My precious little soul-shard is approaching the end of his life. The past two weeks he’s been eating less and less to the point where he was only taking two bites of his food and then never going back for more. I couldn’t even sway him with cheese! His food looked like refried beans with cheese – even microwaved to melt the cheese – but no dice. He wouldn’t eat it. So I took him to the Vet on Monday. I wanted an update on his kidneys and to adjust his pain meds anyway. So away we went.
It did not go well. He screamed like a banshee as they tried to draw blood. I could hear him and I was horrified. I wanted to run to him and help them. He’s better with me. But it continued. I called Mr C to keep from crying. Finally, the vet came in and asked if they could sedate him to draw his blood. Of course, I agreed. Please dear God let him sleep. I know that cats hide pain well, but I knew Jack was in pain. I thought I was just attuned to him. I had no idea the amount of pain he was really in.
I knew when I trimmed his nails he was much more sensitive than usual. And He took a lot longer to get comfortable laying down. But apparently, I only saw the tip of the iceburg. His lack of eating might very well have been that he was just miserable and in pain. He gets gabapentin twice a day for pain. However, they gave him a brand new arthritis medicine at the vet. It’s a shot they get monthly. And while he was out, they took X-Rays to try and understand what was wrong with him while the blood tests processed. I was much calmer knowing he was asleep and I no longer heard his wails of anguish so I waited to hear what the vet thought.
Surprisingly, his kidney function is actually better than when he was diagnosed with kidney failure. The vet commended me on my obvious work to get him healthy. We had both expected him to have taken a turn for the worse and that was what was happening. But no. The X-rays showed a far worse problem. He has a large mass in his abdomen. It already almost fills his entire abdominal cavity. She was surprised he didn’t suffer from shortness of breath. The only thing I’ve noticed is more pain and the lack of eating. I’d have never known.
So this is much more dire than kidney failure. Without knowing what kind of mass it is, we don’t know how aggressive it is. It could be weeks, it could be months – but this mass will choke out his lungs and heart. She talked to me about the options. She made clear the emphasize that we needed to consider “to what end.” She could send me to a veterinary oncologist who could do a soft tissue biopsy and find out what kind of cancer or growth it is. Then we could possibly treat it with radiation or chemo. But to what end? He’ll be 17 next month. He’s already outlived his kidney diagnosis. And he absolutely HATES the vet. Jack does not want to leave the house. It pains me to take him to the vet at all. He’s an old man cat. He doesn’t need that stress. And a surgery at another vet just to diagnose? And for what? Another month or two with him? Weeks of cancer treatments and vet visits? A life in a cone to keep him from opening his wounds?
No.
I just watched my sister take her senior dog to another state for cancer treatment. Only to have to put her down a week later. And the dog suffered because she wouldn’t let her go. I won’t do that to Jack.
I explained to the vet that money was not the issue. Jack is my everything. I cried. He’s my little familiar. My fuzzy soul mate. But what would she do with her own cat? Would she pursue it to no end? No. I will not do anything invasive. I want him to have the best quality of life with what he has left. So we decided on hospice – palliative care. We’ll treat his pain and try to get him eating. In 3 weeks we’ll check him out again and do a quality of life assessment. And when the time comes, I will have someone come to the house. I don’t want his final moments to be terror at the vets office. We’ll have cake icing and oreo cream and Arbys sandwiches and he’ll fall asleep at home with me. So we decided on ramped up pain medication via the monthly shot. We’ll do a appetite stimulant that gets rubbed in his cute little ear. And potassium as his levels were low and it might put a little more pep in his step. I’m pleased to say that when we got home he went to his food bowl and took a bite. Not much, but progress! He didn’t even notice that I gave him his appetite stimulant as I love petting his fuzzy little ears. I put his potassium gel in a butter cup and he slowly lapped it up. That cat loves cream. Throughout the evening he ate more and more. I felt terrible that it must have been the pain that was causing him not to eat. As the shot took effect, he was much happier to nom on his leftover breakfast. This morning I can happily say that he cleaned his dinner plate for the first time in weeks! And I told him what a good boy he was via some ear rubs with a little appetite stimulant snuck in.
