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Angel Number

Posted on February 23, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

So today, while being a terrible person and looking at Facebook on my phone instead of better things, I saw Misha Collins post about “Angel Numbers” — cause yesterday was Twos-day. 2/22/22 (in American notation). So he posted a number to text for your angel. Well, im in a funk so I texted it.

“Hello Angel Number, I’m very depressed and worried about my job and lack of contributions, knowledge, and motivation. I think I’m not good enough to do it and I don’t have that drive to dive i and figure it out. And the upcoming court mediation Friday is gonna be a cluster fuck. If I get the max, I won’t recoup 10% of my losses and they’re no offering the max even. C’est la vie.”

Then it asked me if I was a Russian bot and I kept texting cause I got shit to say.

“I am, in fact, not a Russian bot. Just a down in the dumps software engineer. I feel so screwed. I had a car accident that caused me to miss almost a year of work so I lost the job I liked and about 80k. When I got the OK to go back to work, I got put on a shitty contract. I hated it so I left for this job in November. But now I feel woefully unqualified and my depressive instinct is to shut down rather that pick up the reigns. Now we’re finally trying to settle with insurance over 2 years later and they’re offering 7k. No, thats not a typo. They’re offering 10% of my missed wages. AND I have to pay back for medical care, disability benefits, taxes, and of course the lawyer get 40%. I’m getting fucked!”

“I wish I could focus on the good stuff in my life. I’m finally getting plastic surgery to spiff up after massive weight loss. The second surgery is set for March 15th. I wish my mom could see! But oh yeah, she died of COVID before there was a vaccine. “

“I miss my momma and I hate my job. I’m crying to a text number dammit.”

“Mustn’t cry during work hours. At least I finally got my super sweet goomba tattoo.”

“Oh and no worries, I’m not a suicide risk. I have a psychiatrist and I take Valium PLUS 3, yes 3 antidepressants. And I have an awesome husband and cat. Oh yeah, the cats in stage 3 kidney failure with a heart murmur. When the cat goes, I’m gonna lose it.”

“I hope I can get his tattoo before he dies. He’s like my little familiar soul cat, At one my, my soul reason to live was that cat. He kept me going. I want his portrait.”

“Look at my handsome Jack!”

“I want Megan Massacre in New York to do it but she’s crazy famous and I’m in Alabama. My next choice is Devon Greig who did this sweet goomba on me. “

“*sigh* Thanks for listening, Angel Number.”

Some Things 2/19

Posted on February 19, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

1) Chicken bologna has 4 carbs per slice. Beef bologna has less than 1 carb per slice. What the fuck are they putting in that chicken bologna?

2) Jack had his vet visit for vaccinations and kidney check up on Friday. They took him back to get blood and returned with one tech holding him and another scrunching his neck while he growled like a feral. “I’ll take that. Sorry.” LOL Then they found a heart murmur. Booo. So they wanted to get a blood pressure. The vet wanted them to take him back and the poor tech was like, can we do it in here? He’s calm with his mother. Again, sorry yall. So I held him while they did everything else. His blood pressure was fine. His kidney levels are, as expected, still stage 3 failure but have improved by like .01. And he hasn’t lost any weight. So good on that front!

Unfortunately she said cats don’t usually show signs of heart trouble. And the sign of a heart murmur is usually just finding them suddenly dead. Well, can’t fault them for holding back. So thats nice. Now he has kidney failure and a heart problem. Nothing to be done for the heart problem since his blood pressure was fine. Oh and they are transitioning him from the kidney pills to a power you mix in his food. Nice! He still has the liquid to take, but now we dont have to wrestle with pills twice a day. Which will be great when I’m recovering from surgery…

3) I had my pre-op on Friday! Breasts are paid for and scheduled for march 15th. I’m having the side and back fat removed and a lift with implants. They’re also gonna do a revision to my tummy tuck to get more skin now that my swelling has gone down so much. Yay! I’m more excited since I got to REALLY sit down and talk about size with the nurse. They’re gonna order multiple implants (high profile, smooth silicone gummy implants). I’m asking to be around a DD but not bigger as I don’t want shopping for bras to be difficult. She assured me they’ll try different sizes and the whole team of nurses and the professional plastic surgeon will all weigh in on what looks best. So I feel more relaxed about it.

She also gave me one of their bras (you have to buy your own but they had a few) to show me what to get. I thought my current zip fronts were fine but they’re not because they’re flattering and push your boobs together. Apparently we don’t want that. We want the implants exactly where the doctor put them. So the bra she gave me has absolutely no support. Why ever wear it? So I ordered two more of them so I’ll have 3 total.

I’m gonna have drain(s?) again. UGH.

4) Jack wasn’t the only one getting vaccinations Friday. I got my Covid booster shot. Woot!

DRAINS OUT!

Posted on February 14, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

I got my surgical drain out today! After exactly 2.5 months. I was so excited when they called (to tell me they could take it out today) that I rushed out the door and forgot all my paperwork! I don’t have tubes coming out of my pubic area! Like, if I have to go to the bathroom, I can just pull down my pants and not be careful about it. And I can pull them back up without making sure to tuck bulbs and tubing just right. There’s no bulge in my shirt. I can wear real non-stretchy pants again! (Downside: I have to wear real pants again). Happy Valentines to ME.

I am hurt.

Posted on February 13, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

First, Backstory: I live on an acre of land on a main road. Back in the 20’s — the 1920s, not these shithole ones — a neighborhood was planned. There would be a neighborhood with 10 large houses fronting the road at the entry. These 10 plots of land were mapped and sold. The neighborhood never came to be. Eventually the road access was even merged into Ricky’s plot. So there were just 6 of us in a row with lovely houses and forest for miles behind us and in front of us.

Well, where we live is quickly expanding so they decided to buy that land behind us and put in a neighborhood. Of course we’re not a part of it — fuck your HOA. But their backyards back right up to ours. We lost all that beautiful forest and privacy. Now our backyard backs up to someone else’s backyard. C’est la vie. Now you’re caught up.

Today, I search for their neighborhood on Facebook. They had a Facebook page! I immediately applied to join and explained the situation. They let me in and I commented on posts and got likes and it was nice. I then made an introductory post explaining the history of how they used to be neighborhood ABC like us, but now they’re neighborhood XYZ and welcome to the area! I got a bunch of likes and some comments. I texted my fellow neighbors that they should join too! How neighborly!

Then comments were turned off on my post. Weird. Then they made the group unsearchable on Facebook. That’s not gonna help your neighbors find you. Then a few hours later, I look and I’ve been booted. BOOTED.

What the fucking fuck? Motherfuckers. I’m hurt. Like irrationally hurt. I thought we had a neighborly thing going and they don’t want me in their neighborhood? Motherfuckers, I was here first. YOU TOOK MY TREES YOU SONS OF BITCHES.

So now I’m like, irrationally hurt. I’m depressed about it. (Granted, everything makes me depressed because I’m always on the cusp of collapse into the darkness — but still). I’m hurt.

Fuck you and your whole neighborhood. Fall in a sinkhole, you bitches!

Am I allowed to hold one admins actions against a whole neighborhood?

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UPDATE: The Next Day

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This was in my mailbox today!

For REAL. What the hell kind of response is this to someone joining your facebook group? It’s trespassing! And technically a felony because they messed with my mail box. Was this some weird midnight black op to put it in there unseen? Who does this? What the fucking fuck? What kind of response is this to a hello from your neighbor? THIS IS INSANE.

I have bad news, but wait! Good news too.

Posted on February 12, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

I saw the plastic surgeon on Monday about doing my breasts in March. He thought breasts could be done for sure, but he also wants to do a scar revision on my stomach. Not because the scar is bad, but because there’s more skin he can get and tighten even more now that my swellings down. Nice. I also asked about getting all the side-boob fat. You know, the fat that you shove in your bra cause your boobs are more like a blob than a perky magazine chick in reality. He said he could totally get that, but there’d be a scar. OK. Have you seen me? I’m up to, like, 4 feet of scarring at this point.

I also asked him about the overhang on my elbows. He tried to address it with lipo, but it’s not a fat problem, it’s a skin problem. The skin from my shoulder to my elbow is just too long after losing weight. He was hesitant about that one. He said he’d consult with his peer and see what he thought. So they took lots of pictures. But the good news was — he said he wanted my last drain out this week! It was still draining too much but he said he didn’t care, he wanted it out this week. It’s only been 2 and a half fucking months. THANK GOD.

LIARS! Fucking Liars! We made an appointment for Friday to pull that last god damned drain. I went in and did it get pulled? No, it did not. Because for some reason, on Wednesday it decided to start shooting up in drainage. It was 80ml on Thursday. Yeah… Not the 15 they want or even the 40 it was when they pulled the other. So the nurse went to talk to the surgeon and he said nope, give it the weekend and call them on Monday with an update. Because at those levels, they’d need to aspirate fluid every other day and every time they do that you risk infection. FUCK.

Yall, I am not exaggerating that I left that office utterly defeated. I wanted to get a krispy kreme donut and cry and spend the day in bed. For real real. I settled for going to the store and buying ALL the keto snacks and working my damn job while eating chocolate.

But wait! In my extreme darkness, I forgot to ask the scheduler about the breast surgery. They never got back to me after Monday. She’s been holding March 15th for me. He’s booking in May right now, so if I can’t do March I have to wait till Fall. That’s because May is not enough time to heal before my pool opens. Well, they just hadn’t got back to me yet — but he’s totally cool with it. Boobs, side boob, and arm and stomach touch ups — all a go for March 15th. I even have my preop appointment scheduled for this Friday. Woot.

It’s definitely a woot. And I know I want my breasts done. However, this surgery I’m much much more anxious about than the last. First, with the revisions, how bad is the recovery going to be? I know breasts are an “easy” recovery, but he’s doing more to my arms and stomach too. Also, my arm scars aren’t that great. So hows this new scar in a whole new place on my arm gonna look? Is it worth it? I think it is but you never know because hind sight is 20/20 and foresight is fucking blind.

Also size. I’ve been sticking to a D or double D. I want to be big but not hard to shop for bras big. Is that too big? Mr C pushed for me to clarify DD because he wants me to go as big as I’m comfortable going. I’m fine with some DDs, but some peoples DDs are way bigger than others. How do I know whats in this guys head when I say DD? I dont want boobs so big that you can’t see my new flat stomach…

I’m scared. And I still have a fucking drain in. UGH.

Midlife Crisis or New Level Unlocked? You decide

Posted on February 7, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

So I’ll be 40 this year. I’m cool with it. The older I am, the closer to retirement I am! Also, I’m happy with where I am in my life. Good husband, decent career, great credit score, own a house with a pool, good friends, decent family relationships, fucking awesome cat. So I don’t think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’m just making a lot of changes.

New arms, new stomach, new boobs (all through drastic plastic surgeries) — and some fucking sweet tattoos. Like full in on the new bod and tattoos. I’m getting a sleeve, yall. We’re all-in here. And this was somewhat brought on by my turning 40.

It’s like dude, I’m getting old — if not now, then when? And who’s to tell me no? And why not? Like, bitch I’m 40, what say do you have in my life? Career? I can cover the tats if it’s a big deal or an interview. Long sleeves and pants — check. Husband? He hasn’t objected. In fact he’s pretty jazzed about the boobs. Family? Meh, mom was the only one who would have had any weight, and well, we know how 2020 took her out. Friends? Why would a friend object? I hope I don’t choose friends so badly.

So yeah, I’m halfway through this bullshit we call life. I think I’m doing OK at it. I feel like 40 brings a new freedom. Is that a mid-life crisis or mid-life catharsis? I’m not trying to regain my youth — fuck that, my 20s were a shit show. So was my youth. Fuck that shit. It’s more like: now I have permission. It’s a shame I don’t have hair I could dye amazing colors. I’m too hot-natured for wigs as an alternative. Gonna have to put all the color in the sleeve.

My Goomba! (First Tattoo)

Posted on February 5, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

I got my first tattoo today! It’s a goomba on my ankle.

Isn’t he adorable!? I got him from Devon Greig At Alchemy Tattoo in Nashville, Tennessee. She did an amazing job. He even looks better than the fake ones I was sporting for a while! She did the outline all in colors darker than the pixels they surround (except for the grey surrounding the black).

The pain wasn’t as bad as I expected. However, I had seen people tapping out of tattoos and heard stories of people screaming and taking lots if breaks. This one took just barely over two hours of tattooing. I didn’t need a break or anything. Just to shift twice because I my other leg was falling asleep.

It felt like a skinned knee. And the lines were the worst part. She did the grid first and then went back and colored in the many many pixels (“so many little squares,” as she put it). So yeah, the fine lines were more painful than the coloring in. And it hurt worse towards the back of my leg for some reason.

Now I’m ready for my sleeve. Bring it on. (In Fall, after pool season).

K went with me to Nashville. We made a lovely day of it. Traffic was light. We went to the studio early enough to grab lunch there. So I google mapped “restaurants near me” and it suggested a hole in the wall BBQ joint — well, when in Nashville… It looked shady as hell, but they also had a food truck parked behind it. I love some food truck food. Yall, that place was fucking awesome. Everything we had was delicious. Pork, Sausage, Bologna, Brisket quesadilla, Fries, Cole Slaw, White Beans, and Banana Pudding. All 5 stars. K said she knew it was going to be good when she saw grandma behind the register. And it seemed like most of the people in there were regulars shooting the breeze with the smoke master.

The bathroom was out of soap and paper towels. Usually that would be a no go for me — but fuck, that food was so good. I’ll go back when I go for some of my sleeve, I’m sure. Thanks to K for joining me on my adventure!

It’s a Good Thing: Pentel EnerGel RTX Retractable Liquid Gel Pen Review

Posted on February 3, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

How about a product review? I just reordered some of my absolute favorite pens. I’m pretty possessive of a good pen. I covet them. You will not take my good pen. And ever since I found these Pentel EnerGel RTX Retractable Liquid Gel Pens (Amazon Link), the purple one has been my precious. I’ve ordered a set of just purple and now I’m ordering another set of the multi-colored package because almost all of them have run out.

Here is my original Amazon review (I’m a whore for Review “likes” — so feel free to hop over and mark my review as “helpful”) :

I signed into a meeting Monday with a brown pen — the color was meh (brown) but the ink line was fantastic. It flowed perfectly. Perfectly. I wanted it. I asked whose it was and it belonged to the meeting coordinator — he was not going to let me have his pen. So I asked to borrow the pen and wrote down everything about it. Then I went home and ordered a pack of my own. Now I have purple and dark green (and 7 other colors since I gave three to my husband). They arrived last night. *SQUEE*

Purple is my favorite color of pen to use at work. I’m an engineer so I have to keep it semi-professional. This pack has a lovely dark purple, a dark green (looks lighter in the picture — there are two greens, one is lime and one is dark), 3 of 4 blues (I’m counting the turquoise here), black and brown. I consider all of these seven colors professional enough for work purposes. There are other lovely colors here but those will stick to home use. The Navy pen looks almost black when you write with it. I prefer to avoid black and similar pens at work because I need my writing to pop on printed pages. So this multi pack was an awesome choice for me. Next time I might just order a set of purple. However, I wanted to try all the colors first.

I’d consider getting a nice metal version of this pen and just switching in these ink wells. However, then I’d be even more possessive of my amazing pen. I might develop a tick when someone asks to use it.

“My precious…”

9 Weeks Post-Op

Posted on February 1, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

So I’m 9 weeks post-op tomorrow (tummy tuck / abdominoplasty, arm lift / brachioplasty). I should be working out by now but I’ve still got a fucking drain in!

Yesterday I saw the doctor. I presented the graph of obvious non drainage decline and he said OK, we’ll take one out and watch the other over the next few days. Awesome! Well, then he left and the nurse wasn’t so happy to take out a drain. She insisted that this was normal and they were going down. She’s worked there for 19 years, you know. Bitch, can you not read a line graph? It’s a fucking picture. And the doctors been there longer than 19 years. I know those nurses hate me. She mentioned the numerous requests in my file about the drains. And she said if they are removed, they’ll have to manually remove the fluid with a needle multiple times. Bitch, I know. I accept this. I do not accept keeping useless drains in when they could be the irritation causing the damn drainage themselves.

So he said come back in a few days. The nurse, however, said to call when the drain goes down and blah blah blah about 15ccs. So I’m not sure when they’ll actually take this second one out. However, they did take the problem one out — the one that was painful because it had slipped out about an inch, was cloudy, and was smelly. Having one long tube to deal with is also simpler than trying to keep two from getting twisted and tangled. So half victory.

I asked about getting on his schedule for March for the breasts. I need them healed up before I open the pool in the summer. So if they can’t be done in March or April, I’ll put it off till the pool closes in Fall. He said that should be fine. Of course he’s booked up. Which is why I’ve mentioned it in my previous appointment and he blew me off with we’ll talk about that next time. UGH. So the scheduler is supposed to talk to him and then give me a call. I’m crossing my fingers. But I’m also prepared to hear that I have to wait till after summer.

Also FIRST TATTOO THIS WEEK! Saturday I’m getting my Goomba!

Depression and Fucking JP Drains

Posted on January 29, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

So I see the surgeon on Monday for my 8 week follow-up (Tummy Tuck, Arm Lift — get caught up). Really, I was 8-weeks two days ago so it’ll be more like my 9-week follow up. I still have my surgical drains. The longest I can find on the internet is a reference that they can drain for 1-5 weeks. I was originally told they’d be in for 3 weeks. Then it became when they’re under 15cc per bulb per day. OK.

Then last time I saw the doctor (2-weeks ago) he said that he’ll take them out at 8 weeks anyway. Well, his nurse corrected him that they wouldn’t. The nurse again reinforced that they can not come out until they are down to 15cc per day when I called to complain that one of the drains is turning cloudy and smelly. So I’ve been looking forward to Monday, but as it get closer (and keep in mind, I’m depressed over here anyway), I’m thinking: Holy shit, they’re not going to take them out.

To see if I was right or the nurses were right, I charted the data. Maybe they’re going down in a very slow, languid progression. December to January looks great:

But wait a minute — lets zoom in on January:

They aren’t going down! And maybe it’s just because my body doesn’t like plastic tubing in it. But you can’t tell me they’ll go down while I’m looking at FOUR WEEKS OF DATA WHERE THEY DIDN’T GO DOWN. That’s a week longer than they were supposed to be in there in their entirety — 4 weeks of nothing. Everyone on the facebook groups I follow had them out in a few days or at two weeks (for those who have it done in Miami and then go home and have to have a doc take them out). No measurements, just a time frame. Well my time frame done passed on by.

Yall pray for me. Yes, I printed out my data for the doctor. But you know how often doctors listen to patients. And lord knows his nurses are only concerned with quantity. Even though one of them has gone from crystal clear yellow drainage to cloudy and increasing and smelly. I kinda think that’s a problem. I’m just looking forward to talking to the DOCTOR Monday and not his fucking “how much did they drain yesterday” god damned nurses.

PS: I acknowledge that they are still draining a lot. And taking them out might cause me to need to have the fluid manually drained. But I just don’t think they’re going to go down anymore with the drain system still in there. I think my body wants it out. I also think there are injections you can give to encourage it to close up. I’m gonna research those too.