New friend?

“A bobcat lounges on a dog bed in San Manuel home Mon. The homeowner, who found it upon returning from work, suspects it entered through an unlocked doggie door.”

Listen, I’d like to pretend that I would not approach this bobcat and would immediately go upstairs and call someone. But lets be realistic here. I’m gonna try to make friends with it. I’d be sneaking to the kitchen and throwing it raw chicken. Trying to make it my new cat. I’d be taking pictures. Hopefully, it would growl at me before it ripped my face off. THEN I’d do the right thing before it got worse. But … yeah, part of me would have hope I could befriend it.

I guess it’s a good thing I don’t have a dog door. It’s not just the bobcat either. Man give me a freaking raccoon with with creepy little fingers. I’ll hand it treats it can hold onto with his little hands. Or a FOX! Hell, yeah I want a pet fox. It’s not like I went out and caught it — it came to ME. It wants to live here.

Being Responsible

Man, I hate when you have to do expensive responsible shit. Like you just dropped all this money and don’t even have anything to show for it. Especially the preventative shit. I was about to compare this to gutter cleaning (something we’re about to have done) — but at least you can SEE that they cleaned the gutters. You can see that the gutters aren’t overflowing anymore. Car shit though? You get nothing.

So after driving to Nashville this weekend, I realized I needed an oil change. I don’t know how this escaped me, but I over shot it. I usually get my oil changed when it’s reading like 20ish percent. They always tell me it’s too early, but whatever. This time it got to zero. Yeah. And the oil change light didn’t even come on. I just clicked over to check and “oh shit, it’s at zero!” Welp, now I know why my default screen wasn’t showing like it usually does. I thought the wrench was referring to the bad tire pressure sensor — nope. Must have been the oil thing.

Well, as luck — or whatever the opposite of luck would have it be, I had today off. Yay long weekend! Screw your day off, you have errands now. So I’m gonna go get my oil changed. It’s a pain in the ass because I use the dealership and not one of those fast places. I do this because the dealership price-matches, and they’ve done everything on my car. I bought it there and they do everything on it. Except when I got new tires. NTB had a better deal on the exact same tires. Dealership couldn’t price match because it wasn’t a discount — it was “buy three get one free.” So yeah, other than the tires, they’ve done everything. And they’re honest. I’ve asked them to do things to the car and been told I don’t need it. They seem decent.

I also know for a fact that some places (cough cough Walmart) purposefully cut the lamest corners to save time on an oil change. As long as you keep taking it there, you don’t notice — but take it somewhere decent and now you need a new oil pan. Why? Well to save time, Walmart doesn’t screw the oil cap into the pan. They just stick some glue on it and jam it in there. Cause god forbid it cost you like ONE MINUTE to screw it on. So yeah. The Sonic is the only new car I’ve ever had so I take care of it. It gets everything done at the dealership.

So: Oil change. Oh but wait, you’re at 57,400 miles! Coming up on 60k there. There are things to be done. Haha, fuck you. You need a transmission flush and the throttle body needs to be cleaned. Ok, how often does that need to be done? 60k for the transmission, every 30k for the throttle. Have you ever done that? I don’t know, look in your records and tell me. That’s the advantage to not doing shit anywhere else. So I’ve never done either and my maintenance book does have those in the checklist for 60k so I know they’re not lying. Fine do it.

Oh but hey! I have a coupon! At my 60k checkup, I get a free rental car! No you don’t. But I have a coupon, see. I bought the car here. We don’t have a rental car anymore. What the fuck? The rental car place shut down with covid. Can I get a discount because my coupon is worthless? Nope, I’m already giving you 10%. I work for the army now, is there a discount or that? Same 10%. Damn.

Oh and they NEVER remind me that there’s a fee for paying with credit. I don’t carry around my debit card or a checkbook. Can you just remind me when I drop the car off about the fee? PLEASE. It bites my ass every time.

So now, $640.00 later and I got nothing. I don’t even have a cute air freshener or a pair of socks or a cookie — NOTHING. Just money out the window. The car looks and drives exactly like it did before. Nothing. So lame.

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OK, let me pause to ponder the old “rich get richer while the poor get poorer” thing. We all know this is a thing. Look up Vimes’ Boot Theory or something. I am so very blessed to be able to afford preventative maintenance on my car. This was not something I could have done even 11 years ago. And as such, my car will run better and last longer. I may have just been smacked in the face with a very large bill I wasn’t expecting, but not only can I afford it — it’s preventing an even bigger massive bill when something fails on the car because I didn’t take care of it. So thank you, sweet baby Jesus, for helping me step up in the world!

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Update. I’ve given Qubie (the car) a new airfreshner scent so I feel like something changed.

Thought

So most people know, that the ultimate sin in my book is cheating. Tonight, I realized, I could be friends with someone who killed somebody if it was justified. I believe in the “he needed killin'” defense. Hell, hide the body, It’s cool.

But I could not be friends with a cheater. Like what the fuck is wrong with you?

I feel like a murderer probably won’t kill anyone again, but a cheaters always gonna be a cheater. You can’t trust them.

So there’s that.

The Time Has Come

My trial is tomorrow. The trial by fire. No, really though — it’s the trial over the car accident I had back in 2019. Yep. Over THREE YEARS AGO.

So I’m not gonna go into huge detail about it cause I’m not sure I’m even allowed to. But yeah. So I have to go defend my honor or something to even attempt to recoup my lost wages. Which isn’t going to happen because of lawyers and fees and stuff. Much less any pain and suffering — like we aint even gonna touch that.

So I have acquired a vegan leather briefcase to hold my notes and drinks and snacks. I mean, I do need a notebook to take notes and I do need to keep reviewing my — whats it called — deposition! My deposition. Because this accident was over three years ago and I’ve forgotten so much. Which to be fair, I did sustain brain damage, which was the problem. But there’s also gonna be a lot of snacks in there. This is going to be all day for multiple days. I can’t eat out of a vending machine ’cause keto so I’m gonna take some quest cookies and beef jerky and bottles of water and I might even put a tiny cooler with some yogurt in there.

K is coming over on her way to work to spray my hair brown. Because respectable people, apparently, don’t have pink undercuts. And lord knows I have to look respectable because I got rear ended AT A RED LIGHT.

Wish me luck. I’m gonna go shower and put a ton of gel in my hair. And dry shampoo. I need my hair to be pretty solid so it doesn’t move much with the brown spray paint on it. That spray paint better work or like my lawyer will die.

Midlife Crisis? Not a thing.

So as I start the week of my fortieth birthday, I am approaching midlife. Technically, I’m past midlife as, in the US, life expectancy is 77.28 years (by 2020 data, probably took a drastic fall with Covid). So I passed midlife slightly over a year ago. When I had a tummy tuck and new boobs installed and started getting tattoos. Could these be symptoms of a midlife crisis? Nope.

See, the thing is: Midlife just happens to coincide with the time in your life when you can finally afford to do the shit you’ve been wanting to do for two decades. A suburban husband buys a stupidly impractical sports car and we call it a midlife crisis and think he’s acting like he’s twenty. Nope. No, he wanted that car when he was twenty but he couldn’t afford it. He’s just finally getting the chance to live his dream. He slaves away his life at work and he just wants to enjoy his fucking car.

People hitting midlife and getting divorces? Well, that relationship wasn’t working for them. They have enough experience to go “yeah, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s not a midlife crisis, that’s a midlife reckoning.

In a way, I think it’s the exact opposite of a crisis. It’s the age where you’re finally confident in yourself and who you are (or maybe you’ve figured out who you’d rather be). Plus you finally have security and money for the first time your life. Add it together and you get people making big changes.

Bring on 40. I’m here for it.

I started my sleeve! (Sleeve Session 1)

Yesterday, I finally got to start my tattoo sleeve! It’s going to take a good while to finish because I didn’t book any more appointments in advance and we’ll have to break for summer (cause I’m not missing pool time to heal). It’s going to be the adorable bow-tie photo of Jack on a background of Fall leaves with pumpkins in front of him around the bottom. It’ll be a 3/4 sleeve. That way I can roll up my sleeves a bit and still not show if it’s for a job interview. Also, I just love raglan sleeves and the 3/4 length of them so yeah.

Reminder of the photo:

So I chose the absolutely fabulous Devon Greig in Nashville for the job (she did my goomba when we consulted for the sleeve). This is her first photo realism portrait but you’d never know it. She’s amazing. Look at this:

It looks like a painting! I’m blown away. I couldn’t have asked for better! I am in love with it. It’s my Jack!

She chose to just focus on the face in this session since it was so detailed. It took just around 4 hours of tattooing. I scheduled appointments in February and in April to do more work on it. The plan is to get his body and pumpkins in before summer. Then finish it out Next Fall/Winter. I’m so excited! Here’s the progress shots I took while she worked on it. He kinda looks like a terminator Jack with half a face here:

Man, her skill just blows me away. I could paint this, sure — but I can go over spots again and again to get them right. I can’t imagine doing it with a tattoo gun and not being able to revise any mistakes! And her FIRST realism tattoo. Damn, girl! Amazing.

She’s a pleasure to work with too! I told her I wanted to cover up my elbow fat lump because I hate it so much. I feel like if we did the half sleeve above the elbow, it would stand out even more. She was like yeah, we’ll just put a pumpkin there! Excellent. I am psyched.

Also, this didn’t hurt half as much as my ankle tattoo. The ankle felt like having a freshly skinned knee for a few days and a lot of burning as it went in. This felt like scratching sure, but tolerable. I mean, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but I expected worse. The only part that hurt the most was the closer she got to my collar bone — so that ear. The mid face was totally fine. I suspect the REAL pain will be when we get to the elbow and especially my scar. But for now, it doesn’t even feel like anythings there. So awesome.

In between chatting with Devon, I watched Enola Holmes on my phone. It’s got Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, and Helena Bonham Carter. It took a good bit to get going, but once it did it was awesome.

FUCK

I just looked it up to get the spelling of the actors names and I watched the SEQUEL yesterday. No wonder if took a while to get going. Fuck me, I watched them out of order. I guess I’ll be watching the first one today then…

Cavill quit the Witcher!?

I’m so devastated that Henry Cavill announced he is leaving the Witcher. HE IS GERALT. He’s sex on a stick as Geralt. He’s gushed about this character. He wanted to be this character. He’s a big fan of this character and he’s quitting for Superman? Fucking Superman sucks.

But you know, I may be a naive idiot, but I truly believe Henry Cavill is a big fat nerd and would choose the Witcher over Superman. I think he’s leaving, not for Superman, but because Netflix isn’t remaining true to the source material he loves. Everyone fucking loves the Witcher — and Netflix wants that. But the books are about Ciri. And they’ve already deviated a lot from the books to keep Ciri and Geralt together (Ciri should have been sent off to lean magic at the temple and eventually train with Yennifer alone). And the next bit is Ciri getting lost and spending at least what would equate to a whole season on her own with little horse in the desert and then joining the rats.

It sucked reading the parts with just Ciri cause you’re watching/reading for Geralt. But that’s the source material. And I don’t think Netflix wants to do that. Not that it wasn’t still good. The books also switch to Geralt’s journey to find Ciri and we meet two of the most awesome characters — Milva and Regis because of it. But I don’t think Netflix wants to gamble on us watching the real story if it means leaving Cavill out for huge swaths of time. Which it requires.

I admit, I LOVE Cavill as Geralt. He’s insanely hot dirtied up with grey hair. Like hot. He does nothing for me as Superman. However, I think his nerdy ass self kept the Netflix show on track. Without him it’s gonna be a shit show that completely veers from the books. Netflix knows we wanna watch Geralt and not a whole season of just Ciri coming to age. But Cavill knows thats an important part of the story that needs to be told. So he’s bailing rather than bastardizing the material. IMO

Like I said, they’ve already changed a lot from the books. The monoliths weren’t in the books. In the books, Ciri grew up knowing about Geralt and loved him and wanted him to take her to be a Witcher but he didn’t want to. But now that it’s time to really commit to Ciri as the central character, I believe, Netflix is chickening out. And this makes me sad. I could skip the Ciri bits, sure — but the Geralt bits that come after are awesome! I wanna meet Regis! I fucking love Regis!

Dammit, Netflix! You suck and I hope the show doesn’t even finish now.

Nerds Unite!

So I was at the surgery center for a few hours today. Mr C had a minor outpatient procedure. So I had to stay the whole time. I waited by the elevator at the entrance because a guy in the waiting room was smacking his gum and fuck that.

Anyway, I’m reading my Sandman Graphic novel because the Netflix series was fabulous and now I’m down the rabbit hole. And I’m wearing my favorite Super Mario shirt like I do. And this guy walks in and says “cool shirt.” Thanks, random guy! Well, he was in the wrong building so he walks back by (on the way out) and asks if that’s my car with the goomba on it. Hell yeah it is, it matches my tattoo. I indicate my sweet ass goomba tattoo. He nerds out and goes “It’s even pixelated!” I say I know, she did great, right? He says hes a big Bowser fan and we nerd bonded for a second.

Yall, a stranger thinks I’m cool. Which totally means I am.

British not Blown Away by the Americans.

So I recently finished bingeing all five seasons of The Great Pottery Throwdown. It’s a spinoff of The Great British Baking Show. It’s pretty much the exact same show, just with pottery instead of baking. The Britishness is there. The camaraderie. The passion. The group is there. They work as a group of passionate artists rather than as competitors. When someone breaks down, the others swarm around them to help. “How can we help,” “We can fix this,” “Just get something up for judging,” “Don’t give up.” They’re just so damn friendly and helpful.

It’s not just the contestants either. When it’s time for judging, the judges find the positives to say about everything. Usually when they point out a failure it’s kind of a combination sentence. Like “We can see the obvious cracking in the structure, but you’ve really excelled at getting the lip on this pot just right.” “We can see your throwing skills are really improving.” So much fucking positivity. I love it.

Now I’m about to finish up season three of Blown Away. It’s an American competition show with glass blowing. And like most American competitions, it’s cut throat. The contestants are out to get each other. They’re fighting for the win. Everyone else there is someone blocking your way to the finale. Even the judging is harsh. They’re looking at these beautiful glass sculptures and just picking them apart and saying every bad thing they can think of about every one. Even abstract shit like “I just don’t like it.”

Well, I just don’t like it either. I love the — well, love — of the “Great British …” shows. They’re uplifting. And is it a coincidence that the British shows are being played for titles and “worthless” trophies. The American shows are up for money and prizes and glory.

Watching one right after the other is just a bummer, really. I want more nice people making pretty things! I guess I’m gonna have to start burning through the seasons of The Great British Baking Show that I haven’t watched yet.