Tag: curing cats

Childless Cat Ladies

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Just thought I’d share.

It’s kinda catchy.

I should explain for the non-Americans or future readers.  Vance (Trumps running mate) made a comment about childless cat ladies running our country.  Apparently, we shouldn’t get the same vote weight as families.  We don’t care about the future of our country and education because we “don’t have a stake in it.”  So that’s what this is poking fun at (“there’s a crazy man with tiny hands…” LMAO)

But let me tell you, today it was 97 degrees (F) and I tried to take my cat outside but he stepped on the pavement and I was afraid it would burn his paws cause we’ve destroyed the fucking planet and it’s a hot box at the moment.  Also, I have nephews. And friends with kids.  Geez. 

Can I get a “Childless Cat Lady” tank, please?

I have an anxiety problem

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Do you ever have a panic attack?  You know how they spiral downhill quickly if you are not like ON IT immediately?

Well, I just had one, and thought “this is like the third panic attack in 25 hours.  What if it’s really my heart?” And then started panicking WAY MORE. 

I’ve found only recently that for me, stretching my chest out (cause my chest hurts a lot in panic attacks) and doing the counting breaths in and out helps.  In 1 2 3 4, out 1 2 3 4… But I’m also not good at it. 

So I just start pacing with my chest out beating my breast bone and speed counting 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 1 2 3 4 like I’m trying to cast out or summon demons.  Or 11’s mom.

Just thought I’d share.

Is it the perimenopause? Because I don’t need MORE SHIT.

Stuck in the splits!

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I ordered this doll when the Barbie movie came out. They released a ton of regular Barbies, but only did a preorder for Weird Barbie. The prototype pictures showed her regular in the box. I was afraid they’d actually box her like that. But she just arrived…

IN THE SPLITS. YAAASSSSSSS!

I was going to be so insanely disappointed if she wasn’t in the splits. Kate McKinnon was fucking hilarious as Weird Barbie. She was integral to saving the world, and she was always in the splits.

Part of me does want to open it up and tape her doing the splits against my computer monitor. So she can forever say “what’s up?” But a bigger part of me sees them on eBay for $300 and thinks maybe she should live in her box. So for now, she’s in her box, on my happy shelves in my office.

Sneaky bastards.

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You know those speeding radar signs? The ones that flash how fast you’re going at you? Sometimes the flash red if you’re going over the speed limit. Well, there’s a new one on our road. And the sneaky bastards put police lights on it. That’s right. If you speed past it, it flashes blue police lights like you’re being pulled over. Gives you a heart attack right there. Crafty devils! (The speed limit is normally 45 but they have it lowered to 35 with the flashy sign because of “construction.”)