Category: Work

Over here living my best life

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I’m sorry I haven’t been posting. I’ve got a few posts cued in my head to write but I’ve just been so tired. Between working out (which I didn’t even do last week) and working, I’m just beat. Work is a fucking grade-A tragedy right now. What a cluster fuck. I think the government is going to pull funding on our contract for real. I’m also worrying a lot about Jack — did he eat enough, is he in pain, is he breathing well? So that’s a lot of emotional energy. Oh and of course worrying about Mr C’s shoulder which I’ve had to keep clean and dressed – and is HE getting enough to eat too? So much emotional energy. And I feel like I have no time to just chill. Which isn’t true, but I’m just tired, yall. I’m tired. But not today!

Why not today? Because we died my hair pink! I’m absolutely in love with it. K’s mom did it this morning. I had such a great day! I went over to K’s house this morning and her mom dyed both our hair pink and K2 joined us just to hang out. Then, when we were going to head out, we were all hungry so I picked up Mr C and we went to this really cool screened patio between the new 5 Guys and Super Chix. Excellent day.

It’s been a busy weekend. I hate busy weekends but It’s been good! Friday was my off-Friday so I spent the morning getting all the vines off the house and trimming the bushes while Mr C was at the doc. I thought this would make Mr C very happy since he’s mentioned those damn vines a couple of times but it did not. He wasn’t unhappy — he was just “meh” about it. So that was a wasted effort. It would have had to be done eventually, but it didn’t have to be done on my day off. Oh well. The house looks excellent. Especially, with all my Fall decorations! I put up Norbert and the pumpkins and mums in the entry way are on point. I love pulling up in the driveway to see them. And I’m very proud of how nice the yard and bushes look. Some times I wonder if Mr C realizes how much I do, but I guess you just gotta do it for yourself. And I like how it makes me feel.

Also Saturday was October first! And how did we celebrate? Well K and K2 came over and we watched Hocus Pocus 1 and then the new Hocus Pocus 2! Then we went to Pinots Pallet and painted BAT CATS!

Thats my bat cat on the right with the last Halloween one we did three years ago on the left.

So good weekend. Yep, yep. And a great agenda coming up. Circus on Thursday! Not the mean-animal kinda. It’s the fun acrobatic, holy-shit-how-did-they-do-that kind. And Mr C and I are having professional photos done on Saturday for our upcoming tenth wedding anniversary! And whats so close that it’s showing up in my google calendar? THE START OF MY SLEEVE TATTOO!

So yeah, I’m tired and emotionally exhausted but life is good. Real good. I mean, the cats dying so that’s harsh, but it’s part of having a pet. You get to pour all of your love into them and then they… well, they don’t last forever. I’ve chosen the urn for his ashes. All that’s left is to keep him comfortable and to try to give him the best last days we can. With lots of extra kisses and snuggles.

Case of the Mondays

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Holy shit, my Monday has been rough. It started out like it was going to be all good, to lure me into its trap. I woke up before my alarm and petted my precious Jack Jack for a minute. I needed to be on time today for testing that they wanted me to come in for on Friday but I couldn’t (cause Mr C had minor surgery and was high as fuck so I had to husband-sit). So I was rolling to get there quite easily ahead of time.

I usually get in at or slightly after 8:00am. Today, I arrived easily at 7:25. Fuck yeah. That’s in major rush hour traffic too, which I apparently usually don’t have. And just as I went to swipe my badge, I realized I did not have it. Fuck me. So I had to come home to get it. Then, right as I pull in my drive way and hit the bump, the tire pressure light comes on. Gahhhh dammit.

So I go back to work and now it’s 8:15. Fucking rush hour! It never takes that long. So, at work, of course nothing works. Because that would be too easy. Nope, everything’s broken. You said that because we only had one computer that works this one specific task, it would inevitably break, and you’d just laugh ’cause you told those fuckers they better fix your computer. But you’re not laughing, you’re just fucking pissed because it’s MONDAY.

Then somehow this megadumbass doesn’t invite you to a very important meeting. The kind that must be done in person once each year or you lose your super special privileges. So now you have to make it up next Monday. The Monday you were going to stay home in the morning to watch the super important milestone first launch of the SLS to the moon with your husband. The launch yall had planned for years to go see in person but now Mr C doesn’t wanna go. Fuck it all. I’ll just go to this meeting instead. Not that they’d really take away the privilege that only two other people in the building have. I’d love to see that. Ha. But you don’t mess with security. Every office has their politics and at my office, they’re the mean girl club. So you don’t shake that particular boat. Even though they’re stupid bitches. For the record, they’re stupid bitches.

Ok, my car makes it thru work without going flat. That’s something. I’ll get groceries then swing by the gas station for air. Only the air pump is out of fucking order. THANKS. And the other gas station only takes quarters and you don’t even have cash. AHHHH. It’s ok. I’m cool. I’ll just get a car wash and use their air pump! Only apparently, they don’t have air pumps! Those things you assumed were air pumps are just air guns to spray you the crevices of your car. But now you’re trapped in the god damned line so you can’t get out. Guess we’re washing the car now.

If you have pressurized air guns at a fucking car wash, why not just make them tire pumps? Like one or two? Just one? No? Fuck you.

I have a headache and it’s not even over yet. I still need to go out to the garage and use the car powered pump to put air in my tires and hope it’s just a slow leak and not that I ran over something. Cause my car doesn’t have that fancy technology that tells you what tire and how much pressure it lost, it just has a indicator light that looks like a flat tire. It’s like me, goes straight to panic mode.

Fuck Mondays. I need a tylanol.

It was the right choice.

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So I’m glad I switched jobs. Does some of it suck, yeah. This week was insanely stressful because we had people in from another state down to do dry runs and we didn’t even get them done. My ass is so new that nothing was setup correctly and just fail after fail after fail. With 3 different people breathing down my neck wanting updates on shit I can’t control. One guy even moved into the empty cube next to me so he’d know when we could proceed. So yeah, stressful.

And obviously going back to 9 hour days in office sucks ass. I’d much prefer everyone be in office for like 2 or 3 days a week, or just afternoons in the office. I mean sitting there for 9 hours is just painful. So yes, every day I text my husband about how miserable I am and I want to come home. But that’s kinda just having a job in general. I’ve never been one to like working. Ever.

But it was the right choice. Being back in the office is better for my well being. Working from home full time wasn’t working for me. I was getting depressed and lonely. I need to get dressed and have some days where I’m like “damn, I look good today.” I need small chat. I gotta have it. I want to know what your plans are for this weekend. I want to hear gossip. I want to be walking down the hall and hear someone call out my name. I want to hear the cleaning lady (who, BTW used to be a pharmacist in New York but found it far too stressful) wonder why she didn’t see me on Monday (I was out, thank you for noticing!).

Do I get exhausted and need to come home and stare at the wall with my cat? Yes. Do I hate having to get to work by 8? Yes. Are the days long and tiresome, yes. But I feel good being back in the grind. In the grind, I don’t feel bad for being lazy as fuck when I’m home.

I like making new work friends. I like that B was telling me about how V is a tough army type but he was never in the army. Oh really? Cause when I met V he was amazed at my goomba tattoo and raised his pants to tell me he usually wears his mario socks. We connected on a different level.

And the work is easier. Is it a lot more work? Yes. But it’s just tedium and frustrating shit. Which, I’ve so far been able to just go “yeah, not my fault.” I’m learning a lot of new things and once I get in the groove it’ll be better. This job is paper work paper work paper work and a shit ton of emails. I can do that though. I can get shit done on a deadline. I can own some documentation. Is it a pain? Yes. But hey, you gotta have a job. I don’t work well without tight deadlines. I’m too lazy. I admit this.

And it’s so awesome to feel those moments of boss bitch. Like yeah, I own this. I’m good. I know it. I haven’t felt that way in a long time and I certainly didn’t get to feel that way working from home. And im really enjoying the “office friendships” I’m developing.

So yeah, I wish I could do half weeks or half days from home. But then again, you gotta pay the bills and you can’t always get what you want. I think taking the lesser job and going back to office full time was the right choice for me.

Actual Workplace Conversation

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P1 “I think his name is Thomas.” 

P2 “Are you sure?”

P1 “I’ve been calling him Thomas and he hasn’t corrected me.”

Me “Doesn’t mean anything.  Some people call me B and I just don’t give a fuck to correct them.”

P2 “That’s because your name is B.”

Me “You’re one of those people.”

Keep in mind, I’ve never interacted with this person outside of my cubicle. Where my name is prominently displayed.

Eeyore, the Coworker

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So one of my coworkers is a gloomy dude. He’s just kinda always signing or yawning. Great guy, don’t get me wrong. Super helpful and nice. But he seems to be upset with so much of his life yet completely unwilling to do anything about any of it.

Job turnover in his department is insane because they run them like dogs and treat them like shit. So the job market here is huge, they just go elsewhere. But Eeyore has had worse so at least this isn’t as bad as that. He used to have a job he really liked but he got injured on the job and lost it. But he won’t try to find anything like that again because at least no one bugs him here. He’s got an injury from said work injury, and he complains about it daily if not hourly. He says the doctors swear there isn’t anything wrong. But he found this one specialist that recommended this band thing that was $400 but he couldn’t find it. So he gave up.

I asked if he’d been to physical therapy “well, I don’t know what they would do” was his response. I told him he should give it a try. Get a referral from his doctor. Oh well, he doesn’t have a doctor. He had one but they closed. Then went on to tell me about all the doctors he’s called. I suggested something else and got a “yeah maybe.” He moved into a great apartment, but hasn’t had time to move his stuff in. He just really likes to complain about how much his life sucks. But he never does anything to try and do anything about it.

I asked B about it (B is my new work buddy). She said he reminds her of Eeyore. Holy shit, he does. He’s Eeyore incarnate. Which I kinda didn’t want to accept because I adore Eeyore and Eeyore is just severely depressed, OK? And then I was like, holy shit, this guy need a therapist and pills. Like STAT. I’m over here on three different antidepressants. We have a cure, my man. But how do you tell someone they really need some fucking pills?

Also, on the topic of Eeyore — the character, not my coworker. What the fucking fuck? Everyone else had houses but Eeyore just had some sticks. Yall couldn’t build him a house? Or give him a tent or even a rainfly? Hell, bring him a blanket to throw over his sticks. Help your friend out! Pooh can’t raise some fund to get him a rainfly so he at least won’t get rained on. Good Lord.

Some Things 5/14

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1) So as you know, my precious cat Jack Jack is deaf. However, for 16 years, he’s “found” me by screaming for me. He wakes up and screams, I call out to him, he comes. So now he wakes up and screams, but gets nothing. So he just walks around screaming and caterwauling. This drives Mr C insane. But he did the sweetest thing.

I was laying down trying to get a nap when Jack started wailing and wailing and wailing. Mr C picked him up (he hardly ever touches the cat) and carried him into the bedroom where I was. Well, Jack didn’t see me immediately so he just screamed at Mr C till he finally walked over to me and Jack saw me waving at him. So Jack runs over for pets and Mr C goes back to his peace and quiet. So sweet of him to help my Jack Jack out.

2) Does your internal rage ever just jump immediately to full speed and you’re like “woooooah.” Like you didn’t even realize you were pissy and all the sudden you’re about to snap? That happened to me at Taco Mama. I was meeting up with friends for lunch. I was waiting in line. It’s important to know that at Taco Mama, the table numbers are just sharpied on triangles of wood. So he gets number 99. Now go away. Then he goes “haha, is it 99 or 66?”

Motherfucker, it won’t even stand up like that.

3) This job decision is really stressing me out. A lot more than it should. There’s so many pros and cons on both sides. I thought I had decided for sure — take the new position. But then I keep thinking of all the reasons not to. I’m not at peace about this.

Job Decisions

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So I’ve been offered the other position in my company. I am currently a software engineer (SW), but I have been offered a configuration management (CM) position. I was hoping the decision would be helped by salary, however, it would be a “lateral move” meaning no salary change. Damn. In SW I have a nice hybrid schedule that’s almost 100% from home. In CM I’d be almost 100% in closed labs. So damn.

Damn. damn. damn.

The thing is, I’ve lost all confidence in my SW abilities — at least at this company. It’s just not the type of SW role I’m used to. It involves a lot of hardware interfacing. I don’t do that. I know nothing about that. I didn’t go to school for that and none of my 17 years of experience has been in that. CM, on the other hand, I can rock out. It’s easier work. Which is why it’s usually paid less. Which leads to my second problem: Am I stagnating my pay by changing? I’m pretty happy with my current salary, but still, it’s to be considered. Though not over quality of life by any means.

Also, I don’t think my current company plans to keep people on hybrid schedules. I think they’re using “hybrid” as a way to ease people back in. If they called for everyone back immediately, a lot would quit. But I really do think they’ll move in that direction. The question is how long will that be? I hate to go on site full time when I could be rocking it at home rolling out of bed and straight the the computer – no getting ready, no commute, no nothing. Makes getting to work “on time” an ace in the hole.

That’s really the only thing I’m stuck on. The loss of the hybrid schedule. But would I lose it in SW anyway? There’s no guarantee I get to keep it. I could be moved to a program tomorrow that needs me in house. Anything is possible. I’ve been shifted around on a LOT of programs in my short time at this job. And I don’t see myself staying at this job long term honestly. This is the first time I’ve said that out loud I guess. Maybe I could make CM long term there though? Hmmm.

Wednesday, I have a meeting with management and HR to ask my questions. They got to ask theirs and had a resounding “yeah let’s hire her.” Now, it’s my turn. Damn, so much to think about.

Damn, damn, damn.

Job Thoughts

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So I interviewed for the new position at my current company. New position would be easier and less open-ended, I feel. Which is great. However, it would also be 100% on site in a closed lab. I’ve gotten so used to working from home! Working from home is fucking sweet. At least give me the morning to roll out of bed and check my email.

So I haven’t been offered the job but I’m already hemming and hawing over it. Arrg.

Some Things 5/2

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1) It’s so hard to tell the difference between “I’m balding and I like naps” and hypothyroidism. Like yeah, OK, I guess you could describe me as “tired, lethargic, and losing hair.” I’m literally balding, and lazy though. So like, I don’t know. Give me more thyroid hormones. Sure, I’ll come back and let you test me again in a month. Why not?

2) Tomorrow, I have a skype interview for a configuration management (CM) position. It’s with the same company. They just really need a CM person and my software boss knows I have experience in both so she said I should apply and I could maybe do half and half. Well, as long as the pay is the same, I’m in! I’ve stayed the software route because it has higher earning potential long term. However, I’m happy with my currently salary. So if they can match it in CM, bring it on. I can do all the paperwork you bitches want. And I’m so unhappy with how uncertain I am with the job right now. I’m so out of my element. It’d be nice to have some easy wins.

3) In the past two weeks, I’ve seen my psychiatrist, my plastic surgeon, my primary care doctor, and my neurologist. Does it count that I had to go by Jack’s vet to get his meds today too? So much time shuffling!

4) My sister is mad at me. She wanted access to moms Facebook and it locked her out. She was accessing it through moms old phone that she never should have had access to as it belonged to me and I had specified it be given to my other sister who needed a new phone as that’s what mom would have wanted. Other sister never got the phone. Sister1 kept it and has been using it to access her Facebook and pictures and I’m sure her private messages too. So…

Facebook locked her out. So she tried to recover the password with moms email that she’s also been accessing. But gmail locked her out. So she contacted me. I’m the recovery email for all of moms accounts. Why? Because I would set shit up for her when she asked, not give her shit or half jail-broken hand-me-down-equipment, and not berate her when she forgot her passwords. (Hence the reason the phone was MY property. I bought the phone and I paid the phone bill.) Anyway, Sister1 contacts me because I’m the recovery email and she “needs” access to moms Facebook.

I wouldn’t give it to her. I say that like I’m confident about it. First, I asked Mr C- holy shit what do I do? I don’t want her to have access, she has no right. And it’s weird. And invasive. And mom died over a year ago. Then I asked K. Then I asked moms bestest best friend. All informed me that I didn’t have to give her that info. In fact, moms bestie informed me that she hoped Sister1 hadn’t read moms private messages where she often poured out her heart and frustrations about living with my sisters to her best friends in confidence.

Well… I’ll bet you a million dollars sister1 has read all of that. All the text messages. All the emails. All the Facebook messages. She’s seen my mom describe her in her worst light. And I can’t imagine the unbearable pain that must have brought her. It explains a lot though. She’s been absolutely obsessed with mom since she passed. Moms hobbies have become sister1’s obsessions. She can’t and won’t let mom go. So hearing me tell her I wouldn’t reset the accounts kinda pissed her off.

To ensure that I held to moms honor and let her accounts be silenced, I went as far as to disconnect my email from her recoveries. Her accounts are now lost to the ether. It was like saying goodbye again. Letting the flowers drift into the ocean. Google asked if I wanted to disconnect ME@gmail.com from MOM@gmail.com as this was permanent and could not be undone. Well… I cried and I clicked it. Bye momma.

Not that Sister1 would accept that I can no longer rest the accounts. She became furious and said that I should never have made my self the recovery account if I wasn’t willing to recover them. She said she needed important financial information because she’d be left to deal with all of moms accounts.

Well, what the fuck kind of financial information do you need off of Facebook? And mom died over a year ago. I told her I’d be happy to handle any of mothers personal affairs that they had not just been left to her. She could forward me any correspondence and I’d get a copy of her death certificate from brother and take care of it. No responses after that.

All of the family has been their usual radio silence. No answering the phone or text messages. Oh well.

I do feel terrible for Sister1. Realizing she probably read mom talking shit about her and how much she hated living with her. God, that’s heart breaking. But sister1 brought it on herself by invading moms privacy. And I feel terrible that sister1 has now kinda become sister2s custodian. I do feel bad about that. But again, she let sister2 move in. Sister 2 tried to get me and Mr C to take in her cats. We said fuck no. Sister1 is more codependent and took her in. And it was only supposed to be 2 months… over 2 years ago. I’m sorry sister1. I really am. but I still won’t help you violate moms privacy over and over again.

It’s a terrible situation.

Some Things 4/9

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1) Why is it never just standard size? I’m trying to replace a cover on our sprinkler system. Almost all of these covers all over the internet are 6 inch and 10 inch. So I ordered those. Nope. Mines somewhere between the two. The only 7 inch ones only come with the whole box, not just a lid option. Bastards! It’s never an easy fix is it?

2) Spring is in the air. We finally had our jungle of a lawn mowed. It looks ok now 🙂 The weeds don’t look like weeds if you mow them. Honestly, I wish we could just have a clover lawn. They make micro clover now that only grows 3 inches tall. Why spend all this effort on grass? I’d rather the clover. It’s not like we have an HOA. I’ll get Mr C on board one day.

3) I literally, JUST NOW, booked my tattoo appointment for November. Devon Greig Saturday November 5th. It’s a birthday present to myself! I’m so excited! I talked her into doing it piecemeal. She wanted to outline the whole sleeve at once. However, I’d like to do it in pieces. One, I want Jack first and as soon as possible. I also want completed pieces and not a partial tattoo for a few months between color sessions. And I think I’ll be able to tie more memories to it doing it in bits. Also, we can’t get to the scar cover ups for a whole 2 – 3 years. So the sleeve can’t be completed right now anyway.

4) Speaking of tattoos. I think the scars on my back are going to show in some bathing suits. So after my sleeve, I think I’ll want to cover my side scars in something. Thing is, I have no idea what. I don’t want a tattoo that goes all the way across my back. It’s just gonna “peek-a-boo” on each side where the scars in my bra line are. Good thing I have 2 years to contemplate this.

5) Ok, obviously I still have my tummy tuck revision drains. I’m sure I’ll have them the rest of the month. But man, the line has healed up great. I’m so so happy with the tummy tuck results. I love seeing my side view in the mirror without a huge stomach pudge. Not a belly — that pudge of skin I had that always stuck out further than my breasts. Now it’s gone! So happy with it.

6) Breasts are still healing. The massaging makes them sore. And I’ve got that popped stitch on my back which is a pain. Reaching for things tugs on your back skin — so where those incisions are is just a bitch. And the mismatch of the skin where the stitch popped — ugh it makes me shiver in disgust if I touch it. I hope it smooths out as it heals. But I’m not too worried. Even if it needs a revision, that’s something he can do in office with a little local anesthetic in the back and snip snip.

Still in the recliner. Might extend the rental another week. I can lay in the bed, but maneuvering around with my arms hurts because it engages my chest muscles. If I was only laying down and getting up once, that’s fine. But I’ve got to get up to pee a few times.

Plus my Jack likes me in the recliner. Will he start sleeping with me in the bed? I don’t know. But I love that he sleeps with me in the recliner.

7) Return to normal work schedules is Monday. I get to define what the will look like for me. I’m not sure what I want. I definitely don’t want to go in early. I like how my office mate works — he only goes in in the afternoons. But I’d also like to stay home some days. I think I’ll start with Monday thru Thursday in office afternoons and mornings and Fridays from home. See how that works out.