Quacks of Quedlinburg Custom Storage: Broken Token Storage Makeover

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First, it’s like Christmas, so let’s jump to the end and then go back to the beginning. Here’s where we’re going: LOOK AT THIS MASTERPIECE!

Quacks of Quedlinburg

Ok, so in the beginning, I had an interview. It went well. I was chatting with the interviewer about boardgames after we were done and she asked if I’d ever heard of Quacks of Quedlinburg. I had not. I wrote it down in my very professional interview portfolio to look up later.

I pulled it up on Board Game Geek to give it a glance. It had a long list of award nominations and finalist titles and a “few” wins:

  • 2022 Ã…rets Spel Best Family Game Winner
  • 2020 Origins Awards Best Family Game Winner
  • 2019 UK Games Expo Best Board Game (European Style) People’s Choice Winner
  • 2019 Hungarian Board Game Award Winner
  • 2019 Guldbrikken Best Adult Game Winner
  • 2019 American Tabletop Casual Games Winner
  • 2018 Meeples Choice Award Winner
  • 2018 Kennerspiel des Jahres Winner
  • 2018 Golden Geek Best Family Board Game Winner
  • 2018 Cardboard Republic Daredevil Laurel Winner

Yes, those are just the awards it WON. Clearly she wasn’t over-hyping it. I also liked that it can be two player. I recently received a long-awaited Kickstarter game that we have yet to play because we need a minimum of 3 players. So 2 players — fucking-a! I immediately added it to my Amazon Wishlist. Along with a game organizer to go with it.

The Broken Token Game Organizer

I’ve never had a Broken Token game organizer. I know the brand. I know it’s reputable. I’ve just always found them so… ugly. I love me a game organizer — game changer (literally!), but damn. However, I did look at the Amazon reviews and saw this photo of someone’s customization:

WAIT. Wait wait wait. These are supposed to be CUSTOMIZED? That’s why they’re ugly? Holy fuck! I don’t know if yall noticed my recent booknook fandom and the amazing Sherlock Holmes booknook I did (link). But I knew I had the skills to make this AWESOME. So that went on the list as well.

Makeover Time

For my birthday, my wonderful husband got it for me! Woot! I love a craft project! So I dove in. I spent over a week on this. First, I stained the wood and assembled the boxes with glue. Then I hit a roadblock, which I knew was coming.

When A Hindrance Becomes Your Greatest Asset

The Amazon Review photo had been done with stickers/paper. I did plenty of that in my booknook and that’s why I know we have an amazing black and white printer but a very shitty color printer. The resolution isn’t great and you can see the print lines. So just not gonna work. I could print and paint over it, but I’m not that good at painting small details — I have shaky hands.

So have you ever heard that overcoming obstacles makes a better product? Like in the first Deadpool movie. You know when Deadpool forgets his big bag of guns in the taxi? Well, that wasn’t just any old gag. There was supposed to be a huge scene there with all those weapons. But their budget got axed so they couldn’t afford that scene. So the amazing scene that ended up in the movie replaced it. That’s one example. They had to forgo all the FX budget and do a practical scene. This EPIC case I just made is another perfect example. I couldn’t just print my graphics, I had to make this shit for real.

Aside from the labels, I could do everything else practical. I know I have an excellent black ink printer so I ordered some clear sticky paper to do the typeface. I could paint under it and then just stick the type over my paint. Yay!

Gathering Pieces

Remember when I talked about my nightmare Hobby Lobby trip? Well, during that trip, I looked for things I could use for this project. I really wanted some of those tiny brass label holders that you put on photo boxes. They did not have any. So I got metallic puff paint to make something up. I also found some cute tin corner details in the wood craft section for 99 cents (for the four pack)! Were they black? Yes. Irrelevant. Then I looked through all the charms and jewelry bits. I found a pack of six insanely tacky photo charms. They’re really cheap brassy gold and the fake “diamond” inlays and thin plastic. PERFECT.

So I snipped the charm loops off with some wire cutters and painted all that shit in enamel gold paint — going for a brass accent look. Then I used paint to fill in the center of the photo charms for each player color. In the final photos, you’ll see they look like cabochons. So funny story. I was going through my glue stash and found Mod Podge 3D in there that I had bought for some project and never used. I’m pretty sure I thought it was clear puff paint but it’s not! It’s a liquid to fill bottle caps or pendants to seal things in. What? So I filled up my cheap pendants and daymn — they look amazing! Yall these were six for like $6 and half off. I’m good.

I also picked up some earrings I had hoped to use on the ingredient drawers but they were too small. I ended up using one of them on the black book spine. A bat charm also makes an appearance — I TOTALLY already had that! Again, just snipped the loops off with wire cutters and painted them the brass color.

Layout Time

So at this point in the project, I had decor bits and boxes. I had decisions to make. Do I use the corners as true corners? They look kinda cool sideways. I gotta cover this ugly engraving work too. Do I want to do books like the one I saw? How could I do a potion shelf?

It was time for Photoshop. I love making decisions like this with photos so I can see the different options side by side. So I laid out all the boxes I had and put it in Photoshop. I used the clone tool to fill in some missing wood bits. I googled some playing cards to visualize where those would be in the finished product. And I took the Amazon Review guy’s labels to play with just for the visual. This is what I came up with:

Thankfully, the ingredient drawer fronts could be installed backwards so no worrying about that engraving. The flap in the middle (it flips up to reveal a shelf) could also be installed backwards. I was not so lucky with the other two compartments. I’d have to work something out to cover those.

The book compartment was the worst. That had to go. I couldn’t just paint books because it was engraved. Also, a bit of 3D wouldn’t kill anyone. So I made my book spines with sculpty clay! I used a earring on the black notebook. I modeled the fat green book after my own leather happy book where I have lots of Four-Leaf Clovers and cat foot-prints and even butterfly wings. I envision it being a similar book for herb identification. Oh and I totally had some glass skull beads for an upcoming booknook, so I tucked one of those guys in.

Now We Paint

I’ve moved my crafting from the kitchen table to the living room for two reasons. One: I totally mess up the nice table every time I do stuff on there. Two: Louie gets really needy when I’m ignoring him. This way he can sit by me. Kills my back though.

I color matched the ingredients to the corresponding game tokens. I just used good old acrylic paint on the books and labels. You can see I printed out a fancy outline for my puff paint and to show me the rectangle to color in. I did not outline the squares with puff paint because, as you can see on the Rubies box in the final photos, I can’t do straight lines.

I had been hemming and hawing over what to do with the bottom compartment. I considered covering it in leather bias tape I had or maybe red felt? But It was looking very busy with all the colors. I wanted more wood to show so I decided to do a monogram. To cover the engraving, I cut an oval out of the sticky clear paper for the flat surface (all of this is Mod Podged so no worry about the adhesive strength). The Q is the same Q in the games logo. Does the puff paint work on that Q look shitty? Yeah. But I spent over an hour and like 50 Q-Tips trying to get it reasonable. I’m really proud of my puff paint filigree though.

I also had to add handles to the player token drawers. I didn’t install the wood ones so I could use my swanky cabochons. I did leave a small bit of the opening though so I could thread something through. I had thought maybe tassels. However, when I went to grab my skull bead, I realized I have Evil Eyes! How much fun would Evil Eyes be in my alchemy cabinet? So I grabbed those and the copper beads from the Sherlock Booknook and made some little pulls. I LOVE THEM. Holy fuck they’re fantastic!

I also used a lot of stain markers for clean up. More about that in the Lessons Learned section at the end.

THE FINAL BOX

So look! Here’s my alchemist cabinet! I am beyond thrilled with this! Can you believe I would have just printed off graphics if I had a good printer? What? This is AMAZING. I might store the game in its lid like this. Like just put the guide and player boards in the lid and slide this in over it and just put it on my game shelf like this. I think I will.

Lessons Learned

I learned a lot on this crafting journey. I’d like to pass some of that on to you.

  • Glue Spots. So I glued my boxes together after staining the wood. Well, where any glue spread or I touched it with gluey fingers, there were noticeably shinier spots. That’s why I had to use Mod Podge– I coated everything so it all had the same sheen.
  • Mod Podge and tolerances. I used “Extra Matte” Mod Podge. I’d have rather used regular, but I didn’t have enough and I was using stuff I had. So it was Extra Matte or Super Gloss. Well, this stuff is thick. And that made the tolerances of the sliding pieces off. UGH. So where the trays slide into cutouts in the wood… well, I had to sand that down. I chose to sand down the cutouts to make them wider where they slid in rather than the trays. It sucked. I’m glad that the Mod Podge adds a coating plus strength in that it’s just more glue — but damn.
  • Mod Podge looking “Flat.” In some areas where there was too much Mod Podge, they clouded. This happened on my tin corner decorations. It also looked bad on the back of the flap. The wood is rougher on that side and since I installed it backwards to get rid of the engraving, that was out. I fixed this with Stain Pens. They’re made to fix/hide scratches in furniture — so worth having. I also buffed a bit of that gold enamel paint back over the raised metal additions to bring back their luster. This actually makes them look more aged since they’re less shiny in the nooks. Over all though, I’m not down with the Mod Podge I used. It ruined the tolerances so I had to spend hours fixing that with nail files. It messed with the shine. Also, it has a rough feel. I think the “Extra Matte” fucked me over.
  • Stain Pens are AMAZING. So this is layers of wood. So the stain didn’t go all the way through every layer of wood. This left the center of the wood edges lighter. Stain Pens to the rescue!
  • Stain Pens are shiny. I also used the stain pens to cover some mistakes. Notice how non-square my paint labels were. Squared those up. I told you I used like 50 Q-Tips getting that monogram right. Well, wiping away metallic paint leaves a bit of a color. Fixed that with Stain Pens. But even going with the grain, it was so obviously different where I used the pen over the Mod Podge in levels of sheen. So basically, I covered the front of everything in stain pen. I mean, it looks fucking awesome — but I only did the fronts. I wouldn’t be able to get into the nooks and crannies with the pens even if I wanted to.
  • Clear Sticker/Tape over paint — not great. So the paint was obviously not perfectly flat. This led to light refraction and you could see the areas behind the sticker paper I had printed the text on even after I Mod Podged everything to the same sheen. This sucked. I had to solve this by painting over the sticker paper with paint again. Obviously, I couldn’t get right up against the text though. This led to a ghostly sort of shadow around the text. It works, but it was not intended. I’d say it looks awesome on some of them, like “Fortune” and “Ghost’s Breath.” On those it adds to the look. It’s not noticeable at all on the white and grey. It is noticeably bad on the red Toadstool and Rubies though. Oh well. I stand by the printer making me do this all for real being the greatest thing to happen. But I’d totally print those labels and then add the 3D around them.
  • Puff Paint is for people better than me. I can’t draw a straight line to save my life. Also, a consistent squeeze to get a uniform thickness is impossible. This shit requires skills I don’t have. I’m thrilled with my filigree on the drawers/trays though. It’s abstract so it doesn’t matter that it’s not uniform and perfect. Also it was done by starting by squeexing out a blob and pulling away while releasing the squeeze — this led to nice drop shapes.
  • Paint this interior of the game box. I’m really glad I realized how much of the box would actually show through. What alchemist cabinet is backed in freaking cardboard? So I painted the inside of the box all black before putting this in there. Pro move. I’m so smart.

Feedback for Broken Token on This Exact Box

I don’t like that the ingredient trays aren’t drawers. That sucks. The player tokens are drawers that slide in and out. The ingredient trays are just trays with a lip that slides about a centimeter into the frame. 1) this looks awkward when using the trays on the table to play because they have those stupid tabs on the sides. 2) I can’t use them as drawers like I want. I’d much prefer these had bottoms like the player token drawers.

It kind sucks that you can’t open the books compartment without removing the Fortune and Rubies tray. This is a super small complaint since you’d have to remove those for play anyway. But it also has the same stupid tab problem of the ingredient trays.

Since the box isn’t rigid and you gave us no drawer slides, the side with the ingredient trays can bow out slightly. This means the ones in the middle can come out of their tabs. Seriously, these should have been drawers. It would have fixed this too. There’s nothing holding that column to width anywhere but the very top and very bottom.

I like the swing out bottom compartment. That’s fun.

The ingredient trays need separators for the different values of the tokens. I’m going to add these with painted cardboard because I really do think you need those to play the game more efficiently. It would let you know at a glance if one item is out and also making grabbing what you want easier.

First Game Play(s)

Husband and I actually gave this three plays on Sunday. Once in the afternoon and twice in the evening. We love it. It really is a good game! It’s fun! This picture is the last game where I was DESTROYED so ignore that. I did get 13 rat tails on that last turn though so fucking-a. I love the rat tail catch up mechanic!

There is a lot of luck here — but also a lot of resource management going on. It’s not coincidence husband won all three games. If the game was longer, you could even it out a bit. Only having 9 rounds means that the BEST your bag will get is 1/3 cherry bombs (8 cherry bombs plus assuming you bought 2 ingredients each of the previous 8 rounds). I wish we could buy more ingredients per round.

So far we’ve only played with the starter set of of books, so I’m sure there will be a lot of changes when we change the ingredient books up. Hawkmoth kinda sucks in only 2 player. I know it will be great in larger games though. It’s still a good game for two player! But Hawkmoth sucks for just two.

This is a great length of game for two players — just about 45 minutes.

Five Stars!

five stars

Future Plans

I’m going to make some customized player tokens to go around the score board. I’m cool with the wood discs for the rats and water drops though — don’t see any need to upgrade those. I’m actually going to buy insanely tiny glass vials with cork tops to make color-coded potions for each player!

I HAVE to get the Herbs and Witches expansion. Not too thrilled about the Alchemist expansion, but I really want that Herbs and Witches one. It has a better rating on BGG than the original game! I probably should have got the big box that just had the expansions. But then my organizer wouldn’t fit… so nevermind.

I might put the Evil Eye bead pulls on a nice string or ribbon instead of the seed beads. I’d like them to hang more freely.

I’m going to use cardboard to make separators inside the ingredient trays for the different chip values.

I want to get chip “sleeves.” – plastic to go around the cardboard. Would I ABSOFUCKINGLUTLY LOVE the BGG Geekup acrylic tokens? Fuck yes, I would! But that would be $42 for the base game plus $30 for the expansion. So damn.

I’d like nicer bags, but not any of the ones I’ve found for sale to go with the game. Does anyone sew? Like I like that the bags are black. I don’t want them to be color coded to the player. I want black. I think a nice black crushed velvet would be fucking sweet! With like a silky liner? Chef’s kiss! I wouldn’t mind the silky liner being matched to player color (maybe even the drawstring too). Or even them all having the same color liner on all of them– like maybe a grey? Or purple? They’d have to be the same size cause they gotta fit in my box. But yeah, I’d love a soft nice bag upgrade. But not in garish colors — I like the black bags. I might buy just some velvet bags later that aren’t intended specifically as an upgrade for this game.

Random Updates in My Life

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Crafts and more crafts… And cards… And decorating…

So, I’ve got a lot going on.  Two different craft projects.  Plus Christmas decorating.  Plus Christmas cards (expensive and so much work.  Why do I do these?  Like I can’t break the streak.  That’s why).  And tomorrow I gotta pick up the Thanksgiving ham.  So my counter is full.

Speaking of crafts, you know it’s the good shit when there’s a skull and crossbones warning on it. 

Actually, that wasn’t the good shit.  It fucked me over.  It’s supposed to go over the top of EVERYTHING.  Including a few layers of sealant.  I wish it had specified that.  The second I put it on, my enamel paint just dissolved.  I found out about the sealant thing when I googled “what the fucking fuck.”

These paw print ornaments are killing me.  But I won’t give in.  As I told you, the top coat I previously used was old or something and left yellowish bubbles and streaks.  Maybe THIS SHIT could have saved it.  So I got mineral spirits to try to get it off.  After so much elbow grease, I had barely anything off.  So we brute-force it: repaint.  Now keep in mind, everything I do to these takes two days.  One day for front to dry, then another for back.  And then actually another for the writing on the back in the paint step. 

So I repainted.  They look amazing.  Time for top coat!  FUCK ME it disolved the paint.  So repaint the ones I tried and fucked up. 

I’m going with something I know this time, bitches.  Modpodge.  Super gloss Modpodge.  Got the back done and second coat on the front now.  It says you can do a second coat after an hour (I waited a day) but it takes FOUR MOTHER FUCKING WEEKS TO CURE?! Sweet baby Jesus, are you kidding me? 

For mine, that’s fine.  They’re dry to the touch so I can hang them.  But I gotta mail my brother-in-law his!  What if the packaging leaves dents?  Or sticks to it for some reason?  FUCK. 

And I thought Pottery Barn was smoking crack. 

As seen here in my text messages, Pottery Barn prices are insane. 

Is that a hilarious National Lampoons Christmas Vacation pillow? Fuck yes it is!  Do I want it?  Oh hell yes.  Is it $70? Also yes.  Who are you catering to, Pottery Barn?  Who?

Well, this weekend, I needed craft supplies (enamel paint in red).  It’s cheapest at Hobby Lobby.  I know that is insane, but it’s true. $7.99 online or $2.39 at Hobby Lobby.  It was also half off Christmas and I needed lights for our tree. 

Y’all, I’ve never seen Hobby Lobby so chaotic and full.  FULL.  The giant ass parking lot was full.  You could barely move in there.  The longest string of lights they had was 100 count, so fuck it, I got a ton of those. 

I saw these cute blowmold Christmas Trees at the front.  Would possibly be cute to have.  And half off!  I had to find one with a price tag though.  Holy Mary mother of god! FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS EACH. 

Who are y’all marketing to?  Who?  A fucking blowmold?  Seriously?  What the fuck is happening? Tariffs haven’t kicked in yet, y’all!

Plants!

My plants are doing well.  Look at my Thanksgiving Cactus of Friendship blooming right on time! I love how the red turns to magenta on the tips of the petals!  Stunning.  Today the second layer opened up!

Also, husband helped me put up the main Christmas tree because my anxiety was killing me.  So I had to move plants around.  Plus the end table.  And I’m over wintering some things (I haven’t even brought in the lemongrass from the garage yet).  So Louie is now… JUNGLE CAT. 

Aging without any grace whatsoever

How’s menopause (perimenopause)? I’m glad you asked.  Terrible.  I’m not having nightly panic attacks anymore.  I need to remind myself they were nightly.  But I do still have them around once a week. Also, I’m moody and I’m hot.  

We went to the Venardos Circus for my birthday.  It was going to be 50s and down into 40s when it let out (fahrenheit).  So maybe long sleeves? I wore a thin long sleeve hoodie.  Big mistake.  The second I got in Ks heated car I was like, I have made a terrible decision.  Even inside the tent.  I switched seats with husband because K2s commentary is honest to god, half the joy of the circus.  But when I switched and realized the seat beside him was open, it was heaven!  I wasn’t between two hot people!

Where can I get Christmas tank tops? Not joking.  Want. 

Also, I’ve reached the age of “I have to pee.”. Like, I used to be able to hold my bladder for hours.  Gotta pee?  It’s fine, I’ll go when I get home.  No more.  Now my body gives me like one “I gotta pee.” Then, if I ignore it, all the following “I have to pee” signals will be accompanied by a small bit of pee.  Too much information?  WELL ITS MY LIFE.  So at the circus, my brain was like “I gotta pee.” I’m not allowed to ignore it anymore so I had to use a freaking porta potty!  The shame!

I thought Gods punishment to Eve eating the apple of knowledge was painful child birth.  The Bible don’t say shit about menopause.  Of course neither did anyone else in my life. 

Fuck getting old.  I’m supposed to be happy and child free with money.  Not peeing a little, moody, sweating all night and waking up to panic attacks. 

THAT’S FUCKING BULLSHIT, RONNIE!

Crochet Brontosaurus

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I made this.

It is a crochet Brontosaurus. I used Benet Baby Velvet yarn. It is VERY soft. The pattern is from Palana Design on Etsy. It’s the No Sew Mamenchisaurus. I wouldn’t say it was easy. That might have been my yarn choice though. This velvet is crazy hard to see your stitches in. She has videos that are much needed. Especially when I realized she was crocheting in a different direction than myself. That matters. I think the pattern could have been helped by naming where you were (“like 8 stitches around the leg” or “decreases should be on top of the tail”). So my body was a big attempt at me mathing it even so the legs were spaced appropriately. My stitch counts pretty much never matched up, so there was a lot of winging it.

I would also note, this might be considered yarn art and not straight crochet. That’s because I went back on the tail and neck and heavily altered them with stitches after I was done. I made the neck thinner, chiseled the chin, and made the tail taper a lot more. The neck suffered from my stitch count problem. So it was narrower at the base than at the head. So I tightened it up to match the base width. The yarn is so hard to see stitches in that I can get away with it.

That said, I would totally make it again. I would stress less and I would watch more of the videos because yall, she’s not crocheting in the same direction as me and that matters on some parts. I feel like the directions are so confusing because there are so many increases and decreases per row with no indication of where you are in the row. So If I do it again, I’m winging most of it. Now that I know the basic happening, I could wing the body and tail and neck. And if I was focusing on winging it to make it look good and not following the pattern exactly, maybe his head wouldn’t be turning just a little. It doesn’t look bad at all, but that wasn’t something I was aiming for.

This took about 5 sessions. I did the feet with K and K2 while watching a Christmas movie. Then I did the body which picks the feet up (no sew). I did the tail one night. I did the neck and head last night. Then this morning, I shaped it up a bit and highlighted under the eyes.

I love it. He’s may happy purple dinosaur.

Oh and no knocking the pattern! I didn’t design this or figure out how to do the shapes. I love the hump on the back, I love the clever neck hole situation. It’s adorable as fuck. Theirs looks way better than mine! I bet if I didn’t use such a hard yarn, it would have been better. But damn this velvet is so soft.

I would also say that since this is no sew — meaning everything is fully crocheted together, this would be an indestructible kids toy. There are no seems to be torn. Of course you would need to stitch the eyes and not use the plastic ones. But yeah, without the plastic eyes, I’d hand this to a baby no problem.

Pawprint Keepsakes

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I’m finally painting the paw print ornaments we did last year.  I did a set for Louie and I did one for my brother-in-law’s dog.  Here’s a picture but they aren’t finished yet.  The clear coat was a disaster.  I gotta get it off, touch up paint as required and use a new coat. 

But I wanted to show them to you.  These insanely cheap kits are AWESOME:

These kits are under $10 bucks.  It’s an extremely lightweight air-dry clay.  Lighter than playdough.  You make a little paw print and it dries and boom, paw print forever! 

Now at just that, they aren’t awesome.  You can see one I have one not painted in that grouping.  The all white.  It’s fun but not attractive.  It doesn’t stand out.  And Lord knows it’s not gonna be pristine white after you wrestle a fuzzy animal’s paw on it. 

But… Look at them painted! I use an enamel model paint kit and they look like really nice ceramics.  Of course they’re light as a feather and unbreakable, but that’s great for hanging on the tree! 

Here’s the initial kit with everything I bought years ago to paint some game tokens:

Testors Enamel Paint.

I’ve done these paw prints three times now.  Back in 2020, I did Jack.  Look how big his paw is compared to Louie!  Jack is the red and green and Louie’s are the other three small ones.

I’m repainting two of Jack’s.  This red one always needed a touch up on the back where I put it down too wet and some paint stuck to the surface.  His silver one has been a little totem I sleep with sometimes.  Perfect size to hold in my palm and press a finger into his little print. 

That’s another reason I think everyone needs to do these.  It was adorable when Jack was alive.  But after he died, it was a piece of him.  A tangible piece.  The vets did an ink print and even a sand print post mortem.  But I can’t touch those.  Also, that’s creepy.  I have the good memory of making this with him. 

Speaking on that memory, I have lessons.  Listen, I don’t know if I didn’t read the directions or they weren’t there, but with Jack I just smushed out balls of clay and stuck his foot in it.  But this shit sticks to everything like crazy.  So I ended up on the floor with flour everywhere pressing his foot into flour, then clay.  It was a mess.  And they are clearly not circles. 

The kits come with one big circle, but it’s way too big.  Even for the dog print I did there in red and black. 

So for Louie’s I used a very small glass to punch it out.  And this stuff takes forever and a week to dry, so if you fuck it up, mix it around and do some more!  I did a bunch for Louie and punched out the 5 best ones and am painting the best three. 

And this time (last year), I read the directions!  Everything sticks to this shit BUT NOT WATER!  So you get their paw wet (bowl of water) then press it down.  Bam!  Then get something with a circle, get it wet and cut it out.  The dog paw is lopsided because I used a bowl and couldn’t see the print.  And he thought it would be too traumatic to do it again. Which is kinda BS cause dogs love attention.  I did Jack’s like 10 times LOL.  I think Louie made out a little better. 

Oh and the nice clean ribbon holes? A straw.  Yep.  Wet the straw and stab it.  If the clay doesn’t come out, no biggie – you can still do more. 

So yeah, last year we did Louie and BIL’s dog.  I’m finally getting around to painting them so they can go on Christmas trees.  And, like I said, touching up two of Jack’s.  That silver enamel paint is my favorite but it just doesn’t dry solid like the others.  So after two years of me rubbing it in my hand, it needed a reshine.

Of course such a small painting project will go fast!  Nope:

Why do all craft projects end up vomiting over an entire room? 

Then, you ever have a jar that is stuck shut but you will have the last word so help you god? Fucking red. 

The jar opener and pliers combo started tearing into the metal lid.  So I was like fuck it – I’m stabbing it. 

And it was bone dry.  You win this round, Testors. 

So I had to use regular red paint to be redeemed with the clear enamel finish.  Only… The finish was way too old.  I mean this kit is over a decade old so the fact that only the gloss was messed up is a great testament.  I had just used all the red.  So now I ordered more clear gloss (and red – plus a few others I was low on).  When it gets here I can try to get the gloss coat off with paint thinner.  Then, I assume, touch them up before the new gloss.  I hope not too much because I did so good writing the names and dates on the back with the black paint marker!

But yes, this year MAKE THESE.  It’s adorable now and a precious memory when they are gone.  A little paint and you’re golden!  If I like you enough, mail it to me and I’ll use my enamel paint supplies to paint them and mail the back.  (Becki, you can have your kids paint them! Then after Christmas of them hanging on the tree, you could send them my way. I could fill in the printed part (if needed) and give it a few enamel coats for permashine)

I have three for each.  One for a Christmas ornament (Jack is green on red, Louie is red on gold).  One for the living room (Jack is white on black, Louie is white on dary grey).  Plus a bonus extra (Jack is black on silver and Louie is black on blue). 

Trauma Dump

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 2 Comments on Trauma Dump

ISSUES Are Troubling Me

OK. I got issues. I keep having family nightmares — or I don’t know — bad dreams. Every night lately and yesterday even in my damn afternoon nap. I’d say Gods telling me to contact my family, but I feel like if that were the case, he’d send me a happy memory and not just a lot of fucking trash. Also, they all got my number and they all have my address. I did try to reach out about doing lunch on moms birthday, but my bro said he’d check their schedules and never got back to me. But they had a dinner with my sisters in moms memory. Which I get it, my sisters are right there and I’m 90 miles away but COME ON.

I’m Too Poor for a Therapist

I could probably work this out with a therapist, but I don’t have a therapist. I do have a psychiatrist and it’s $130 to see him. Why? Because we have a lack of every type of medical professional here, including mental health and none of them accept insurance because they don’t have to — they’re overloaded with patients as is. And he only does like 10 minutes to talk about meds — not problems. Psychologists are for THAT. So do I want to pay a hundred-plus dollars to talk to someone? Not really. I want to work on my tattoo.

But I can’t work on my tattoo until I pay back my savings I took out to build the deck (which I have HEAVILY enjoyed for two summers now, BTW — totally worth the cost). That was the deal. I’ll stop throwing boat loads of money at my tattoo until I payback my savings I took out for the deck. And I have paid back the deck — but then I also ended up need to replumb some pool pipes. And then get a whole ass new pool pump last year. And then a new salt cell this year. And next summer I’m gonna need a pool robot. And do I want to replace the pool lights? They haven’t worked for like 3 summers — which I’m told they don’t last very long (they’re actually small LED lights, not the big old pool lights that I used to fear were secretly doors that they could open for the sharks to come out and swim at night). Supposedly a super easy replacement that doesn’t require draining any water — so I might depending on the cost. BUT COST. Yeah I paid back the deck, but thousands went into the other shit. I could have finished the whole damn sleeve by now!

I mean to be fair, the pool is nine summers old. So it’s not that the pool is a clusterfuck, it’s just the age that these things fail. The pipes were in full blast sun and the PVC broke down enough to burst. Repiped — but when they burst, the pool got low enough to run dry and burn out the pump. Of course they don’t make my pump anymore so I couldn’t replace just the electronics, I had to replace the whole damn thing. And salt cells usually only last 5 years, I’m told so ours held in pretty long. So has Clarence the pool robot. He’s about 3 years past usual life expectancy but I did have his under carriage replaced a few years back so that might be why he made it so long.

Therapists Suck

Also, it would take like 5 sessions to catch a therapist up on my problems before we could get anywhere. And of course a TON of time is going to be wasted focusing on me being fat being all of my problems. BECAUSE THAT’S ALWAYS THE CASE. I tried therapy back in like 2000 cause I was suicidal and self harming and the motherfucker thought it was all about me being fat and “socially unacceptable” and that was his plan to go forward. Not to fix generational trauma and abuse — I’m just fat.

By the way, the only time i ever lose weight or maintain weight is when I’m happy. Weight is a symptom not the problem at all. Even when I got skinny after Gastric Bypass I was still miserable. And of course that was just an embarrassing failure. And now I’ve gained 7 pounds because perimenopause is kicking my ass so fucking hard and I’m anxious and I’m depressed and I’m being fucking haunted.

That’s right, I said haunted. Yesterday I had to get out of bed at 6 fucking AM with a panic attack. And it’s just all nightmares. I tried to take an afternoon nap to be happy on my long weekend and catch up on sleep and I woke up in another sweaty nightmare.

Like I have an anxiety disorder. “General Anxiety” I think is the technical term? But I don’t think they mean like “oh she’s generally anxious.” I think they mean we can’t put this in a category of “social anxiety” or anything specific — shes just got a lot of anxiety about fucking everything. And now my GYN is like yeah you have menopausal anxiety. THANKS, LIFE.

Now You’re My Therapist. Be Warned, Shits About to Get Real

So my nightmares have generally been family mess. It’s always family fights. Surprisingly usually set in Florida. So Florida was always our summer vacation. Timeshare. It was moms favorite place and I loved the beach too — but like with my family there’s always gonna be some drama so it’s not like that didn’t just take place in new locations. So yeah, when I was very young and stupid, I looked forward to Florida like crazy. But then it stated just becoming a clusterfuck. And I don’t get why mom loved it so much. I mean maybe she was like yall are a hot mess anyway so we might as well be a hot mess at the beach. But I actually felt horrible the last few years of her life because I felt like I was contributing to the drama. By refusing to just not rock the boat and not let shit go, I’m the bitch. I was the bitch complaing about my sisters so just as bad as them on everyone mental health.

My brother always called me and my sisters “the Golden Girls” — he knew it got under my skin at least like no other. Any fight and “oh they’re the golden girls.” Mother fucker, I’m not the crazy ass one here! I’m just trying to have actual healthy boundaries and not let them get away with their shit! Which let’s start there. I adore my brother. But he’s not blameless. He always lumped me in with my sisters which UGH. And my length of college was a huge running joke in my family — mainly instigated by him. He’d always ask when I was going to finally graduate. There’s a Christmas ornament of a graduate on my dads Christmas tree dated 2009. Did I graduate in 2009? No. They just didn’t have any other personality trait to choose for my ornament. Bro was a nurse, Sister1 was a nurse, Sister2 had a paint set, and I had a graduation outfit. Cause I was in college for 10 years. Not because I’m stupid but because I was trying to get through a lot of shit, okay? Did anyone wanna ask about that? No. It’s funnier not to.

That was part of one of the dreams last night. Like I was getting ready for a party — like a nice dress up party like homecoming or something. But we were in Florida so I only had a few things to choose from and I had gained weight so my best options were too tight. And Sister2 for some reason was supposed to take me or go with me or something (a reoccurring of her always stealing the spotlight in my dreams). I think brother was going to take us because he was mad that we weren’t ready. But I was ready! Sister2 was in the bathtub crying for hours and yelled at me when I went in to get my toothbrush. And in her/moms room there were pills everywhere. Like piles of pills laid out — prescription drug-problem shit. So I show brother and he just gets mad. And why do I want to go to this dance anyway? Because it’s my last year of highschool so I want to go to at least one. But wait, I’m 27 (in the dream) and don’t most people graduate high school at 18? Why am I so late? Did mom hold me back some grades and not tell me? What happened?

Yesterday I was napping and we were in Florida and I had a nice room and Sister2 demanded it and I was super sad because it had windows and views and mine now didn’t. And the windows were open with tons of fresh air and beautiful flowers and scents drifting in… And I go shit all.

And the night before last, we were preparing a party for my nephew. They were making cookies for the party and I really wanted to make some too. But I had to clean so I was vacuuming. And Sister1 was acting like I just didn’t want to make cookies and it was my fault I didn’t get to participate. And then brother was yelling about how dirty everything was. And then I finally went to make a cookie but all the sprinkles were gone — but I was like whatever, I’ll use this icing and then bro got mad and started jerking around the vacuum cleaner cause everythings so filthy and none of us will ever clean anything and he gets the cords all in the icing and it ends up all over the carpet and now we can’t have the party cause I ruined it. And now everyone’s mad at me. Also, I thought Sister1 was teaching nephew how to cook burgers in the kitchen but it was my dad. Which might be my subconscious acknowledging that he’s pretty much a feeble old man now.

Most of the time Florida is over and we have to pack up the cars but Sister2 brought like 3 fucking suitcases and hasn’t packed anything so I gotta do it and clean everything up.

So yeah, are these spooky monster dreams? No. I’m not saying they are. But they are clearly my brain ruminating on something it wants out.

Sister2 was always a problem in Florida. She would always bring way too much clothes that brother and sister1 always bitched about because they took up too much space in the car and on the dolly up to the room and in the room. and Sister2 never went to the beach or wanted to do anything. So they were always mad about that. And as we got older, the problems were worse. She was always a binge eater, so she’d eat all the groceries and everyone would be mad because now there’s no food when we had bought food for the week.

She’s been an alcoholic since I can remember. But can my family just maybe NOT have alcohol? Of course not. So she’d just drink it all and get sloppy drunk and piss herself. She always drunk to get black out drunk. Like that was the goal. And we’d all go down to the beach to enjoy the day and she’d steal money from someone and go across the street to get alcohol to do it again. Once she locked herself in a closet with a 24 pack of beer and there was much screaming and ranting and brother threatening to break down the door. Once she got drunk and left to “go kill herself” — so of course mom was freaking out and we had to go find her. There were quite a few times we had to go find her while she was drunk out of her mind. This was before cellphones. I’m old.

She’s always smoked too. And everyone ALWAYS bitches about it. But it was particularly annoying because she had to inconvenience mom the most. Like in Florida, she wouldn’t go through the living room to get to the balcony to smoke — she had to go into moms room and use that balcony door. And in the house we lost to the second bankruptcy, she couldn’t go through the garage to go outside to smoke, she had to go through moms tiny room which had a sliding door to get out. And even as adults, people bitch about “she’s over there in the corner smoking” or something. When we lived in the apartments, shed toss her cigarettes out the window and the maintenance people got mad and gathered them all up and piled them outside our door in moms flowers. Pretty sure I had to clean that up.

And my brother and sister1 always hated her. So I always had to deal with it. She pissed herself and passed out in the living room? Mom wants me to get her to her room. Then I gotta clean the damn area rug and I’m covered in piss. Once she passed out on the lawn and I had to go get her immediately before the neighbors saw. Why am I always the one taking care of this shit? Cause brother and sister moved out and I’m the youngest. But even in our first house we lost to bankruptcy, I was cleaning her messes. Like she was bulimic. But for some reason she threw up in a 5 gallon bucket in her closet instead of the bathroom. Who the fuck knows why. So do you know how bad a 5 gallon bucket of vomit smells? Real bad. And do you know it’s too heavy for mom to get? Yeah, so I gotta do it. Get it downstairs and across the yard to dump it. Like am I the vomit bucket fairy? It’s like people think trash and recycling just disappears if you leave it long enough. THAT’S BECAUSE I’M THE VOMIT AND PISS FAIRY.

This might be why I’m so anal about my house not smelling bad, BTW.

And brother was always just angry and disgusted with us. We had far too many pets because dad dumped his dogs at our place. So we had like 10 Beagles to breed and train. Oh and who had to go hose the dog shit out of the kennels? Yeah, ME. So much dog shit. Wet stinky dog shit being hosed off concrete. By me. And I never did it enough so I felt bad for the dogs. I was the only one who cared to go pet them.

And the cats just used the dining room as a litter box. Just shit everywhere. And mom worked 4 jobs so the only one ever cleaning anything up was me and I wasn’t good at it or did it enough so of course the house is always filthy and it’s always me getting yelled at for it (not by mom — she was just broken and trying to survive). Cause I’m one of the disgusting worthless golden girls.

You know, I cleaned up a lot of shit and vomit and piss was growing up, now that I think of it.

Anyway, Sister2 was also insane and abusive. I couldn’t sleep cause she’d wake me up by hitting me and yelling and shit. Usually because my TV was on. I liked to fall asleep to QVC and I was allowed to. But no matter how low the volume was, it was too loud for her. And after school she’d be mean and yell and throw shit at me. Like hard core throwing shit at my head. Once I flipped the recliner ducking something. She was like a harpy.

That’s why my dog hated her. He wasn’t a bad dog, he was defensive of me. The only being to ever give a shit about my child self. I slept in moms bed a lot cause I had this intense fear mom would die. And she had a california king bed and I was scared of the dark… and sister2. So the dog would sleep at the end of the bed. And sister2 would walk all the damn way across the house past their bathroom to use moms bathroom in the middle of the night (seriously, WHY WAS SHE ALWAYS HARASSING MOM) — but if me and dog were in there he’d just growl and not let her in the room. He was just protecting me. But she couldn’t do anything when mom was home. But after school she could trick the dog by baiting him and wrapping him in blankets to throw in the closet — only to let him out right before mom got off work so she wouldn’t know.

Bitch be crazy. So dog hated her and attacked her. So dog had to go. Mom says she gave dog away but dad said he tied dog up and drug him out in the woods to shoot him. He told me that after school when I got home and dog wasn’t there. Why are these people so fucking insane?

I mean, I know the answer. Sister2 has been diagnosed with antisocial personality behavioral disorder. I’m sure that’s dads problem too. And dad is for sure a narcissist to rule them all. I didn’t know that when I was little so I idealized him. Everyone else hated dad, but I loved him. When I visited his apartment, he’d buy men CANNED COKE. We were too poor to have that shit — so like awesome. He’d only come over to the house to work in the garage on wood projects — but I’d go down there and watch. His friend would sometimes give me scrap blocks to play with and help me put together little creations I made with the scraps. The friend, not dad.

Those weren’t the only dog problems. We had a newfoundland in fucking Alabama that we just tied up in the backyard when I was really little. She was pretty neglected. I did take care of her food and water, but she was so big and drooly and matted and smelly that I didn’t really like doing it. Not that I was ever mean to the dog — no I petted her, and we played in the backyard together. But I was the only one to take care of her and when she died dad went on a rant about how I was the only one to give a shit about that dog and I felt existentially terrible because I didn’t like taking care of her and knew she was neglected.

Then we got the dog that hated my sister that dad may or may not have killed. I liked that one. But I couldn’t save him or protect him either so I swore to never let down another dog. I couldn’t even get him out of the closet.

We DID try family therapy once. It was a group session with us all in the room. And like yall expect me to talk about my abusers — WHILE THEY’RE IN HERE? Yeah fuck you, I’m fine. I’m great even.

But when I was little, I actually did believe that. I didn’t know I had problems or was unhappy. I didn’t know I lived in an abusive codependent household. In FACT, I was so jealous of the mentally depressed girl and troubled girls at school cause they go so much extra attention. I tried to hide in church and being a bubble Christian. Gotta be crazy to be interesting, I thought. Then like 5 years later I busted and went bat shit insane. So there’s that.

I used to think my sister was haunted by a demon. I’m not sure I don’t still think that. I do know she is highly troubled. I remember once she was crazy drunk and I was trying to get away and go to my room but she was taunting me. I was studying my Bible and she asked me to read the Bible to her. I passed, ’cause hey Satan, not today. And it was just this creepy horror movie taunt about why didn’t I love her enough to read the Bible to her. Now that I’m older – I’m not throwing out the demon thing – but I do know she had multiple abortions. Maybe she was trying to drown that out. She was obsessed with this asshole for years and YEARS — like a decade. Fucking Ryan. But he never loved her back.

It’s pitiable, really. Truly. But does that negate all of my suffering at her hand?

As far as Dad, everyone hated him when I was little, but then it flipped. I had a mental breakdown and realized hey — Dad is a son of a bitch. He’s been trying to ruin moms life for 40 years. So much of our family is insanely fucked up and this motherfucker is why. He sprung a secret ass family on me when my step brother was 16 and moving in the next week. Then yelled at me for not being accepting. Not that I was unaccepting, I was emotionless as I had been trained to be from a very young age. I didn’t say shit. But dad projected that I was angry and was furious.

Oh yeah, after the first bankruptcy, I moved in with dad. See, he had moved back into our house (not as like being with mom, just like — hey I live downstairs now). And we lost the house. So we had to get apartments so we got two two bedrooms and sister2 lived with mom and I lived with dad — because this was before I knew dad was an evil son of a bitch. And that’s when I found out secret step brother was moving in. (Looking back, 30 years later — this is why I wasn’t allowed to keep anything in “MY” room at dads — makes sense, it was really his room). It was a cluster fuck cause I was in high school and people were like wait, you live with your dad? Cause mom was everyone’s beloved teacher (rightfully so) and I came to school with her. And even from my youngest age we always centered holidays around dad. They were at his apartment or his house. No presents could be opened until the video recorder was set up for dad to watch later.

I was just dead inside when I lived with dad. Like emotion-wise. Not ailment wise. The stress was killing me I just didn’t know it. I was on smooth muscle relaxers for the constant stomach cramping pain and vomiting. But I was so broken, I didn’t even think I had problems. Anyway, after a year of that, my brother and his wife were like “Mrs C can’t live with dad anymore” and we got a three bedroom so I could move in with mom and sister2. Yay! More abusive, psychological warfare, and piss!

Then we got the second house we lost to bankruptcy (fun FACT! This is where moms flamingos are from). Then I moved to college. And started getting therapy. And started hating dad. But like, now everyone loves dad or at least sees him as worthy of living in his delusion. So last year when he almost died because he refuses to control his diabetes and got an infected hair on his balls and went septic, I didn’t wanna baby sit. And somehow I’M THE BAD GUY?

So they like disowned me for the year, right? My sisters still haven’t opened the christmas gifts I sent them. They didn’t come to Thanksgiving at my brothers. But Sister1 weirdly stayed here when she was in town and needed a free bed. It was awkward.

I finally talked to SIL the other day — after like 9 months of unreturned calls. I mentioned my banishment and she was like naw, they just don’t communicate. She says she never talks to them either but thats not true cause I have facebook and see photos. I wasn’t invited to the family vacation but they’re playing the “everyone is always invited” card. And my sisters have started commenting on my posts sometimes. Like WTF? Last week there was a post by dads girlfriends that mentioned Sister2s cats were leaving at the end of the year. I was curious but didn’t know what was up. Cause I was disowned and no one talks to me anymore.

Background on Sister2s cats. When we lost the second house, mom moved in with my brother and his wife and Sister2 moved into my brothers old house. She was supposed to pay rent but hardly ever did. Eventually SIL got super self conscious that mom was running her house way better than her so they kicked mom out to live with Sister1. Well, the only way to get Sister2 out of their house was to sell it. So they did and mom convinced Sister1 to take in Sister2 for 4 months. So Sister2s cats went to live with Dads girlfriend. But Dads girlfriend doesn’t even live at her house. She kinda lives between that house and dads. And Sister2s cats don’t get along with her pets so they’ve been confined to a single bedroom for… oh 10 years now. Sister2 never visits them.

Yes, Sister2 has tried to move in with me. No. Yes, Sister2 did try to get me to take her cats for “just a month.” Then they wanted me to take them again after Jack died (hence my keeping Louie a secret at first).

Sister1 is just a completely bitter bitch now. So hateful. BY THE WAY — mom was afraid to move in with my husband and I because she said she’d destroy us like she did with my brother and SIL (getting kicked out) and turning Sister1 into a little dad. So sad. It wasn’t mom, it was that fucking leach.

Sister1 hates Sister2 and is so angry that she’s been stuck with her since mom died. But like, kick that bitch out, I’m not taking her. And there’s resentment from Brother and Sister1 that I lead this great life 90 miles away and they still have to take care of Dad and I refuse to help cause fuck that asshole. I’m polite and cordial. But no, fuck them.

And it’s so weird cause Sister1 has this facebook persona of the sweetest most hilarious person ever. Even my inlaws like her. But she’s not that person. But everyone buys it and adores her. I think husband would buy it if he wasn’t there witnessing her interacting with me. It’s really weird. I like her facebook persona. But she’s a wretched bitch.

My whole family has always had this weird two faced ability to be loved by people. Like I worked at Target for 5 years. Got sister2 a job there and people would be like “OH MY GOD, YOU’RE SISTER2’s SISTER?” Like bitch no, I’ve been here 5 years — she’s my sister. And Dad manages to get affair partners and wives and now a girlfriend. And Sister1 is beloved on social media.

IS IT ME? This might be one of my biggest reasons to absolutely refuse to have two faces. It’s fucking disgusting. But like, am I the problem? Because we could just have a fake holiday with the fake personas but like I cant do it. I hate you. I can’t let it go.

Maybe it me.

Is it me?

Yesterday, I was on a family group chat — the first in almost a YEAR. Sister2 has a new job with business cards (holy fuck, she only ever had a job like twice in her 50ish years). Everyone’s congratulating her (yes, I did too). And Dads girlfriend says she’ll tell her cats. Sister2 replies that she hopes to have an apartment by February. So that’s new.

But this dream haunting was already going on before that. Every night — fights with my sisters, sometimes my brother. Sister2 getting wasted and destroying everyone’s lives. Me getting fucked over so Sister2 can have what she wants. Me being blamed for everything.

The holidays are coming. what the fuck is happening for the holidays? Last year brother hosted Thanksgiving but I was the only family that went. He said hes not doing it again but SIL says they are. I thought about saying I’d do it — but like, that means I have to invite them all and have one of those fake persona parties. And pretend like yall haven’t ignored me for a year. I just want my brother’s family to come.

Works been a shit show too. I got into with my bosses (rightfully so). After one meeting, I was discussing it with two colleagues and my coworker-friend said she didn’t listen cause once me and x start going at it, she tunes out. I was like fuck me — I’m AW. He’s a guy who does no work and talks an ungodly amount. So at every meeting he talks for like 30 minutes and fucking everyone hates him and just doesn’t listen because it makes no sense so we just ignore it until it stops. AM I AW NOW?

AM I THE PROBLEM HERE?

This brings back a lot of childhood trauma. Sister2 is batshit (verified with paperwork) but she doesn’t KNOW she’s batshit cause the crazy. So when I was little I used to cry about it to mom and ask if I was like her. And mom would tell me no, of course not. But I was like — she doesn’t know she’s like her so HOW WOULD I KNOW?

And now I’m having an existential crisis as I type this — HOW WOULD I KNOW?

It could be me. I could just be a human piece of garbage. Maybe I am and I just don’t know it. What the difference between I have therapy and healthy boundaries and I’m just a bitch? I’m the only one who has to go to a psychiatrist to function.

I mean I do hate everybody.

Holy fuck I think it’s me.

Would the world be better without me? Cause I’m gonna be honest — it might be without dad and Sister2. Like I’m sorry I’m being honest. Mom would have been better. Sister1 would be better. I’d not have needed 20+ years of therapy.

Maybe I’m just a despicable fat blob of a toxicity like my uncle in law said. Well, he didn’t say the FAT part — I’m adding that on. I honestly have no idea right now. Wheres the ice cream? I need ice cream.

How do I make the nightmares stop? I can’t even fucking take a nap and pretend I’m dead because they’ll be there.

I’m literally going to cry with ice cream now. This is why I’m fat.

I suck.

Fall Stairs

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Fall Stairs

So, I had all my pumpkins around the house.  Some had spider mites and I was trying to be okay with it but they were multiplying and I was afraid they’d get in my plants.  So I finally decided to ditch the pumpkins. 

Well, that’s an ordeal cause I need to scrape the seeds out before I throw in the compost.  I have a lot of cardboard, but I need to break it down to counter that much pumpkin.  So I started putting them on the back stoop.  Figured I’d scrape them out there later this weekend. 

I felt bad though because they’re so FALL.  And it’s still Fall. 

Then it occurred to me that I’m stupid and they’d look gorgeous on the front steps.  Who cares about mites out there? Look at the pretty!

Jack’s Offerings (and Mom)

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment on Jack’s Offerings (and Mom)

So tonight is All Hallows Eve, AKA Halloween. The Eve of All Hallows or All Saints Day in the Christian tradition. A time to celebrate and remember those who have passed and visit their graves.

There’s also the theory that it’s just a Christianized version of the Gaelic festival Samhain. To be fair, the church did realize that people didn’t want to give up their holidays so they made a lot of them Christian holidays; so probably true. Samhain (the end of harvest season) is a transitional festival. It marks the end of the light and the transition to the darker part of the year (when the days are shortest). Therefore, it is believed to be when the veil between this realm and the next is the thinnest. Parties are held with offerings to appease the Fairies who would fuck you up. Disguises to trick them. And places set at the table for past family members to visit.

All Hallows, or All Saints Day is tomorrow. Then All Soul’s Day on Saturday, November 2nd, wraps up the three days of Allhallowtide. There used to be 8 days, according to the Catholic tradition, but in 1955 they were like “fuck that, it’s 3.” Catholics make it up as they go along. However, some faithful still believe you earn plenary indulgences for visiting cemeteries and praying for the dead during the octave of Allhallowtide. And what is an Indulgence? No, not a Reeses pumpkin — according to the Catholic church, an Indulgence is “a way to reduce the amount of punishment one has to undergo for (forgiven) sins.” Totally makes sense.

Sorry, I got distracted. Allhallowtide, and particularly All Soul’s day also coincides with… wait for it… Día de (los) Muertos! AKA the Day of the Dead in English. And how do we celebrate this holiday? Leaving favorite treats, images, and items of our loved ones out in remembrance of them.

So basically, if the dead are gonna visit, it’s now according to multiple cultures.

So you know how some people get the warm and fuzzy feelings that their dead loved ones are with them? Yeah no, I’ve never gotten that. So WE’RE GOING ALL OUT, BITCHES.

That’s right, we have an ofrenda. No, those are not Mexican marigolds (AKA the Flower of the Dead), but I did grow these merigolds myself from seed!

Mom, I got out one of those cute heart plates I used to leave your coffee on. And the very used cutting board you gave me from that Pioneer Woman set. If you visit and know where the yellow measuring cup/dish from that set is, let us know.

I tried to get you one of those amazing apple streusel muffins you loved from Panera, but the lady said they haven’t sold those in years. The world has gone to absolute shit so I’m not surprised. I did, however, get the blueberry streusel and I’m pretty sure you’d like it too.

I grew these marigolds in my pumpkin patch! You’d have loved my pumpkin patch. And I know you are so proud of me. Have you seen my new body? Like the stomach and the boobs? I look good! You’d be amazed. Also, I’m pretty sure you’d love the art of the tattoo I’m still working on. I did the red poppies for you.

And Jack — you sweet sweet adorable biggun — my precious — my fuzzy — my spirit animal — my soulmate — WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? I’m dying here. I miss you much more than is rational. I still cry that you are gone. My snuggle buddy! Oh how I miss you. And your polka dotted belly. I fear I am forgetting you. It sounds stupid, but having a new cat — sometimes I’m afraid I will forget you and how you were. Sometimes I wonder if you were as snuggly and lap cat as I remember and then I look at photos and yep, you were always in my lap. My precious. And I remember when I came home, I’d pick you up at the door and you’d stretch out full length and stretch out your back legs as long as possible and look over at husband and purr like “yeah, she’s mine.” And what I miss the most, your good night wishes. Bedtime is when I miss you the most. You always followed me to bed and waited until I got settled to smash your paws into my breast bone and purr while I petted you and wished you goodnight. Then, when you knew I was settled and not going anywhere, you’d go downstairs and hop on the counter to see what noms were to be had. Oh we heard you, you never fooled us.

Speaking of, not only do you have your favorite banana toy — I made icing JUST FOR YOU. Husband asked why there was cream cheese and butter on the counter and I said it was for you and I’m pretty sure he thinks I’ve lost it. Half cream cheese icing, half butter cream. Your favorite. I already ate some so I know it’s delicious. Yes, I made a little extra for me to have on toast or something. And fuck it, eat the merigolds and pumpkins if you want. You’ve earned it. And the gingerbread house! It’s absolutely covered in icing. Have at it, buddy.

Seriously though, sometimes the only way I can cope with the absence is to think of you and mom sitting together sharing a biscuit or an apple streusel muffin together while you wait on me. We know she shared her breakfast with you every morning and you loved her for that. And I never minded. I thought it was adorable and sweet. Oh how you loved when mom visited. BREAKFAST! Well, here’s yalls muffin. Enjoy.

And Jack, come give me some purrs, please. Just a little snuggle.

If husband had an ask, he’d probably ask you to tell Louie to stop biting him so much. It’s kinda hilarious, but I know it hurts too cause teeth are sharp. *sigh* Louie can never replace you. Yall are nothing alike. Maybe that’s good. I don’t know.

May the scent of the merigolds and the love from my heart bring you home for just a little bit. I miss you.

Oh! One more thing! Mom, YOUR COFFEE! How can you an Jack have breakfast without coffee!? I’ve got pumpkin spice coffee too! I’ll make you a cup right now before I head off to bed. Dang, I might have to dig out the Keurig. It’s cool, it’s yalls ofrenda.

Sweet dreams and Happy Halloween. I love you.

Mom, take care of Jack for me.

UPDATE: I did add mom’s coffee after I posted this:

The Great Inaugural Pumpkin Patch of 2024 Final Results

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on The Great Inaugural Pumpkin Patch of 2024 Final Results

So my first time ever growing pumpkins. My first pumpkin patch. How did it go?

Pumpkin Patch Overall Yields

I’ve picked the last pumpkins in the patch. The water is off. So here is the Great Inaugural Pumpkin Patch of 2024 yields.

* 4 Rouge Vif D’ Etampes (One died on the vine during the Great Pumpkin Massacre)
* 5 Musquee De Provence (One died on the vine during the Great Pumpkin Massacre)
* 1 Jack O Lantern (he had a similar stunted friend who rotted on the counter)
* 1 Connecticut Field
* 18 Jack Be Little
* 14 Chinese Miniature White

The picture below shows the pumpkins lined up in the above order and from oldest to newest.

Each large vine was singular in a 20 gallon grow bag. The two miniature vines shared a 20 gallon grown bag. Each individual vine had water that went off every 6 hours into a gallon jug that slowly trickled into the bag.

After the Great Pumpkin Massacre, when they were deprived of water for 4 days in mid summer, the two french varieties survived by sacrificing a pumpkin each. They shriveled up so the vine could consume the water. The Chinese Whites did not shrivel, but simply stopped growing. After this, the Jack O Lantern and Connecticut Filed never put out any more females.

Pumpkin Variety: Rouge Vif D’ Etampes

These came from Bakers Creek Seeds. The description warned that they were very unwieldy and I think that made for their survival and bigger yield. They also had HUGE leaves. It was the first and last to put out pumpkins.

Turns out my first pumpkin was my largest and favorite of the season. It was this one (photoed next to my smallest pumpkin):

Part of the way through the season, I started righting the pumpkins as they grew. I think these actually look a lot more fun left to grow in whatever shape they like. Pretty sure these will be the only one I plant again next year (aside from the littles).

Pumpkin Variety: Musquee De Provence

These were the prettiest vines but I won’t be planting them next year. The vines had a gorgeous white veining in the leaves unlike any of the others. And the pumpkins are the most traditional pumpkin shape. The pumpkins grew dark green and looked like a nice watercolor.

If they stayed dark green, I’d like them a lot better. I thought they would turn grey (and some varieties do), but mine turned into a peachy light orange. I’m not a huge fan of the final color. You can see the maturing difference in the first pictures I posted with the whole yields. They’re dark green when you pick them and then they turn peach.

I won’t plant these next year because I didn’t like how pointy the vines were. I went out every day to make sure the flowers got pollinated and walking through the patch in shorts, I got scratched by these a lot. Picking them was also a pain for that reason.

Of note: This one survived the Great Pumpkin Massacre (Drought) by shriveling up and draining a pumpkin:

Pumpkin Variety: Jack O Lantern

This was the biggest let down. Note that these seeds did not come from Bakers Creek, so the quality of the seeds might be part of the problem. They took the longest to mature, so they got a month long head start over the others. I think this head start lead to their detriment when the pests hit. So all of the advance start was wasted to pests.

I’m guessing it was the pests, but this vine only put out 2 pumpkins. They also came out when we had over a week of rain which led to one getting a bit rotten on the bottom. That’s when I learned to put the pumpkins on racks off the ground. I let it keep growing anyway though. I left them on the vine until they ripened because I expected them to get large and they were not at all large. Here they are:

Yeah, talk about disappointing. Also, the only way to hide that bad spot was to set it on its side which was super cute! Until I woke up to pumpkin juice everywhere and had to throw it out and clean up a lot of pumpkin juice.

After the massacre, they didn’t put out any more female flowers. I don’t know if it was the lack of quality seeds, or the attack of pests, but this vine SUCKED. Will no be planting again.

Pumpkin Variety: Connecticut Field

This was a quality seed pack from Bakers Creek like the others, but what a let down. This vine only put out two long vines and one single pumpkin. It was a good size, unlike the Jack-O-Lanterns, but fuck that.

Pumpkin Variety: Miniature

Now these were awesome. I see no point in NOT planting miniature pumpkins. I did two in one container and they had great yields. Specifically: 18 orange Jack Be Littles, and 14 Chinese Miniature White.

So you get a lot of bang for your buck! They make adorable displays because you have so many. And thay mature very quickly unlike the large pumpkins. So less patience required. Seriously, even if I didn’t do a “patch” again, you gotta do the minis. So worth it.

Pumpkin Patch PESTS

I have literally never grown anything on the land that this patch was grown on. So it was even stranger that I had such huge pest problems.

First, came the slugs. I didn’t know what was eating my leaves so I went out one night and found like 15 slugs on the end of my single Jack-O-Lantern vine. They had killed it from that point down. Fuckers. Luckily, slug bait fixed that. But EW — I picked them off that night and just EW.

Then came the squash bugs. They kicked my ass all season. The adults don’t respond to Sevin dust either. So I used ungodly amounts of Sevin Dust and sprayed RAID too. And I had so many bees that I could only spray the RAID in the evening. So it just sucked. And you’d think you got a handle on it only to find a pile of eggs the next morning. FUCK THEM.

Then, after I harvest my last pumpkins, I caught a squash borrower. I never noticed them all season. However, one of my little white pumpkins in the kitchen had gunk on it one evening. Well, that’s weird because I scrubbed them all when I brought them in. So I took it over to the sink to wash it and it had a perfect little circle in it.

I sat it on the counter to stare at it and a little fucking green worm popped out! WTF! Bastard. So I guess those will be a possible problem next year.

None of these vines will be going into the compost due to the pests. I’m going to bag them up in the garbage to be hauled off.

Pumpkin Patch Results

Well, I couldn’t bring myself to put them outside. So I have a lot of cool pumpkin vignettes in the house.

So that’s really fun. And I’m super proud of my pumpkins. It was also a cool hobby to have during the summer. I got to bond with Louie as he got so accustomed to coming out with me every morning. I learned a lot too!

Lessons for Next Pumpkin Patch

I learned early on that you gotta have a watering system. Pumpkins are THIRSTY. And make sure the fucking gutter cleaners don’t turn it off and kill your months worth of work!

Next time I will only plant pumpkins that can cross pollinate with each other. This will alleviate me having to go out every morning to pollinate the flowers. It turns out we had a ton of bees. So next time, they can do the work.

I grew the vines how I wanted them to grow. And that was East (using strings). They do not want to grow East, they want to grow South. So why fight that? Also in this same vein, I planted them where I did to get the most sun. Well, fuck that. They were dying every afternoon. So I would rotate the square I planted them in.

I learned not to let the growing pumpkins sit on the ground. I used my old bakers racks to raise them off the ground. Then some old tiles when I ran out of those. However, with the Rouge Vif D’ Etampes, I learned that those particular pumpkins are cuter if you don’t set them straight upright to grow. They look fun a little wonky. The Connecticut Field is the opposite.

I used cloth grow bags over plastic for appeal, but they just molded and mildewed so that was a waste.

I planted marigolds to attract the pests before they got to the pumpkins, but I didn’t plant them early enough. The pumpkins established months before the marigolds did. So those need to go in way earlier.

In Closing

I have earned my pumpkin tattoos.

Compost Bins: Stage Two

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Compost Bins: Stage Two

The Stages

Stage One of building the compost bins is complete. That was getting the corrals up.

Stage Two is now complete! I put the fronts on the corrals!

Stage Two++ is in progress which will be using the metal mesh to corral the leaves and hay from blowing all over the yard. I made the sides which will be the depth of the corrals. Now I need to make the back and door. I can do this in the garage since the width is arbitrary to the wood available.

Stage Three will be the top. This is not planned out as well. My ideas are fluctuating. And I’m in no huge hurry. I mean the materials is still decided. But do I really want one huge lid? I don’t know. We shall see.

Saturday Morning

So last we left off, I had the corrals of my compost bins up. But they still needed fronts. So this Saturday, I decided to conquer Stage Two. This was going to involve my first experience with a circular saw, so I knew it was going to be a lot. So I set up camp. All my materials laid out. A chair for rest. An umbrella for sun. And the VIP of the day: my new Worx WX065 Clamping Sawhorses with Bar Clamps.

Seriously: These sawhorses are fucking amazing. How are you suppose to saw shit without the clamps holding it in place? And the saw horses are built to hold and lock-in the clamps, but you can take them off and use them by themselves. You can also take them off to store them — in the built-in slot that holds them. They fold up. They’re light weight. They hold a thousand pounds (together). WTF. These are amazing. Since you have to use two hands to use the circular saw, I don’t even know how I would have done this without these things. They’re the things I didn’t know I desperately needed.

I also used my new circular saw! I’m not great. For some reason, when I get to the very end of the cut, it wants to kick and not finish that bottom corner. I corrected for this by using a piece of scrap wood behind the pieces I needed to cut to cut into, but WTF? I need a class. Anyway — I got set UP and ready to conquer. I even had a ton of drinks in the wagon.

Since sawing things was intimidating, I started with the rebar. I wanted to secure the front of the corrals with rebar in the ground. I didn’t think this would be a difficult task, but it was. I’m not known for my strength. So hammering rebar a foot into clay was more difficult than I expected. It got easier as they got down to a height that was more natural for my arm — but damn. I secured them to each side with some metal straps.

Yeah, they’re real crooked. Don’t judge me. I did this whole project by myself.

Then, I had to embrace cutting wood. So the front of my bins are stacked boards. To secure these boards, I made a little wood I-Beam on the front of each post. So a little 2×2 spacer sandwiched between two 6 inch fence boards. You can see I secured the spacer and backs to the posts first with some 4 inch screws to really get them in there. I also wanted to easily measure how long my horizontal boards needed to be. I expected each bin to need a custom length or there to be longer and shorter lengths on top and bottom. But I was pretty damn square.

Then, it was lunch time.

Saturday Afternoon

After lunch, I needed to put the fronts on my I-Beams and start cutting my horizontal slats. I measured 35 inches from spacer to spacer and 31 inches from inner to inner post. So I made my boards 34 inches. This gives them a whole inch of wiggle room if the walls shift and makes getting them in and out a breeze. But I still have 3 inches to hold them in there, so no need to worry about centering them.

My first test slats: SUCCESS!

Now to cut 13 more.

Look at my happy fronts! There’s tons of wiggle room for boards to curl, but not so much that two boards could slide over each other.

Also, the front posts are taller so I can place a 2×4 across the top of each side and they will cover it. You can see I had one laid on top in an earlier picture when I was measuring how long to cut those.

LOOK! I DID IT!

Fucking beautiful.

Sunday: COMPOST DAY!

So the next day, I built my compost pile. This had the added benefit of raking leaves and pulling vines off my house to use as composting material for the 3 gallons of kitchen waste I’ve accumulated in the fridge waiting on my ass to actually complete this project. Ok, it’s not COMPLETE, but it’s to a functional stage.

I made my pile with marigolds, a fuck ton of lemon grass, vines, and half dead plants for the “greens.” And crusty old lemon grass, leaves, hay, and cardboard for the “browns.”

Don’t worry, the card board was cut up pretty small, see:

I also cut up the vines.

Next Up

I did make the two sides for the browns corral. I can finish it off in the garage and place it out there whenever I get around to it. It’s a very simple frame that I will staple the wire mesh into. The front will be a gate that matches the bins.

Then, eventually, I will make a lid. Or lids. The plan is in flux. Right now, my compost pile just has a big square of cardboard over the top. It’s fine.

Super proud of myself! GO ME!

Compost Bins: Stage One

Posted on | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment on Compost Bins: Stage One

The Stages

Stage One of building the compost bins is complete. They are standing. There are three corrals. They look great.

Stage Two will be adding the front faces to the corrals — I hope to accomplish that this weekend. All of the materials have been acquired.

Stage Two++ has been added which will be somehow using the metal mesh to corral the leaves and hay from blowing all over the yard. I’ve got ideas. More coming on that later. Maybe I can work on that this weekend too. But it’s not part of Stage 2. It is an additional and optional task.

Stage Three will be the top. This is not planned out as well. I know the roof design. I’ve chosen the materials and the design from a build I like. Now how I attach it… I would love to have someone with more skills and tools help. I will be building the height of the back of the corrals up a slight bit so the lid will slant forward. It will rest on the front with hinges in the back. However, I would absolutely love for some help to build up the sides (inner and outer) to match the angle so that it lays flat on the structure. Not required, but I would like that.

One Stage Down

So I ended up going for a kit. I used two of the “Greens Fence” brand “Composter” kits. They sell these at big homes stores like Home Depot and I scored mine on sale on Wayfair. You can buy them online on their site too. They’re extendable, and customizable.

I assumed I could get someone to build me something for much cheaper. I was very wrong. With inflation — wood prices have skyrocketed. The only compost bins I could find on Marketplace and local sites were really bad and more expensive than the kit. So I drew up this sketch of what I thought I wanted and tossed it out to three local builders to see what they could do. I mean surely if you use pressure treated pine (as opposed to cedar) and don’t use all the fancy dovetail cuts, it will be cheaper right? Here’s what I sent. I did this really quick in Photoshop, but I’m low key proud of extending that picture to three bins.

The closest one guy could get was two bins in pine for that price. Yeah… no. So I ordered the two kits on sale with free shipping. They got here in like three days. I was very excited to put them together but I didn’t. Like this is adult lincoln logs. There is nothing to fix together — just build and go. No nails, screws, or glue needed. Now, I didn’t do it that way, but still.

I just couldn’t get off my ass and do it. This who menopause thing has me napping every damn day and I just haven’t wanted to go out in the hot garage and put this shit together. As much as I want to play with the blocks, I don’t want to. So I just kept watching youtube videos and getting nothing done. Until…

I embraced the fact that it wasn’t happening. Fuck it, I’m in the living room and they will be too. So I decided to build all the sides in the airconditioned living room while watching youtube. And that’s what I did. I put together the four sides in the livingroom. I had little cedar squares cut for the “feet” so there would be slight protection from the ground. I know they will rot eventually, but lets let my feet rot first and give me a chance to replace those before the posts.

FUN TANGENT! One of the reviewers gave it a bad review. They assembled it in the garage and when they went to move it outside, all the bottom pieces fell out. No shit, Sherlock — nothing’s holding it together. People are so stupid.

So I screwed the feet on on the posts and proceeded to build my giant lincoln logs set. One runner, two spacers — repeat. However, I used wood glue. Not just any wood glue, I used Gorilla Brand Wood Glue. As Adam Savage says, wood glue is amazing. It’s one of the only bonds that is strong than the thing it bonds. And from every experience I’ve had with Gorilla Brand — they are just OP. (That’s Over Powered for the nonnerds). Like Gorilla says “hold my beer so I won’t glue it to myself.”

Seriously, I have a sunsail on the side of the house to cover the pool equipment. One anchor pulled out last year and I liquid nailed it in place. It still pulled out. So this year, I bought bigger and deeper anchors to install it. Still pulled out. So I googled what the strongest of the Gorilla Glues was — it’s the Clear Constructions glue. Surprisingly not the regular one — the clear one. I used that shit. That anchor is part of the house now. If you want it down, you will need to replace those bricks. I squeezed it in the holes, put the anchors in, squeezed it in the anchors, gobbed it all over the anchor plate, then screwed it on. It hasn’t moved. It is part of the house now.

So that was actually kinda fun. The middle sections don’t have all their slats, so I used screws to just prop up a spacer where I needed it until the glue hardened. Four sides complete.

I’m also lining this in metal mesh. Did I mention that? Yeah, quarter inch hardware cloth. Like, yes, I’m not an idiot. I know critters will get in. But I don’t have to give them an open invitation. Also, when I turn this shit I don’t want to constantly be raking up everything that fell through the slats. So I went ahead and installed that inside too. I precut the metal mesh in the garage with my dremel and stapled it on in the house. The middle sections have mesh on both sides to keep a little air pocket between the corrals because compost needs air. A tip from another build I stole.

You can see here that I cut the mesh purposefully a bit wide to account for my not putting it on straight. I just used this metal leveler I had handy to bend the mesh into the corners.

I did actually consider building two of the corrals inside and then attaching them with a back wall outside, but they were getting heavy. With the metal mesh, they were a lot heavier. So the backs had to be assembled in the great outdoors. Boooooooooooooo

I actually did another extra step. Again, critters will live in here — but I don’t have to leave the light on. So I trenched a bit around the inner edges and buried some mesh in the dirt a bit and stapled it to the bins. While doing this I totally put all my weight onto one foot to get the trowel in deeper and totally fell in the mud. It’s fine.

Did I bury it deep? No. Don’t I realize they’ll get in anyway? Yes. But I’m not the Super8 Motel OK, I can do what I can.

So then I glued the back slats and spacers in place and rested. Because it is hot outside and there are mosquitos.

Then I came back and stapled all the mesh up onto the sides and the mesh sheet on the back. WHA LA! Each section is a three foot cube. The three bin system has you using the left-most bin constantly for new scraps and waste. You can turn back and forth between two bins until you get some stuff thats mostly composted. Then stuff that’s mostly composted goes into the middle bin and new compost and still big chunks stay in the left bin. Finished compost (and my overwinter dirt storage) goes in the right bin and is ready to use at any time. Since I have the quarter inch mesh, I can make a really big portable mesh screen to just cover the top of that bin with some scrap wood. That will be my filter. FREE SIFTER, BABY.

Coming Soon

So this weekend (hopefully), I will install the fronts. As in the drawing I used to show the wood workers what I want, I’ll be doing slats. This is all real cedar. To make the slat tunnels/holders/sides/whatevers, I bought cedar fence planks. So it’ll be a sandwich of cedar plank, spacer, cedar plank stuck on the front of each post. The fronts themselves will be cut wood. Specifically treated pine fence planks that were dyed to look cedar. Cause, listen, I can more easily replace rotting sliding planks than pieces of the actual unit. Cedar for the bins, pine for the front slats.

I already have the materials and a spiffy new circular saw to get it done!

Oh and I need a browns corral. I already have my hay bale out there ready to get to workin’! And I’ve already notice the wind blow a bit of it around. I’m also going to want to have leaves on hand (and pulled weeds) to add as I add greens. Well, as I’ve already taken the build specifics from a lot of different peoples bins to make my fankenbins — I’m taking another. One guy had a cylinder of wire mesh next to his that he kept his browns in. Wait, I have a fuck ton of wire mesh now. So I’m gonna buy some rebar stakes and make a little square on the side there for me to dump leaves and stuff in for easy access. It won’t be part of the bin system and lid. Just a corral for my browns. I want to put a “door” on it for easy access when it’s low (also because hay will probably be on the bottom and leaves on top and ill want to grab a mix of browns). I’ve got some scrap lumber in the garage, I might try to outline it in lumber and make a little mesh gate door for the front.

Since I bought two composter kits and assembled them in my own fashion, I have a lot of extra slats. I can use some of the extra slats to make the front gate of my browns corral match the sides of the bins perfectly!

Now we’re getting somewhere!

Phase three isn’t on a schedule. If it starts to rain a ton, I can throw a tarp over the active bins. It’s going to get done. But I can start composting this weekend. Not have to wait on the lid.