Category: General Nonsense

Death and Dreariness

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I need to post here more. I need to set up and email account that will auto post for me. I have things to say, just not easy to get them here. And when I get off work, I just want to zone the fuck out.

Tonight, I checked on the GoFundMe for Aric and Samantha “Sam” Hutchinson. A little over a week ago, they were in an accident right after their wedding. They were on a golf cart driving away from the wedding when a drunk driver hit them. She died at the scene in her wedding dress. To be honest, i was checking to see if he died too. Last I checked, he was in critical condition. Looks like he is home recovering. Abso-fucking-lutly tragic. If I were him, I’d never have wanted to survive.

Death has been on my mind. Obviously reading something like that just kills you. But I had a better death-related happenstance last week. I’ve always been bothered by Robin William’s suicide. Not just a little, severely bothered. I’ve been suicidal. I had an excellent plan. Thankfully, I decided to give psychiatric medication a shot before I called it. But I was there. As they say in the Princess Bride “at worst I’ll kill you in the morning.”

So like I know that darkness depth of loneliness. I’ve always been so troubled that Robin freaking Williams killed himself. Like that happy man who everyone loved — if he couldn’t make it, what chance have we? He could have called ANYONE and we’d have been there for him. So it’s just always weighed heavy on my heart.

By happenstance, I came across this article by his wife (link). He was dying. He had Lewy body disease, not that he knew the name of it at the time. It had taken away his mental health. It had taken away his genius. His activeness. It had taken everything from him. He knew he was dying and quickly at that. He had a lucid Saturday with his wife and they had a wonderful day. She thought he might be getting better and then he killed himself on Monday. Tragic, of course. But he went out on his own terms. The state he was in was tragic.

But finding out that he wasn’t alone. He had his wife with him until the very end. And that it wasn’t a pit of loneliness. He was just speeding up the dying process. He was diagnosed by his brain. One of the worst cases of the disease ever seen. Half his dopamine receptors were completely gone. His entire brain was infected. He knew it was time.

And that lifted a heaviness I had. I know thats weird. But it did. I always mourned how he must have felt to do that. But knowing it wasn’t like that — it brightens my heart. He knew how loved he was. It wasn’t that. It wasn’t depression that took him. And he wasn’t alone.

RIP, Robin Williams. You are missed by many.

Also, K2’s mom was talking about how her mom had morbidly completely planned out her funeral to a tee 20 years before she died. So I’m about to post about that. I have a funeral plan. I think. Gotta run it by the husband. How much are life sized weeping angel statues?

Cat Food. Also Mario.

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Louie

I’m trying to review a lot of the things I’ve purchased for Louie. Which, of course, is a lot of things. But I can’t review these odor eliminating products. Why? Because I just chunked everything available at the problem so there’s too many variables.

I have charcoal bags. Charcoal and baking soda litter freshener. Gel odor absorbers. A little soapish paw print that I tossed in the litterbox. Bath and Body Works Plug-In and candles. Cause Louie has some kind of digestive issues.

I mentioned his gas problem in a previous post (clicky). So I took him to the vet the day after I got him. They prescribed him prebiotics and they did a lot! His gas is a million times better. Our house had just smelled like cat diarrhea. Now we’re doing good. However, his poop smells beyond foul. Yall, it’s bad. Hence the barrage of odor solutions. It’s been two weeks so it’s not anxiety. So time to switch his food. I researched foods for pet food specific for this problem and was recommended Blue Buffalo: Grain-Free and Natural Balance: Limited Ingredients by Google. I asked the vet what they would recommend but they said they don’t recommend specific foods because different food work for different pets. Kinda sounded like bullshit, but whatever.

So Blue Buffalo is good ingredients, but don’t I need to figure out what he’s having issues with? So I chose Natural Balance: Limited Ingredients. We’re switching now. He hasn’t noticed because he’s a vacuum. I hope this gets rid of the smelly poop. I’ve got the house under control, but once you open that litter closet — DAMN.

Also, as to him being a vacuum. I feel bad. I free fed Jack and Tabitha so they always had food available. I tried that with Louie and he ate more than a days worth in like an hour. So Louie gets fed twice a day but he eats it immediately. So I feel bad for him. But I don’t want him to turn into a basketball either. No conclusion to the paragraph, I just feels bad, ya know?

Mario

Have you seen the new Mario movie? It’s fucking fantastic, if you have not. Well, if you like Mario it’s fantastic. It’s a kids movie so we’re not looking at Oscar material here. However, if you know the Mario games and appreciate them, it’s awesome. I was worried because I don’t like Donkey Kong and he’s obviously a big part of it — but Seth Rogen played him great. It was basically just Seth Rogen in a monkey suit and it was fine. Also, Bowser was Jack Black. And it was HILARIOUS. Jack Black is obsessed with Princess Peach and want to marry her. Jack Black sings about her. It’s perfect. I love Tenacious D, so I’ve had the “Peaches” song in my head for over a week. And that’s impressive considering the lyrics are mostly just “peaches peaches peaches peaches peaches.”

The absolute standout though — Lumalee. In Bowser’s prison, there is a demented Luma. We cut to Bowser’s prison throughout the film — the penguins are there (OMG, I have to have some kind of King Penguin merch). Luigi ends up there. And Lumalee is always there. And all Lumalee wants is the sweet release of death. Yall, demented Luma is so fucked up and amazing. I have no idea how they decided to put that in the movie — but my god, it made it wonderful. Lumalee is constantly dancing and singing and user his magic — but he’s dark as fuck. He calls Luigi “more meat for the grinder” when he arrives. And when he’s about to die in the climax, he lays down in his cage and says “finally.” Of course they’re rescued and all you see is Lumalee laying there saying “boooooooo.”

The move ends and it’s good — we’re all happy. Them Lumalee pops up to say that was a happy ending. Except now there is nothing left but the emptiness and the void. What the actual fuck? I’m sorry to the parents that had kids there who heard me say “what the fuck” every time Lumalee said something. I’d want Lumalee merch, but I feel the only way it would be good is if it had the lines from the film. Like maybe a stuffed Lumalee and when you squeeze it, it just says dark shit. 100% would buy.

New friend?

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“A bobcat lounges on a dog bed in San Manuel home Mon. The homeowner, who found it upon returning from work, suspects it entered through an unlocked doggie door.”

Listen, I’d like to pretend that I would not approach this bobcat and would immediately go upstairs and call someone. But lets be realistic here. I’m gonna try to make friends with it. I’d be sneaking to the kitchen and throwing it raw chicken. Trying to make it my new cat. I’d be taking pictures. Hopefully, it would growl at me before it ripped my face off. THEN I’d do the right thing before it got worse. But … yeah, part of me would have hope I could befriend it.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a dog door. It’s not just the bobcat either. Man give me a freaking raccoon with with creepy little fingers. I’ll hand it treats it can hold onto with his little hands. Or a FOX! Hell, yeah I want a pet fox. It’s not like I went out and caught it — it came to ME. It wants to live here.

Being Responsible

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Man, I hate when you have to do expensive responsible shit. Like you just dropped all this money and don’t even have anything to show for it. Especially the preventative shit. I was about to compare this to gutter cleaning (something we’re about to have done) — but at least you can SEE that they cleaned the gutters. You can see that the gutters aren’t overflowing anymore. Car shit though? You get nothing.

So after driving to Nashville this weekend, I realized I needed an oil change. I don’t know how this escaped me, but I over shot it. I usually get my oil changed when it’s reading like 20ish percent. They always tell me it’s too early, but whatever. This time it got to zero. Yeah. And the oil change light didn’t even come on. I just clicked over to check and “oh shit, it’s at zero!” Welp, now I know why my default screen wasn’t showing like it usually does. I thought the wrench was referring to the bad tire pressure sensor — nope. Must have been the oil thing.

Well, as luck — or whatever the opposite of luck would have it be, I had today off. Yay long weekend! Screw your day off, you have errands now. So I’m gonna go get my oil changed. It’s a pain in the ass because I use the dealership and not one of those fast places. I do this because the dealership price-matches, and they’ve done everything on my car. I bought it there and they do everything on it. Except when I got new tires. NTB had a better deal on the exact same tires. Dealership couldn’t price match because it wasn’t a discount — it was “buy three get one free.” So yeah, other than the tires, they’ve done everything. And they’re honest. I’ve asked them to do things to the car and been told I don’t need it. They seem decent.

I also know for a fact that some places (cough cough Walmart) purposefully cut the lamest corners to save time on an oil change. As long as you keep taking it there, you don’t notice — but take it somewhere decent and now you need a new oil pan. Why? Well to save time, Walmart doesn’t screw the oil cap into the pan. They just stick some glue on it and jam it in there. Cause god forbid it cost you like ONE MINUTE to screw it on. So yeah. The Sonic is the only new car I’ve ever had so I take care of it. It gets everything done at the dealership.

So: Oil change. Oh but wait, you’re at 57,400 miles! Coming up on 60k there. There are things to be done. Haha, fuck you. You need a transmission flush and the throttle body needs to be cleaned. Ok, how often does that need to be done? 60k for the transmission, every 30k for the throttle. Have you ever done that? I don’t know, look in your records and tell me. That’s the advantage to not doing shit anywhere else. So I’ve never done either and my maintenance book does have those in the checklist for 60k so I know they’re not lying. Fine do it.

Oh but hey! I have a coupon! At my 60k checkup, I get a free rental car! No you don’t. But I have a coupon, see. I bought the car here. We don’t have a rental car anymore. What the fuck? The rental car place shut down with covid. Can I get a discount because my coupon is worthless? Nope, I’m already giving you 10%. I work for the army now, is there a discount or that? Same 10%. Damn.

Oh and they NEVER remind me that there’s a fee for paying with credit. I don’t carry around my debit card or a checkbook. Can you just remind me when I drop the car off about the fee? PLEASE. It bites my ass every time.

So now, $640.00 later and I got nothing. I don’t even have a cute air freshener or a pair of socks or a cookie — NOTHING. Just money out the window. The car looks and drives exactly like it did before. Nothing. So lame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

OK, let me pause to ponder the old “rich get richer while the poor get poorer” thing. We all know this is a thing. Look up Vimes’ Boot Theory or something. I am so very blessed to be able to afford preventative maintenance on my car. This was not something I could have done even 11 years ago. And as such, my car will run better and last longer. I may have just been smacked in the face with a very large bill I wasn’t expecting, but not only can I afford it — it’s preventing an even bigger massive bill when something fails on the car because I didn’t take care of it. So thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for helping me step up in the world!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update. I’ve given Qubie (the car) a new airfreshner scent so I feel like something changed.

Thought

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So most people know, that the ultimate sin in my book is cheating. Tonight, I realized, I could be friends with someone who killed somebody if it was justified. I believe in the “he needed killin'” defense. Hell, hide the body, It’s cool.

But I could not be friends with a cheater. Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

I feel like a murderer probably won’t kill anyone again, but a cheaters always gonna be a cheater. You can’t trust them.

So there’s that.

The Time Has Come

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My trial is tomorrow. The trial by fire. No, really though — it’s the trial over the car accident I had back in 2019. Yep. Over THREE YEARS AGO.

So I’m not gonna go into huge detail about it cause I’m not sure I’m even allowed to. But yeah. So I have to go defend my honor or something to even attempt to recoup my lost wages. Which isn’t going to happen because of lawyers and fees and stuff. Much less any pain and suffering — like we aint even gonna touch that.

So I have acquired a vegan leather briefcase to hold my notes and drinks and snacks. I mean, I do need a notebook to take notes and I do need to keep reviewing my — whats it called — deposition! My deposition. Because this accident was over three years ago and I’ve forgotten so much. Which to be fair, I did sustain brain damage, which was the problem. But there’s also gonna be a lot of snacks in there. This is going to be all day for multiple days. I can’t eat out of a vending machine ’cause keto so I’m gonna take some quest cookies and beef jerky and bottles of water and I might even put a tiny cooler with some yogurt in there.

K is coming over on her way to work to spray my hair brown. Because respectable people, apparently, don’t have pink undercuts. And lord knows I have to look respectable because I got rear ended AT A RED LIGHT.

Wish me luck. I’m gonna go shower and put a ton of gel in my hair. And dry shampoo. I need my hair to be pretty solid so it doesn’t move much with the brown spray paint on it. That spray paint better work or like my lawyer will die.

Midlife Crisis? Not a thing.

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So as I start the week of my fortieth birthday, I am approaching midlife. Technically, I’m past midlife as, in the US, life expectancy is 77.28 years (by 2020 data, probably took a drastic fall with Covid). So I passed midlife slightly over a year ago. When I had a tummy tuck and new boobs installed and started getting tattoos. Could these be symptoms of a midlife crisis? Nope.

See, the thing is: Midlife just happens to coincide with the time in your life when you can finally afford to do the shit you’ve been wanting to do for two decades. A suburban husband buys a stupidly impractical sports car and we call it a midlife crisis and think he’s acting like he’s twenty. Nope. No, he wanted that car when he was twenty but he couldn’t afford it. He’s just finally getting the chance to live his dream. He slaves away his life at work and he just wants to enjoy his fucking car.

People hitting midlife and getting divorces? Well, that relationship wasn’t working for them. They have enough experience to go “yeah, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s not a midlife crisis, that’s a midlife reckoning.

In a way, I think it’s the exact opposite of a crisis. It’s the age where you’re finally confident in yourself and who you are (or maybe you’ve figured out who you’d rather be). Plus you finally have security and money for the first time your life. Add it together and you get people making big changes.

Bring on 40. I’m here for it.

I started my sleeve! (Sleeve Session 1)

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Yesterday, I finally got to start my tattoo sleeve! It’s going to take a good while to finish because I didn’t book any more appointments in advance and we’ll have to break for summer (cause I’m not missing pool time to heal). It’s going to be the adorable bow-tie photo of Jack on a background of Fall leaves with pumpkins in front of him around the bottom. It’ll be a 3/4 sleeve. That way I can roll up my sleeves a bit and still not show if it’s for a job interview. Also, I just love raglan sleeves and the 3/4 length of them so yeah.

Reminder of the photo:

So I chose the absolutely fabulous Devon Greig in Nashville for the job (she did my goomba when we consulted for the sleeve). This is her first photo realism portrait but you’d never know it. She’s amazing. Look at this:

It looks like a painting! I’m blown away. I couldn’t have asked for better! I am in love with it. It’s my Jack!

She chose to just focus on the face in this session since it was so detailed. It took just around 4 hours of tattooing. I scheduled appointments in February and in April to do more work on it. The plan is to get his body and pumpkins in before summer. Then finish it out Next Fall/Winter. I’m so excited! Here’s the progress shots I took while she worked on it. He kinda looks like a terminator Jack with half a face here:

Man, her skill just blows me away. I could paint this, sure — but I can go over spots again and again to get them right. I can’t imagine doing it with a tattoo gun and not being able to revise any mistakes! And her FIRST realism tattoo. Damn, girl! Amazing.

She’s a pleasure to work with too! I told her I wanted to cover up my elbow fat lump because I hate it so much. I feel like if we did the half sleeve above the elbow, it would stand out even more. She was like yeah, we’ll just put a pumpkin there! Excellent. I am psyched.

Also, this didn’t hurt half as much as my ankle tattoo. The ankle felt like having a freshly skinned knee for a few days and a lot of burning as it went in. This felt like scratching sure, but tolerable. I mean, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but I expected worse. The only part that hurt the most was the closer she got to my collar bone — so that ear. The mid face was totally fine. I suspect the REAL pain will be when we get to the elbow and especially my scar. But for now, it doesn’t even feel like anythings there. So awesome.

In between chatting with Devon, I watched Enola Holmes on my phone. It’s got Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, and Helena Bonham Carter. It took a good bit to get going, but once it did it was awesome.

FUCK

I just looked it up to get the spelling of the actors names and I watched the SEQUEL yesterday. No wonder if took a while to get going. Fuck me, I watched them out of order. I guess I’ll be watching the first one today then…

Cavill quit the Witcher!?

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I’m so devastated that Henry Cavill announced he is leaving the Witcher. HE IS GERALT. He’s sex on a stick as Geralt. He’s gushed about this character. He wanted to be this character. He’s a big fan of this character and he’s quitting for Superman? Fucking Superman sucks.

But you know, I may be a naive idiot, but I truly believe Henry Cavill is a big fat nerd and would choose the Witcher over Superman. I think he’s leaving, not for Superman, but because Netflix isn’t remaining true to the source material he loves. Everyone fucking loves the Witcher — and Netflix wants that. But the books are about Ciri. And they’ve already deviated a lot from the books to keep Ciri and Geralt together (Ciri should have been sent off to lean magic at the temple and eventually train with Yennifer alone). And the next bit is Ciri getting lost and spending at least what would equate to a whole season on her own with little horse in the desert and then joining the rats.

It sucked reading the parts with just Ciri cause you’re watching/reading for Geralt. But that’s the source material. And I don’t think Netflix wants to do that. Not that it wasn’t still good. The books also switch to Geralt’s journey to find Ciri and we meet two of the most awesome characters — Milva and Regis because of it. But I don’t think Netflix wants to gamble on us watching the real story if it means leaving Cavill out for huge swaths of time. Which it requires.

I admit, I LOVE Cavill as Geralt. He’s insanely hot dirtied up with grey hair. Like hot. He does nothing for me as Superman. However, I think his nerdy ass self kept the Netflix show on track. Without him it’s gonna be a shit show that completely veers from the books. Netflix knows we wanna watch Geralt and not a whole season of just Ciri coming to age. But Cavill knows thats an important part of the story that needs to be told. So he’s bailing rather than bastardizing the material. IMO

Like I said, they’ve already changed a lot from the books. The monoliths weren’t in the books. In the books, Ciri grew up knowing about Geralt and loved him and wanted him to take her to be a Witcher but he didn’t want to. But now that it’s time to really commit to Ciri as the central character, I believe, Netflix is chickening out. And this makes me sad. I could skip the Ciri bits, sure — but the Geralt bits that come after are awesome! I wanna meet Regis! I fucking love Regis!

Dammit, Netflix! You suck and I hope the show doesn’t even finish now.

Nerds Unite!

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So I was at the surgery center for a few hours today. Mr C had a minor outpatient procedure. So I had to stay the whole time. I waited by the elevator at the entrance because a guy in the waiting room was smacking his gum and fuck that.

Anyway, I’m reading my Sandman Graphic novel because the Netflix series was fabulous and now I’m down the rabbit hole. And I’m wearing my favorite Super Mario shirt like I do. And this guy walks in and says “cool shirt.” Thanks, random guy! Well, he was in the wrong building so he walks back by (on the way out) and asks if that’s my car with the goomba on it. Hell yeah it is, it matches my tattoo. I indicate my sweet ass goomba tattoo. He nerds out and goes “It’s even pixelated!” I say I know, she did great, right? He says hes a big Bowser fan and we nerd bonded for a second.

Yall, a stranger thinks I’m cool. Which totally means I am.