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I miss my Jack Jack

Posted on December 18, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

I miss my Jack Jack. This past few days have been a new wave of sadness. I suppose it started with one day this week when I got home. You know how, when you get a new pet, you realize all the stuff you have to change? No more toilets left up, no open doors, no leaving food out — stuff like that. Well, I’m trained for Jack. So I came home and was careful not to swing open the door because he’s always right there waiting for me to open it. But… he’s not anymore. Like for that little minute I forgot he died and expected him to be behind the door.

Then, I had to read all the “The Loving Reaper” comics. Link here on WEBTOON. They’re PSA comics that are beautifully drawn and depressing AS FUCK. And a lot of them involve pets and terrible human beings, and obviously, death. So that didn’t help. I know.

Then, I went saving off old photos. This wasn’t related to Jack. We did our annual gingerbread tradition and I wanted to look at past gingerbread parties. I’ll get into it in another post — but it led me to going through all of Facebook and even back to Flickr for photos. So I also took the time to download all of these old photos (yes, you can request a zip file of every photo you’ve ever uploaded to Facebook). I saved them to my google photos for good future keeping.

LOOK AT MY SWEET BABY! Look how little he was! Those cheeks!

And here, he’s being all curious and adorable.

And I miss his little foot prints.

I just miss him so much. He loved when I’d come home and scoop him up like a baby and rub his belly and talk to him. He’d turn on that fake hamming-it up purr that sounded like a motor while I rubbed his “polka dots” (belly) and stuck my finger between his toe beans so he could squeeze it. He was such a good boy. He loved me so much. I really miss him a lot.

The past few nights (maybe 4ish?) I’ve been getting terrible anxiety at bed time. I’ll get anxiety tummy and then a tight chest.

I also started following this local cat place on Facebook and so that’s had adopting another cat on my mind. I think it’s just upsetting me though. I want JACK. I want Jack back. I want my biggun’

I’ll hide that cat page for now. I’m just upset all over again. Now I’m getting anxiety attacks every night. Ugh.

No good deed…

Posted on December 9, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

I have a very sour taste in my mouth. I finally got off my ass to get rid of all of Jack’s old medication and food. I still have 35 cans of prescription kidney diet cat food. That shits almost $3.00 a can. I reached out to every animal shelter. One really wanted his food but wouldn’t send anyone to pick it up. After finally failing to get anyone, I posted it on Facebook and NextDoor. I required that anyone who wants it provide evidence of the prescription and slapped a $10 cost on it to avoid the weird freebie people.

Turns out someone we know has a cat that needs it. Awesome, come get it. Is it over? No. No good deed goes unpunished. I quickly removed all the listings but still had someone reach out to me on NextDoor about it (Admitting that they could no longer find the original post). She had wanted to get it for her non-profit but had to reach out to the foster mom who needed it to see if she had a prescription. Well, I’m sorry it’s gone. I mean, technically it’s by my front door, but you know what I mean. She got a little pissy and even showed me screen shots of the convo with the foster. They seemed peeved that I wanted to see a prescription. Well, yeah. This is prescription food. And damn expensive. Don’t feed it to a cat that can just as easily eat some 99 cent Purina food. Anyway, I did throw them a bone and offer up all of Jacks leftover medicine which includes prescription IV bags with lines and tons of sterile needles.

Anyway, the acquaintance that wants it. Well… I’m not thrilled with her situation. See, she has five cats. One of which is an old man that needs kidney food. He’s not on it though because she can’t afford it. Hence she wants Jack’s. But dude, STOP TAKING IN CATS YOU CAN’T AFFORD. On top of multiple other terrible life decisions I shall not mention. I’m just not thrilled with it. And now she’s sick and can’t pick it up today. And I know that she won’t keep him on this diet because there’s no way she can afford it.

Then tonight one of my local shelters finally replies to my email (they didn’t have a phone number listed anywhere) that they’d be thrilled to have it. God dammit. So it’s sitting by my door, but I have to say no. Cause I already told this other chick she could have it. And I even told her if she can’t pick it up, this shelter wants it. She said “no, I got dibs!” God Dammit.

So now, even though I’m giving away $200 easy in cat health care, I feel like shit. Awesome.

Oh and lets not even mention all the people who have subtilely (and not-so-subtilely ) tried to get me to take in cats. Obviously, I’m a good cat parent. And everyone’s always getting rid of cats. So I’m like a fucking target. Some of my work buddies took in two kittens that a feral had. There’s a third but they can’t have all three. So they really want me to take it. They’ve even shown me pictures. Another guy at work is getting rid of an adult cat and people have asked me if I’d take it. Then another work friend (a little better than JUST work friend) is rehoming his cats. He’s getting married and she’s not a cat person and so he’s getting rid of them. But he’s like super sad about it. So he keeps moaning to me about it. I’m pretty sure he’s hoping I’ll take them. But dude, one of them is antisocial and the other is a cuddlebug but apparently doesn’t want pets. So like, I’m not interested.

Also, my sister is having to find a new home for HER cats. She lives with my other sister who won’t take them. They’ve been living at my dads girlfriends house for 4 years. In a single room because they don’t mesh with her other pets. Sister never visits them. They never get any attention because the girlfriend is rarely, if ever, home. I bet my other sister folds and takes them, but whatever. Anyway — girlfriend is moving so cats gotta go. I bet you $100, if she shows up to my Christmas party on Sunday, she asks me to take the cats. She probably won’t show though. Anyway, she gets under my skin with those cats. Give them to someone who will love them! You don’t love them! She always posts about how much she loves them and compares them to my Jack. No, bitch. You border line abuse those cats. They’re probably half feral from years of no stimulation. I don’t even think they like HER anymore. Oh and lets not forget these are the babies of another cat she had that she didn’t get fixed. She liked the babies more so ditched the older cat to the shelter. Oh and she didn’t get them fixed either so they got pregnant and she had to get the girl a kitty abortion.

PEOPLE SUCK.

Christmas Time!

Posted on December 9, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

I finally got my Christmas cards ready to send! Envelopes stuffed, addressed (labels), and stamped! Look at these beauties!

I was so proud of myself that I got out our Christmas cards through the years. Look at how cute we are.

A few things. Why do I have to relearn how to make address labels every year? And why do printers hate us? Printers are a pain in the ASS. They shouldn’t be. We’re engineers. I’m not stupid, but it’s a horrible battle every freaking year. Actually, it’s a horrible battle every time we have to print something. You never win.

Lastly, I do not have a copy of the first year we sent out photo cards. It makes me sad. I didn’t think to keep one. Also, I think 2018 with the snowman was the best one. But this year has a professional photo so it’s pretty snazzy.

Oh and sad to say, this will be the last year of “Jack on the Back” 🙁

My Thrilling Life

Posted on November 16, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

Just so yall understand my life when I get home. I’m lazy. I just wanna sit on the couch and watch youtube. Youtube is because I’m too lazy to commit to a show or movie. Right now, it’s not playing cause any minute I’m gonna get up to go pee and get a yogurt. I’ve been about to get up to go pee and get a yogurt for over half an hour at least. Probably close to an hour if we’re honest. And I’m just sitting here scrolling going ‘”holy shit, is that TOUCAN?”

Do I like toucans, or care about them, or need a toucan ornament? Nope. But apparently some part of my brain cares. Maybe I don’t see toucans a lot or something.

And now that I’m posting this — why does that ornament say 2023? It’s not 2023! What the fuck? Now I gotta go click the damn ad I just screenshot so I can read the fine print on it.

Just a second…

Oh. Ok. It’s an ad for you to buy their yearly membership to get exclusive ornaments. So you’re buying next year which is 2023.

I can go pee now. And get that yogurt.

In defense of tattoos. To a Catholic MIL.

Posted on November 13, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

So you’re horrified that I’m getting tattoos because they’re sinful and now I’m a heathen going to hell. Right? I willing to bet the arguments you’re going to make are that the Bible says tattoos are bad and that our bodies are a temple? Am I right? Let’s break these two down before I go further. (A) Bible says no tattoos. (B) Bible says body is a temple.

(A) Bible says no tattoos:

Leviticus 19:28: “Do not cut your bodies for the dead or put tattoo marks on yourselves. I am the Lord.”

OK, first of all, the word for tattoo didn’t exist until the 1700’s. The Bible wasn’t written in English. Second of all Leviticus? Come on. If we’re going full Leviticus, it says not to eat shellfish (Lev. 11:9-12), use mixed fabrics (Lev. 19:19), or harvest the edges of fields for some reason (Lev. 19:9). So how’s it going in that cotton blend you’re wearing? Comfy? Wanna throw on a polyester blend and go get some shrimp at the Red Lobster? I’ve totally seem you eat a lobster, BTW. It’s not worth all that effort.

Also, I’m gonna just directly quote this next paragraph from this page because they said it well:

“Not all of Leviticus is written to everyone. There were abominations that applied only to the Jews such as eating shellfish, rabbit, and pork, etc., which were things that typologically represented purity before the Lord. We know this because God says, “Speak to the sons of Israel saying…” He gives instructions to the Israelites, not to the rest of the nations.”

Before we leave Leviticus, lets discuss the word tattoo — which, ya know, didn’t even exist. For this, lets hop over to BibleStudyTools.com:

“Leviticus 19:28 literally translates, “And a cutting for the dead you will not make in your flesh, and writing marks you will not make on you; I am the Lord.” [….] The background of this law was that Israel, after being rescued from slavery, was between Egypt and Canaan. […] In Canaan, evidence indicates that instead of marking the body with ink, more extreme scarification measures, like branding, slashing, or gashing the skin were used. Archeology, backed by biblical texts, indicates the Canaanites would customarily slash their bodies for ritualistic purposes (1 Kings 18:28), especially to mourn their dead and honor their gods. Leviticus 19:28 seems to imply this when it says, “you will not make cuttings in your flesh, for the dead, nor print marks on you.” In light of this information from Egypt and Canaan, it would seem God was forbidding scarification, not tattooing as we know it.””

Even with out all that, I think we can agree that Leviticus is a little out of date. Especially, being that it’s the Old Testament which was overcome by the New Testament when Jesus came because everyone was too inept to follow the rules. God threw us a bone (206 of them in the form of Jesus) and rewrote everything. So yeah, enjoy your cotton blend PJs.

(B) Bible says body is a temple:

Ok, for real — this is laughable. A CATHOLIC saying I can’t give my temple a paint job? Have you ever been in a Catholic church? For real? All that gold paint and gaudiness? Yall love gold paint and marble almost as much as Donald Trump. So don’t talk to my Lutheran ass about decorating a temple. Period.

(C) The Coptic Christian Cross

The Coptic Christians almost require a tattoo of the Coptic Cross. It’s usually on the inside of your wrist. This dates back to them being ostracized and marked when everyone was forced to convert to Islam. They refused to convert and were marked for it. This way they could be easily ostracized. In some churches, they would check for the tattoo before you could even come in to make sure you were a Christian. Coptic Christians make pilgrimages to this day to get this tattoo. It’s a religious experience and part of who they are. And yeah, it’s a TATTOO.

Midlife Crisis? Not a thing.

Posted on November 13, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

So as I start the week of my fortieth birthday, I am approaching midlife. Technically, I’m past midlife as, in the US, life expectancy is 77.28 years (by 2020 data, probably took a drastic fall with Covid). So I passed midlife slightly over a year ago. When I had a tummy tuck and new boobs installed and started getting tattoos. Could these be symptoms of a midlife crisis? Nope.

See, the thing is: Midlife just happens to coincide with the time in your life when you can finally afford to do the shit you’ve been wanting to do for two decades. A suburban husband buys a stupidly impractical sports car and we call it a midlife crisis and think he’s acting like he’s twenty. Nope. No, he wanted that car when he was twenty but he couldn’t afford it. He’s just finally getting the chance to live his dream. He slaves away his life at work and he just wants to enjoy his fucking car.

People hitting midlife and getting divorces? Well, that relationship wasn’t working for them. They have enough experience to go “yeah, I don’t wanna do this anymore.” That’s not a midlife crisis, that’s a midlife reckoning.

In a way, I think it’s the exact opposite of a crisis. It’s the age where you’re finally confident in yourself and who you are (or maybe you’ve figured out who you’d rather be). Plus you finally have security and money for the first time your life. Add it together and you get people making big changes.

Bring on 40. I’m here for it.

I started my sleeve! (Sleeve Session 1)

Posted on November 6, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 2 Comments

Yesterday, I finally got to start my tattoo sleeve! It’s going to take a good while to finish because I didn’t book any more appointments in advance and we’ll have to break for summer (cause I’m not missing pool time to heal). It’s going to be the adorable bow-tie photo of Jack on a background of Fall leaves with pumpkins in front of him around the bottom. It’ll be a 3/4 sleeve. That way I can roll up my sleeves a bit and still not show if it’s for a job interview. Also, I just love raglan sleeves and the 3/4 length of them so yeah.

Reminder of the photo:

So I chose the absolutely fabulous Devon Greig in Nashville for the job (she did my goomba when we consulted for the sleeve). This is her first photo realism portrait but you’d never know it. She’s amazing. Look at this:

It looks like a painting! I’m blown away. I couldn’t have asked for better! I am in love with it. It’s my Jack!

She chose to just focus on the face in this session since it was so detailed. It took just around 4 hours of tattooing. I scheduled appointments in February and in April to do more work on it. The plan is to get his body and pumpkins in before summer. Then finish it out Next Fall/Winter. I’m so excited! Here’s the progress shots I took while she worked on it. He kinda looks like a terminator Jack with half a face here:

Man, her skill just blows me away. I could paint this, sure — but I can go over spots again and again to get them right. I can’t imagine doing it with a tattoo gun and not being able to revise any mistakes! And her FIRST realism tattoo. Damn, girl! Amazing.

She’s a pleasure to work with too! I told her I wanted to cover up my elbow fat lump because I hate it so much. I feel like if we did the half sleeve above the elbow, it would stand out even more. She was like yeah, we’ll just put a pumpkin there! Excellent. I am psyched.

Also, this didn’t hurt half as much as my ankle tattoo. The ankle felt like having a freshly skinned knee for a few days and a lot of burning as it went in. This felt like scratching sure, but tolerable. I mean, yeah it’s gonna hurt, but I expected worse. The only part that hurt the most was the closer she got to my collar bone — so that ear. The mid face was totally fine. I suspect the REAL pain will be when we get to the elbow and especially my scar. But for now, it doesn’t even feel like anythings there. So awesome.

In between chatting with Devon, I watched Enola Holmes on my phone. It’s got Millie Bobby Brown, Henry Cavill, and Helena Bonham Carter. It took a good bit to get going, but once it did it was awesome.

FUCK

I just looked it up to get the spelling of the actors names and I watched the SEQUEL yesterday. No wonder if took a while to get going. Fuck me, I watched them out of order. I guess I’ll be watching the first one today then…

Cavill quit the Witcher!?

Posted on October 30, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

I’m so devastated that Henry Cavill announced he is leaving the Witcher. HE IS GERALT. He’s sex on a stick as Geralt. He’s gushed about this character. He wanted to be this character. He’s a big fan of this character and he’s quitting for Superman? Fucking Superman sucks.

But you know, I may be a naive idiot, but I truly believe Henry Cavill is a big fat nerd and would choose the Witcher over Superman. I think he’s leaving, not for Superman, but because Netflix isn’t remaining true to the source material he loves. Everyone fucking loves the Witcher — and Netflix wants that. But the books are about Ciri. And they’ve already deviated a lot from the books to keep Ciri and Geralt together (Ciri should have been sent off to lean magic at the temple and eventually train with Yennifer alone). And the next bit is Ciri getting lost and spending at least what would equate to a whole season on her own with little horse in the desert and then joining the rats.

It sucked reading the parts with just Ciri cause you’re watching/reading for Geralt. But that’s the source material. And I don’t think Netflix wants to do that. Not that it wasn’t still good. The books also switch to Geralt’s journey to find Ciri and we meet two of the most awesome characters — Milva and Regis because of it. But I don’t think Netflix wants to gamble on us watching the real story if it means leaving Cavill out for huge swaths of time. Which it requires.

I admit, I LOVE Cavill as Geralt. He’s insanely hot dirtied up with grey hair. Like hot. He does nothing for me as Superman. However, I think his nerdy ass self kept the Netflix show on track. Without him it’s gonna be a shit show that completely veers from the books. Netflix knows we wanna watch Geralt and not a whole season of just Ciri coming to age. But Cavill knows thats an important part of the story that needs to be told. So he’s bailing rather than bastardizing the material. IMO

Like I said, they’ve already changed a lot from the books. The monoliths weren’t in the books. In the books, Ciri grew up knowing about Geralt and loved him and wanted him to take her to be a Witcher but he didn’t want to. But now that it’s time to really commit to Ciri as the central character, I believe, Netflix is chickening out. And this makes me sad. I could skip the Ciri bits, sure — but the Geralt bits that come after are awesome! I wanna meet Regis! I fucking love Regis!

Dammit, Netflix! You suck and I hope the show doesn’t even finish now.

He’s Gone

Posted on October 15, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | 1 Comment

Yesterday we said goodbye to my fuzzy soulmate. I had spent all week thinking of the million things that could go wrong and stressing out. But it went well. He had a good death. I had second guessed myself — he was doing so good and happy, maybe we should wait? But he was on 5 different medications plus IV fluids and two of those medications were for pain. You’d think it would have been the kidney disease we treated for two years or the cancer we discovered a month ago. Nope. Just an old cat with arthritis. He was just in too much pain between those miracle shots. So we chose to let him go before the second shot wore off. I couldn’t let him be in so much pain again.

He had a good week. No pain. He cleaned his plate every day. We had cake every day. We celebrated his birthday. He ate at the table with us. K even brought him his own Arby’s sandwich. I let him go outside. He wasn’t interested, but he went out and nommed a leaf in the back and a fern in the front. He had the option. I gave him tons of kisses. We took a family selfie. I camped out on the couch so he could sleep in his heated bed and still be able to see me without having to go upstairs. He woke me up every morning and wished me sweet dreams every night. Just like always.

When Friday came, I did what was right by him. We took him to the vet at 8:00am. Mr C drove us. They gassed him and put in a catheter and handed him back — still groggy and in a cone. Lord help, that cone was a bit of levity we needed. When he woke up half-way to home, he was looking around like the Pixar light. And lord, the lemons. Why lemons? We laughed.

I didn’t make him wear the cone all morning. It was only 3 hours so I figured I’d keep a close eye on him. We snuggled. We had more cake. He couldn’t rest with his foot all bandaged up as it was bothering him. So an hour before they came, I gave him a big dose or gabapentin as they told me to. He fell asleep in his heated cat bed for the last hour. When the vet arrived, Mr C let them in while I woke him up gently. He was a sleepy kitty. We sat on the couch and I held him like a baby with his head draped sleepily over my arm. There was only a brief interruption where they unwrapped his cath. But he quickly forgave them. I hugged him and stroked his head while he fell asleep for the last time. He had the faintest bit of a purr right before he fell asleep.

I had held it together pretty well. But as he curled into a limp ball in my arms and they confirmed he was gone… I lost it. I ugly cried and wailed like a terrible movie actress clutching a dead cat. My beloved Jack was gone.

God bless and be with the sweet vets who have to see people go through that every day.

He was so much more than a pet to me. I hate to say he was my everything because I have to move on without him. I have Mr C and family and friends. But when I got Jack, for a long time he was my everything. There were times I only willed to live because who would take care of my Jack? We lived alone when I had no friends or family relationships to speak of. He was with me through all my therapy. I got him in 2005 when I still lived in the college dorms! I got reported for having a cat daily, but I had my therapist declare him a therapy cat so it was allowed. Man that really got under peoples skin. Ha.

He was with me through every date I ever had. I told him all my secrets. I loved him as much if not more than he loved me. We were a part of each other. I’ve always loved coming home. Some people dally at work or hang out at the gym or go to the bar to avoid home, but not me. No screaming kids here. Just my beautiful house, Mr C and my sweet Jack. He was always so happy to see me and I to see him. We’d hug and tell each other about our days. He was always a talker. (His name was Screamer when he was adopted as a little kitten.) And we’d settle in to mindlessly relax and watch TV and wile away the hours on the internet while he purred in my lap.

At some point he stopped sleeping with me all night. But he’d still wish me goodnight and make sure I wasn’t going anywhere before he left. I made sure to get a picture of our last goodnight on Thursday…

God I loved that cat more than you can imagine. He wasn’t a cat to me. And last night I bawled again as the only prayer I could get manage to get out through the tears was to please take care of my Jack.

I’ll get a cat again. But there will never be another Jack. He knew me before I knew myself. He took care of me by giving me a reason to get up and keep going. He was the best friend I could have wished for.

It is scheduled.

Posted on October 5, 2022 | by cursingcats.com | Leave a Comment

Jack is scheduled for at home euthanasia next Friday, the 14th. I would appreciate your prayers during this tough time for me and for him. Losing him and mom is just… *sigh* too much to bear.

For the cat owners out there, I’d like to point out two medications that have been amazing for him. First, the Porus One for his kidneys. It’s a powder to sprinkle on their wet food daily and it actually has his kidney levels looking better than when he was diagnosed with kidney failure two years ago. And he doesn’t even notice it. So much better than the pill I was giving him before.

The second is the Solensia shot for arthritis. This one is a miracle in a monthly shot. I took him to the vet almost three weeks ago and he was in so much pain he wasn’t eating. They gave him this shot and by the time we got home, he went straight to his food and his old younger self. Amazing game changer.

Unfortunately for Jack, the shot wore off quicker than a month. Yesterday he took a very sudden and unexpected turn. He didn’t touch his breakfast and was in so much pain he didn’t want to leave his heated cat bed. So today we went back for another. He’s already obviously feeling better. He’s eating again and just hopped up on the couch with me. So with hope and prayers, I hope we will have a good pain free last week.

Next Thursday I will take him to the vet one last time for some happy gas and a catheter placement. Then on Friday they will come here and be able to give him the medications through the already-placed catheter. So Thursday night, I’ll blow up an air mattress and we’ll have a slumber party in the living room. I hope he will be pain-free enough to enjoy some treats he’s not been allowed to have in a long time.