Tag: cursing cats

New Cat! Yay!

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In my last post, I told yall I was going to meet Rey at the Cattyshack. Well, today I went to meet Rey at the Cattyshack. So Rey was a very active cat. She was not showing her best today. Unfortunately, she wasn’t in a great mood because she’s been at the cat lounge since Thursday. She was all up for playing! She is VERY active She loved playing with the fuzzy worms on the wand. She liked to grab them and try to take them away. Kinda like the opposite of fetch. She was all for running on the cat wheel too. She was pretty awesome. However, she was not all about the pets. I did get to hold her and pet her, but for the most part, she just wanted to do her own thing. I understand that she just wasn’t in the mood.

However, while I was trying my hardest to get Rey’s attention, I got a lot of Milo’s attention. I sat on the couch to coax Rey over, so Milo came over. I gave him some love and put him aside. Rey isn’t a fan of other cats and she wanted to pick a fight today. Then I was sitting on the floor playing with the wand toy. Milo came over and helped himself to my lap. Put Milo aside. Then we were in the other room with the foster mom playing with Rey. Milo came over so I picked him up and he fell asleep on my lap. It was so cute they took a picture and sent it to his foster mom.

She confirmed that yep, that’s pretty much all he does. Again later, I picked him up again while we were talking and he went right to sleep in my arms.

Dude was straight up passed out. It was like someone ODed him on gabapentin. Is this a stoner cat?

So I felt kinda bad, because I came to meet Rey. This was a meet and greet with Rey. But damn, Milo was stealing the show. Rey’s hair was very thick and coarse whereas Milo is silky smooth. So I asked why we ruled out Milo. He was in my original email because this is his website bio:

“Milo is a very sweet boy that deserves a better life than roaming the streets searching for food. He deserves a forever home with lots of love and attention to give. He has never met a stranger and greets everyone as if they’ve been life long friends. He is very docile and would do great in a home with another cat!”

Then the original reply to my email was this (in reference to Milo):

“Milo is very quiet and keeps to himself at the cat lounge. He doesn’t interact with people or other cats much at all, but if they approach him, he is very friendly and purrs. And he will play with the wand toys if he’s presented with one, but if he sees one being played with in the distance, he doesn’t go join in the fun.”

So they thought he was too mellow and wouldn’t fit my needs? They also wanted him to be with a buddy since he is so mellow. So I had them call his foster mom and see what she thought about him being an only cat. She didn’t see a problem with it.

With Rey being so insanely active, I was kinda worried about leaving her at home while I’m at work. Yeah, I’d get her a cat wheel and stuff, but cat wants to play. I feel like Milo would just sleep all day. He’s like an old man cat. So I asked his age. He’s only 1 year and 1 month old. WTF? He has a little bald spot on his chin and some chin acne, but we can clear that up.

So Rey is a shit ton of fun, but I kinda felt like Milo was choosing me. Rey wanted everyone’s attention and wouldn’t sit still. Milo just kept following me around for pets. So um yeah… I’m adopting Milo!

He’s kinda funny looking. His eyes and ears are super pale pink. And his inner eyelid kept lagging because dude wanted to sleep. He also has a very small head. And there’s the chin acne. But dude has the chill personality. I like him. He’s coming home on Thursday. We might change his name. I’m kinda meh on “Milo.” It’s not a name I would have picked.

So he’s fixed and has all his vaccines and stuff. He’s even microchipped already. I’m thinking when I have a spare off Friday (that’ll be like a month away at least), I should take him to the vet maybe for a check up? Do I want to use Pet Hospital of Madison — they took care of Jack. They were AMAZING. Or do I want to try a cat only vet like Catisfaction? Also is pet insurance a scam?

Anyway, meet my new cat! Welcome to the family!

Oh and yes, I would LOVE to post on Facebook. But… I’m not sure. My sister2 wanted me to take her cats cause she lives with sister1 who wont let her have the cats. She’s lived with sister1 for like YEARS. Not that sister1 wants her there. She moved in for “a few weeks” when mom was alive and she’s never left. Well, her cats had been at dad’s girlfriends house. Shut away in a single room with no attention at all. For YEARS. And before that, they weren’t great. One had litterbox issues and one didn’t like anyone. So dad’s girlfriend just sold her house.

Yeah. Sister2 tried to get me to take her cats a few times. She even lied and said she only had them because mom “made her get them.” Anyway, I don’t know what happened to them. I assume she just moved them into sister1s house kinda like she did her own ass and life. If that’s the case, sister1 is gonna be fucking pissed that I wouldn’t take them. I mean, to be fair sister1 is always pissed. And of course sister2 will be pissed too. So I’m kinda not telling them. Yet.

It’s kinda sad because I feel like I lost my family. I love my bro and his wife and kids. But his wife never answers when I call. Bro always answers but he’s so busy and not talkative so its kinda hard to have a conversation. I’m not sure if I should just go low contact with sisters. I decided I would after the Christmas debacle, but I feel bad about it. It’s sad. At least I have my husband and friends! And my in laws seem to like me a lot. And now I have a cat!

New Cat?

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Today I bleached the litterboxes and the cat bathroom. I will also admit that there was totally a poop from my cat that died over 6 months ago in the litterbox. I’m sorry.

So why did I finally get off my ass to stop moping about my dead cat and clean litterboxes? (Seriously, you carry two FULL dirty litterboxes out and dump them and bleach them sometime). Well… I’m thinking about getting a new cat. I mean, obviously I want a new cat, but I’ve been getting extremely anxious when I try to think about it. So it’s been upsetting me. So what changed?

I read an article about a cat that was for adoption and he sounded fucking amazing. Apparently, Pakistan doesn’t have cat rescues. So people rescue street cats and send them to other countries to adopt out. This particular cat loved all the people. I want a cat that loves all the people! Turns out he’s in California and they only adopt locally so bummer. Also someone already adopted him. Oh well. But I did reach out to a local cat place (again ’cause they never responded in January). I’m going with a foster org rather than the shelter because I’m looking for a personality type. I have no requirements on looks or age or sex — only that it be a short hair. Listen, Tabitha was a long hair. When a long hair cat has diarrhea and you’re at work for a few hours — well, your house is now a disaster as is your cat. Also, dingleberries. No thank you.

So I hopped over to their page and read some cat bios. I found a few that sounded good and I emailed them. They actually got back to me this time. So I went full crazy cat lady. I’ve emailed these people back and forth like 10 times. I have thoroughly explained that I want the neediest velcro cat you have. So she sent me like 4 that she thought would be good. Two were out because they wanted friend cats. I kinda want to have a single cat. So I narrowed it down to Rey and Aletha. Rey is young, 7 months, and Aletha is a little over 2 years. I asked if Aletha was going to be cool with me going and picking her up all the time to come sit with me or go to bed. They said Rey’s my girl. Here’s some descriptions of her from her bio and emails:

“Rey is a little firecracker of a girl who is as sassy as she is stubborn. She is the first to greet a new person […]. She’s more than happy to be carried around the house on your forearm for long periods of time, or lounge on your chest while watching TV. Long-haired individuals beware, however: Rey has a tendency to climb your shoulder, wait for you to let your guard down, and then relentlessly attempt to remove your hair from your scalp.”

“Rey is a hilarious little rambunctious girl. She likes to ride shoulders and talks, and is very needy. She would require something like a cat wheel and interactive motion-activated toys to keep her mentally stimulated. She is super duper smart. And she is also extremely social. She WILL seek out wand toys whether she’s invited to play or not, and gets a little possessive about it actually. lol. She also has never met a stranger and wants everyone’s attention that walks through the door. I adore the little squiggle on her nose. When I first saw her I thought it was a piece of lint. LOL!”

“I talked to the foster moms, and Rey would 100% be the affectionate, attention seeking cat you need. Her foster mom has carried her in a baby sling, Rey wants “uppies” which is when she wants to be put on your shoulder…lol, and she said she greets her at the door and loves kisses on the face.”

Here is a picture of Rey at the lounge:

Fuuuuuuck. I’m already in love with Rey. I haven’t even met her yet! So I cleaned everything up really well and bought some food and fresh litter. My Amazon cart already has a new carrier and wand toy in it. I picked out the cat wheel I want to get her (they said she LOVES the cat wheel at her foster home AND at the lounge so they really want her to have a cat wheel. I’m waiting until I see her use a damn cat wheel before I commit to order one. I didn’t think cats actually used those.) I’m going to meet her tomorrow.

I haven’t met her yet. Yall, if this cat doesn’t like me I’m gonna be so sad. I’m all anxious about making a good first impression now! Like I’m all this cat is gonna have. Am I enough? Am I worthy of this cat? I’m so nervous!

Also, all over their website and facebook they make explicitly clear that there are absolutely no same-day adoptions. Then she comes at me with an email telling me to submit my application and I can take her home this weekend if we’re a match! WHAT? You said no same day adoptions! I’m not ready! I haven’t met her! I have to clean! What food does she like? I’m not prepared for this! So I’m going to meet her tomorrow (Sunday). If we’re a match, I’ll get her on Thursday or Friday because it’s my 3 day weekend. That way she can get settled before I go off to work all week.

M, this might be your new god-kitty! Oh I hope she likes me.

Review: Belifu Dual Channel TENS EMS Unit

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Yall know I like to post my Amazon reviews here. This is a review I wrote before I had this blog. Why am I posting it? Because I just loaned this thing to K and this review includes instructions to use it. So this review is for (as amazon calls it) the Belifu Dual Channel TENS EMS Unit 24 Modes Muscle Stimulator for Pain Relief Therapy, Electronic Pulse Massager Muscle Massager with 10 Pads, Dust-Proof Drawstring Storage Bag，Fastening Cable Ties. This is from February 2020 when I was still doing physical therapy. I rated this thing 3 out of 5 stars. Here you go:

I’ve been doing physical therapy for headaches and some neck damage after hitting my head in a car accident. After we get done, they always apply heat and TENS for 20 minutes. I wanted to be able to do this at home in hopes of breaking my headaches without pain killers. So ‘a TENS shopping I went.

I quickly learned there are a LOT of affordable TENS devices. At this low price point, the market is saturated. Most websites and videos that rank them are just hidden advertisements. So in my non-professional knowledge I started looking. Here’s a few things I knew I wanted that helped me with my first cut:

– Duel Channel.

– Distinguishable positive and negative terminals (NOTE: this product does not meet this requirement. Read further).

– Powerful. I like my TENS pretty strong. Just below what causes a twitch.

– Great reviews. (I trust Amazon reviews. If you find this helpful, give me a helpful vote).

– Snap connectors rather than line-in. This is 100% personal preference. Snap connectors can easily be connected and disconnected with one hand. They can be disconnected with one finger. This is super helpful, in my opinion, when it’s in a hard to reach location on my back. Also, if you were using it on an arm, I’m assuming it would be almost a must. Also, snap connectors seem to be a little more sturdy, again, in my opinion.

This got me down to two devices. I chose this one because it DOES NOT have a touch screen. Touch screens are sensitive, they break, they crack. Do you really need a touch screen? I decided I did not want that liability.

So here we are. I’ve ordered my TENS device. My thoughts:

PROS:

– The box is a perfect fit for everything. I’m just going to keep it all together in the box.

– Attached cable ties! What? That’s such a thoughtful touch. It shows they thought about how people use this. It’s so convenient. No garbage ties. This keeps all the cables so neat and tidy. Awesome. Thumbs up, for that, guys.

– Very small. I like small. However if you have crappy near vision, this might not be best for you. For me, it’s a pro.

– The included pads each have their own protective plastic sheet. I love this over having multiple pads on one sheet. It’s super space saving too.

– The included pads are in little zip bags grouped by two. I like this. To me, it shows -again- that they thought of how people will use this. You generally use the pads in pairs. These are grouped into pairs and easy to grab from the box or bag. You can also label the baggy to show which have been used. If you had multiple users, you could have the baggy labeled with their name.

– Manual has great descriptions of all 24 modes.

– Strong current. I find that around 60% is enough to cause slight muscle twitches. This means I, personally, will not ever go above that. I don’t like it that high.

– No wasted buttons.

– Duel channel.

– Can use up to 6 pads at once.

– Snap connectors (See above for why I prefer these).

CONS:

– I wish they sold a case for it. I’ll use the box, but I’m not going to just toss this all in the included bag. That’s messy.

– The product photos show color coded terminals. I assumed this would tell me the polarity of the terminals. It does not. I’ll have to borrow a voltmeter to figure this out and mark it with a sharpie.

– Only one of my wires is even color coded. On the two individual wires, both terminals are white. So not only do I not know the polarity at all, now I can’t even make sure I’m mirroring the polarity when I use the pads. SERIOUS downfall. I’m getting around this by using the double wire and will eventually use a voltmeter to mark them. If the double wire wasn’t color coded, I’d have sent this back immediately. I feel like the product photos are a lie because of this.

– No setting for constant intensity. Setting 3 : 3 does a good job of mimicking the sensation I use at physical therapy. However, it fades in and out in intensity like a wave. I would like it to be one constant intensity like I use in physical therapy. In 24 settings, not one single one uses constant intensity.

– Can only increase time in 10 minute increments.

– Can only increase timer. Cannot lower timer if you went over.

USAGE:

It’s not extremely user friendly or intuitive on how to select individual modes. I’m an engineer so it’s no trouble, but if the clock is never set correctly on your microwave, get ready. Since the manual didn’t seem well written for this, here’s how to use it:

1) Put the pads on so you can feel what you’re adjusting.

(Don’t stress about picking the mode here. Once you do it once, you’re probably just going to use that same mode every time. You got this)

2) Select MAIN MODE using side to side arrows. There are 6 types of massage aka “main modes.” Use the side to side buttons to select the type you want. I’m a fan of number three. You probably can’t feel anything because when you switch modes, it automatically turns the intensity down to nothing. So use the up and down arrows on the side of the device you are using (the side you plugged in) to feel the sensations.

3) Select Setting/Sub Mode using the ‘M’ button. Within each of the 6 main modes, there are 4 settings. The manual actually does a great job of telling you what each setting is and what it is good for. I’m a fan of 3: 3. This is “Tapping (TENS)”. The manual tells me this produces a “hard thumping sensation that massage your muscles, which can give you an invigorated and revitalized feeling.” Keep hitting the ‘M’ button until you get to the number of the sub mode you want. Again, it automatically turns the intensity down to nothing when you change modes, So use the up and down arrows on the side of the device you are using (the side you plugged in) to feel the sensations.

(Now you know what mode you like. So next time you turn it on, it will be easy. I like 3 : 3, for instance. So when I turn it on, I arrow over to the 3 Mode. Then I hit ‘M’ twice to change from sub 1, to sub 2, to sub 3. Easy peasy).

4) Adjust the intensity with the up and down arrows. If you’re using both A and B, you’ll have to do this on both sides.

5) Optional: Adjust timer. Hit the ‘T’ button to add 10 minutes to the current timer setting.

NOTE: The center round button starts and stops the pulses.

MY PERSONAL SAFETY SUGGESTIONS:

– Don’t move around a lot while the TENS device is active. Get yourself comfortable and settled before turning on the pulses. You can use the pause button (center circle) to pause sensations if you wanna move around to get more comfortable.

– Don’t plug in the wires if it’s not active. I have to have my husband place these pads on me. So I go get him to hook me up and then I go lay down, get comfortable, and ONLY THEN do I plug the wire into the device.

New Employee Swag

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OK, look at this precious super tiny desk kit I got today!

Why would you ever need such a tiny little desk kit? Do you SEE those staple refills? And you’re never going to find that super tiny tape refill again. It’s like an emergency sewing kit … but for secretarial emergencies? It’s stupid as fuck and yet I LOVE IT.

This week, I’m stuck in two different sets of new employee courses. One for my immediate company (well, not even — the one above my immediate company) in the afternoon. And in the morning it’s the division above THAT company. So in the morning we got swag! I love getting free swag! And I gotta say, doll size desk supplies is a whole new thing to be branding. They’ll stick a company logo on anything! We got a little box of stuff. A camping bottle (the non-insulated kind you can throw in the fire), some automatic pencils, pens, little branded sticky notes, a nice notebook (graph paper too, excellent choice), and this tiny desk kit.

I wanted to get out all my various job water bottles through the years but was distraught to find — or actually, NOT find my BAE one. That was a nice one! I can’t find it anywhere. I have a Logicore mug, a KRS bottle (two of those, actually), and I should have a BAE one. Dammit. We also have one from husbands company. Oh well. I also can’t believe I never got a Boecore bottle. I have Boecore everything else — bags, beanie hat/toboggan, stress ball, lanyards, enamel pin, shirt, jacket, cheap sunglasses.. can’t ever remember getting a bottle though. Weird.

The best swag I ever got was a full on quality beach towel from DRS. DRS was even monogrammed on it. That was a nice piece of swag. Of course they laid me off so fuck them, I used it to clean up a mess and threw it away. It was quality swag though.

Bottles seem to be the big thing. Which makes sense, they are useful. I miss stress balls/toys. I need more stress toys. I have a few. A Boecore golf ball, a blue ethics dude that might be a phone holder, an astronaut I stole from a coworker back at NG. I’m going to go to the NASA store tomorrow — maybe they’ll have a stress ball!

Grocery Store Questions.

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First question: Bananas. Why are bananas so fucking cheap? I get onto my husband when he lets bananas spoil. I did this the other day and he apologized and said he shouldn’t have put them on the grocery list. Then, I obviously felt bad, and pointed out that bananas are fucking cheap and I’m the one who let a whole two containers of strawberries spoil which are not cheap.

OK, so I get why other produce is expensive. So the comparison isn’t most of the question. The questions is — how are these bananas so fucking cheap? We don’t even grow these thing here! The strawberries are coming from inside the house — the bananas sure aint! And there are a SHIT TON of bananas everywhere too! Is that why they’re cheap? Is it child labor? Slavery? What about the fuel to get them over here? And they spoil and bruise so easily too — these things should cost a lot of money! What’s the deal?

Second question: toothpaste. I needed toothpaste. Apparently, they don’t sell Aquafresh at Publix anymore. This is horrible. I’ve used that toothpaste forever. But I’m not about to start making special trips for toothpaste so I accept my fate. There were three brands. Sensodyne, Colgate, and Crest. And like twenty kinds of each brand. Why do we need a whole wall of toothpaste? This is insane.

I went with sensodyne because I do have sensitive teeth. OK, narrowed it down to 20. My teeth are very yellow so how about one of the whitening ones? So I grab one and it doesn’t say what flavor it is or list anything in the ingredients indicating such. You might think they all taste the same, but they DON’T. I used mom’s baking soda toothpaste once and it tasted like death! Oh, they had Arm & Hammer as a brand too but that was right out, obviously. So the only one of the 20 synsodynes that mentioned flavor was “fresh mint.” So I grab it an compare the ingredients to the whitening one. Same damn ingredients. In fact, 1% more of the active ingredient in the mint one! Is this all a scam? These are all the same toothpastes, aren’t they?

I need to research both of these topics but I don’t want to right this second. Thank you for your time

Black Hole

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I still miss Jack more than anything. You see all these bittersweet comics like this one where your pet is still with you:

But they’re not. They’re gone. I WISH I could imagine he was still around. I would love to see movement in the corner of my eye and think it was him. Or feel a ruffle on the bed and think it was him. I don’t get that though. I haven’t got that at all. I would absolutely love to be the bat shit crazy cat lady that thinks her dead cat is still around. I wanna be that crazy person.

It would be so much better than the emptiness. Just the void. Today I left a hamburger bun on the counter and had the reflex that Jack might get it. But before I even finished the thought I just was filled with the emptiness that no, he won’t.

MEME TIME!

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It’s time for some memes. I save good ones on my desktop to share here but I never share them. I am tonight because this first one is so very precious I want to cry! Actually, these first two are.

He got his friend a little backpack so he’d have his own shell! Jesus, it’s triggering something in me.

I shared this bat one on Facebook and it got a lot of laugh emojis. But I don’t think it’s funny, I think it’s really sweet and precious. No, I’m not hormonal. I don’t think I am, at least.

These comics were not posted together. I guess I just have a theme…

And we close with cursing parrots. So after I saw this, I did some research on these parrots. So they knew that cursing got a good response from the stupid humans so it only encouraged them to do it more. And then they’d laugh at people. Parrot squad GOALS. So, as I recall, the zoo split them up and mixed them with other parrots hoping they’d move on from cursing. But they started teaching their new parrots friends the bad words. So they had to roll back and take them out of that populace and put them back together. As I recall, the zoo put them back on display together again to curse at humans all day long. They now reside alone away from the other birds down a long sidewalk with warnings about the adult content ahead. I want to visit them.

“The parrots “swear to trigger reaction or a response” so if people look shocked or laugh, it just encourages them to do it more, he said. “With the five, one would swear and another would laugh and that would carry on,” he said.”

Then here’s the update about them getting back together:

“After mixing the parrots with some of the Friskney park’s other birds, keepers said more inhabitants were picking up the parrots’ profanities. Steve Nichols, park chief executive, said: “When they swear, we now get it in probably 15 or 20 different birds, all coming out with the wonderful language. “When this horrendous situation with Covid disappears, we’re going to be setting up a discreet blue corner with a disclaimer before you walk down the path saying, ‘it’s not our fault what you hear’.”

New friend?

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“A bobcat lounges on a dog bed in San Manuel home Mon. The homeowner, who found it upon returning from work, suspects it entered through an unlocked doggie door.”

Listen, I’d like to pretend that I would not approach this bobcat and would immediately go upstairs and call someone. But lets be realistic here. I’m gonna try to make friends with it. I’d be sneaking to the kitchen and throwing it raw chicken. Trying to make it my new cat. I’d be taking pictures. Hopefully, it would growl at me before it ripped my face off. THEN I’d do the right thing before it got worse. But … yeah, part of me would have hope I could befriend it.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a dog door. It’s not just the bobcat either. Man give me a freaking raccoon with with creepy little fingers. I’ll hand it treats it can hold onto with his little hands. Or a FOX! Hell, yeah I want a pet fox. It’s not like I went out and caught it — it came to ME. It wants to live here.

Review: Amazon Rashguard #2

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First to catch up from these previous posts:

Review: Amazon Rashguard #1

Review: TomboyX’s Ribbed Swim Sun Shield Crop Top LC – Parasailing

“As you know, I’m currently working on a tattoo sleeve that needs sun protection. I spend a decent amount of time in the sun in the summer. I like to float around in my pool with my friends for a long time. If we go to the beach, I’m going to spend a few hours sitting in a chair with the waves washing over my feet. I tan easily. I’m also not great about reapplying my sunscreen. I make sure to get a solid coat on before I go out, but I’m not great at reapplying. Combine that with my olive skin and I get pretty tan.

“However, now that I’m investing a lot of money in a full color tattoo sleeve, I gotta protect it. It’s not even finished, so I can’t risk fading half of it before the rest even gets done. So I’m ordering a bunch of rashguards to try out. I’ve got three on order to see what I like.”

So on to contestant number three…. XAKALAKA Women’s Plus Size Zip-Front Multicolor Striped Long Sleeve Tankini Rashguard Top Size 3X Color: 09 Tropic Flo for $32.99

The first question you may ask is, “Mrs C, why would you get this old lady pattern and not the starry sky or the blue gradient?” And to that I say, what the fuck? Did they not have those when I ordered? ‘Cause those patterns are way better. Do I send this back for one of those? What the fuck did I do? I’m seriously considering replacing it for one of those. Why did I order this Golden Girls pattern? Anyway, it’s not about the pattern. Let’s look past that.

So even if I do exchange the pattern, I’d totally keep it. It’s not the same quality as the TomboyX. However it’s also half the retail price and made in Asia. And it has some features I really like. First, the neck hole isn’t trying to choke me. Thank you, neck hole! This doesn’t zip from top to bottom, but the zipper is about 2/3 of the length. I tried it unzipped a bit and it really didn’t make a difference for better or for worse. This one also has fabric that lays under the zipper to protect your skin so when it’s unzipped, that shows rather than more skin. I think it’s a good feature though. So unzipping this one would just be for comfort, not style.

This rashguard is also full length which might make it a go-to if the cropped ones ride up a lot while swimming. It has ruched sides too. That’s a nifty little detail that makes it cute and adjustable. Just tighten up the strings to make it a little shorter if you have a short torso. But the BEST feature: This is the only rashguard so far with cups. Is it going to support big boobs? Not really. It’s gonna try, but I wouldn’t count on it. The support is only on the front panels, it doesn’t go all the way around. But it has cup pads! They’re very large and oddly shaped pads. I have no idea why they aren’t rounded, but they’re there. Do you know what that means? NO NIPPLES! Yes, it’s the only one of our three contenders to hide pointy nipples.

So full belly coverage and full nipple coverage. This might be the go-to for public appearances. I do like the quality of the TomboyX better. And I feel that since the support in that one wraps all the way around you, it would be more practical if you’re doing physical activities. But for a cheap fast fashion rashguard on Amazon — 5 stars.

I like it so much that I’m sending Amazon #1 back. I just don’t need this many rashguards. It is the cutest as far as pattern and general look goes. I admit that. It’s cute. However, the quality is so very lacking in that one. I just don’t see myself choosing it over this one or the TomboyX ones.

Seriously though, should I send it back for the blue gradient? Do I look like I should be hanging out with Blanche by the pool?

Mammograms Don’t Hurt

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I work a 9/80 schedule. That means I work my 80 hours over nine days instead of the usual ten. So I get every other Friday off. Long weekend! Not really. Everything ends up getting scheduled for that Friday off. So yesterday was a LOT.

I met with the lawyer at 10. Our lawsuit is OVER! (Kinda mostly.) I signed over the settlement check and he wrote me a check for our cut. So we paid him, plus all the stuff like depositions, and he handled negotiating BCBS down to like half of what they paid and sent them their check. The only catch is, we didn’t pay back disability. I had short term disability for two months and the contract you sign states that if there’s ever a settlement, you have to pay them back. Well, we weren’t allowed to bring that up in court. So my lawyer wants to argue that I don’t have to pay it. He sent them a letter over a month ago and they haven’t replied back. So he gave me three options: Just send them a check for the full amount out of my good heart, let him keep negotiating (though he hasn’t heard from them), or just leave it be and wait to hear from them. He recommended and I chose the latter. The contract states that if they do come after me for their money, he still represents me and will negotiate with them. So yeah, IT’S OVER!

Oh, and it was tornado weather. So it was windy as FUCK. So after the lawyer I came home to take a nap, but kept getting alerted by the phone and weather radio for a million things. We were fine tough. Just a trashcan in the yard.

At 1:00, I had to go to the gynecologist. This is always fun. Men don’t have to put up with this shit. I made the appointment because I had been having a lot of pelvic pain and thought maybe my IUD had shifted. So they took my back for an ultrasound. Had me undress (yes, guys — the ultrasound is done from the inside) and did their thing. Then they had me get dressed and moved me to another room for the doctor where I had to undress again. I think this was kinda stupid. Like I’m already naked and up here on an exam table, why we gotta do this twice? Why did I just get dressed?

So I haven’t seen the GYN since I had my tubes removed which means I was way over due for a checkup and a pap smear. So of course we had to do all that. I didn’t mean to not get my pap smears, I just kinda forgot that was a thing I had to do. I have a lot of doctors, okay? So I was toying with having my IUD taken out because I obviously don’t need it, so why have it? A few people had recommended I do an ablation to get rid of periods instead. (I’m writing this as an informative subject, if you’re wondering why I’m writing this). So an ablation would burn out my uterine lining and well, if that’s gone, no periods! My doctor said we could totally do that if I wanted, but she didn’t recommend it. She says it can mask uterine cancer. So stay with the IUD it is.

She also mentioned that now that I’m 40, it’s time for mammograms. I told her I didn’t think I could do mammograms because I have implants. I was wrong. She asked when my last one was. Never. She was shocked that I didn’t have one before my implants. I shrugged. Apparently, this really surprised her because she mentioned it again later in the appointment. Anyway, she gave me the paperwork to schedule the appointment and I went back out to the waiting area to drink water so I could pee in a cup.

Oh yeah, if you’re gonna make me pee in a cup, I need ADVANCED NOTICE. I don’t know if all yall have some special muscle that lets you pee on command, but I do not. If I don’t have to pee, I can’t. So they told me to pee in a cup and I was like, “I’m not pregnant.” Apparently, they check for a lot more than just that so I wasn’t getting out of it. But I had just gone to the bathroom when I left the house — like normal people do. So I had to wait in the waiting room and drink 64 ounces of water.

While I was in the waiting room, I decided to bite the bullet and schedule the mammogram. I knew if I didn’t, I’d put if off forever. I call them up and I’m like “hey, what are the odds I can get in today?” So they called the clinic and surprise! Can I be there in 10 minutes? AWESOME. So I peed in the cup and left.

Turns out the mammogram place is literally next door to my GYN. I thought they meant a building over, but they meant the same hallway. So time to do this. I’ve always heard mammograms hurt. They smush your boobs in between two plates to take pictures and it’s horrible (supposedly). So I was not enthused. I told the person this. She had me put my fist on the machine and clamped it down to show me how much pressure there would be. Instant relief. WTF? Who complained about this? We really need a counter campaign to let woman know this is not a big deal. It doesn’t hurt at all! If you’ve had sex, you’ve had your boobs squeezed so you know what it feels like. Is it awkward? Hell yes. Is it pleasant (when a machine does it)? Nope. Is it painful? Not at all. Every year we have stuff shoved up our vaginas for exams but women are complaining about breast pictures? Suck it up. I just had three different tools shoved up my vagina while I was naked and in stirrups and let the doctor feel me up — that was WAY WORSE than some pictures of my boobs.

Oh and the mammogram lady was shocked I’d never had one. “They put implants in you without doing a mammogram?” Yep. She couldn’t believe it — especially “at [my] age.” So apparently, that’s a thing. How was I supposed to know? Ladies, if you get implants — do a mammogram first. It’s a thing, apparently. Oh and the lady said I was insanely lucky they had an opening. It usually takes 2-3 months to schedule a mammogram but so many people had canceled because of the weather (and school being closed) that they had openings. Cosmic alignment win!

So then I picked up some Chicken Salad Chick for myself and K. I’m not usually on that side of town, so if I am, I pick up a large container of Olivia’s Old South for sandwiches. Then I ran in Target for some Lily’s chocolate chips for brownies. I was gonna go by Publix, but at Target I could get quest pizzas! They were out of the chocolate chips and their freezer section was closed. God dammit. But I did use their restroom because, yall, I drank a lot of water in that waiting room.

Then I took the lawyers check to the bank. I was worried because that side of town had lost power (remember, it’s tornado weather). They were back up though! So I got to deposit the check and even got them to write me a cashiers check so I could pay for the air conditioner repairs. All the money is going straight to the mortgage. Mr C does not believe in debt. So we gotta pay off the house before we do anything else. He said I can get a new car when we pay it off though! Of course he specified we have to save for the car and not take out a loan. But still, once the house is paid off, we’ll be saving a ton each month so it won’t take long. I wanna get a hybrid cross-over or small SUV. So that’s something to look forward to! He’s the one who needs a new car but he doesn’t want one. I don’t wanna drive a tiny car anymore. I wanna win in a car wreck. I’d totally drive a truck, but a small SUV would be way more functional. Also, cheaper than a truck.

So then I dropped off K’s chicken salad (she likes the one with the cranberries — ew) and I renewed our car tags online. Plus I baked brownies. How fucking productive was I? I did ALL. THE. THINGS. I was so proud of myself! Now I’m not gonna get dressed today. I earned it.

So ladies, remember: MAMMOGRAMS AREN’T PAINFUL. It doesn’t hurt! Insurance covers them! Go get them when your doctor says to!