Well, we finally had my boob party! I wasn’t feeling it because I’ve been so self conscious about my stomach being bloated. Some of it’s swelling, some of it’s weight gain. So I feel like shit. I’ve also got acne and crooked boobs. But hey, we scheduled this like two months ago. Also, realistically, naked me now is still a gazillion times better. It’s always a journey, right?
I had worried that it would be too hot — both the pool and the weather. But thankfully, Friday we had some horrible storms that brought rain to cool the water and take a few degrees off the temp. So it was actually a beautiful pool day. Everyone got in and floated around! Well, not Mr C; that’s not how he rolls. D even went home to get his swim suit since he hadn’t brought it. The water was perfect.
So what made it a boob party? Well, I have boobs and A made boob cupcakes!
See! A rainbow of breasts. Some even with piercings.
It was a really good time, so I’m glad we did it. Mr C sat in the shade and kept us company on the tanning ledge. The daddy flamingo float came out for the baby flamingos to follow around. I surfed across the pool on a float. It was amazing, you had to be there. We got some great photos. And K and K2 both think my hair is looking a little thicker. Great day!
My sister posted a video on Facebook of these little guys bobbing around her pool. She has eight – her own little flock. I immediately wanted some for my own pool so she told me she got them on Amazon. I looked them up and saw that they’re lights too! I couldn’t hit the “buy now” button fast enough!
First of all, they’re adorable. Their blank stare just seems to follow you. They bob around like they’re dancing together. Any breeze sees them turn their heads and race in a new direction. Sometimes they seem to follow you around the pool. And then when it’s too dark to swim, they light up and the fun continues.
They take on an anthropomorphic personality. We had a party and they were a huge hit. Everyone loved them. We found ourselves wondering who they liked the best. Which one is the fastest? And is the loner always the same flamingo or does it change? My friends even added accessories to them so we could see if the loner was always the same flamingo – maybe that one’s heavier or defective. The one we put the sunglasses on was the ladies man. The one with the dress ribbon around its neck seemed to be the most solitary. By the end of the party it was decided that they must all have names and the girls needed eyelashes.
This isn’t exclusive to us. My sisters want to give theirs identifiers so they can bet on which one will win the race across the pool. These little guys just take on personalities.
My first idea was different colored ribbons making bowties around their necks. However, it occurred to me that I have a box full of leis for parties so I got those out. I made mini leis for the guys and used some of the extra petals to make flower corsages for the girls. And yes, they got eyelashes thanks to a sharpie.
They’re freaking adorable. You absolutely need a flock of your own for your own pool. I cant walk past a window without checking on them day or night.
1) Solar light inflatable flamingos for the pool. I saw my sisters in a video and they were adorable how they bob around in a little flock with the wind. They’re also big enough to not go in the skimmers. So I was like “I want those!” When I looked them up I saw they were actually also SOLAR LIGHTS. Fuck me, I bought them right then. Hell yeah. Got a set of 4. My sister has, like, 10 but we aint rich over here.
2) A cat harness. Does Jack have a cat harness? Yes. Yes, he does. However, his cat harness has some issues. First, it’s a bit tight in the neck. It’s a bit tight in general, really. He wasn’t with me when I bought it. Second, it’s a pain in the ass to put on. Thankfully Jack is a good boy, but every time you put it on him, you have to weave the chest buckle through the loop in the harness. And it has to go over his head. Yeah cats love having shit shoved over their heads. Third, it’s one of those multi-pet harnesses. So a dog harness, really. This one I ordered is just for cats. It’s also been advertised to me like 3 times and I’m a sucker. But, to be honest, I really do like the way it has a big neck hole and that there’s no straps around the cat — just fabric. And its a step in, not over the head. Plus, while it does buckle, it velcros before you buckle it. I mean it does look like a damn good cat harness. Jacks harness is shitty. So… I bought. He got the blue lined in orange.
3) I did NOT buy more Pair Frame toppers for my glasses. A while back I ordered some “blanks” that were 3D printed on Etsy. I got 5 for like $20. I bought them to try to salvage the “fuck” tops by gluing them to plastic so they wouldn’t be floppy. This failed. I did, however, paint two pair! First, I popped on one of the just white blanks. And I actually loved the way the white frames popped. But they were matte finish and if you looked close you could see they weren’t smooth. So I got some white nail polish and now they’re so shiny! While shopping for nail polish I went for something more fun too — one of those ones that changes color depending on the angle you look at it. I went with green because green is my favorite color. Check it. With all 5 blanks and both nail polishes, these were actually cheaper than buying Pair brand toppers:
So I just realized I never updated. I did, in fact, go to the surgeon last week to have my seroma aspirated. So I do have a seroma (AKA a collection of fluid under the surface of your skin). I waited over an hour in a hot room wearing paper and sweating through it to see the surgeon. He poked around with his fingers and said yeah there was fluid, but there wasn’t a good place for him to aspirate or put the syringe. He said my swelling is coming down and it should absorb eventually with time.
It’s uncomfortable in that I can feel it there. When I stand super straight it feels tight and like I have a big ol’ ball of something there. But it’s not noticeable to other people. And it’s a million times better than having the drain — because I can get in the POOL!
Yep. I waited until it was good and closed before getting in. I’m also getting in my own private pool which I know is extremely clean water and actually over-chlorinated. Were it a public pool, I’d wait longer. But this weekend we had two pool days!
K2 came over Saturday for a super fun Sorted Food live viewing with pool breaks in between. We love Sorted Food on Youtube. So I got us tickets to watch the live streams of their making 3 videos Saturday. It was, quite honestly, funnier than we even expected. And in between episode recordings, we got to hop in the pool. Sunday K had planned to come over but it’s supposed to storm all week, so we thought it would be a wash.
Even Sunday morning I was a bit discouraged that the pool had dropped 3 degrees. But K came over anyway. It turned out to be absolutely perfect. There was the occasional cloud, but super sunny and perfect water for floating around in an eggplant float or swim ring. So it was shorter than we’d like because of schedules, but it was the perfect pool day. Yay!
Oh, and I don’t notice that the implants float anymore than I floated before. In case you were wondering. I was wondering if they would. My breasts aren’t particularly loose or large, so I guess no improved buoyancy. I did point out my spiffy cleavage to my husband but he wasn’t particularly impressed. Only because I had to pad my bathing suits previously. I had to pad them all. So I usually used TWO cup size pads in my bathing suits which made me look much larger in the chest than I was. I threw all my cup pads away last weekend when I tossed my old bras! Woot!
The pool is open! And it’s the PERFECT temperature: 82 degrees. But I can’t get in yet! I need to wait at least a week after the drain removal. Damn it.
I can’t even sit and enjoy it because the weeds around the pool stress me out. I can’t weed-eat because I’ve got drainage building up that i might have to have aspirated. So I can’t be “too active.”
BLAH! I still haven’t decided what to do about work.
Went to Walmart to pick up my pool salt. They’re the cheapest, don’t judge me. Took Mr C to do the heavy lifting but turns out with the car pickup service, they would have done it for me. Nice. It’s my first time using the pickup service. I usually avoid Walmart like the plague. They’re shit to their workers and it’s insanely crowded with way too many people. I tell you what though, having someone just bring eight 40lb bags of salt out to my car for me was nice. Had I known it was that simple. I’d have gotten more than eight bags!
While waiting on my own salt, I saw another man pushing a buggy to his car with about five big bags of salt himself. Yep, it’s that time of year. Then, while in the Arby’s drive thru (hey, they HAVE the meats), the truck in front of us had a pool vacuum on a bike rack and their pool cleaning pole hanging out of the back. Yep, tis the season.
I’m not sure when exactly my guy is coming to remove my pool cover. I’m not overly concerned as I still have a surgical drain in so it’s not like I can get in. Last weekend he came by and dumped in a bunch of chemicals and turned the pump on to circulate. The cover is still on though. I have to pay him to install and remove the cover for me. That thing is like 200lbs. So not sure when he plans on doing it. Maybe next weekend?
I’ve got the salt ready! It’s reading a nippy 72 degrees. When the cover comes off it should heat up faster. Gonna be rocking my new boobs this pool season!
1) Yesterday I’m chillin’ in my pool with K3. I’m floating in an egg plant all nice and comfy and then… a motherfucking SNAKE brushed up against my arm! YES! A SNAKE! It was a tiny baby snake. Thankfully, nonpoisonous. I killed that motherfucker with a machete. Not cool, nature, not cool. There was also a tick and a dead mole in the pool. What the fuck? It’s a square of concrete filled with salt water. It’s not a river! Leave my shit alone! I hate nature. IT TOUCHED ME. Ugh. Now I’m gonna be super paranoid about checking every inch of the pool before I get in.
2) Cross fit continues. This week has been a real emotional rollercoaster for me. I’m not 100% sure why, it’s not my monthly cycle or anything. I’ve been in crossfit for a month this week. I’ve done 6 regular classes plus the 4 onboarding classes. But for some reason, Wednesday got to me. After Wednesdays work out I just felt pathetic. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I wanted to quit. It was runs and barbells and I can’t do the runs (I’m subbing with bike) and I couldn’t get the damn push jerks right to save my life. All while I’m using the training bar and 2.5lb weights and some of these other bitches are slinging like 200lbs! And here I can’t do ANY OF IT. I just felt like I was setting myself up to be humiliated.
I’m working out surrounded by the fittest of the fit, and here my fat ass is in their space. They’re the sharks and I’m in their ocean. I really just felt humiliated and in deep fear of being mocked. I’ve been bullied a lot in my life. I’ve had people make rude comments about my weight even as an adult (down over 100lbs, now though!). So I actually cried about it. And with my monthly subscription coming up this week — I’d have quit if it weren’t for K2 and K3. I have two people supporting me and willing to make sure I never have to work out by myself. I’m blessed to be able to afford this expensive ass gym. I can’t squander this opportunity.
Friday’s workout was better. K3 is super supportive and motivated. She also somehow enjoys working out so she has a great energy. So we finished 3 team rounds of the impossible. I did over 30 burpees! Plus 26lb hang cleans and rowing. Today we did more barbells (hang snatches) and pull ups (I sub ring rows) with K2. So I’m still totally failing at the bar LOL — I just can’t master the moves. I’m thinking so hard about all the little specifics that make up the move that I can’t do it. I’m in my head too much and can’t do the move fast enough to get it all timed right. But I looked up youtube videos beforehand to try and get it worked out. So I’m getting better.
Also one of the youtube videos broke down crossfit as a whole a little bit. They acknowledged how hard it is to be in there with all these athletes slinging mega weights. They discussed how it’s easier to go to a normal gym and feel less judged. But then he discussed how it’s better to learn form these people correctly slinging all that weight so they can teach you how to get there. And to take advantage of your coaches who want to help you get there too. So I asked lot of questions tonight. And I tried to mingle a little more. I even reminded my onboarding coach to put up my intro picture on the website so I can get to know people more. Here’s to another month starting this week! I’ve got my ripstop cream and I’m sitting here recovering with my compression socks on and a compression knee sleeve on my terrible knee and some turkey meatballs. Thanks to my chickas K2 and K3 who have no idea how much they mean to me right this second in my life. I’m so thankful.
3) We spread moms ashes. Part one. She wanted to be spread at the beach and in the mountains. Well, the first week of August is my families yearly vacation to Florida. We’ve got a time share and we’ve done it every year since I was a baby. (Except that now we alternate our vacations each year with my family vs Mr C’s family trip). Florida was moms thing. She loved it. It was her place. She could just sit on the beach all day with her toes in the waves. She slept with the balcony door cracked so she could listen to the waves. She had coffee on the balcony with the sunrise over the ocean.
Being down there without her was beyond difficult. But we did good and we spread her ashes at sunrise. We went to her (well, the whole family’s) favorite breakfast spot and crossed over the a public beach area. With the smell of her favorite apple fritters in the air and the colors of an ocean sunrise, we threw flowers in the water. I hope you loved it, momma. I miss you so so much. *wipes away tear*
I tried to make myself a little less of a potato of depression and anxiety today. I got in the pool. But it just made me miss mom. I miss her insanely dark skin that smelled like Nivea. I miss talking about life while we floated in the pool. I miss joking about her flip flop tan lines she was trying to even out. I miss fetching her peanut butter crackers and peach wine while she sat on the tanning ledge. She should be there on the tanning ledge while I cool off inside. But she’s not. She won’t ever be again.
I got a good one for you today, folks. I got SCAMMED. I got scammed hard and hilariously. Meet Rhaegal:
I ordered Rhaegal from the scam website freshyness.com (*Clicky* but NOTE IT’S A SCAM SITE). He was to be K’s house warming present. A regal dragon to stand in front of her new house and be decorated for various holidays. An epic creature of grace and fun.
Instead I received Rhaegal: the Inflatable Dragon of Majesty and Scams.
I saw that Rhaegal was being delivered today on USPS’s delivery dashboard. I was so excited that I showed him off to people at work. I was going to hide him in the storage closet and have K fetch a pool float from the closet when she comes over Sunday. I was so excited! Then I got home and had this awesome pool float in my mailbox. I thought someone sent me a fucking sweet pool float as an anonymous surprise! It’s not unheard of, I send my friends little gifts and sometimes they send me little gifts. And I mean, look at it — that has me written all over it. But when I contacted everyone who might have sent it, they all denied it. That’s when it slowly began to dawn on me… this is Rheagal…
Jokes on those bitches because I love it! I would totally have bought this for the pool at a reasonable price.
Thank god for credit cards. I already contested the purchase and will have my money back in 15 days or less. FREE POOL DRAGON, bitches!
To be clear though, the website freshyness.com is a complete scam. It’s a chinese company that sells expensive awesome shit and sends you cheap, but still kinda awesome shit. Don’t buy anything from them. And always use a condom. I mean Visa card.
Look at how perfect this is! I have an umbrella anchored in the middle of my pool and now it has a table on it! No bugs crawling on our drinks. No moving the drinks and tables to keep them in the shade — they’re always in the shade now! And it’s huge! It even holds my 32oz insulated thermos!
Five out of five stars. I am thrilled with this product! It even came with a completely unnecessary but high quality carrying bag. Let me tell you, this is PERFECT for the pool. I might buy more for my other pool umbrellas. It’s perfect for having coffee on the tanning ledge. It’s perfect for parking your cold water or wine while you drift on a float. Throw some extra sunscreen on there so you don’t burn. You never have to get out of the pool now! It’s perfect.
I’m even going to amp it up to 11. I got out my dremel to add drainage slots to the snack trays and am spray painting it lime green to match my pool furniture.
I’m so happy with this purchase (Amazon link — clicky clicky)! I was afraid it wouldn’t hold my favorite beverage containers, but everything fits great! It’s wonderful. Did I mention perfect for the pool? All the stars.
