Month: February 2025

Rough First Month

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I don’t know if yall noticed, but this has been a really rough first month of the presidency for a lot of us. Like REAL rough. It’s been hard. Real hard. One very high high and a fuck ton of really low lows. Mr C and I have the privilege of both being in the middle of this hot mess. I don’t have the ability to look away.

BUT. I cleaned my garage yesterday. Fuck yeah I did. I was gonna clean the back yard. But then we finally bagged up the upstairs Christmas Tree so I needed to put things away in the garage and then it just started. Shit started moving and it was on.

I’m not completely done. I ordered a big pressure washer that will need a home. So I’m going to take my bike which currently hangs horizontally and put it on a vertical hanging rack (ordered from vine). That will give me some space. I’m also gonna use that pressure washer to clean out the moldy broken freezer and move it to the not-accessable-without-a-ladder shelf. I’m also going to decide to either put the ladders where that new space is, or over by husbands car. Then I’m gonna put a tool holder where those are (for the composting tools and the brooms — organizer also from vine).

Why am I keeping an old moldy broken freezer? Because one day, I’m going to make it into a free tiny library on the corner of the property by the city greenway. It’s already water tight! I’m gonna build a box around it to make it cute (it might well be a small TARDIS complete with solar light top). Then I’m going to put a basket on the bottom for sticks and dog toys — a free dog stick library! It’s gonna be adorable. Give me some years to get around to that. It’s a plan.

Like two weeks ago, I hung out with K and K2 and did a vine craft. I ordered Easter Eggs filled with generic lego flowers (click here for that link). Each egg had a flower.

I got the dozen, so four for each of us. I did not think this would be a long activity or a hard one. It was just to get together and chat. Lord we had way too much fun though. First, why were these so much harder than we expected? It was pretty hilarious. The best part was the total silence in concentration that would be broken by little tinkering of small pieces falling to the table and muttering.

I started out on a low point. My first flower was terribly ugly. In fact, it was the ugliest flower by unanimous vote. It looked like someone tried to disguise a anti-aircraft gun. K had just put together what was my choice for the prettiest one. But we had more picks, right?

Well somehow my next two picks were also purple flowers. Ugly ones, I might add. So I was getting frustrated because I kept pulling shitty flowers. So on the last turn, I told them to pick their eggs first and I’d take the last one. Nope, K2 had to see if the trend would keep going. FUCKING PURPLE FLOWER. So, as this is a childs activity and I was frustrated, K stepped up and traded her red flower for my purple. And I got to make a red rose bud that K2 says is a tomato BUT IT’S NOT. And then K put together the second prettiest flower of all, in my opinion, with the set I just traded. Fuck.

So that last photo is all the flowers arranged from my picks for best to worst starting in the bottom left and ending in the top right (so closest (bottom row) to furthest and left to right). I put together flowers ranking #5 (the tomato I traded rank #2 for), #8 (the weird geometric thing), and then ranks #11 and #12. So not my best picking.

Ten out of ten, five star activity though! I do not think a child could put these together but we had great fun. It would be fun as an activity like we did to sit around and joke and put them together. Or like an Easter Advent type thing for a teenager+. They came out to about $1.50 per egg. We all agreed that we would rather find this in an Easter Egg hunt than $1.50. But not as much as we’d want the golden egg which is always at least $5 and maybe $20 if you’re at some rich people egg hunt.

And I don’t know about the others, but I’m from Alabama, I know my egg hunts. Easter was always a grand occasion. You got to get a shiny new Easter dress for church — with a HAT. The only time you can wear a fancy hat to church! Gotta look good for Jesus. Eggs were dyed for the Easter Bunny to hide. And all the egg hunts! I was in egg hunts from as young as I remember. So from the three-and-under class where they just throw some eggs on flat grass and the parents try to convince the stumbling children to put it in their basket — all the way up to the teenagers looking in dead tree trunks for that golden egg.

I found the golden egg once. But I’m pretty sure it was just because my moms friend called me over to the bench where she was sitting with my momma and heavily hinted that I should look *cough cough* behind it. You were a real one, Ms Jackie!

Also, to end on a tragic note — Easter was when I found out that I was too old to believe in the Easter Bunny and Santa. We had gone to Fashion Bug (a plus sized clothing store) to pick out my Easter dress. And they had the SOFTEST stuffed bunny. I begged for it. BEGGED. When we got back to the car I asked mom is maybe the Easter Bunny could bring it to me? And she told me I was too old to believe in that stuff. So I got the bunny on Easter but I never liked it because it was depressing and sad and we didn’t have the money for it.

Plants and Glue Organization

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I finally got a Rattlesnake Plant! I’ve been wanting one for a few months. I even priced them around my birthday back around November at the nursery but didn’t get one. I thought it would be a good gift. But now that the holidays are over, I still want one. I babysat K2s over Christmas and then she took it and I was like — OK, I’ll get one. I had priced them at $25 at the nursery for a 4 inch. I found this 6 inch on Home Depot’s website for the same price! It got here and I’m super happy with it! Look how it’s already opening and closing after two days:

Good day, lamp, I touch you. Good night, lamp, no touch.

The packaging was also probably the best I’ve had on a live plant. It was wrapped in a brown pot bag and there was a ziptie around the stem area to keep the dirt in. Nice. Then it was in another brown pot bag to protect the leaves. And the box was special made for plants. It had a lift off top and handles. And it was super clear which side was up. Not that FedEx gave a single fuck because it was on its side on my porch despite the GLARING “This Side Up” all over the box. All you can do it try.

I also trimmed my Prayer Plant (I think it’s a Lemon Lime) in the kitchen. It was looking super leggy. I want it to be more bushy. So I figured I’d try to root some pieces. I’ll report to a bigger pot and make it 4 stems in the pot. Plus there’s a plant swap coming up and I can sell the others if they root. Still rooting my zig zag cactus cuttings too. So in preparation for the plant swap, I split them into two little terrecotta pots to continue their journey.

Part of the inspiration for this was now that Christmas is put away, the side table is back over by the window. And I’m tired of the kitchen counter looking cluttered with the leggy prayer plant and the zig zag rooting. So I moved it all over to the living room where — not only do I not get annoyed by it, I get to ENJOY them!

Look at me using two of the set-of-four serving trays I got off Vine!

Oh, and I moved the money tree back to the window. Dear god, I hope it’s happy. I moved it with a grow lamp for the Christmas tree and well over half of the leaves just fucking bailed. I think it got spider mites too. So I’ve been treating it and now it’s back by the fucking window. It’s so fucking dramatic. There is new growth though. And then its pot started leaking — no!

Almost all of my plants are watered from below. It just works for me. So the money tree lives in a nursery pot that sits on top of a pile of rocks in a planter pot (with cotton string to wick up water). It has been in there for well over a year. And all the sudden one of the holes I had glued shut decides to leak. Mother fucker. Why?

So I had to clean it out and triage.

Does anyone else have a container of various glues and UV resin? Is it normal for people to have to organize their adhesives? There were just random glues all over the place — in both junk drawers, craft stuff, the garage (OK, actually there’s still four in the garage that are not represented here — wood glue and the glue I use for glass mosaics).

It’s kinda funny cause this basket is one of the three I bought to organize all my surgery supplies when I did the plastic surgeries. I had one for meds, one for bandaging, I forget the other… Here, I found it. One was just hygiene stuff cause I had to live in the chair in the living room. I was super-fucking organized for those surgeries. So it was a human triage basket and now it’s a stuff triage basket.

I went with the Gorilla Glue Construction: Clear. The strongest of the gorilla glue line. Like that shit is insane. I just pumped the holes with it and let it dry overnight. Note: There is “Clear Gorilla Glue” and that is not the same as “Gorilla Construction Glue: Clear.” Like you might think — just use the crazy strong one for everything. But no. The crazy strong one is super thick and you don’t have a lot of control. It’s also not gonna wipe off ANYTHING. That’s way above craft grade. FYI

Middle-Aged Show ‘N Tell

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When you find a nice thing and you have to show it to everyone because we stopped having show ‘n tell after kindergarten. Which, BTW, we need to bring back. You know how we have fucking bullshit Lunch ‘n Learn topics every Thursday? And fucking Wellness Wednesday lunches? Well I want a TEAMS call show ‘n tell! I wanna eat my lunch and watch my coworkers show me fancy things. Or their pets. Or their favorite new pen. Whatever they want. I’d tune into that every god damn week AND participate. So here is my latest Amazon review:

This review is for the PU Leather Tissue Box Holder with Magnetic Closure in Silver Grey.  Or as Amazon calls it, the “PU Leather Tissue Box Cover Square Tissue Box Holder with Magnetic Closure, Decorative Tissue Holder for Bathroom Bedroom Office (Silver Grey).” And let me tell you, the PU Leather Tissue Box Holder with Magnetic Closure in Silver Grey has absolutely no right to be this awesome.  It’s a tissue box, yall, not a jewelry box.  I’ve had jewelry boxes that weren’t nearly this nice. 

This box is so fantastic, that I’m skipping right over the fact that normal tissue boxes are ugly and obnoxious.  Do I need a rainforest print in my living room?  No.  Do you sell solid colors?  Also, no.  We’re skipping that. 

What is this box even made of?  I can’t bend it.  And it is actually rather weighty.  My cat can’t even knock this off the table – and he’s gonna try.  There’s a magnetic closure on the bottom (some tissue box covers don’t even HAVE bottoms) and when it closes, there is a very satisfying thunk sound.  And yall, it’s LINED.  Not just with paper – it’s lined with the velour type felt that jewelry boxes are lined with. 

I say again to you, good sir, why is this box so nice? 

I tried to take some close-up pictures to show you the craftsmanship.  Look at those straight lines and seams.  Look at that lining.  Look how perfectly square the lining is cut and applied to in the inside of the bottom of the tissue box cover that no one will ever see.  Look at the hole!  The PU leather isn’t just cut out at the hole, it’s finished and sewn.  Oh and whatever non-trivial material this thing is made of has been covered in another layer of matching PU leather very well folded over and then sealed with the way-too-nice liner.  I’m actually holding this in my hands flipping it around wondering how they got this perfect curve so nicely covered without a seam going down the hole – wait!  I picked it up again, after typing that, to examine this sorcery again – there is a seam, it’s just nearly invisible.  I only noticed it by feel.  Thank you, because I’m a crafter and I was confused by that impossibility.

The only downside it that the “silver grey” is metallic.  I’m putting this in my living room so I’d have preferred a matte finish.  However, if it weren’t so dang nice, I could just put it in the bathroom and it’d look great in there. 

I’m going to start showing guests the tissue box, aren’t I?  Being old is so weird. 

I see that they make a version of this that’s got a compartment for remotes.  I’m not gonna act like I don’t want that for my desk at work.  And another for my night stand. And one for the guest room. FIVE STARS.    

five stars

//END OF REVIEW

Yall. Blog reader yall, that is. Just to compare. I want you to see see the god awful piece of trash I reviewed last week:

I only gave it two or three stars but I really wanna go back and make it like 1 star now.

My Bitching is Finally Being Recognized!

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So on my last post, I mentioned calling in some warranties.

Vornado — fucking champions. Replaced the fan immediately with a new one as soon as I sent them a picture of mine with the cord cut off. A++ service. American made — BUY THEIR SHIT. They make excellent things that work and they stand by them.

Calphelon — Their website warrantly claim form errors evey damn time. I’ve tried at least 11 times on various days. Go through all the pages, answer the questions, upload photos, and bam — error submitting claim. I emailed with no response. The phone system tells you to use the website. ARRRRRRRRGGG. But I haven’t given up.

MailBoss. FUCK MAILBOSS. I called and they asked for pictures. So I sent pictures of very obvious rusting and finish flaking off after less than one year. They emailed me back that it can happen near the coast. I DON’T LIVE NEAR THE COAST. This summer was A DROUGHT. It’s a mild climate and this thing wasn’t a year old before it started rusting. They said I should sand it down, repaint it, and wax it every year to prevent this happeneing again. Wait — why isn’t waxing this thing mentioned ANYWHERE? I’d have waxed it to begin with!

So does Mailboss stand behind their product warranty. Fuck no they don’t. $400 on a mailbox and it rusts immediately and they just tell you to repaint it. Awesome.

So that made me a bit bothered. So I decided, I will let people know about this. So I clicked around on their website. Searched for them on a few websites and and then hopped on to Facebook. Ah, Target ads, thank you. So I left some comments. Then, I created a post about them and tagged them in it. It is currently at the very top of their mentions page on their own Facebook page:

It was really late on a work night, but I decided I needed to hit up some Amazon reviews for this piece of shit before bed. So I go yell on Amazon, as I like to do and then…

“You’ve been invited to the Amazon Vine Program”

WHAT? I tried so hard to get into this program back in 2019 when I had a head injury and couldn’t work so I just decided to review everything I’d ever bought on Amazon. I did detailed reviews. Ton’s of pictures. People loved my reviews. I was in the top 2000 reviewers at one point. But after a few months, it just was too much effort. So I stopped trying. Oh, I still review shit — but not everything like I used to. And now I’m invited?

WHAT?

My orneriness is being recognized with free products in exchange for a honest review? What?

I’VE MADE IT.

I’ve submitted 9 reviews for free things now. Only one wave has come in. I can order up to 3 items per day with a limit of $100 per item. Of course they have to be part of the Amazon Vine program which is random as fuck. There’s over 77 thousand products and the variety is wild. A lot of it is very niche replacement parts for specific products. There’s a lot of balloon arches and party supplies. a TON of Stanly Cup organizers. And why on earth are there so many things targeted towards healing after a BBL? did you know there are airbeds with a hole cutout for your ass? Cause there are.

Now I can’t just go buck wild. I will have to claim everything on my taxes. I had to fill out a tax form and the cost of the items I receive will be counted as income. So far the most expensive thing I’ve ordered is a double golf-bag rack and shelving for my nephews and brother who all play golf. I’ve also ordered and received:

  • Blanket: 4.7 Stars
  • Gym Drink Bag: 2 Stars
  • Socks: 2 stars
  • Solar Lantern: 4 Stars
  • Vacuum storage bags: 4 Stars
  • Black Dress: 4 Stars
  • “Drink Pusher” 5 Stars
  • Leather Notebook Cover: 3 Stars
  • Tissue Box Cover: 3 Stars
  • Shower Squeegees: 3 Stars

What is a drink pusher?

Yep. It’s like a vending machine thing for your refrigerator!

But three of my reviews have been denied and I don’t get WHY. I guess they’re really anal about the Vine reviews? This one I can only figure was because I mentioned having OCD? So I took all that out to resubmit. The gym bag review got denied and I have NO IDEA why. Maybe because I mentioned the brand of bag I was comparing it to? We’ll see, I removed the brand name and resubmitted. Then the squeegee review got denied. No idea on that one. It might be because I mentioned I was reviewing it? But that doesn’t make sense… I’m so confused. The blanket review got denied too and I fucking love that blanket. I’ve been writing really detailed reviews with tons of photos! Like the gym bag review — it wouldn’t stick to my refrigerator. So I took pictures of it fully loaded with everything in it — then on the front of the fridge, then the side, then I was like. It can’t suck this much ass. So I TOOK IT OUTSIDE and stuck it to my mailbox. Success. And it stuck to my tornado shelter too! So I had EDITED MARKUP pictures with “Fridge? No.” “Side of Fridge? No.” “Mailbox? Yes!”

Look, I went outside in the evening hours to take that photo. I put a bottle of ice water in there with my wallet and car keys and slapped it on my mailbox. I put it in photoshop and added text. These are the reviews the people WANT.

And obviously I’m reviewing with other Vine peeps and some of their reviews are a single sentence. REALLY?

Let me see if I can find the original Drink Pusher one…

Review: Drink Organizer for Fridge Soda Can Organizer Fridge Dispenser for Refrigerator,Organizer Refrigerator Organizers and Storage Water Bottle Organizer,White 5 Row

Me owning this item is actually hilarious. Let me tell you why. I hosted family two weeks ago. My sister-in-laws sister doesn’t know me well. So the next morning she very timidly asked me if she could ask me something without offending me. Ok! She asked if I was OCD. Yep! She asked because of how organized my refrigerator was.

You see, I already stored my drinks like this.  I just didn’t have the fancy pusher!  I was manually reloading the fridge and pulling them forward to look nice.  Talk about an upgrade! 

I didn’t organize my drinks like this for my OCD, I just like for everything to have a proper place and look neat.  Including in my refrigerator.  But I did my drinks like this at first as a joke for my husband.  When I started working from home, I started making him lunch.  I started calling it my café and would yell order up when his lunch was ready.  Then one day, I lined up all of his drinks like this and opened the fridge and joked that we stocked a full accoutrement of drinks at the café now.  (He likes these Spin Drift flavored waters so I keep a lot of flavors to keep it interesting.  Well, I liked the look so it’s been that way for a few months. 

Then TODAY, I installed this masterpiece!  I sent her a picture and told her I’ve upgraded!  I actually sent it to a bunch of my friends because I’m just so tickled with it.  One asked, “does that push the drinks forward for you?”  YES!  And she just laughed.  I love it!  I wish I had another row for my friends coconut water! 

No redlines.  No notes.  I love it.  Excellent price.  Functions great.  No tools to assemble.  I’m even deeply amused that the easy-to-follow instructions just refer to it as “the pusher.” 

For buyers I do have a tip:  Put it together with the drinks you intend for it to hold.  You’ll need to know how wide to make the lanes.  When I first assembled it, I just put the rails and lanes right up next to each other.  I tested it with a can and it was fine.  Then I loaded it up and stuck it in the fridge and it didn’t work!  Bummer!  So I’m looking at it and thinking it just doesn’t have enough spring power.  But no – it just had too much friction.  The lane width needs to be wide enough that the rails aren’t pushing against your cans.  When I tested it with just a single can, there weren’t cans on either side pushing the rails in.  But you also can’t make the lanes too wide.  Otherwise, your straight row of cans gets a bit jumbled.  So have what you want to put in here with you when you assemble it to get the spacing right.  You can always take it out and readjust later, like I did – but save yourself the trouble.

Oh!  I do have one note that’s not important.  My refrigerator is a full depth one.  Not a counter depth fridge.  Yours is probably counter depth.  So I could actually fit more cans in without this.  This can only fit 5 cans deep.  Do I need six of every flavor at all times?  Hell no.  But I was doing it.  Also, as you now have lanes and rails and a need for space between rows to lighten up the friction, I did have to go from 6 cans wide to 5 in roughly the same space.  My husband’s choices are drastically less now.  Yes, that’s sarcasm.  I think this is plenty of options! 

I really do love this thing.  It’s so extra and so awesome all at once.