The pool is open! And it’s the PERFECT temperature: 82 degrees. But I can’t get in yet! I need to wait at least a week after the drain removal. Damn it.
I can’t even sit and enjoy it because the weeds around the pool stress me out. I can’t weed-eat because I’ve got drainage building up that i might have to have aspirated. So I can’t be “too active.”
BLAH! I still haven’t decided what to do about work.
So I’ve been balding for a good — well, over a decade. I think it started with thyroid and just kinda never stopped. Plenty of doctors have mentioned it to me. It’s obvious I’m balding. But, I mean, what can I do about it? It sucks. I choose not to ponder on it. It’s embarrassing. When I was in the car accident and had a huge knot on my forehead, even the ER doctor asked if I had seen anyone about my balding. Seriously? We have other problems here.
When it first started, I did think we could fix the problem. However, my doctor said it look like female pattern baldness. Well, fuck. In men, at least you expect some men go bald — but in women it’s especially embarrassing. So I just ignore it. I stopped dying my hair and getting cute hair cuts. I just wear it back in a clip. It is what it is. However, after so many doctors mentioned it, I was finally like fine! Refer me to the the dermatologist. I’ve never been to one and could use a skin checkout anyway. That came today.
First, because insurance and doctor greed, we couldn’t discuss my balding AND my skin. They have to be separate appointments because lord knows the doctors got to get his money. Can they just be back-to-back appointments? Nope, insurance don’t play that game. Pick one. So I went with the hair since that’s what initially inspired this visit.
His diagnosis, classic female pattern baldness. With PCOS for funnsies. I’ve known I had PCOS so no biggie. I was surprised to hear that he’d suggest I treat it with my regular doctor and metformin. My regular doctor did do a ultrasound a few years ago when I asked, but I didn’t have cysts on my ovaries so he decided I didn’t have it. Well, I knew I did, just didn’t care case I don’t want kids anyway. This doctor was like yeah, you have it. Not everyone has cysts, it’s a cluster of symptoms. So that’s interesting. I will pursue this later.
He decided to prescribe some medications. Propecia and Rogain. But, Mrs C, you can’t take Propecia — that’s only for men! Well, apparently it’s only for men because it causes wicked birth defects. But Mrs C can’t have no babies. When doc found out I already had my tubes removed he was like oh man, a whole new world of options just opened up. He even warned me that the pharmacist would probably give me a lot of shit and not to let it scare me. He warned me about the depression possibilities and confirmed that I see my psychiatrist regularly and am well controlled. No babies, so no birth defects. Can cause lowered sex drive — but I’m already on 3 antidepressants that do that. So Mr C and I have worked out the no sex drive thing pretty well. (Yes, we have plenty of sex, don’t worry).
Then he tossed on Rogain for more hair growth. Unfortunately, this might cause unwanted hair growth in other places — so were gonna try a low dose and see how it goes. I already have to shave my face because of the PCOS, so if it makes that worse, we can stop it. However, the propecia should actually help the facial hair thing so maybe they’ll cancel each other out.
So cool. Apparently, I should not have waited a decade. Treating early is the best results. But he does think I can get some hair growth. Wouldn’t that be cool? I’d love to not have bald spots. I don’t think I’ll get there but it’s nice to think it’s a possibility. I won’t see any results for 3 months and nothing close to full results for at least 6 months. And to keep any results you have to stay on the medication permanently. But I’ll give it a shot. Imagine if I got my hair back. I’d get highlights and a cute moppy haircut.
1) How do people walk around using cracked phones? Friday I cracked the gorilla glass protector on my phone and it’s driving me insane. I ordered a new glass cover that will be here tomorrow but good lord it’s driving me crazy. How do yall put up with this shit? I’ve seen people using cracked phones for weeks. Fuck that, I’d be upgrading LOL
2) How do people with nipple piercings hide them? Since my breast lift, I’ve had a problem with pointy nipples. I sought help on the internet. How do you hide your pointy nipples? A lot of people use these silicone pasties, but I don’t want anything with adhesive since it gives me reactions sometimes. Someone suggested cotton balls – but like, really? I saw some makeup cotton pads in Ks guest bathroom and think I might try those. Turns out the only people who replied with nipple piercings just show them off loud and proud. Interesting.
3) I’ve been watching Sorted Food for the past few weeks/months. It’s a youtube food channel (linky). They’re doing a live viewing on the May 21st and K2’s gonna come over and we’re gonna make a day of watching them live record videos. Maybe with some pool intermissions.
4) For the love of God. I’m seeing the surgeon on Tuesday about removing my damn surgical drain. So great, right? Only today it has been draining DOUBLE. fuck you, drain! Are you kidding me? My pools gonna be open this week and I can’t even pretend to get in. And It’s not like I can just get in when the drains gone. The big hole has to heal up before I can get in. I’m going to a Memorial Day pool party with my family at my sister’s. She lets her dog swim in her pool. That shit has got to be healed solid before then! UGH. I’m honestly considering fudging the numbers.
5) Well, Mother’s Day. It hasn’t been so bad. I’ve tried to just ignore it. I sent my mother-in-law some live succulents earlier in the week so I took care of that. But I didn’t wish her a happy mother’s day today. Kinda on purpose. It just feels wrong. I wanna cancel this holiday forever.
I did plant some things in honor of mom. I put fresh sun ferns on the front porch. I planted the planter on the back stoop. It would look gorgeous if it wasn’t against the backdrop of 4 foot weeds sprouting through the pool rocks. I wonder if my boobs can handle a little weed eating? I’ll ask the doctor Tuesday.
So my surgical drain has been 40cc’s give or take 5cc’s for a week. I’m 7 weeks post op tomorrow. So I called to see how long it was going to have to stay in before they call it on time like they did last time. The nurse remembered my case (winning) and that yeah, we just removed them because of time left in. So she said she’d talk to the surgeon and maybe we could get it out today or tomorrow. SWEET.
But alas, no. They called back super late and said the surgeon could see me next week. Yeah — another WEEK. And we’ll see about taking it out then. Lame. But hey they last ones came out at 9 weeks and next week will be 8 weeks …so… progress?
1) It’s so hard to tell the difference between “I’m balding and I like naps” and hypothyroidism. Like yeah, OK, I guess you could describe me as “tired, lethargic, and losing hair.” I’m literally balding, and lazy though. So like, I don’t know. Give me more thyroid hormones. Sure, I’ll come back and let you test me again in a month. Why not?
2) Tomorrow, I have a skype interview for a configuration management (CM) position. It’s with the same company. They just really need a CM person and my software boss knows I have experience in both so she said I should apply and I could maybe do half and half. Well, as long as the pay is the same, I’m in! I’ve stayed the software route because it has higher earning potential long term. However, I’m happy with my currently salary. So if they can match it in CM, bring it on. I can do all the paperwork you bitches want. And I’m so unhappy with how uncertain I am with the job right now. I’m so out of my element. It’d be nice to have some easy wins.
3) In the past two weeks, I’ve seen my psychiatrist, my plastic surgeon, my primary care doctor, and my neurologist. Does it count that I had to go by Jack’s vet to get his meds today too? So much time shuffling!
4) My sister is mad at me. She wanted access to moms Facebook and it locked her out. She was accessing it through moms old phone that she never should have had access to as it belonged to me and I had specified it be given to my other sister who needed a new phone as that’s what mom would have wanted. Other sister never got the phone. Sister1 kept it and has been using it to access her Facebook and pictures and I’m sure her private messages too. So…
Facebook locked her out. So she tried to recover the password with moms email that she’s also been accessing. But gmail locked her out. So she contacted me. I’m the recovery email for all of moms accounts. Why? Because I would set shit up for her when she asked, not give her shit or half jail-broken hand-me-down-equipment, and not berate her when she forgot her passwords. (Hence the reason the phone was MY property. I bought the phone and I paid the phone bill.) Anyway, Sister1 contacts me because I’m the recovery email and she “needs” access to moms Facebook.
I wouldn’t give it to her. I say that like I’m confident about it. First, I asked Mr C- holy shit what do I do? I don’t want her to have access, she has no right. And it’s weird. And invasive. And mom died over a year ago. Then I asked K. Then I asked moms bestest best friend. All informed me that I didn’t have to give her that info. In fact, moms bestie informed me that she hoped Sister1 hadn’t read moms private messages where she often poured out her heart and frustrations about living with my sisters to her best friends in confidence.
Well… I’ll bet you a million dollars sister1 has read all of that. All the text messages. All the emails. All the Facebook messages. She’s seen my mom describe her in her worst light. And I can’t imagine the unbearable pain that must have brought her. It explains a lot though. She’s been absolutely obsessed with mom since she passed. Moms hobbies have become sister1’s obsessions. She can’t and won’t let mom go. So hearing me tell her I wouldn’t reset the accounts kinda pissed her off.
To ensure that I held to moms honor and let her accounts be silenced, I went as far as to disconnect my email from her recoveries. Her accounts are now lost to the ether. It was like saying goodbye again. Letting the flowers drift into the ocean. Google asked if I wanted to disconnect ME@gmail.com from MOM@gmail.com as this was permanent and could not be undone. Well… I cried and I clicked it. Bye momma.
Not that Sister1 would accept that I can no longer rest the accounts. She became furious and said that I should never have made my self the recovery account if I wasn’t willing to recover them. She said she needed important financial information because she’d be left to deal with all of moms accounts.
Well, what the fuck kind of financial information do you need off of Facebook? And mom died over a year ago. I told her I’d be happy to handle any of mothers personal affairs that they had not just been left to her. She could forward me any correspondence and I’d get a copy of her death certificate from brother and take care of it. No responses after that.
All of the family has been their usual radio silence. No answering the phone or text messages. Oh well.
I do feel terrible for Sister1. Realizing she probably read mom talking shit about her and how much she hated living with her. God, that’s heart breaking. But sister1 brought it on herself by invading moms privacy. And I feel terrible that sister1 has now kinda become sister2s custodian. I do feel bad about that. But again, she let sister2 move in. Sister 2 tried to get me and Mr C to take in her cats. We said fuck no. Sister1 is more codependent and took her in. And it was only supposed to be 2 months… over 2 years ago. I’m sorry sister1. I really am. but I still won’t help you violate moms privacy over and over again.
It’s a terrible situation.
In two days, I’ll be 6 weeks postop from my Breast Lift, Augmentation, and tummy tuck revision. I had my 6-weeks follow-up with the surgeon today. It was a “meh” appointment. The good news is that all of my incisions are healing up beautifully. One breast has dropped nicely and the other hasn’t moved. I have not been concerned about this as I’ve read so many times that they drop at different rates — two breasts, two different surgeries that heal differently. However the surgeon was more concerned.
Apparently, that breast is more tubular. He showed me on my “before” pictures and yep — the dropped breast was wider before. So he said I would have to work to “aggressively massage” them. He also put me in a band. It goes around you and sits on top of your breast to apply pressure downward — you know, pushing the breast down. So that’s all I need — ANOTHER thing to wear LOL.
I showed him my arm scars (from the arm lift in December). They’re keloiding near the elbows. So he gave me some silicone gel to massage into them twice a day. He wants to try that before injections. He gave me a $80 bottle for free, so sure, I’ll try it.
My hips are still comically swollen. Think I’m exaggerating? There’s almost 20lbs of fluid on these babies:
Look at all those layers I have on. That’s my bare minimum layers. Surgical bra, breast band, tank top, binder, underwear, and compression pants. As you can see, I’ve still got my drain. Ah drains, the bane of plastic surgery.
The nurse agreed with me that perhaps trying the bed again and having my hips level with my heart at night will probably help the fluid come down some. She also told me I gotta wear my compression pants. So I got out the compression pants. And let me tell you, getting my fat, swollen ass in those tight pants — Jesus. There was so much pulling and shaking and jiggling and just general unflattering gyrating to get those things up. I’m compressed now, okay?
Note the red glasses I’m wearing. More about those in another post…
This last week I hit one moth post op. Breast lift with augmentation and tummy tuck revision. I decided to try to sleep in the bed. I have my wedge from the last surgery so I could still sleep at an angle. It didn’t work out. I was so uncomfortable and didn’t get any sleep. I’m a side sleeper and my poor boobs just hurt too much when I tried to lay on my side.
I find myself very frustrated that it’s taking so long to recover from this surgery. I need to give myself more time, it’s only been a month. However, I feel like I was doing a lot more at one month post op last time. It’s just frustrating. Why do the boobs still hurt!? Maybe because they pried the muscle up and shove silicone balls in there? You have a point.
They’re so sensitive too. Like no sensation lost, that’s for damn sure. They ache, especially the areolas. Which to be fair, got cut out and re-positioned. I know I need to give myself more time, but damn. Hurry up. It’s so different because, were it not for the drain(s), I’d think my tummy was 100% healed up. No hurting there! I tried sleeping in a different bra and the boobs weren’t having it either. It was too tight.
Speaking of drains… Saturday night, I broke one of my drains. I was stripping them as I do twice a day, every day. As I did for 10 weeks on the last surgery. And… the tube just snapped like an old rubber band! Oops. I guess that drains coming out. There’s just, like, 3 inches of tube left hanging out. How in the hell?
UPDATE: So Sunday, I was unbandaging around my drains for my shower. I realized that the drain that snapped was pulled partially out — I guess from the snap. So I just pulled the rest of it out. Sorry, not sorry. It didn’t hurt at all. So just the one drain now. That’s a plus.
1) Why is it never just standard size? I’m trying to replace a cover on our sprinkler system. Almost all of these covers all over the internet are 6 inch and 10 inch. So I ordered those. Nope. Mines somewhere between the two. The only 7 inch ones only come with the whole box, not just a lid option. Bastards! It’s never an easy fix is it?
2) Spring is in the air. We finally had our jungle of a lawn mowed. It looks ok now 🙂 The weeds don’t look like weeds if you mow them. Honestly, I wish we could just have a clover lawn. They make micro clover now that only grows 3 inches tall. Why spend all this effort on grass? I’d rather the clover. It’s not like we have an HOA. I’ll get Mr C on board one day.
3) I literally, JUST NOW, booked my tattoo appointment for November. Devon Greig Saturday November 5th. It’s a birthday present to myself! I’m so excited! I talked her into doing it piecemeal. She wanted to outline the whole sleeve at once. However, I’d like to do it in pieces. One, I want Jack first and as soon as possible. I also want completed pieces and not a partial tattoo for a few months between color sessions. And I think I’ll be able to tie more memories to it doing it in bits. Also, we can’t get to the scar cover ups for a whole 2 – 3 years. So the sleeve can’t be completed right now anyway.
4) Speaking of tattoos. I think the scars on my back are going to show in some bathing suits. So after my sleeve, I think I’ll want to cover my side scars in something. Thing is, I have no idea what. I don’t want a tattoo that goes all the way across my back. It’s just gonna “peek-a-boo” on each side where the scars in my bra line are. Good thing I have 2 years to contemplate this.
5) Ok, obviously I still have my tummy tuck revision drains. I’m sure I’ll have them the rest of the month. But man, the line has healed up great. I’m so so happy with the tummy tuck results. I love seeing my side view in the mirror without a huge stomach pudge. Not a belly — that pudge of skin I had that always stuck out further than my breasts. Now it’s gone! So happy with it.
6) Breasts are still healing. The massaging makes them sore. And I’ve got that popped stitch on my back which is a pain. Reaching for things tugs on your back skin — so where those incisions are is just a bitch. And the mismatch of the skin where the stitch popped — ugh it makes me shiver in disgust if I touch it. I hope it smooths out as it heals. But I’m not too worried. Even if it needs a revision, that’s something he can do in office with a little local anesthetic in the back and snip snip.
Still in the recliner. Might extend the rental another week. I can lay in the bed, but maneuvering around with my arms hurts because it engages my chest muscles. If I was only laying down and getting up once, that’s fine. But I’ve got to get up to pee a few times.
Plus my Jack likes me in the recliner. Will he start sleeping with me in the bed? I don’t know. But I love that he sleeps with me in the recliner.
7) Return to normal work schedules is Monday. I get to define what the will look like for me. I’m not sure what I want. I definitely don’t want to go in early. I like how my office mate works — he only goes in in the afternoons. But I’d also like to stay home some days. I think I’ll start with Monday thru Thursday in office afternoons and mornings and Fridays from home. See how that works out.
Today I’ll go see my surgeon for my three-week checkup. This is from my breast lift and augmentation and tummy tuck revision. Technically it won’t be three weeks till tomorrow. But you know how doctors work: when they want to.
I’m extremely happy with my tummy tuck. That’s the surgery that has brought me the biggest self confidence boost for sure. Especially with the revision that smoothed things out some more. I still have a belly, but it’s a normal belly and not a melted wax figure belly. I love it. My arms are a struggle. The scaring is significant, especially around the elbows. And they’re still big arms. I have to keep reminding myself how bad they WERE. So when they start to get me down, I pose in the way that would have made all the crepe skin bunch up and drape and I feel better. Plus, eventually, at least one of these will be covered by a tattoo.
I’m not sold or unsold on the breasts. As I’ve said, naked they’re hands down great. But clothed, I don’t feel any umph from them. They’re also still extremely painful so I can’t just model them around and have a look-see. I’m too busy being very careful not to make them hurt. Also there is still a lot of swelling. I should have no side boob. But I have major side boob right now. So I can’t judge them yet. It’s just way too early in the process.
My drains were 60cc and 75cc yesterday so… yeah, not even pretending those are coming out any time soon! But at least this time, ones not partially pulled out and taped up ’cause I nicked it with scissors.
Still sleeping in the recliner in the living room. My master bedroom now looks like a bachelor lives there. Mr C living that single life up there.
A few years ago (maybe 3?) Jack had an abscessed wound. It had to be left open to heal from the inside out. Because of this, Mr C didn’t want him in the bedroom leaving puss and such where ever he sat. Well, I’m not gonna leave my precious hanging, so I spent a month sleeping on the couch with him so he wouldn’t be alone at night. He’s my special, I’m not gonna leave him – especially when he was in pain.
These past two and a half weeks, I’ve been sleeping in a recliner in the living room. And this wonderful bastard has spent almost all of these nights and days sleeping in my lap in the recliner.
Sure he takes breaks when he wants to go sit in a sun ray and heat up in the afternoon. But come night time, he’s back in my lap. He doesn’t usually sleep with Mr C and I at night in the bedroom. But while I’ve been down here recovering, he’s been with me almost every single night. He’s a damn lava rock of heat, but I don’t care. I love him.
I adore this fucking cat. Thanks for taking care of me, Jack.