than that. I learned about ratios and that it actually might require watering. Well, I had planned to chunk it in the back of our lot. But if I gotta turn this shit weekly (more like daily if I hot compost)…
In the beginning, I probably will actually hot compost when I clean up the pumpkin vines. Maybe get the yard guy to bag the clippings next cut to get started. And I’m already storing up all the brown packing paper I get for the browns. (Simplest dumb way to hot compost is apparently 50% greens to 50% browns. Stir to aerate daily or you get the sludge of death from too much anaerobic greens). And the browns need enough water to break down because brown cardboard and paper is kinda dry.
So weekly and sometimes daily effort plus water hauling? That’s not going in the back of the lot. I’m not walking all the way back there every day to do manual labor. There’s poison ivy in that grass, on all the trees, and I can’t get near the over growth. So no. It needs to be closer to the house. So I need bins. I need affordable and something husband won’t despise. (Do yall know he’s trying to say I don’t need my fancy pendant grow light for the Great Monstera? Um I do, and I will buy it anyway). So I try not to push him all the time. When it was going in the back of the lot I was gonna throw up some metal panels or something, but closer to the house I don’t want it to look like shit. So I’m doing something like this. I have this drawn up in Photoshop because I was querying local wood makers on prices:
So that design is from a kit I found, and a bunch of ideas from various youtube videos. I think the lids will actually be metal siding/roofing to keep most of the rain out, but obviously it won’t keep all of it out. Or I might still do mesh — not sure. I could even just use an old tarp and stretch it over the wood frame of the lid like a canvas. I have a clever solution for holding and closing the lids that I’ll totally show you. I’ll document my build. The sides will be the wood slats, but I bought 1/4 inch metal hardware cloth to staple all the inside edges. This will help keep the finer bits of compost in while allowing plenty of air. And I’ll do mesh on both sides of the center divider framing so there will be a good 1 inch pocket there — more air.
I really thought I could get someone local to do something cheaper than the kits online. But wood prices have skyrocketed so damn much, it’s just not gonna happen. It’s such a simple design too! The kit has all precut pieces and is expandable I figured local build wouldn’t have to do all those cuts. Wouldn’t need the dividers. Could just screw everything together on site. Nope. No one could come close to matching the kit prices.
So I’m going with the three foot composter from Cedar Wood. Did you know you need at least a 1 meter x 1 meter pile to hot compost? You do. So I’m going to buy two of these kits and bastardize it. I calculated all sorts of ways to do this. One composter plus spare parts (you can buy individual bits on the site). Two composters. A composter plus an HVAC cover. I’ve been mathing. I settled on two composter kits which I will use to create my three bin system with exactly six three-foot lengths of cedar leftover (plus a lot of spacers I won’t need). Those will probably be involved in the lids.
You can buy these kits at Home Depot so I did think to look around the internet for coupons and prices. They’re actually cheaper on almost every other site, including Lowes. But look at you, Wayfair, with the deep cut! I see you! Order placed. It will be here tomorrow.
So tomorrow I will have the kits, my plan, and the mesh. I’m sure that will take me longer than this weekend to get the sides up and the mesh in. The mesh is going to take a long time. The kit should go together nicely. Though I have a few things I want to pick up from Home Depot before I build them. Mainly some over priced prowood to cut squares to sit under the posts. I also need wood to repair the fence that blew down in the storm today anyway…
So I’m, for once, not doing it all at once. I’m going to get the frame up and contemplate the fronts and lids. I’m thinking siding (vinyl or metal?), some sort of plastic? Not sure what I want to use. I’m going to try to use the dovetail cuts in the posts for the fronts but I fear they will be too thin and I’ll need to resort to my diagram of how I would have made them if I didn’t have precut trench in the posts. So I’m gonna build it and see what I’m working with. I’m also going to see what Home Depot has and how much it costs. Because cost matters.
So yeah. I thought I was a farmer growing pumpkins! Now I’m getting into fucking composting. Good lord. Bring your food scraps over, I’ll dump them in my compost. But not yet because like, it’s not done and I don’t have freezer space. I know. I’m sad too. I’m gonna have to toss these rotten bananas. Next time, though, the rotten bananas are compost food!
I know, a lot of plant posts. But, I can’t believe I haven’t posted about my Monstera! I told you about the Great Lemon Grass Experiment (they’re in rehab right now), the Great Pumpkin Experiment (we have some flowers coming back in!). Now we have the Great Monstera Experiment. And I do mean Great. Like GREAT BIG.
Back in June, we went to the plant swap. And holy shit, I won the door prize! There was a lot of stuff with the door prize (K, have you used that book giftcard?). The best part: A Monstera! Before this, I really only knew about Monsteras from them being my favorite plant in Animal Crossing. Now I HAVE one. So I had a lot to learn. I got into Monstera groups on Facebook and Reddit, followed plant people on youtube. Did I want to pole it? Whats the best pole to use? So much info.
However, June was also the month of the Washing Machine Incident. So it was July before I could actually do anything with this plant. Even re-potting it. And believe me, it needed a repot. The roots were growing through the holes in the bottom so much they blocked the drainage. I went and bought a really nice concrete planter for this baby. I wanted to upsize the pot, but not by much. And I needed the weight.
I decided I wanted to go with moss poles. Specifically: Easy D-Shaped poles. Upon inspection, I found that my Monstera actually had two plants in it (later found to be three). And those two plants were straight up facing each other. Fuck me. This sucks because it meant that to repot it with a pole, I had to separate the plants. Ugh. Here it is before the great repot. At this time, I had had it for about a month.
So I ordered some nice transparent and extendable D poles. I found the widest ones I could (I think they are five inches?), but I wasn’t sure I could get both plants on one pole. I ordered an eight pack though so I figured I would figure it out when the time came. Good thing I did that, because they needed two. Which kinda meant the plant actually got no new room since the poles took up too much space in the pot. Whatever. The good news is, I still have enough of the poles to extend three times (two foot each, but a few inches of overlap required).
I even bought the insanely expensive ethically sourced and harvested sphagnum moss straight from New Zealand. Yeah, it was fucking expensive. This free plant started costing a lot. But really, the environmental harm from sphagnum moss harvesting is devastating. Get that shit ethically, yall. They don’t HAVE to destroy the environment to harvest it. It can be done in a way that preserves the ecosystem. It’s just harder, produces less (but better quality), and therefore it’s a lot more expensive. Luckily that shit expands like crazy so I barely used any of it in this phase.
So after the insanely stressful surgery to separate the plants and tie them to the poles and do everything by the book — it looked like SHIT.
This was the trust the process part. It has to get worse before it gets better.
So, my Monstera was a mess. It had been completely turned around and the petioles were just all over the place. So I bought the Velcro plant ties. Name brand — they were WAY BETTER than the cheap shit that came with the poles. The Velcro brand plant ties are amazing — so soft against the plant. Love them. So yeah, my actual Stems are only about 5 inches at this point so there’s only so much anchoring I can do to the pole. But it is also already very thick and woody.
So.
I had to train the leaves. I did this very slowly. For each petiole, I wanted to move, I made a thick padding of paper towels folded over each other. I wrapped that loosely around the petiole and used the velcro ties to tie it to the pole. Not a lot! It was a slow process. You can’t just jerk them back. So over weeks, I’d shorten the velcro length to get them more upright.
At this point, after 2 months, I am proud to say, only one petiole is actually being supported. In fact, I can probably remove that now. It’s pretty solid. Here’s a picture from this morning:
I have not and do not plan to remove any damaged leaves. As you can tell from the picture where I brought it home (and the fact that two plants were potted facing each other), it didn’t have the best care. This wasn’t intended to be someones love project. They expected someone to take this home and slowly kill it. So the leaves are very wonky and curled in all kind of ways. One of the leaves is only a fraction of a leaf. But fuck you, I’m gonna make the most beautiful Monstera your ass has ever seen.
It’s already looking 1,000% better than it did. This month, it already spit out three new leaves! Yeah three! Turns out, there’s a tiny baby vine in there. The new leaf is only its third one. You can’t even see it in these photos. The aerial roots are taking to the moss extremely well. So glad I went with the D poles. They don’t dry out very fast. I’m sure that will change in winter — but they stay moist well over a week because they’re only exposed at the front by the plant.
Also, having used two side-by-side, they really strengthen each other as I have the zip-tied together in a few places. As it gets taller, I might need a board or metal bar on the back to keep it study and straight. But I honestly think I can get to 5 feet before I need extra support. Right now, I’m not even using a foot of the pole (well, above soil, I should say — its obviously buried in the pot). Also, I’ll have enough room for my third vine growing up!
So here, my friends, is my grand plan:
Yes! I plan to grow this motherfucker all the way up to the second story railing. I can’t go higher that that because, how would I possibly water the moss pole after it passes the second story? And eventually, it will get there. I’ve already picked out the perfect grow light and hanging bracket. I’m hoping it will go on sale for Black Friday. It’s the one that the youtuber KillThisPlant uses on his GIGANTIC indoor Monstera. (He’s who shared the Velcro tape too). It’s actually a really beautiful pendant light that I will be hanging from above. I can easily raise it but pulling in the cable length as the plant grows taller. That’s what I drew in the blue so badly on that photo mark-up. Though I acknowledge that halfway up, I might need to get a second pendant. We shall cross that bridge we we come to it. For right now, we’re using the ugly grow light I purchased to overwinter my plants last year. I measured it with a light meter and it’s putting out well over what I need to get this thing big and healthy.
Then when it gets too tall, I’ll be able to chop and prop and keep the top 8ish feet of pole and move the mother plant and keep extending. I’ve seen a lot of tutorials on how to do this and they all use moss poles. If you get enough roots in the actual pole, the plant can survive a repot with minimal stress after being cut from the mother plant. And then repeat forever.
So an update on my Fishbone Cactus. I posted about it earlier this week. It had a lot of damage, but I was also so in love with it that I didn’t want to cut it. I loved the long stems! But the damage was pretty bad. I wanted to watch a plant that I love grow. Not worry about needing to clean it up every time I watered it.
Well, I gave it a hair cut…
Now I have a healthy plant though. Look at how much damage I had to cut off!
I did salvage the tips of the damaged stems. I’m rooting them. Maybe I can sell the rooted bits at the next plant swap. Or just hoard it as a new plant…
Back in June (three months ago), I went to the local Plant & Book Swap. I bought some miniature sunflowers, left a ton of books on the free table, and grabbed a cutting from the free table. I have no idea why I didn’t take a picture, but it was about a foot long cutting of a fishbone cactus (see title for many names if can go by). I used google image search to find this out right there at the free table. Technology is fucking AMAZING.
Well, I was quickly enamored with this alien plant thing. WTF is this shit? I can root stuff. FREE PLANT! So I took it home. It was pretty rough with scabbed over areas all over it which is obviously why its owner trimmed it off. I watched a ton of youtube videos and cut it into five cuttings. This was during the great washing machine incident when everything was in the garage and we had a chipmunk problem so one cutting disappeared while callusing over. I followed the rooting instructions to a T. I let it callus for a few days, I put it in a well draining cactus mix. Here’s what they looked like when I moved them inside:
And after three months under my watchful eye, here’s what they look like now:
Yeah. It’s just plumped back up and it’s much brighter green with LESS THAN A CENTIMETER OF A NUB ON ONE SINGLE CUTTING (see blue arrow).
So.
Here is what it looks like next to the fishbone cactus I ordered online that arrived yesterday:
A few things:
Clearly they are different species. The original has much larger gaps in the leaf spurs(?) that are also much sharper. I know multiple different plants fall under this name.
The new plant clearly has a lot of damage. As you can see in the light, some of the stems are soft/mushy in some areas (more transparent — looks yellow in the photo because of the sunlight shining through). I’m not complaining or returning it though. Even if I mercilessly hacked off every damaged stem, it’s still much larger than what I was promised or shown in photos. So I’m cool with that. There are almost double the stems than the photo had and much longer too. And the majority of the stems have new pinkish growth on the ends. So if I didn’t have those damaged stems at all, I’d be thrilled with it. I actually think this is probably just a damaged much larger plant than what I ordered. I don’t mind plant rehab.
It needs to unfurl and relax into place but I’m too impatient and I want to show you my alien plant NOW dammit. I literally transplanted this last night before bed. It’s a little jet lagged and who knows how long it’s been wrapped up tight in that paper wrap.
Isn’t it AMAZING? Like what the fuck is this plant? Apparently it grows in forests in Mexico! I love it! I hope the cuttings grow.
Any advice on the cuttings? Should I nip off the brown bits and hope to spur new growth on the three cuttings that haven’t done shit? They aren’t DEAD, they’re bright plump green. But not a sign of growth in THREE MONTHS on those three. I think I’ll nip one of the three losers and see what that does.
Oh my god. Yall. Yall. I can’t. I fucking CAN’T WITH THIS.
We had our gutters cleaned Thursday (four days ago). Today, I found out that they disconnected the automatic watering system to the pumpkins. They hooked it back up (hence, I didn’t notice) but neglected to turn the water back on.
Now, I don’t expect you to know how I have my water hooked up or why. But I do expect you to tell me when you fuck with it. WHY WOULD YOU NOT?
And you may ask yourself, why didn’t I notice they weren’t getting watered? Well, they droop dramatically between waterings (every 6 hours) every day because it’s in the 90s every day. They pop back up at the next watering, so I’m used to ignoring the wilt. Also, I have been fighting squash bugs with all my life this summer. Just last week I saw MORE EGGS on a leaf. So yeah, I did notice they looked bad. I put out a whole bottle of Seven and a whole can of Raid this weekend.
I also ordered some worm castings concentrate from Amazon to try to perk them up. Today, I decided to turn on the automatic waterer which would fill the gallon jugs and I could just drop the concentrate in each jug.
So I switch the waterer to manual and it kicks on (the water left in the hose) and immediately off. I fuck with it for a while. Try a few more times. Nothing. It’s hooked up! I unscrew it… no water. There’s no water coming through the hose. So I go to the spigot on the house — it’s turned off.
Why would it be turned off? This hose goes under the pumpkins, you can’t use it. Oh. Oh. They must have disconnected it and used another hose and then reconnected mine but didn’t turn the water back on.
That explains the rotting baby pumpkin I lost yesterday (I tend them daily). That explains…
All of this.
Those motherfuckers killed my pumpkin patch. Will the rest of the growing pumpkins die as well? Will any of the vines bounce back after four days in scorching heat and full sun without a drop of water?
MY PUMPKIN PATCH!
I don’t even WANT to begin to add up how much money I have poured into this pumpkin patch. The set up of buying everything, all the dirt, all the squash bug treatments, all the fertilizers, the compost, the mulch, the DAILY tending.
MY PUMPKINS.
YOU KILLED MY PUMPKINS.
I had a terrible day at work and now you’ve destroyed months of work. Months of a new hobby to try and bring some joy to my life AND THEY KILLED IT.
Isn’t it funny all the trailing plant names? String of Pearls, Bananas, Fish hooks, Dolphins, Turtles — just to name a few! Today, I repotted my something and decided to use Google Image search to identify it. Turns out it is a String of Bananas Plant. Well isn’t that cute? Now that I’ve found out what it is — everyone has all these very fussy instructions on how to care for it.
Listen. If you’ve been to my house in 5, maybe more years — you’ve seen the terrarium on my kitchen table. It’s where my succulents live. They’re in a terrarium because Jack was a plant eater. Louie gives no fucks (typical Louie).
I just buy the little 2 inch pots at the nursery. I’m not good with succulents so when they die, I just pop them out and replace them like a kids goldfish. Nothing to see here. But the String of Bananas was one of the OG succulents in here. It might be the only OG I have.
When I started this terrarium of succulents (before that it had other plants rotated in – including a bonsai which died leaving that square pot), I bought a variety. I wanted different textures and colors. So the String of Bananas would add a little hanging accent. Mom always said you need a Spiller, a Filler, and a Thriller. These would be my spiller.
Well, that damn thing just kept growing. It was like maybe 2-3 inches long when I bought it. It just started to fill the terrarium. Eventually I took it out and folded it nicely and put it back in. Still, it had to come out at some point. So when I did my home office and added hanging plants in the window, I put it in a hanging basket. When it got too long, I’d just fold and swing the trails over the pot to grow down the other side. When I moved it to the bedroom, it looked like this:
A few weeks ago, I noticed little roots growing out of the bottom of the inner pot. Time to get a bigger pot! So tonight, I repotted from that 6 inch to an 8.5 inch. But first, I had to untangle it…
Holy shit, the trails are over 5 feet long, easily! It’s pretty thin though. So rather than wad it all up again, I went chop and prop. I cut it into three sections and rooted the lower two sections back into the main pot. I used rooting hormone and this thing has grown like a weed, so I hope they take. Apparently, it will split in two where it was cut, so I hope to get a fuller plant this way. Then when it’s full and long, I can drape the length over the rod like a window swag. I’m so fancy.
Go go, little Banana Strings.
Hanging Plants Tip: CLOSET ROD
Also, when I went to grab that picture, I saw I didn’t post about hanging plants in my bedroom. WTF? I’ve just been so damn tired and fucking depressed and anxious and all over the place lately. Sorry!
(NOTE: Fuck me, I haven’t posted about my MONSTERA? WHAT? I gotta post that.)
So I decided I need some plants to keep in the bedroom. Only problem was how. That card table was only there temporarily so I could put the plants in there. It was also too far from the window to get great light. I wanted to do hanging plants! Like in my office!
As you can see, I just hung the plants in my office from the curtain rod. The String of Bananas was in here with the Creeping Jenny, but I moved it to the bedroom. Now the Creeping Jenny can shine.
Problem: There’s nowhere to put a center support in the bedroom window. It’s a curved window. It’s over six feet wide. A six foot curtain rod would sag without a center support even without the weight of plants on it. So I brainstormed on it for a while. I pondered. Obviously, if I had tools and resources, I could buy a nice solid curtain rod, cut it to length, and make nice brackets. But we’re trying to do this on the cheap here. I need COTS parts.
CLOSET ROD!
Thin closet rods are rated at 30 and 40lbs. And I can get one the right length from Lowes or Home Depot! So I went to Home Depot to look at my options. I chose a seven foot clothes/closet rod and the least intrusive brackets I could find.
BAM! Hanging plants. I LOVE THEM! And this picture is a month old. The big leaf thing has new leaves, the Christmas Cactus of Friendship was trimmed for propagation (to continue the friendship train) and already has three new leaves coming in. The pot of nothing on the far right is the free zig zag cactus cuttings I got from the plant swap. They haven’t done SHIT. They also haven’t rotted or dried out, though. So I’m waiting it out on that.
I’m super happy with it. My joy was a bit (a lot) dampened by the fact that husband thinks it’s ugly. He’s not against the plants, but he hates how far it sticks out from the window. He wishes I would have just got a table or something. But like, that wouldn’t have worked. I can’t just go find a nice two foot tall skinny couch/entry table that looks nice on a $30 budget. Husband is unreasonable on some things. We can make it better in the future — but I can have SOMETHING now.
I don’t love that it’s so far from the window — but I love having my hanging plants in the bedroom! And I think it was a damn clever solution. I even hung some mementos on the ends. He didn’t even recognize the blue heart necklace pendant he gave me 14 years ago that was pinned under my skirt as my “something blue” at our wedding 12 years ago. Now it’s catching the light in our window. With my plants.
Maybe in the future, I’ll hang a nice rod from the ceiling — or do custom brackets. But for NOW, closet rod was genius. It’s not even sagging at all — even with the new larger pot for the String of Bananas. So if you need a dirt cheap way to hang some plants — closet rod.
I’m really enjoying having indoor plants now that my cat doesn’t give a fuck about destroying them.
Since we moved into our gorgeous home nine years ago, I’ve had a shame. (Well, the bedroom furniture is tragic, but no one sees that.) With an open floor plan, it’s hard to hide. Unless you’ve been to my house, you haven’t seen it. I have probably shown photos of every inch of my house, but not this one. In fact, I’m glad I took some before pictures knowing I was doing a makeover. I can’t find any old photos of this hall! I always clip it out or avoid it in photos. Unfortunately, it’s on display in the house though. It’s the hall where our garage door meets the downstairs bathroom and the cat’s litterbox room. It’s fully visible from the dining room and kitchen and I’ve HATED IT for years.
So, as you know, we recently had our floor redone. After it was done, we had a few days waiting on the movers to move our shit back in. During this time, I saw a fully clean hallway. I realized how much I REALLY fucking hated that hall. And that’s when I decided, I gotta fix this like NOW.
You all know, my husband is not a spender. So until we pay off the house, we aren’t making big purchases. So this hall has always just been some cheap 13-year-old short Target shelves full of shit. I TRIED to make it better by using storage cubes I already had. But yeah, bad. Especially, always seeing the cleaning tools. So I’ve been telling myself that we will have the cabinet people come and build some nice storage there. The other side of this wall is the garage so we could even steal some space from the garage to make them deeper. But that’s gonna cost.
But I finally broke. I needed to fix it. Here it was in its CLEANEST state. That’s because we had just moved everything back in and I tried to make it look neater. I don’t even have any photos of this area before the floor redo. Notice I never hung anything over here so no one would look.
We kinda need the storage. Some of the stuff could go other places (and since has). But we want our shoes there by the door. This works out as a great feeding station for the cat. It’s a spot to drop things off when you come in and out. And there’s just some shit that doesn’t have a home, okay? Where do you keep all your spare candles? All the clips and command hooks and stickies? All you bottles of chemicals? And before the litter closet makeover, this was where the spare food and litter and supplies went as well.
So I needed something with doors. Cabinets. But I needed a broom storage so tall cabinets. So I looked at IKEA. I’ve never used IKEA. But they make affordable stuff, right? Everybody has “cheap” IKEA furniture, right? I decided on the PAX system. Just kidding, that’s sold out and unavailable. How about the Billy? These are Billy shelves with Oxberg doors.
OK, OK. The tall cabinets have a non-optional middle shelf… but like it’s not the LAW that I have to install that. So a single for brooms and cleaning shit. A double for everything else. The 15 inch doors above the cat food station are only available in glass, but I can put some contact paper or something on them. Their cabinets are wider than what we had, so the shoe bench won’t fit anymore. So I added a single short for shoe storage.
I can make that work! And I DID — look at this shit: My so not-at-all-shameful hallway!
Look at how CLEAN it is! Holy shit! All those plants are from IKEA too. They were absurdly cheap. I didn’t intend for them all to go here. However, I like the inspiration to not set anything on top of the cabinets. As you can see, our base molding is taller than normal so they don’t sit flush against the wall. Hence the hanging plants. They were super shiny, but I hit all the plants with some matte clear spray.
It’s so clean! The white is so fresh too! And there’s so much storage! Here they are before I got the tall doors on:
They are shallower than the shelves I had before. So I didn’t get to keep my easy cube storage. But I made it work. Everything has a home! Those storage boxes from IKEA are a perfect fit. They’re the Kuggis boxes that are 10.25 inches deep so fit like a glove. I’m so glad I bought enough to do a whole row of them. I wish I had bought more. They’re like useful little junk drawers. One is for clips and hooks. One is hardware and wires. One is craft miscellaneous. The last is WTF miscellaneous. I got a basket with all the pool bits and bobs in it. But most importantly…
I HAVE A BROOM CLOSET, MOTHERFUCKERS!
I never thought a broom closet would make me so fucking happy. But it does. It really really does. Like I didn’t know those broom handles were eating my soul until I put a door there. LOOK! (For those wondering, that middle shelf did seem kind-of required. I assembled it without the middle shelf and when I stood it up it bowed out just enough for the back to pop out. My solution was to install the middle shelf vertically. It is glued in using the wood dowels in the back most holes.)
Now look at the difference when you exit my downstairs guest bathroom. I mean da-y-mn. Such a difference. Holy shit. I’m so pleased. I just want to look at it. Before vs after:
I am an IKEA convert. Holy shit. This is better than I could have hoped. I meant this to be a temporary stopgap until we could get some professional stuff built. But I’m so happy with it, I think I might just hire someone to do some hacks to make it look more built in later. You know, move the floor trim, flush against the wall, cover the outside sides with real wood. For now though — holy fuck, 90% there! I can’t believe it was so affordable! I can’t believe how much I HATED THIS HALL.
Oh oh oh — did you notice the hardware? The IKEA Oxberg doors come with the tiniest joke of a door knob known to man. So I went online and picked up some simple handles and knobs. Turns out I bought the EXACT SAME hardware that is all over my house. I guess my tastes on cabinet door hardware doesn’t change much. I used the existing screw hole for the bottom of each handle. The shorter doors I bought the option of handles or the matching knobs. I did not like the look of the handles. Since they wouldn’t line up with the other three, I thought it looked bad. So I used the knobs. I don’t absolutely love the knobs, but they match the handles (same set). Oh and I used extra knobs to switch out the silver ones in the guest bath so that cheapo cabinet matches now too!
This is such a big win. I just can’t stop looking at it. No more avoiding photos now! This is AWESOME!
Oh, and I know I already did a whole post about the cat lounge and litter room makeover before it was complete. I painted the cabinet doors now. So now all of the extra cat stuff that was on these shelves lives in the litter room (tons of unopened food, cat litter, deodorizers, ect). And the stuff I need daily for feeding lives above Louie’s Jazz Lounge! The opened kibble, the opened case of cans, all of his treats, paper plates for wet food, a water carafe for water refills, even a knife (in the green glass) for splitting the cans of food. And look — hooks for the food scoop and can opener! IT’S SO PERFECT! I whipped up a box to hide/protect the fountain cables and extension cord too.
NOTE: The doors are not painted perfect and you will not comment on them when you see them. It isn’t noticeable, but it’s not perfect. First, I tried just using contact paper on the glass. That was far too stark white, slightly see through, and the corners weren’t great. So I painted it with our house trim paint. That was a huge debacle of rusted paint cans, paint spilling out of holes in the bottom, and rust spots in the paint. But it’s a super thick luxury eggshell paint. I did 3 coats with heavy sanding between each one. But I’m a human without a mechanical sander and you could still see the paint brush lines! UGH! I finished it off with a white wash of acrylic and two coats of clear matte sealant. I’m fucking done with them. Even though some of the god damn paper over the particle board peeled off with the blue painters tape! It was a tiny bit and I touched it up with the acrylic paint. It’s fine. It’s all fine. I’m done. Five fucking coats of paint plus two coats of sealer, I’m not messing with them anymore.
Welp, the first pumpkin patch experiment continues. I’m learning a lot. It’s not going as well as I had hoped. Keeping up with their water needs has been a huge pain. I had to get a cheap irrigation line and timer. The timer runs every 6 hours (it was that or every 12). They still wilt in the afternoon heat.
But then, global warming is killing us. Like literally, it’s cooking us.
Then I thought, maybe the water was draining through too fast. So I rigged up milk jugs to fill with the water and slowly disperse it through a pin hole. They perk up right after watering, but I worry how it will affect the fruit.
Slugs have also proven to be a problem. I expected assault from above and so I used insect netting. Turns out slugs were coming out between the mesh barrier and concrete and munching my leaves. I went out one night and saw the fuckers just eating away! WTF?
At first, they just terminated two vines early. But by the time I got slug bait/poison, they got to the heart of one plant and the main vine of another. Here’s how they looked this weekend:
Last night, I went out and cut off all the yellow leaves and found the heart of the problem. They had directly attacked the main vine. It has healed, but all that yellow in the middle died. Here it is today:
So frustrating! That’s the Jack-o’-lantern plant that had a month head start over the others. It takes 120 days to mature so it went out early. Bastard slugs!
Still, I’m finally getting some female flowers to pollinate! You can see that I removed the insect mesh since it wasn’t doing any good. I decided it would better serve me to cover more ground to keep out slugs and keep the weed vines from tangling with my pumpkin vines.
The past two mornings I’ve been able to go and fertilize two females each morning. Two minis and two large. Tomorrow, another large should bloom.
Im not sure if it was the slugs or my pinching off the male flowers that was causing my females to prematurely fall off. Maybe both. But now that I’m letting them bloom freely and removed the netting, there are many happy bees. Look at these cuties from this morning:
They were inside the prettiest vine. I think this is the vine that grows the big grey/green pumpkins. Love the variegated leaves and it has the prettiest flowers.
Unfortunately, it’s also the ones where the slugs attacked in the soil. I know because the marigolds I planted there are heavily munched. It is stunted, but still has some growth. No females on that one yet.
Lessons Learned So Far
I was very smart to put down a ground barrier. So smart that I used the insect netting to extend that barrier on the side. I used a sun sail and it is great. It’s thick and doesn’t let water sit long. Also blocks the light out and looks clean. However, I think the double layer of insect netting will serve the same purpose at a cheaper price. It’s much thinner. It will not keep light from the weeds, but it will keep them under it. It also stays wet longer, but I don’t think it’ll be too bothersome.
I like the twine that I tied from the plants (the poles that were holding up the netting) to stakes across the barrier. The vines want to grow towards the south and I’m training them to the East. I just inspect them every day or two to note female flowers and twist the latest growth around the twine. Also, since I’m growing in grow bags, the main plant is about 2 feet off the ground. This led to my first vine folding under its weight (had to use wood trim to support it). The twine has allowed me to slowly train the vines down to the ground while supporting the weight.
As for cons, well, slugs. I’ve got bug repellent and slug killer out now. The vines are so close together that it is murder to walk through for inspection. But I have to keep track of my female flowers. I only have one of each vine so I can’t rely on the pollinators. Maybe two of each type next year? Or make sure I use the same species so they can inter-pollinate? I will judge after the yield.
I’ve also let the vines on the sides spread out to make more room. I’m even letting the Jack-o’-lantern climb the stair railing to get it off the ground and away from the slugs.
The critter netting worked great until I could get everything growing well. Then, I added a layer of compost and a layer of mulch.
Instead of the cheapest timer, it might have been worth getting one with more customization options. Then I could water only in the heat of the day and not every 6 hours. Turn it on when it’s drooping and skip watering when it rains.
Another fail was using a cheap hose. I hooked up the timer with a cheap hose. It burst the next day. No shit. I guess it wasn’t meant to hold water pressure in a bend and full Alabama sun. Had to steal the hose from the garage for it!
This has been a more expensive and frustrating adventure than expected. Especially before this week. For two months I’ve been tracking female flowers only for them to fall off before they bloom. Now that I’m getting possible pumpkin babies, I’m much happier. I do hope they survive so I can watch them grow!
Oh, and I bought little labels to very loosely tie around the females to keep track of them. Super helpful when digging around in there to see if they’re soon to bloom. The females grow much closer to the main stem so you have to push leaves aside to find them.
It’s a big learning experience. I do hope to have something to show for it this Fall! It’s also been nice to watch it grow in that ugly rock corner. Such insanely large plants I started from seed!
Now that I’ve been gardening, I need to start cleaning up the deck. I mean, that lemongrass has to have somewhere to go!
We built the deck last year. The deck plus a professional paint job was like 8sih K. So, of course I asked how to care for it. I was told to give it a pressure wash every year and I should be solid. So, I need to pressure wash. I want to buy a powerful pressure washer. We have a big house. We have the garage, the pool deck, the wood deck, sidewalk, two stoops. I really want to wash the Juliet balcony and stoop ceiling. I did some research and decided to upgrade my price range to about 3 or 4 hundred, but I just got overwhelmed. So I just asked to borrow K’s pressure washer to get the deck done. I will try to get a good pressure washer during off season.
First, I discovered my deck is like a white car. You don’t realize how dirty it is because it just looks like a different shade of ecru. It was dirty. And I had to clean it like an inch at a time. It was far more tedious than I expected. I didn’t get the good satisfaction either. The red clay is not coming off. So the lighter the deck got, the more noticeable the red clay spots were. Ugh. Also, there’s been a ton of major construction behind us. A whole neighborhood. Right now the house that backs up to us is under construction. This means red clay dust.
I learned about that the first time we opened the pool after construction started. My pool cover is a very heavy thick mesh that lets no light through. But red clay was all over the bottom of the pool. Pool guy explained it was the construction. Well, now I see that that red dust gathered in the piles of leaves that say on the deck for months. So I really should be cleaning it in winter after the leaves fall. Live and learn.
I figured, while I’m out here, I’ll clean the stoop. Oh. My. God. Why is my stoop a whole-ass different color? I knew it was dirty — but jesus! So gross! I was horrified. Now I’m definitely buying a pressure washer! And where I went along the edge of the brick, I accidentally made lines on the concrete. I tried to blend them out and it just looks worse. UGH.
I REALLY want to do the pool deck now. But I want a more powerful washer so I don’t have to do it an inch at a time. Also, I’m not about to out that much wear on a borrowed tool. That’s a lot of concrete to clean.
The steps were not satisfying either. They were just disgusting. The top of the stoop was satisfying. Nice lines I could write in if I wanted. But, see, I thought the top of the stoop was clean. I always have a rug on it. So I thought it was clean. And it was NOT. So now I’m not satisfied or happy I washed stuff — I’m just disturbed. EVERYTHING needs to be power washed now. It’s not OK. But it has to be OK because I’m not buying one right now. I’m about to open the pool and buy a new salt cell to be installed too. And I want an adirondack chair. So it will wait.
Then, I spent half my Saturday dreading putting everything back on the deck. But Husband helped and we got it done. I finally hung the solar lights I was gifted for Chirstmas. Thankfully, I had enough to double over, because these lights were super far apart. So this is actually a doubled over strand. I’m also very happy with the posts I bought to raise them up above the fence. I wish I’d installed them at the top of the board instead of the bottom to get just a little more height, but they’re there now.
Also, I will say: These lights were tangled as fuck. I felt like Russ in Christmas Vacation. They had a garbage tie in the center… and yet, it did nothing. I literally had to walk along the fence and pull each and every bulb from the giant knot. Then when I went to test them, they didn’t come on! So I thought it must have been all the vigorous shaking and tugging of untangling them! So I left them alone and went inside to put pillow cushions on. Then I read the directions for the remote and saw that they won’t come on if there is any light present. They only come on in the dark. This picture was immediately after they finally came on:
Speaking of pillows… I bought pillow covers! My mom has gifted me many outdoor pillows over the years. Walmart always sells them super cheap. They’re $5 right now, actually. And I never had the heart to throw them away. One year was fancy browns with text that I didn’t care for a lot. One year was the flamingo and the watermelon “Sweet Life.” Then the last year was the Blue Flamingos. Those were my favorite but three summers after her death, they were very faded. And the watermelon straight up tore open. I actually considered painting over the flamingos to make them bright again, but I can’t keep every bit of mom.
Then, a thought occurred to me. I don’t need new PILLOWS. I can keep moms pillows. I just need COVERS! So I spent an evening browsing the internet for outdoor pillow covers. I’ve always had the pool in a blue and green theme. Then last year, I replaced the main pool umbrella with an orange one. So I wanted to keep my blue and green but bring in some orange. And here we go!
I got a super cheap 4 pack of the blue and green watercolor. They are actually all 4 different. They’re also not a great material, but they look awesome. Only three needed here. Then I just got a cheap solid orange with white piping. Oh. And the cat. COME ON — I couldn’t not get that dork cat. It’s fucking adorable. I’m sad it’s on yellow because that’s not in my colors, but I had to have that one. I like them so much that I’m getting UV fabric protection spray so hopefully they won’t fade so much.
I’ll also note the difference in everyone’s version of a 16×16 inch pillow case. The orange ones were pretty spot on. The blue and green, the pillow had to be curled over and forced in there. And the Yellow cat was HUGE. I actually stuffed him with pillow fluff to fill it out more. That will be the soft pillow for lounging.
Oh and I ordered bright green spray paint to refresh my faithful 8 year old cheap plastic adirondack chairs for the second time. Problem with those is… I like them on the deck. They’ve been on the deck all winter. In the summer they are across the pool by the tanning ledge. This is so someone (usually husband) can grab them to sit on the tanning ledge and not get wet but have their feet in the water. So I do need them there. However, I’d like to have one on the deck. So I might get a nice(er) one for the deck. Not wood — aint nobody got time to keep up with that. But maybe one of those thicker plastic ones that aren’t all flimsy? I like having somewhere to sit on the deck that isn’t a hammock.
So I spent a lot of time outside today. Mainly waiting on my lights to come on. I refilled the squirrel feeder. As I sat in my hammock chair — desperate squirrels kept coming by to check it. Then the Cardinal couple came. It’s a female and a male and they always come together to watch out for each other. Well, fuck — yall need some black sunflower seeds! So I filled it up and waited on my lights.
The Cardinal couple didn’t come back, but Carlton did! We call the big male cardinal Carl. Now there’s a much smaller male. So I call him Carlton. I left a little pile of black sunflower seeds on the concrete pad in hopes that the couple would come back. Carlton found it!
Excuse how terrible that photo is. It was at FULL zoom. I was trying to move very sneakily so as not to scare him (he didn’t realize I was in the hammock). So I had to slowly sneak the camera over enough to get past the fern.
It’s nice sitting on the deck and watching the wildlife. Carlton is eating seed there, and there’s a squirrel sitting on the feeder having dinner too.
