Category: Tattoos

In defense of tattoos. To a Catholic MIL.

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So you’re horrified that I’m getting tattoos because they’re sinful and now I’m a heathen going to hell. Right? I willing to bet the arguments you’re going to make are that the Bible says tattoos are bad and that our bodies are a temple? Am I right? Let’s break these two down before I go further. (A) Bible says no tattoos. (B) Bible says body is a temple.

(A) Bible says no tattoos:

Leviticus 19:28: “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.”

OK, first of all, the word for tattoo didn’t exist until the 1700’s. The Bible wasn’t written in English. Second of all Leviticus? Come on. If we’re going full Leviticus, it says not to eat shellfish (Lev. 11:9-12), use mixed fabrics (Lev. 19:19), or harvest the edges of fields for some reason (Lev. 19:9). So how’s it going in that cotton blend you’re wearing? Comfy? Wanna throw on a polyester blend and go get some shrimp at the Red Lobster? I’ve totally seem you eat a lobster, BTW. It’s not worth all that effort.

Also, I’m gonna just directly quote this next paragraph from this page because they said it well:

“Not all of Leviticus is written to everyone. There were abominations that applied only to the Jews such as eating shellfish, rabbit, and pork, etc., which were things that typologically represented purity before the Lord. We know this because God says, “Speak to the sons of Israel saying…” He gives instructions to the Israelites, not to the rest of the nations.”

Before we leave Leviticus, lets discuss the word tattoo — which, ya know, didn’t even exist. For this, lets hop over to BibleStudyTools.com:

“Leviticus 19:28 literally translates, “And a cutting for the dead you will not make in your flesh, and writing marks you will not make on you; I am the Lord.” [….] The background of this law was that Israel, after being rescued from slavery, was between Egypt and Canaan. […] In Canaan, evidence indicates that instead of marking the body with ink, more extreme scarification measures, like branding, slashing, or gashing the skin were used. Archeology, backed by biblical texts, indicates the Canaanites would customarily slash their bodies for ritualistic purposes (1 Kings 18:28), especially to mourn their dead and honor their gods. Leviticus 19:28 seems to imply this when it says, “you will not make cuttings in your flesh, for the dead, nor print marks on you.” In light of this information from Egypt and Canaan, it would seem God was forbidding scarification, not tattooing as we know it.””

Even with out all that, I think we can agree that Leviticus is a little out of date. Especially, being that it’s the Old Testament which was overcome by the New Testament when Jesus came because everyone was too inept to follow the rules. God threw us a bone (206 of them in the form of Jesus) and rewrote everything. So yeah, enjoy your cotton blend PJs.

(B) Bible says body is a temple:

Ok, for real — this is laughable. A CATHOLIC saying I can’t give my temple a paint job? Have you ever been in a Catholic church? For real? All that gold paint and gaudiness? Yall love gold paint and marble almost as much as Donald Trump. So don’t talk to my Lutheran ass about decorating a temple. Period.

(C) The Coptic Christian Cross

The Coptic Christians almost require a tattoo of the Coptic Cross. It’s usually on the inside of your wrist. This dates back to them being ostracized and marked when everyone was forced to convert to Islam. They refused to convert and were marked for it. This way they could be easily ostracized. In some churches, they would check for the tattoo before you could even come in to make sure you were a Christian. Coptic Christians make pilgrimages to this day to get this tattoo. It’s a religious experience and part of who they are. And yeah, it’s a TATTOO.

Midlife Crisis? Not a thing.

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So as I start the week of my fortieth birthday, I am approaching midlife. Technically, I’m past midlife as, in the US, life expectancy is 77.28 years (by 2020 data, probably took a drastic fall with Covid). So I passed midlife slightly over a year ago. When I had a tummy tuck and new boobs installed and started getting tattoos. Could these be symptoms of a midlife crisis? Nope.

See, the thing is: Midlife just happens to coincide with the time in your life when you can finally afford to do the shit you’ve been wanting to do for two decades. A suburban husband buys a stupidly impractical sports car and we call it a midlife crisis and think he’s acting like he’s twenty. Nope. No, he wanted that car when he was twenty but he couldn’t afford it. He’s just finally getting the chance to live his dream. He slaves away his life at work and he just wants to enjoy his fucking car.

People hitting midlife and getting divorces? Well, that relationship wasn’t working for them. They have enough experience to go “yeah, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s not a midlife crisis, that’s a midlife reckoning.

In a way, I think it’s the exact opposite of a crisis. It’s the age where you’re finally confident in yourself and who you are (or maybe you’ve figured out who you’d rather be). Plus you finally have security and money for the first time your life. Add it together and you get people making big changes.

Bring on 40. I’m here for it.

I started my sleeve! (Sleeve Session 1)

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Yesterday, I finally got to start my tattoo sleeve! It’s going to take a good while to finish because I didn’t book any more appointments in advance and we’ll have to break for summer (cause I’m not missing pool time to heal). It’s going to be the adorable bow-tie photo of Jack on a background of Fall leaves with pumpkins in front of him around the bottom. It’ll be a 3/4 sleeve. That way I can roll up my sleeves a bit and still not show if it’s for a job interview. Also, I just love raglan sleeves and the 3/4 length of them so yeah.

Reminder of the photo:

So I chose the absolutely fabulous Devon Greig in Nashville for the job (she did my goomba when we consulted for the sleeve). This is her first photo realism portrait but you’d never know it. She’s amazing. Look at this:

It looks like a painting! I’m blown away. I couldn’t have asked for better! I am in love with it. It’s my Jack!

She chose to just focus on the face in this session since it was so detailed. It took just around 4 hours of tattooing. I scheduled appointments in February and in April to do more work on it. The plan is to get his body and pumpkins in before summer. Then finish it out Next Fall/Winter. I’m so excited! Here’s the progress shots I took while she worked on it. He kinda looks like a terminator Jack with half a face here:

Man, her skill just blows me away. I could paint this, sure — but I can go over spots again and again to get them right. I can’t imagine doing it with a tattoo gun and not being able to revise any mistakes! And her FIRST realism tattoo. Damn, girl! Amazing.

She’s a pleasure to work with too! I told her I wanted to cover up my elbow fat lump because I hate it so much. I feel like if we did the half sleeve above the elbow, it would stand out even more. She was like yeah, we’ll just put a pumpkin there! Excellent. I am psyched.

Also, this didn’t hurt half as much as my ankle tattoo. The ankle felt like having a freshly skinned knee for a few days and a lot of burning as it went in. This felt like scratching sure, but tolerable. I mean, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but I expected worse. The only part that hurt the most was the closer she got to my collar bone — so that ear. The mid face was totally fine. I suspect the REAL pain will be when we get to the elbow and especially my scar. But for now, it doesn’t even feel like anythings there. So awesome.

In between chatting with Devon, I watched Enola Holmes on my phone. It’s got Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, and Helena Bonham Carter. It took a good bit to get going, but once it did it was awesome.

FUCK

I just looked it up to get the spelling of the actors names and I watched the SEQUEL yesterday. No wonder if took a while to get going. Fuck me, I watched them out of order. I guess I’ll be watching the first one today then…

Nerds Unite!

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So I was at the surgery center for a few hours today. Mr C had a minor outpatient procedure. So I had to stay the whole time. I waited by the elevator at the entrance because a guy in the waiting room was smacking his gum and fuck that.

Anyway, I’m reading my Sandman Graphic novel because the Netflix series was fabulous and now I’m down the rabbit hole. And I’m wearing my favorite Super Mario shirt like I do. And this guy walks in and says “cool shirt.” Thanks, random guy! Well, he was in the wrong building so he walks back by (on the way out) and asks if that’s my car with the goomba on it. Hell yeah it is, it matches my tattoo. I indicate my sweet ass goomba tattoo. He nerds out and goes “It’s even pixelated!” I say I know, she did great, right? He says hes a big Bowser fan and we nerd bonded for a second.

Yall, a stranger thinks I’m cool. Which totally means I am.

Some Things 4/9

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1) Why is it never just standard size? I’m trying to replace a cover on our sprinkler system. Almost all of these covers all over the internet are 6 inch and 10 inch. So I ordered those. Nope. Mines somewhere between the two. The only 7 inch ones only come with the whole box, not just a lid option. Bastards! It’s never an easy fix is it?

2) Spring is in the air. We finally had our jungle of a lawn mowed. It looks ok now 🙂 The weeds don’t look like weeds if you mow them. Honestly, I wish we could just have a clover lawn. They make micro clover now that only grows 3 inches tall. Why spend all this effort on grass? I’d rather the clover. It’s not like we have an HOA. I’ll get Mr C on board one day.

3) I literally, JUST NOW, booked my tattoo appointment for November. Devon Greig Saturday November 5th. It’s a birthday present to myself! I’m so excited! I talked her into doing it piecemeal. She wanted to outline the whole sleeve at once. However, I’d like to do it in pieces. One, I want Jack first and as soon as possible. I also want completed pieces and not a partial tattoo for a few months between color sessions. And I think I’ll be able to tie more memories to it doing it in bits. Also, we can’t get to the scar cover ups for a whole 2 – 3 years. So the sleeve can’t be completed right now anyway.

4) Speaking of tattoos. I think the scars on my back are going to show in some bathing suits. So after my sleeve, I think I’ll want to cover my side scars in something. Thing is, I have no idea what. I don’t want a tattoo that goes all the way across my back. It’s just gonna “peek-a-boo” on each side where the scars in my bra line are. Good thing I have 2 years to contemplate this.

5) Ok, obviously I still have my tummy tuck revision drains. I’m sure I’ll have them the rest of the month. But man, the line has healed up great. I’m so so happy with the tummy tuck results. I love seeing my side view in the mirror without a huge stomach pudge. Not a belly — that pudge of skin I had that always stuck out further than my breasts. Now it’s gone! So happy with it.

6) Breasts are still healing. The massaging makes them sore. And I’ve got that popped stitch on my back which is a pain. Reaching for things tugs on your back skin — so where those incisions are is just a bitch. And the mismatch of the skin where the stitch popped — ugh it makes me shiver in disgust if I touch it. I hope it smooths out as it heals. But I’m not too worried. Even if it needs a revision, that’s something he can do in office with a little local anesthetic in the back and snip snip.

Still in the recliner. Might extend the rental another week. I can lay in the bed, but maneuvering around with my arms hurts because it engages my chest muscles. If I was only laying down and getting up once, that’s fine. But I’ve got to get up to pee a few times.

Plus my Jack likes me in the recliner. Will he start sleeping with me in the bed? I don’t know. But I love that he sleeps with me in the recliner.

7) Return to normal work schedules is Monday. I get to define what the will look like for me. I’m not sure what I want. I definitely don’t want to go in early. I like how my office mate works — he only goes in in the afternoons. But I’d also like to stay home some days. I think I’ll start with Monday thru Thursday in office afternoons and mornings and Fridays from home. See how that works out.

Some Things 3/4

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1) New highlight moment:

Backstory – I always preorder my deli meat so i don’t have to wait in line to get it cut. Also, I’m wearing capris to show off my sweet goomba tattoo.

*I Grab my ham from deli fridge*

Deli guy: “Are you picking up for Roberta?”

“No,” *indicates ham* “I got mine.”

Deli guy: *100% talking to my goomba (its obvious, its my ankle, approximately 5 feet below my eyes):* “You’re [Mrs C]?”

“Yes. Thank you”

Deli Guy: *Still starring down my goomba* Cool

Goomba basically got cat-called, yall! Mr C better watch out. Soon all the young nerds will be torn on whether to look at my new boobs or my sweet 8-bit tattoo.

Also, Roberta is a terrible name. Surely, Roberta would not sport such a cool gem as this.

EDITED FOR CLARIFICATION: He called me by my name, not “Mrs C.” No, he did not recognize me from my blog. No one reads this shit, especially not the guy from the deli down the street. He probably sees my name on online orders all the time from my deli meat and picking up subs for Mr. C so was just associating a face (actually a goomba) with a name.

2) I live in a swamp. People might not know it’s a swamp because it’s highly developed with nice housing, but dude, you live in a swamp. So the wet areas are really wet. This leads to swarms of frogs. Frogs singing in such loud masses that it sounds like a summer song. I’ve only ever heard this in Florida — Specifically, from the roof of the condominium we have stayed at every year since I was conscious of time. The frogs in the undeveloped lot across the street that was there when I was little. So hearing them now makes me a little nostalgic for my mom. Us going up to the 16th floor to look at the ocean and the lights and hearing the song of the frogs. It’s bittersweet.

3) My second surgery is in less than TWO WEEKS!

4) I recently found myself with a few hours shooting the breeze with a lawyer. Vaccines came up, of course. You go through the “do you want me to wear a mask, I’m vaccinated, but if it’ll make you more comfortable” — usually because I’m wearing a mask. They’re required at work and I wear them to the store and stuff. So we were discussing how hard it was to get the vaccine when it first came out and we were both in the “give me that shit” category. Now of course a lot of people are antivax. Those people suck. Good thing you weren’t around when we needed to eradicate polio.

Tangent, sorry.

So he was curious how my fellow engineers reacted to being required to have the vaccine. (We work government contracts in this city, so it was a requirement until some court shit postponed it). I told him everyone I knew was all for it! We’re engineers. We think logically, not emotionally (“which is why you don’t like us on your jurys”). We work with SMEs all the time. Subject Matter Experts. We are well aware and taught that some people know way more about this thing that you can ever hope to know. A lot of us become SMEs in our career. We wrote the damn program and were on it from its conception. You’re the SME. Just like my lawyer is my law SME. I don’t know shit about the law, so I pay him. So when the engineers were told by a shit ton of medical SMEs that we better get the vaccine — we didn’t worry and hem and haw. They know more than I ever could about it. The people I immediately work with felt the same. We were gunning to get that shit in our arms LOL

Be smart. Listen to the SME. Doesn’t make you a sheep. A sheep can’t tell who the SME is. I’ll give you a hint, the SME didn’t get their degree from youtube.

5) This shit is fucking delicious:

Ascent Recovery Water. I was in Sprouts looking for something low carb to drink as I was thirsty. Grabbed this watermelon water. Holy shit. It’s fucking delicious. Tons of flavor! And after I drank it I was looking over the bottle — 20 grams of protein! What? It has whey in it. But it was crystal clear pink water. Is this sorcery? Why is sorcery always so expensive!? If this was affordable, I’d drink them daily for sure!

Midlife Crisis or New Level Unlocked? You decide

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So I’ll be 40 this year. I’m cool with it. The older I am, the closer to retirement I am! Also, I’m happy with where I am in my life. Good husband, decent career, great credit score, own a house with a pool, good friends, decent family relationships, fucking awesome cat. So I don’t think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’m just making a lot of changes.

New arms, new stomach, new boobs (all through drastic plastic surgeries) — and some fucking sweet tattoos. Like full in on the new bod and tattoos. I’m getting a sleeve, yall. We’re all-in here. And this was somewhat brought on by my turning 40.

It’s like dude, I’m getting old — if not now, then when? And who’s to tell me no? And why not? Like, bitch I’m 40, what say do you have in my life? Career? I can cover the tats if it’s a big deal or an interview. Long sleeves and pants — check. Husband? He hasn’t objected. In fact he’s pretty jazzed about the boobs. Family? Meh, mom was the only one who would have had any weight, and well, we know how 2020 took her out. Friends? Why would a friend object? I hope I don’t choose friends so badly.

So yeah, I’m halfway through this bullshit we call life. I think I’m doing OK at it. I feel like 40 brings a new freedom. Is that a mid-life crisis or mid-life catharsis? I’m not trying to regain my youth — fuck that, my 20s were a shit show. So was my youth. Fuck that shit. It’s more like: now I have permission. It’s a shame I don’t have hair I could dye amazing colors. I’m too hot-natured for wigs as an alternative. Gonna have to put all the color in the sleeve.

My Goomba! (First Tattoo)

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I got my first tattoo today! It’s a goomba on my ankle.

Isn’t he adorable!? I got him from Devon Greig At Alchemy Tattoo in Nashville, Tennessee. She did an amazing job. He even looks better than the fake ones I was sporting for a while! She did the outline all in colors darker than the pixels they surround (except for the grey surrounding the black).

The pain wasn’t as bad as I expected. However, I had seen people tapping out of tattoos and heard stories of people screaming and taking lots if breaks. This one took just barely over two hours of tattooing. I didn’t need a break or anything. Just to shift twice because I my other leg was falling asleep.

It felt like a skinned knee. And the lines were the worst part. She did the grid first and then went back and colored in the many many pixels (“so many little squares,” as she put it). So yeah, the fine lines were more painful than the coloring in. And it hurt worse towards the back of my leg for some reason.

Now I’m ready for my sleeve. Bring it on. (In Fall, after pool season).

K went with me to Nashville. We made a lovely day of it. Traffic was light. We went to the studio early enough to grab lunch there. So I google mapped “restaurants near me” and it suggested a hole in the wall BBQ joint — well, when in Nashville… It looked shady as hell, but they also had a food truck parked behind it. I love some food truck food. Yall, that place was fucking awesome. Everything we had was delicious. Pork, Sausage, Bologna, Brisket quesadilla, Fries, Cole Slaw, White Beans, and Banana Pudding. All 5 stars. K said she knew it was going to be good when she saw grandma behind the register. And it seemed like most of the people in there were regulars shooting the breeze with the smoke master.

The bathroom was out of soap and paper towels. Usually that would be a no go for me — but fuck, that food was so good. I’ll go back when I go for some of my sleeve, I’m sure. Thanks to K for joining me on my adventure!