The below Facebook post was in my memories for today. 2020 was a dark time, y’all. And this was BEFORE mom died. Fuck.
What’s funny is, I still remember being robbed in Animal Crossing, cause that cut deep. That was a place of happy innocent retreat for everyone. So getting robbed on fucking Animal Crossing of ALL THINGS. For fucks sake. How low can people be? You gonna rob people on a kids game when they’re giving you free shit. I’m still bitter about it. This is why I hate people, yall. People are bad.
But I actually forgot about the jaw thing. After the car wreck that wrecked my brain, my jaw would sometimes make a piercingly loud noise when I opened my mouth wide. It bothered husband. I think just because it was so jarring. At some point though, it appears to have stopped!
We never “fixed” the jaw issue, for the record. The physical therapist determined that it wasn’t anything harmful, just annoying. Probably cartilage built up funny when I hurt it in the accident. He said it might wear down and stop. Looks like he was right. Can’t remember the last time it made that noise. (*Que me opening my mouth wide while I type*) Neisen Physical Therapy was awesome. Wish I could afford to go get dry needling and neck work done on the regular. My neck has regressed a lot since therapy.
~~~ START: FACEBOOK POST – AUGUST 05, 2020 ~~~
I’m crying because I got robbed in animal Crossing. I let people in to have my saved up DIY recipes. For free. Someone took all my fossils and harvested the money trees I had around my town square. And yes, everyone agrees it’s my fault. But I didn’t expect to get fleeced in a fucking ANIMAL CROSSING GAME when I was being generous. And I have duplicates of almost all the fossils anyway, had they asked, I’d have given them full dinosaurs.
OK, so I didn’t cry over Animal Crossing. Not really. It’s literally the straw that broke the camels back. The tiniest most insignificant thing that just broke the levy.
There’s just too much going on. I’ve got an interview tomorrow which is awesome, right? But The last phone interview I didn’t get. It’s like the first interview I’ve done where I didn’t get a job offer. Seriously. So I’m like WTF? Did I lose my interview mojo? I’m freaking out now.
But I feel good about the job prospect but it opens a flood gate of other things: 1) back to work. I’ve been out of work since October and to go back to working 9 hour days and waking up early and being tired all the time and not having time to take care of things again? Ugh. And how will it affect my head aches? We don’t know.
Speaking of headaches, now when I can’t figure something out, I don’t know if it’s brain damage or normal. Seriously. I have to ask Husband sometimes. Like why can’t I grasp this? Is this normal?
And the ENT thinks I could benefit from more physical therapy. I’m fine with that, I thought physical therapy was working great on my neck and we finally literally THAT last appointment identified the jaw issue from the wreck. The one that causes my jaw to make obnoxiously loud noises every once and a while that bug Husband. LOL. But he decided my progress was too slow and fucking gave up on me. Can’t trust any body.
Not your lawyer either. Shitty ass lawyer. Now we’re in a lawsuit just to try to recover my lost wages — not even damages or anything. And not even the fact that i lost my job. We’re only asking for what I was due till May when the doctor said I should try work part time.
And never trust a fucking company. I’ve told so many people that and then I fell in love with Boecore. And I trusted them. And I love working for my friend, F. And they were awesome for a few months. They told me ‘oh we’ll keep you on as long as you’re making progress” — then all the sudden with NO WARNING, I get a “we’re laying you off next week” phone call. What the fuck was that? You couldn’t have told me a month ago? Some warning would be nice.
But at Least I have Husband’s insurance to fall back on. But then now there’s a deductible that has to be met. Which is why I can’t afford to go back to physical therapy. I need to go to the gastroenterologist too but I can’t afford that either. I can’t afford shit. I was upset and lonely the other day missing my fair-weather friends and Mexican food when Husband suggested Chuy’s take out But we really shouldn’t because it’s cheaper to cook.
We’ve been set back huge financially. And we thought we’d get my missed wages back, but we won’t. We were deceived. Now we’re set back on our plan of where we expected to be right now. And I know, Husband assures me we’re treading water and won’t lose the house — but we lost HALF OUR INCOME. We can’t go on forever like this. And this is my house Mine. Mine mine mine mine. I’d see it bulldozed before I thought of someone else living in it. I can’t fathom it! I was here every day it was being built. I designed it. I picked literally every single color and finish and tile in here. I sat in my bedroom and watched the sunset before there was even sheet rock.
My psychiatrist says this is all temporary. And logically I kinda know it is. BUT WHAT IF IT’S NOT? How long will it go on? How long can it go on? I miss people. I miss eating out. I miss having money.
And anyone who dares to think I didn’t earn my pay and this house can come say it straight to my fucking face because I will gladly let off some steam. I went to school for 9 years to get that damn degree. All the while being mocked for being “forever a student” even jokingly by my own family. I’ve built my career for near 15 years. I earned that pay check. Every penny.
Why can’t you trust anyone? Lawyers, employers, insurers, the general public that won’t take vaccines or wear face masks. Why can’t people just be good?
Who steals shit in ANIMAL CROSSING FOR FUCKS SAKE? Are you serious with me?
Well praise Jesus for a napping husband to sob on. He’s sweet and loving and not something I remotely earned. And Jack. I’ll go hug Jack.
It was a rough month, yall. You ever just get so much shit that you stop complaining about it. Like not to my husband, but like on Facebook and stuff. Cause it’s like — it not even funny at this point. I’m just getting frustrated. That was my July. But spoiler alert, I think we’re looking up for August.
OK, let me see what I’ve already posted. Wait, we got the deck in July. So it was not all bad. It got bad after that. I love my deck! Has it only been a month? We’ve gotten a lot of use out of the deck actually. When K and K2 come over, we end up snacking or drying off on the deck and there’s just so much ROOM. It’s very nice.
So July 16th, I was proud of myself for kicking ass. So yeah, maybe only the second half of July sucked. But I can tell you this is where it went down hill. I know this, because I mentioned finally getting around to addressing some laundry that had sat in the dryer for 2 weeks. I was not lying. When I wrote that post, I was freshening the clothes to get them put away. That did not happen. Those clothes did not actually get put away until last weekend. A full two weeks later. So yeah, I had laundry I washed a month ago that had not been put away. By the time I put it away last weekend, it was three full loads of laundry that needed to be refreshed in the dryer and I was fetching my underwear from the laundry room. But you know what, I got it ALL put away last weekend and it felt wonderful.
Then July 17th, we start seeing the shot show pop up. We had already addressed the salt cell for the pool. It WILL need to be replaced but we’re gonna wear that fucker out first. I ordered a small salt tester online that I can use since my readouts aren’t reliable anymore. I should test this evening, actually. So having the pool guy come out and check the salt cell meant unscrewing some PVC connections and such. PVC that’s been in full blast south side sun with no shade for 7/8 years. So, yeah, a few days later that connector gave way and the pool just gushed water in my yard until the lawn guy notified us.
I did get the pool guy out to fix that. It was about $150. He replaced the connectors and some of the PVC that he had no choice but to replace. Not all of it though, so there’s still some old shit out there. Pools running. AWESOME. I also foreshadowed my own life there by talking about adding shade “in the future” when we replace the pump. JINX, bitch! Oh, and yeah I did get that replacement battery for the security system and get it installed.
By July 20th, I had a migraine. This lasted about 2 weeks. I’m still kinda struggling with lingering small headaches at the end of the day and beginning of the day. For the most part though, it’s better. I tried Nurtec twice (you can only take it every 48 hours) and then called the neurologist. He prescribed me another rescue medication. The nurse explained insurance was going to be a bitch, so they give you a free card to get your first script while they work out prior authorizations and stuff. That’s nice! I mean it’s nice in the way that it’s a crack dealer saying the first taste is free, but I like free. Problem: the free card only works if your insurance agrees to cover the medication. Because why give you a free script if you’re never going to become a customer? See, crack dealers! My insurance wouldn’t do it because it wasn’t on my “formlary” or something. So I couldn’t even get the free first refill. Motherfuckers. The medical system and ALL insurance is fucked. It’s just fucked. That’s all I can say. Fuck, yall.
Then, the pool stopped working. Turns out the pump had gotten too stressed by running on low water and now it’s russian roulette (Fuck russia, I’m nope capitalizing it on purpose) of whether it thinks it’s overheated or not when it runs. If it thinks it’s overheated, you have to reset the breakers and hope it comes on in a good state. So it kept failing. We were going to have to replace the pump. The most expensive piece of pool equipment.
Oh wait wait — this was after a week of freak storms too. Like bad even by Alabama standards. Global Warming is really fucking us up, yall. It’s only going to get worse too. So in one of those storms, a whole-ass-tree in our front yard fell over. Yep. Just uprooted itself and laid the fuck down. And the storm continued. We have dead trees in the back, I was sure more were going to fall so I was just watching through the window. Thankfully they did not. However, that old rusted pool umbrella snapped in half, expanded in the wind and torpedoed my plants. Broke my planters feet, fucked up my coleus plants and killed half of my lavender plant.
Now since this tree didn’t fall on any “structures,” home insurance won’t cover it. I just paid for a DECK, a pool pipe repair, I’m about to buy a whole-ass pump (we’re getting to that), and don’t forget I splurged on Prime Day to get some things we needed and could save a few hundred on. So I’m broke. And there’s a god damn tree in my yard. Thankfully, my angry self got out there with a hedge trimmer and took off enough of the top that we could get down the driveway without a problem. And we don’t live in an HOA who’s gonna bitch at us about it. So I post on Facebook that I need someone to cut up a tree.
I had like 60 replies. Ton of people offering to come get it… for hundreds of dollars. One guy offered 650 and I politely told him to go fuck himself — my reply got 5 likes. What they did not understand was that I don’t want some bonded, insured, tree cutting business. I want a motivated redneck with a chainsaw. Listen, I know hiring someone without insurance is risky. But that’s why I have Homeowners insurance right? That’s what I told myself. Cause like yall, it’s already ON THE GROUND. You’re not cutting a tree DOWN, you’re just cutting it up. I called the city and they do bulk pickup as long as I cut it up myself and don’t contract the work out. Yeah sure, I’m gonna hire a friend to do it. It’s fine. Just get it to the curb.
So for days, I field just way too many people. Trying to get SOMEONE to do something about this massive clusterfuck on my lawn. And don’t forget — I’m having a 2 week migraine during all this and have already missed 2 days of work. The first two guys who came to look at it couldn’t handle the job. Then some guy on NextDoor says he’ll do it for $175. Well, that’s too low. So I told him I’d do $200 if he got the tree and cleaned up after himself and $250 if he can get the stump.
Yall, the man that showed up had a face tattoo under his eye and a very small chainsaw. One that apparently didn’t work so he left. For days. And I’m a fair person. So I gave this job out in order of people who contacted me with reasonable prices. So the fair thing to do was give this guy a chance. He had to order a part for his chainsaw. So he called 3 days later (when he said he’d have the part) and said he didn’t have the part, but he’d buy a new chainsaw. I tried to convince him not to because I had a good offer from a company who was gonna do the roots and haul away, but again, I gotta be fair. He says he has some other trimming jobs so he needs a new chainsaw anyway. Alright, stoner man, keep going. So over the course of a week, he cuts up the tree and piles it by the curb. His job was also made insanely easier by a redneck (THANK YOU) who came by and wanted free firewood. That guy took everything that had already been cut. So stoner didn’t even have to haul that heavy shit to the curb cause the Redneck took it all. I’m cool with that.
His tiny chainsaw couldn’t get the roots and trunk out of the ground though. So I gave him his $200 and God speed. So I contacted the company who offered to do the whole tree and haul it away for $150. I sent them a picture of just the stump remaining and ask how much to come get this. Motherfucker says $400. I’m just… what? The whole tree was $150, but since it’s just a stump, now its $400? Like I’m confused as to if this was a bait and switch scam I avoided or if they’re just trying to rip me off. WTF? The next quote I got was also $400.
Fuck all yall. I don’t live in an HOA so here’s my new yard decoration! Maybe I’ll paint a target on it and get some throwing axes. Or just buy an axe and wail on it when I get angry. It’s staying for now though!
So back to my pool pump problem.
The good news is, this Hayward pool equipment is easy to get parts for. You can order them yourself on Amazon. They’re like the opposite of Apple. So pool guy informs me we won’t have to buy the “wet half”, we only need to replace the half of the pump with the circuitry. So it won’t be quite as much. Awesome. Go forth and let me know how much that will cost. Bad news. In 2019, Hayward discontinued this pump. We have to buy a whole new pump. For $1800. And that’s the wholesale price the pool guy can get it for. And he feels so bad for me (plus I already paid him for all the PVC connection repairs) that he isn’t even going to charge me to go buy it and install it for me. THANK YOU POOL MAN. It was actually closer to $1750 but I rounded the check up the $1800 because if he wasn’t awesome, it would have cost a lot more than $50 to get him to even come out here, much less run an errand and install shit. Thank god for good business relationships (He’s been our pool guy go to for 7/8 years).
So yeah, had to get a new pump. Pools running again. We gotta shade this equipment like NOW. Husband doesn’t want a sunsail on the side of the house. But you know what? We can’t afford to build a structure right now so this is what’s happening. I get K and her boyfriend to come over the next weekend and we dig some 2 foot deep holes in my yard and install some 4×4 posts for sunsail anchoring. God bless reliable friends that will dig holes in your yard for you. Like, it’s invaluable. It’s just.. thank you.
A week after the concrete set up for the posts, I hung the sunsail.
Then we had a pool day and evaluated how well it was shaded. Well, since the pump is on the far edge of the pad and the sunsail is curved and not square… it was only shaded until 12:30. Fuck. We hung the sunsail as far over as we could. So we, K and I, discuss options. We need a curtain on the west side to shade it the rest of the day. OK, I order another sunsail. Now, I’m planning to get THAT up this weekend. And I am EXTREMELY proud of the plan I’ve come up with the make this thing look decent AND cover that curve fully. I’ll post pictures when it gets done.
But is the July dumpster fire than depleted my whole damn savings account over? Nope. While I was installing the sunsail, I got bit by a horsefly. I literally didn’t even know we had horseflies. I’ve encountered these bastards in Maine, but never here. And the ones in Maine are small. No, I got bit by this bastard:
The Black Horse Fly (Tabanus atratus). Yeah, it was fucking huge. And it bit me right in the middle of my tattoo thru the long-sleeved rashguard I was wearing!
“They are fast fliers despite their hefty size. Females feed on blood, and they are not averse to taking it from anything that has it. Their mouth parts cut open flesh, allowing blood to ooze out. They use a proboscis to sponge up the blood, leaving behind an open wound. These wounds can become infected, which poses a threat to livestock health. They are also very painful bites for humans. Males do not bite and do not drink blood. Males actually drink flower nectar and spend their days looking for females to mate with.”
FUCK YOU. But by that description, doesn’t it sound like the males just want a nice date to bring the chick flowers? Like that’s sweet.
So I was super anal not to scratch this thing. I can’t be messing up my tattoo. It bit me right below Jacks bowtie. Had it been anywhere else, I’d have scratched a crater out of my arm to get that thing out. It was itchier than Satans asshole. It bit me on Friday and I had a allergic reaction. By Sunday I was concerned enough to start tracking the rash to see if it was spreading:
Yep, it was still spreading. So Sunday, we have a great day with some friends (Barbie movie — loved it). I go get my groceries and I ask the pharmacist if there’s anything a doctor can give me for an allergic reaction to a bug bite or if I just have to suck it up with anti-itch creams. She says I should go get a steroid shot. Awesome. So I look up Urgent Care and it closes in 40ish minutes. I call and they stop accepting patients in 6 minutes. Well, FUCK ME.
So I went to Urgent Care the next day before work. The doctor is like “it looks infected. Is your skin normally this tight?” Well, I don’t know the exact density of my underarm flab, so I touch it and jiggle it and then touch the other arm and jiggle it — no you’re right, my whole arm is swollen. I thought it was just the bubbly mountainous mound around the actual bite. And yeah, it is red and warm but it didn’t hurt. It was just really itchy. So she gave me a steroid shot and a prescription for antibiotics. She told me if the rash wasn’t gone by that afternoon, do the antibiotics.
So damn good thing I did because I totally have cellulitis. In fact, Monday night, I rolled over on my arm and it was so painful I couldn’t sleep the entire night. I considered not even going to work Tuesday. So Monday and Tuesday were painful but it’s easing up. I still can’t sleep on it (which sucks cause I’m a side sleeper and that’s my default side). But it’s getting better. For a bit of Tuesday, I was afraid my fucking tattoo would rot off. It’s fine though. Now that the mountain is gone, there is just a little scab where it bit me. Even if that scars, it’ll probably just look like a freckle or something in the tattoo.
So wooooo. Yeah. July. Oh wait — I forgot. Louie got out. The night I did the sunsail and the monster tried to kill me. I was out so late that it was too late to cool off in the pool. So I was going to go straight to the shower instead. So on the way I grabbed a package off the porch. Louie snuck (sneaked?) out. And I mean SNUCK OUT. I watched the Ring footage. He was no where near the door when I opened it, then when I bent down for the package he hightailed it past me and down the stairs — all behind my back. Like I don’t even blame myself after seeing it on camera.
So I go take my shower. I’m getting some dinner and getting situated and I see Louie’s fat white ass at the door! OH MY GOD! I thought he was just hanging out under the bed or something (remember, he’s not a snuggler and doesn’t come when you call. He doesn’t even sleep with us). So I panicked. I thought he’d been out there for God knows how long begging to get in. And yall know we live on a 4 lane road with a speed limit of 50 so people are driving way faster! MY BABY! I felt awful. I was terrified. He was wailing like crazy and I was apologizing and I gave him wet stinky food as an apology.
While he ate his apology dinner, I watched what went down on the Ring cam. Thankfully, he never left our stoop. He was out there for a little over half an hour. He explored the stoop and found a frog to play with. I think we can thank the frog for him not running off. He was having a ball torturing that frog and pouncing it when it would leap away. At one point, the frog made it down the stairs and Louie picked it up in his mouth and brought it back up and deposited it back in front of the door for more hell. THIS is why I saw Louie’s fat white ass at the door. He wasn’t begging to come in, he was playing with the fucking frog.
So he wasn’t crying and distraught when I brought him in. He was regaling his great adventure! He never tried to get in. He wasn’t distraught. He just got to go outside and play with a frog and then I gave him his favorite dinner as a reward. It was like his best day ever!
OMG this month killed me. Now Louie has to be watched like a hawk near the door. The other day I cracked it enough to set a poweraid out for the guy mowing the yard and Louie dashed out! I tried to dash after him, but had only cracked the door and stubbed TWO TOES.
I mean. Fuck. That’s all I have to say.
Oh AND Wednesday husband texted me and work to tell me the AC was broken. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. Thankfully a breaker reset fixed it after we climbed in the attic to see it wasn’t frozen. We hope. Dear God.
I saw this question on Reddit and thought, this is a fun thought exercise! Usually, it’s what would you tell your younger self and not the other way around.
First, 13 year old me would have some issues.
Like why the fuck are you married? You’re gonna “submit” and “rely” on a man? Fuck that. (I’d probably call myself a pussy, but 40-year-old-me has been informed that’s a no-go word now).
Why are you crazy? Suck it up, buttercup. What do you have to be sad about? (13 year old me had a lot of denial and buried trauma).
I’d be disappointed that I was still “fat.” However, I’d also be pleased greatly with my shape. I’m actually at LEAST 50lbs lighter than 13 year old me if not more like 100lbs. Also, I got rid of the belly pudge and installed nice boobs! If I can’t get skinny, at least I get more shapely.
I’d be crazy impressed with my wealth. I live in a nice house, have a pool, and OWN my car! WHAT? *fist bump*
Lastly, I’d think my sleeve tattoo was really cool.
Further down in the Reddit thread, someone commented about telling their younger self to worry less about money and more about happiness.
I’m not sure I would tell young me that. I literally picked my career in 8th grade in one day. I looked up the top projected earning careers and picked the one that suits my strengths. Math and Science. (I went Computer Science).
Do I like it? Eh. Do I have lots of money? Yeah.
I mean I don’t hate it, but it is in no way a passion. I like the puzzle aspect of coding sometimes. But like, it’s no art or craft job. I just do a fuck ton of paperwork now. I’m damn good at it and someone has to do it.
But like, I grew up below the poverty line and two family bankruptcies before highschool. I just wanted out. Sometimes I think I should have aimed for happiness too. But… I can still do my hobbies on the side so… *shrug*
Yall, my head hurts. I was flirting with a headache all weekend. You know where it comes and goes? Never really enough to get up and take anything though. But Tuesday I went into work and was just like… No. My head hurt and it’s only Tuesday. I can’t do this. So I took a Nurtec (prescription migraine medication can only be taken every 48 hours) and went home. That evening a tree fell on my lawn and I was like fuck it, I’m not going in Wednesday either. All this stress is not helping the migraine.
Wednesday was a headache all day. It comes and goes in waves. Like waves of headache vs waves of migraine. At one point I laid on the couch to rest and I was uncomfortable because my wrist was bent at an odd angle but I did not have the energy to move. Like to move at all. I was just in pain. Also hungry. I was going to ask husband to bring me some peanuts and medication and help me sit up because I could move my lips, but he was about to have a meeting (he works from home). So I was just like. Meh. This is my life now. Then like an hour later I heard him get up and wrangled up the energy to move my wrist finally and Louie came over for pets while I slowly recovered the will to move.
Since I couldn’t really even watch TV yesterday and my cat doesn’t like snuggles, I went to work today. If I’m gonna just intermittently read Reddit, I can get paid to do it. I’m gonna be in pain either way. I can’t miss a full week of work. This could go on for who knows how long. But bonus — it’s been 48 hours so I can take another Nurtec! It didn’t work again. But last night husband went and got me a refill of Excedrin Migraine and I’ve been living off that (I tried Tylenol first and it was a no go). Excedrin Migraine seems to ease the pain for between 1 and 2 hours — but I can only take it every 4.
Last night I couldn’t sleep well (SURPRISE!) but at like 4am, I realized my head didn’t hurt! Holy shit! I was so relieved. I still couldn’t sleep, but it was over. I had feared it was just going to keep going for weeks. So I was just happy and relieved. I was like, I can sleep now!
So yall know, I have a sleep disorder. What I usually do to fall asleep is try to think of the last dream I had and get in that mind space. But the last dream I had sucked. Steve Irwin was in it and I was helping him and another trainer with these platypus stingray things. Well, not platypus. More stingray. But like fat. Like squishmellow stingrays. They had that stingray mouth thing where their mouth is like on their stomach. And I was inside in a murky pool area that was connected to some outside pool or lake. I was supposed to entertain the baby squishmellow stingray while they worked with the adults outside. I think we were getting them ready for a show or something. So I was playing fetch with the baby. Like I had all these pool/bath toys I would throw for him to fetch. But not like dog-fetch, like cat-fetch. Where they go get it and you act all happy but they don’t actually bring it back. So me and baby squish were actually getting along OK. He liked to be petted and kept like rubbing up on my shoulder cause he was having fun. I got over the weird mouth thing. He was kinda cute. But like, he’s a baby and he got bored so he swam out to where the other two were and it was murky water so I couldn’t see him. And that messed up the training with the parents and Steve Irwin went fucking ballistic on me for not being able to just entertain baby squish.
He was really mean.
And I love Steve Irwin. He and Mr Rogers are like fucking saints. They were too good for us. So nowhere in my brain do I really think that Steve Irwin was an asshole. I’m also afraid of murky/dark water and water dreams end up with sharks and sharks terrify me so I was like fuck that dream, we’re not going back there. So I let my mind wander around to things I needed to do. I need to put out fertilizer this weekend. I’m also going to tighten up the sunsail over the new deck. It has stretched quite a bit and I’ve proven to myself that I can reach the anchor points.
So I was thinking, which anchor point should I tighten first? Because that will affect which way the shade gets pulled. So I was trying to visualize the geometry of it from above — a triangle with two points I can pull towards. But it’s not that simple because they both have to be tightened so I’m trying to visualize the outer triangle which is the anchor points and the inner triangle which is the sunsail and how I want it to shift. If I tighten one more than the other, I can almost rotate it a bit inside the outer anchor triangle. I kinda want it to pull more towards the house, so if I tighten that one as much as I can first it’ll shift the sail closer to the house overall…
BAM — Insta-pain.
IT’S MATH. That was the big problem when I had my brain injury. I couldn’t do math. At first I literally just could not even do simple math. Then as I healed, it hurt my head to do math so I had to be careful to push myself but not too far. Now my headache of 3 days went away only to come back when I try to do MATH. Fuck.
I called the neurologist today and left a message. I hope the nurse calls me tomorrow. Like maybe they could give me an Ajovy shot? But then I was thinking an Ajovy shot is going to cost 125$ and I’m hemorrhaging money right now. Also, I probably couldn’t get it tomorrow because I’d need insurance pre-approval BS. But then this afternoon, I remembered that once, they gave me Ajovy in the office. So like, maybe I can ask if they can prescribe it and I can come pick up a sample? I just want my headache to go away.
Oh and here’s what I think of when I think of weird stringray mouths. Also probably why baby squish kept rubbing my shoulder. Fucking meme.
Yall. Since we built the expensive BEAUTIFUL deck, house stuff just keeps popping up! We’ve had a lot of rain recently so I took a pool sample to the pool store to get it professionally tested. I needed some acid anyway. Well, actually I had ordered some acid and put it in the night before. We’ll get to that. They showed my salt level as way off from what my sensor was telling me. So I asked if it needed to be re-calibrated or something. The guy didn’t know shit, so whatever. I asked about the Ph because I put acid in the previous night. Long story short, I looked at Amazon to verify what I ordered (because it did seem more fine than the acid I usually use) and I had ordered Ph PLUS. The exact opposite of what I needed to put in. So yeah, I bought a huge bucket of acid so not a worthless trip.
I called my pool guy about the sensor being off. He said the salt cell might be dirty or nearing end-of-life which is usually about 6 years. Well, this is our 8th year. So awesome. Thankfully, I panic searched and a new salt cell is only about $1,000 when I thought they were $6,000. Still not good. Pool guy came and he said it is near end of life, but it’s still working fine, only a little off. I asked him about the pool store results. He said the pool was probably just super diluted from the rain when I got my sample. I don’t buy that, but OK. Also, I ordered an electric water tester for salt and Ph levels. I asked him if I should replace the salt cell. He said I should wait until next Spring or just wait until It dies completely. Which was great news! And he didn’t even charge me for coming out since he said he was on my side of town anyway. I love pool guy. This was twoish weeks ago.
Today, I’m in the office and I get an automated call from the security company. These are always a nightmare because I screen my calls and the robotic voice mispronounces everything so the transcript is insane shit. However, I recognized this style of insane shit and picked up in time to request a text of the info. My security system sent out a low battery signal. So I call the company and ask whats up. She just reads me the error message. Yeah, I caught that. Where is the battery? What kind of battery does it need? She said she can forward me to the service department. OK. She forwards me to the exact same number I just called with the same options. So I choose request service this time instead of customer service. I have to go through all my info. Phone number? Address? Name? Security code? Whats the problem? Yeah I see it sent out a low battery signal. I KNOW. Where is the battery? It’s in the system box. It’s a metal box. OK, what type of battery does it need? You’ll need to look at it to see.
I’m gonna admit, I’m pretty pissed about this. I’m not home. I need to know what battery to buy. I didn’t install this system nor do I own the components. They installed it and I kinda rent it from them. Shouldn’t they know what system I have? Shouldn’t they be able to look up the system components? So I ask if they can just send me a battery. She says they can, but it would be cheaper to get one at Lowes or Home Depot. Again, this is stupid because I don’t even own this shit.
So husband had been texting while I was on the phone. Turns out, here at home, the security system was going nuts. I tell him the problem and ask him to look for the battery. Surprisingly, he does. Usually, he would tell me he’ll do it later or tell me I can look when I get home. But he sure did go get a screw driver to look. And this isn’t the kind of stuff he’s great with. Also, there’s a lot of “metal boxes” in that closet. It’s like our wiring hub for everything in the house. So it wasn’t in his first box choice. Fail. Turns out it was in his second choice! A big ass battery. So he sends me a picture of said battery.
It is not in stock at Lowes, Home Depot, or Walmart. I’m not too disappointed because I really didn’t want to go to any of these places anyway. So I ordered one online. It’ll be here Saturday. I pray the security system doesn’t go nuts every day until it is replaced.
Then I get a doorbell ring on my phone from my spiffy new Ring doorbell. It’s the lawn guy. We don’t have a mower, so we pay a guy to mow our yard. I figure he wants his check. So I call husband who is at home. He doesn’t answer. I assume husband must be napping and text lawn guy that I can be home in 15 minutes to get his check (I was about to leave work anyway). Then husband calls and tells me that lawn guy says one of the pool pipes had burst and is gushing water. WHAT THE FUCK? NOT MY POOL! So I tell husband how to shut off the pump (he has never touched the pool equipment. That’s my area) and rush home.
Yep. One of the connectors to the salt cell that was cleaned 2 weeks ago has completely fractured. Our pool equipment is facing South and gets burning heat in full sun all day. So it does a number on the PVC and shit. The connector had cracked completely and come undone. So I ask lawn guy if this is where the water was coming from. It was. I fire it back up to verify. It won’t get suction. Probably because the pool has lost 3 inches of water and is now below the skimmers. So it’s pulling air from the skimmers, not water. *Sigh*
I gotta go to the grocery store anyway or I won’t have lunch tomorrow. So I text pool guy a picture of the problem. Thankfully he calls me and says he can just replace that connector. I ask about the pipes because lawn guy thinks we’ll need to replace the whole section of pipe. Pool guys says we just need a new connector and he probably even has some laying around. He’s going to try to come over tomorrow and replace it. However, he works all over our region so he really has no idea where his job will take him tomorrow. I told him if he can’t make it, let me know and I’ll go buy some shock and dump it in the pool. I can’t have a freaking algae bloom or something because I can’t run the pump.
So I’m thinking when we get a new pump (it is inevitable), maybe I’ll build some shade over all that equipment. It would probably be good for the equipment. Also, I get sunburned almost every time I’m over there cleaning it. It’s in direct sun and hot as fuck. Then I thought — that sunsail was cheap as fuck… what If I just get a little sunsail for the side of the house? It was kind of a joke but I really thought about it while I was in the shower and I’m seriously considering it for next year when we get the new salt cell. It wouldn’t need super high posts like the one for the deck so I could install those that myself with some friend help to dig the post holes. I could totally get a little square beige one just to cover the equipment. Hell, If I got a longer rectangle, it could even cover the downstairs HVAC unit. Might be good for it too…
First, let’s get this out of the way. I have clothes in the dryer I haven’t put up for two weeks. OK, onto the good!
Saturday, I got our new Ring camera up and going. I was very pleased with myself. I’ve missed having the camera. I’ve meant to replace it because they are 1,000% worth it! So when they were $100 off for Amazon Prime Day, I had to pounce. I’m super happy with the improvements to the Ring Pro too. Here’s what I had to say about it on facebook: “This is a newer version than I had. I’m pleased with some of the changes (over 7 years). There is far less packaging, for one. I also like that they don’t include all the faceplates anymore. That was so wasteful (my previous Ring Pro came with 4 different colored faceplates). You can still order one free faceplate, but now you don’t have that waste. They also include a wedge mount now, which nearly everyone needs (I bought a different one not knowing). They also include the pro power kit with it. Previously, this was an add on that nearly everyone needed. It was free, but you had to call customer service to troubleshoot and find out you needed it and then wait for it to arrive.”
Sunday, I got some more cleaning done in the garage! I’m super proud of myself for having finally collapsed all the huge boxes that were pilling up in there. So this weekend, I immediately collapsed the huge ladder box I had delivered, AND broke down the TV box since it’s warranty expired last year. I put ALL that cardboard in my car so I could get rid of it. I listed it with my old wheelbarrow on facebook market place and got rid of it all today! I was able to move around the “gardening and tools” area in the garage too. Lots of leaf blowing. Looks so much better. I also took the long broken hose reel off the wall. There just needs to be a hose pot in there. I’ll get a nicer one for the deck and move that one in there eventually. Clean garage makes me happy. Only area left to clean is my stained glass desk.
Speaking of the new ladder… I had to get it out to the garage. So I figured, why not use it to put the cap on the sunsail post before I put it away? So First thing this morning, I did it. I climbed up HIGHER than my 6 foot fence on a ladder! It’s still not painted (and won’t be until it’s had at least one month to dry out). It will be painted brown like the fence. But even with just the cap on top, it looks a lot better.
My new ladder is heavy and a little unwieldy. A lot of Amazon reviews complained about that. But if my 254lb ass if going to climb up a ladder, I want it to feel sturdy! Was it a pain? Yes. Do I hate climbing ladders, hell yes. But once I got to the height I needed, I was pretty comfortable up there. I didn’t feel like I was going to break the ladder and die. So A+! I even had to climb higher than the bend joint! So I feel like when I have to paint it, it won’t be the end of me.
The sunsail is already ready for a bit of tightening but I have no idea how I’ll be able to access the ratchets since they’re not at the anchors, but in the middle of the wires. I think I’ll text my neighbors and see who has a giant A-Frame…
REVELATION! A few hours after writing this, I had a look at the post and looked at the pictures from the previous post. It’s such a pretty deck. And I realized — holy shit. So I have a ladder that can now easily reach the mount points when we need to take the sail down for winter. The problem is, the ratchets are in the middle of the lines. So, like, we’ll need an A frame to reach those. And someone will have to be standing on a ladder with two hands doing the ratchet. UNLESS! I can take the corner down — take my time to get it safely shortened, and then rehang it! I’M A GENIUS!
When we built our pool, we did the regular concrete surround (a certain allotment comes with your pool installation). To fill in the rest of the fenced in area, we used a 2-inch rock mix. (Maybe it was bigger than 2 inches?). We have regretted this ever since. What a fucking terrible idea. They didn’t put anything under the rocks, so weeds just grow right up through them! And in the Fall, all the leaves and crap fall and it’s near impossible to clean out. Even if you spend hours with a rake and leaf blower, it has never looked 10% as good as when it was first installed (It did look wonderful when it was first put down).
The weeds are murder. There’s nothing to do for them. I’ve tried all the home remedies to kill them. For 7 summers when we clean the salt cell with acid, we dump the bucket on the rocks. Fucking morning glory vines still grow there! (In fact, there’s a little morning glory growing there right now peaking out under the new deck stair). The only thing to kill them is the purple Round Up. And that shit’s a hundred dollars a bottle (The purple is much more concentrated than the others). I mix in even more concentrated than the instructions call for. This takes about 2 weeks to fully kill shit. But you know what? It’s still there. Now it’s just brown.
This year, as they were opening the pool (I have a pool guy come remove the safety cover and start it up for me — then he comes back in Fall to close it), I sprayed Round Up. It was nice having someone out there to chat with while I worked. Problem: Poison Ivy. This is the first year Poison Ivy has shown up in the rocks. And I am INSANELY allergic to that shit. I can’t even be around when people are doing yard work because the oils in the air will get on me. So even though it’s been dead for two months, I can’t even weed eat to knock it down. I just call that corner the “Corner of Poor Unfortunate Souls” now. So that really put an impetus on the whole “we need a deck” thing. Anyway, so here’s the before:
That picture is actually it looking really good. That’s after I did the first Round Up and killed everything off. I even already have my plants up on the stairs. I specifically took this picture as a “before shot” when I found out we were building a deck. As you can see, I had to move all the stuff that was over there so they could build. Also worth noting, this square is the WORST for weeds. It must have the perfect combo of sun and water because it’s usually solid morning glory (that’s what you see already coming back under the gutter spout). I actually think it looks so good because I had put down a rug/mat and put my hammock over there. As seen in this post. I love my new hammock. So it didn’t get enough sunlight under that huge mat.
Anyway… this is what it looks like NOW:
Just LOOK at all that usable space! It’s HUGE. It’s something like 21 feet deep and maybe 23ish wide? As you can see, we not only went over the rocks, we took it all the way to the stairs so there wouldn’t be a weird concrete “alley” there. Here’s some side by side before and afters:
They did AN AMAZING job. We had discussed doing the rock square and then cutting over to the stairs — like an “L” shape. But look how he built it out like a giant rectangle with the corner off. It looks so much better than having it cut back in an “L.” Also creates even MORE usable space.
You know, I never realized that we didn’t have a ton of space around the pool. It’s always been fit for needs. When we have parties, we set all the chairs up around the tanning ledge half circle. That’s where everyone puts their stuff and everyone congregates. Now though, this is amazing! We had family over for July 4th and I got out 5 folding chairs to put out and brought over two more umbrellas. Plenty of room:
The other day, K and K2 were over and K2 and I were eating lunch — she sitting by the hammock and me in the hammock chair. K was laying out on a pool float. We still had tons of room for people to join us. Hell, that rug/mat is a 9×12 foot rug!
I also moved my plants off of the stoop and onto the deck. I didn’t think they made the stoop look crowded before, but now everything looks so much more… spread out. Nothing is crowded. There’s SPACE.
And yall, those rocks don’t count as space. You can’t walk on them barefoot. You can’t even really walk on them in flip flops. They’re just too painful. So my hammock chair has always been on the rocks, but I had those four concrete stepping stones to it and under it so you didn’t have to walk on rocks. Now those stepping stones are by the deck to get to the gate.
It’s so amazing to just walk out and sit in the hammock. Even if I don’t want to get out the hammock pad for the super nice full size hammock. I can sit in my hammock chair for a few minutes after watering the flowers or something. It’s just so luxurious compared to what we had. It’s so NICE. Like we have a gorgeous pool. Premium Hydrazzo aggregate finish — gorgeous tanning ledge — full width stairs. It’s a damn nice pool. Now we have the space to spread out by it to match! I mean the rest of the rocks still look like shit, but don’t look over there. You can just walk around. Hell, even after I empty my skimmers into my bucket and go to toss the leaves over the fence, now I don’t have to tiptoe over rocks to do it. I just step up on the desk and toss it over the fence. LUXURY, Yall.
I even got a weatherproof storage box/bench for my hammock pad and a few chairs (also the mosquitos coils and stuff goes in there). And do you see the beautiful sun sail!?
So Husband asked how we would shade it. I said eventually, we could get a sunsail. So I pulled them up to show him what I was talking about. Holy shit, why are sunsails so cheap? That sunsail there is 20x20x28 feet with a full three year warranty for $65 (Amazon link, now it’s $60 plus 5% off). So fuck yeah, we went ahead and bought one. We went ahead and had the builder install a 6×6 anchor post on the other side of the fence and hang it for us. Now, I knew he’d do a good job hanging it – better than I could hire anyone else to do it. He used 9 inch bolts to attach the anchors to the house where the second floor floor-joists are so it aint going anywhere. Now, did I know he was going to charge $300 to hang that sail (in ADDITION to the $300 to install the anchor post) — NO. No, I did not. But anyway — moving on.
I was actually going to get grey or beige but when I asked Husband what color we should get, he said a bright one. Weird for him, but OK! And I LOVE IT. I think it looks fantastic. I’m so happy with it. Unfortunately, due to the curvature on the sail to keep it taught, it’s not actually nearly as big as a perfect 20x20x28 triangle would be. However, where the full sized hammock is remains shaded all day from sun up to sun down. I did not get a waterproof sail because of wind and tiki torch smoke. Mostly tiki torch smoke. If you know, you know. So when I saw that it was just a lightish weave, I was afraid it wouldn’t be shady enough — but it totally is! It says it blocks 95% of UV rays and I believe it. It’s so nice laying in the hammock and looking up at the bright teal and hearing the pool bubblers.
I moved my plants out there too. They had been up on the stoop by the door. They look so good against the dark fence! The bright colors of the coleus really pop! I put the fern by the stair to kind emphasize that stair edge there. I’ve since added a lavender plant from Publix and a tropical looking plant from the nursery. No, I don’t know what the tropical looking plant is. It’s cool and has big leaves. It’s tropical. Speaking of, tomorrow I need to remember to drill a drainage hole in that plant stand. It was full from the rain this week.
But yeah — my deck is AWESOME. I’m so happy about it. I’ll have to get up early this weekend and enjoy my hammock before it gets too hot. Sunday should be great for a pool day! Maybe husband will come sit in the hammock and read to keep me company for a bit?
I’m told to give it at LEAST one month to dry out before we finish it. I’m going to use a sealant/finish combo and make it like a greige color. Have to protect the investment! That shit’s expensive.
Oh, and I didn’t want to pay to move my pool filler’s shut off valve. Because, why? The builder was like, we can just move that. I was like no. I’m not paying for that. So we made a cute little trap door in the deck that you can pick up to access the shut off valve. I currently have a spare key on the pool fence in a lock box. I’m thinking of moving it to install it on the bottom of my trap door. Just for funzies. It’s like a little secret.
Holy. Shit. So I’m reading Reddit, like I do. It’s a story about malicious compliance. Basically, this guy was getting overheated working and went to get water and his dick manager said no. So he went back to work and purposefully had a heat stroke.
Anyway, in the comments, people were talking about heat intolerance and how every time something like that happens, it can get worse and you tolerate heat less and less. And I’m like wait, tell me more.
Symptoms:
* feeling very hot in moderately warm temperatures
* excessive sweating
* not sweating enough in the heat
* exhaustion and fatigue during warm weather
* nausea, vomiting, or dizziness in response to heat
* changes in mood when too hot
What the fucking fuck! I have all of those except for the not sweating one which is canceled out by the excessive sweating one!
I have literally been diagnosed with sun poisoning before. Twice, random strangers have stopped me, sat me down and brought me water because I looked like I was gonna pass out (once at the ice cream place with friends — but we were by the drive thru so the heat exhaust from the cars was on me PLUS Alabama summer. A lady took me to a bench and sat me down and bought me a water. Then another time, I was leaving a grocery store and someone stopped me to ask if I was OK. I sat down on the curb and they went and got me water and ice).
I’m ALWAYS HOT. I just bought a fan for my desk and told Husband TODAY and K yesterday (she recommended the fan I bought) how pleased I am to have a nice fan blowing on me at work now.
And yall, KNOW I get angry when I’m hot and thirsty like no ones business.
The other day, Husband’s sister, was talking about working in a room with no AC and how she was pretty much OK until it hit 88 and I was like, no shit I WOULD DIE. No way could I work in 80 degrees. No way. And K and K2 can tell yall how I’m basically a water fountain when I work out.
So now I’m like worried, what causes this? They’re talking about underlying conditions — I don’t have diabetes. I am fat — but this was a problem when I was 175 too. I distinctly remember being crazy bitter that everyone said I’d be cold all the time when I lost weight and I WASN’T.
Husband can attest to being freezing in a robe while I have the fan turned on pointed directly at my face in a tank top.
Parkinsons? MS? Gillion Barre?
Graves disease.
Oh FUCK YOU.
Well. I guess now at least we know why I’m hot all the time. I swear to God last time I slept at the InLaw’s it was winter in the NE and I cracked the window and slept under my light weight fuzzy blanket.
So I’ve been taking excellent care of my tattoo. Only the best lotions and sunscreens. Long sleeves if I’m swimming. Excellent care.
So it occurred to me, I could actually take care of my face too. Right now, in mid summer, my face doesn’t look terrible. That’s because it seems swimming in the pool helps my complexion. Usually though, I have zits and tons of ingrown hairs. PCOS gives me chin and lip and sideburn hair that has to be shaved daily. Every day. So when there’s a zit or something, there’s never time for it to heal. It’s getting shaved over every single day. I don’t wear makeup daily so this makes me very self conscious.
I’ve also got a secret, I don’t use lotion. Yep (or nope?) I never developed a skin care regimen. I don’t even know where to start. But like, I decided I should try it on my face. So I went through all the subscription box stuff I just tossed in drawers over the years and googled easy facial routines. Now I’m doing a routine. Evening: Wash, Toner, Serum, Lotion. Morning: Wash, Lotion with sunscreen. I’m so fancy! So apparently you need cotton rounds to apply toner. So I bought some. But like, these are ugly. How shall I store this?
Oh yeah. That’s right. I’ve been married over a decade, and I finally have a good use for my old leather condom box. Magnificent. I’m so chuffed with my condom box.
Anyway, I’m making an effort here. Does anyone have any advice for sunscreen lotion? I bought some for $18 and it burns my eyes just like every god damn sunscreen I’ve ever put on my face. The only sunscreen I can use on my face is Sun Bum stick. It’s so solid that it doesn’t move or sweat. It’s on ’til you wipe that shit off. Everything else eventually ends up in my eye corners and burns! Help!
I gotta get this written out before I forget everything that happened Wednesday. Thankfully, I texted my husband a lot so I have notes.
So Wednesday did not start out great. I fell asleep after turning off my alarms. I was having a semi-bad dream. I say semi-bad because it’s pretty norm. For some reason a big ongoing thing in my dreams is always my car brakes not working. Not necessarily a complete failure but being where I’m standing on the brake pedal trying to come to a complete stop but still having a slow roll and can’t stop on point. So I was giving a new coworker a ride home. She had a downward slopped drive and I couldn’t stop soon enough and just barely bumped her bros car. No damage, but I feel like shit so I agree to at least get them dinner. So I’m going to order them pizza. Oddly I remember that one of the pizzas was a dessert pizza that had Andes Mints and sesame seeds. My husband loves Andes Mints.
So I drive away and decide to pull over to order the pizzas. I pull over at Bass Pro Shops — but it was a tiny one. Then I hear a meow in the back seat.
JACK!?
I literally woke up and screamed “Jack!?”
OK, it wasn’t Jack. Louie was being a good boy and pissed that I was obviously sleeping too late for his favor. So he was meowing at me. Thanks, boy. So I was late to work.
My Wednesdays are oddly slow because it’s the only day I don’t have any set meetings. So work was pretty chill. I decided to argue with Amazon. First, Louie’s treats didn’t arrive. I know it was a lie that they were delivered because it said left on porch by door when they would have fit in my mailbox. Liars. I hope whoever stole my package doesn’t even have a cat! They were cool though and agree to just replace it and sent out some more. They got here today, actually — and IN THE MAILBOX. Thanks Amazon. (BTW, I can only find these treats at Walmart and even then only in Chicken. I can get a variety of three flavors online).
While I was on a roll, I decide to argue my meat sticks case. Listen, I’m not a huge jerky person but I’m keto. So I have found that I like the Jacks Links Pepperoni Beef Sticks. They’re expensive so I order them online as well by the case to save some money. So no surprise that Amazon recommended Jacks Links in Spicy Pepperoni to me. They were half the size so half the price so I used the “buy now” button. I like spicy things.
A week later I get an email that my package is delayed at customs. Wait, what? So I look up my orders and the beef sticks are coming from CANADA. With the hefty shipping fee of $29.00! WTF? I never saw the shipping fee because I used the buy now button. Why would Amazon recommend something from Canada where the shipping is as much as the item? I buy all my shit on Prime shipping for “free.” So I decide to bring it up. I use the chat online feature. Super nice lady Shreya says, it’s cool, they’ll refund the shipping cost. I make sure it’s not on the seller, because it’s Amazons fault — not theirs. I got the product. The problem is it should never have been recommended to me. I was happy for the refund but im skeptical so I screenshot the convo before it went away.
Shreya calms my concerns about the seller suffering by telling me that she “understand[s my] concern. Please do not worry. You’ve my word. You can definitely put your trust in me.” Maybe that’s why I screenshot it. That’s a lot of comfort there, Shreya.
Then I get an email from the seller asking why I want a refund. I look at our conversation history and Customer Service just sent and email that I wanted a refund. He offers me a $15 refund (half shipping). I explain to the seller what happened and that I did not want a refund from them in anyway. This is Amazons fault and they should fix it. I share the screenshot with him as proof and turn down his offer of $15. If Bezos can fly to space with William Shatner in a metal penis, he can damn well honor when his algorithm makes a mistake. Not put it on some poor small business.
So I chat up Customer Service again. This time I have to use a different option to get an agent because I already used “problem with order.” So this time I used “Found cheaper somewhere else” (LIKE AMERICA) and then clicked “other.” I explained the problem to the new chat guy. He gives me a copy paste about how Amazon doesn’t price match. I told him yeah, OK, did you read the messages I sent just now? Motherfucker ENDS CHAT. Hell no.
So I use another option of complaint. This time I request a call. I was on the phone with some Indian guy for a good while. He was nice. Just a lot of putting me on hold, really. I assume he was getting permission to credit me. He said they would credit me $30 to cover the shipping. Awesome. We’ll see if that happens. I emailed the guy and told him what happened and that he should not be asked for any refund for my purchase and to let me know immediately if Amazon tried to pull some shady shit. He thanked me and wished me a good weekend.
During all this I was also fielding calls with my doctors office because my thyroids out of whack. So last appointment we knew it was too high. But like barely too high. So he said, see how you feel. 2 months later and I feel insanely hungry when I shouldn’t and my heart feels funny. One, I don’t like when my heart feels funny. It seems like a bad thing in general. Also my stomach is like EAT, BITCH. And I’m like dude, we had lunch 30 minutes ago! And my stomachs like FUCK YOU! So it’s not even an “I want to eat” — it’s my stomach grumbling for food. So yall need to fix this shit.
This should be simple. I’ve been with my doctor for 20 years. I know the nurse. He told me if I feel off, call and he’ll adjust the dosage. So I call and request A, his nurse. Only the receptionist wants to know EVERY FUCKING DETAIL including drugs and dosages. And she couldn’t spell the drugs either, I had to google them and spell them out for her. You know why? Cause she’s not a nurse, shes a fucking receptionist! So she tells me I’ll have to come in for labs. No, bitch. Have A call me.
So the A calls me and says the idiot didn’t even look over to see that she was just sitting there and could have taken the phone. She tells me that lady is a bit special. I think I might complain that that bitch doesn’t need my private medical history when I call. But anyway, A is on it. New dosage incoming. Gotta pick it up after work. That’s cool cause I need deli meat for my work lunches anyway.
So About an hour before I leave work, I order ahead on the Publix app for my deli meat. I ask my husband if he wants anything so I order him a sub too. They should be ready at 5:30. Sweet. So I get to the store around 6. Oh look whats not ready! I don’t know why they offer order ahead — it’s literally NEVER READY. There wasn’t even a single person in line. They just hadn’t done my order yet. That’s cool. It’s not like this doesn’t always happen. I wait about 5 minutes and then I’m like “hey, can I go get the rest of my groceries and swing back?” They’re cool with that. Awesome.
So I go over to the pharmacy. I had already prepaid and signed for my pills in the app. So I hop over to the “prepaid pickup” area. Does anyone in the pharmacy give a fuck? No. They take care of the entire 3 person line of other customers before they even acknowledge me. ALL I NEED IS YOU TO HAND ME MY BAG. This is why I started texting husband that Publix was trying kill me. Anyway, I get my new thyroid hormones and grab my groceries and head back to the deli.
Husbands sandwich is in the case but not my deli meat. So I ask them about it. “Are you Mrs C?” “Yes” “We’re out of that ham.” I admit I did say “Well, you could have told me that two hours ago” — he replied with “I just got off break maam.” Touche.
Seriously, these people have my phone number. They just had me standing there for over 5 minutes earlier. Then they also had the store speaker but no one tells me they can’t fulfill my order. Now I’m texting husband even more because dammit, I’m not gonna break. So I request a DIFFERENT ham. Wait around and break guy hands me some turkey. I look at it and –seriously very politely – say “Oh hey, this isn’t mine.” He asks again if I’m Mrs C. I say yes. He says this is what I ordered on the app and proceeds to read me the label. I apologize and think maybe I did click the wrong thing on the app so I ask him to give me a minute to pull up my email and see what I ordered (cause if I ordered then wrong thing, fine, I’ll pay for it). But I didn’t.
“Yeah no, I ordered the Boars Head Peppenero Ham and a sub.” “I already told you we’re out of that ham.”
Motherfucker.
I literally texted my husband that I think I’m on a prank show and they’re trying to see how much shit I can take. I tell him I know, that’s why I asked for the Boars Head Garlic Parmesan instead. This is TURKEY. It takes a woman coming out of the cooler to tell him that that’s not mine before he proceeds to actually get me what I’m asking for. Like I’m not even looking at them at this point because I’m texting furiously with my husband trying to keep my cool. I don’t want to yell or become a “Karen.”
So then I head to the registers. There’s two “10 items or less” lanes and one regular lane open. So I head for the regular lane. I’m not gonna be that person with the full cart in the 10 items lane. It’s blocked by a stock trolley full of stock. But the cashier and bagger are sitting there like dumbasses waiting for someone to come up – even though the other lanes have massive lines. There’s actually a lot of workers around so I ask a passing worker if lane two is closed. She looks at the light and the cashier eagerly awaiting customers and cheerily says “no! it’s open!” I’m nearing breaking point so I say, in as fake a positive voice as I can, “then can you have someone move all this SHIT?”
So she goes and gets someone to move it. Here’s how crowded the other lines are. Even though I’m right there and the one who asked for assistance, an old man ducks in there before I can. He looks at me all exasperated and comments how all these workers are just standing around and no one thinks to move that thing!
MOTHERFUCKER, WHY DIDN’T YOU MENTION IT THEN?
By then I had called my husband for emotional support. I told him if the car doesn’t start then I’m just walking home and he can come get this shit. Thankfully the car started, but someone speeding through the parking lot did try to kill me on the way out.
