I saw this question on Reddit and thought, this is a fun thought exercise! Usually, it’s what would you tell your younger self and not the other way around.
First, 13 year old me would have some issues.
Like why the fuck are you married? You’re gonna “submit” and “rely” on a man? Fuck that. (I’d probably call myself a pussy, but 40-year-old-me has been informed that’s a no-go word now).
Why are you crazy? Suck it up, buttercup. What do you have to be sad about? (13 year old me had a lot of denial and buried trauma).
I’d be disappointed that I was still “fat.” However, I’d also be pleased greatly with my shape. I’m actually at LEAST 50lbs lighter than 13 year old me if not more like 100lbs. Also, I got rid of the belly pudge and installed nice boobs! If I can’t get skinny, at least I get more shapely.
I’d be crazy impressed with my wealth. I live in a nice house, have a pool, and OWN my car! WHAT? *fist bump*
Lastly, I’d think my sleeve tattoo was really cool.
Further down in the Reddit thread, someone commented about telling their younger self to worry less about money and more about happiness.
I’m not sure I would tell young me that. I literally picked my career in 8th grade in one day. I looked up the top projected earning careers and picked the one that suits my strengths. Math and Science. (I went Computer Science).
Do I like it? Eh. Do I have lots of money? Yeah.
I mean I don’t hate it, but it is in no way a passion. I like the puzzle aspect of coding sometimes. But like, it’s no art or craft job. I just do a fuck ton of paperwork now. I’m damn good at it and someone has to do it.
But like, I grew up below the poverty line and two family bankruptcies before highschool. I just wanted out. Sometimes I think I should have aimed for happiness too. But… I can still do my hobbies on the side so… *shrug*
Yall, my head hurts. I was flirting with a headache all weekend. You know where it comes and goes? Never really enough to get up and take anything though. But Tuesday I went into work and was just like… No. My head hurt and it’s only Tuesday. I can’t do this. So I took a Nurtec (prescription migraine medication can only be taken every 48 hours) and went home. That evening a tree fell on my lawn and I was like fuck it, I’m not going in Wednesday either. All this stress is not helping the migraine.
Wednesday was a headache all day. It comes and goes in waves. Like waves of headache vs waves of migraine. At one point I laid on the couch to rest and I was uncomfortable because my wrist was bent at an odd angle but I did not have the energy to move. Like to move at all. I was just in pain. Also hungry. I was going to ask husband to bring me some peanuts and medication and help me sit up because I could move my lips, but he was about to have a meeting (he works from home). So I was just like. Meh. This is my life now. Then like an hour later I heard him get up and wrangled up the energy to move my wrist finally and Louie came over for pets while I slowly recovered the will to move.
Since I couldn’t really even watch TV yesterday and my cat doesn’t like snuggles, I went to work today. If I’m gonna just intermittently read Reddit, I can get paid to do it. I’m gonna be in pain either way. I can’t miss a full week of work. This could go on for who knows how long. But bonus — it’s been 48 hours so I can take another Nurtec! It didn’t work again. But last night husband went and got me a refill of Excedrin Migraine and I’ve been living off that (I tried Tylenol first and it was a no go). Excedrin Migraine seems to ease the pain for between 1 and 2 hours — but I can only take it every 4.
Last night I couldn’t sleep well (SURPRISE!) but at like 4am, I realized my head didn’t hurt! Holy shit! I was so relieved. I still couldn’t sleep, but it was over. I had feared it was just going to keep going for weeks. So I was just happy and relieved. I was like, I can sleep now!
So yall know, I have a sleep disorder. What I usually do to fall asleep is try to think of the last dream I had and get in that mind space. But the last dream I had sucked. Steve Irwin was in it and I was helping him and another trainer with these platypus stingray things. Well, not platypus. More stingray. But like fat. Like squishmellow stingrays. They had that stingray mouth thing where their mouth is like on their stomach. And I was inside in a murky pool area that was connected to some outside pool or lake. I was supposed to entertain the baby squishmellow stingray while they worked with the adults outside. I think we were getting them ready for a show or something. So I was playing fetch with the baby. Like I had all these pool/bath toys I would throw for him to fetch. But not like dog-fetch, like cat-fetch. Where they go get it and you act all happy but they don’t actually bring it back. So me and baby squish were actually getting along OK. He liked to be petted and kept like rubbing up on my shoulder cause he was having fun. I got over the weird mouth thing. He was kinda cute. But like, he’s a baby and he got bored so he swam out to where the other two were and it was murky water so I couldn’t see him. And that messed up the training with the parents and Steve Irwin went fucking ballistic on me for not being able to just entertain baby squish.
He was really mean.
And I love Steve Irwin. He and Mr Rogers are like fucking saints. They were too good for us. So nowhere in my brain do I really think that Steve Irwin was an asshole. I’m also afraid of murky/dark water and water dreams end up with sharks and sharks terrify me so I was like fuck that dream, we’re not going back there. So I let my mind wander around to things I needed to do. I need to put out fertilizer this weekend. I’m also going to tighten up the sunsail over the new deck. It has stretched quite a bit and I’ve proven to myself that I can reach the anchor points.
So I was thinking, which anchor point should I tighten first? Because that will affect which way the shade gets pulled. So I was trying to visualize the geometry of it from above — a triangle with two points I can pull towards. But it’s not that simple because they both have to be tightened so I’m trying to visualize the outer triangle which is the anchor points and the inner triangle which is the sunsail and how I want it to shift. If I tighten one more than the other, I can almost rotate it a bit inside the outer anchor triangle. I kinda want it to pull more towards the house, so if I tighten that one as much as I can first it’ll shift the sail closer to the house overall…
BAM — Insta-pain.
IT’S MATH. That was the big problem when I had my brain injury. I couldn’t do math. At first I literally just could not even do simple math. Then as I healed, it hurt my head to do math so I had to be careful to push myself but not too far. Now my headache of 3 days went away only to come back when I try to do MATH. Fuck.
I called the neurologist today and left a message. I hope the nurse calls me tomorrow. Like maybe they could give me an Ajovy shot? But then I was thinking an Ajovy shot is going to cost 125$ and I’m hemorrhaging money right now. Also, I probably couldn’t get it tomorrow because I’d need insurance pre-approval BS. But then this afternoon, I remembered that once, they gave me Ajovy in the office. So like, maybe I can ask if they can prescribe it and I can come pick up a sample? I just want my headache to go away.
Oh and here’s what I think of when I think of weird stringray mouths. Also probably why baby squish kept rubbing my shoulder. Fucking meme.
Yall. Since we built the expensive BEAUTIFUL deck, house stuff just keeps popping up! We’ve had a lot of rain recently so I took a pool sample to the pool store to get it professionally tested. I needed some acid anyway. Well, actually I had ordered some acid and put it in the night before. We’ll get to that. They showed my salt level as way off from what my sensor was telling me. So I asked if it needed to be re-calibrated or something. The guy didn’t know shit, so whatever. I asked about the Ph because I put acid in the previous night. Long story short, I looked at Amazon to verify what I ordered (because it did seem more fine than the acid I usually use) and I had ordered Ph PLUS. The exact opposite of what I needed to put in. So yeah, I bought a huge bucket of acid so not a worthless trip.
I called my pool guy about the sensor being off. He said the salt cell might be dirty or nearing end-of-life which is usually about 6 years. Well, this is our 8th year. So awesome. Thankfully, I panic searched and a new salt cell is only about $1,000 when I thought they were $6,000. Still not good. Pool guy came and he said it is near end of life, but it’s still working fine, only a little off. I asked him about the pool store results. He said the pool was probably just super diluted from the rain when I got my sample. I don’t buy that, but OK. Also, I ordered an electric water tester for salt and Ph levels. I asked him if I should replace the salt cell. He said I should wait until next Spring or just wait until It dies completely. Which was great news! And he didn’t even charge me for coming out since he said he was on my side of town anyway. I love pool guy. This was twoish weeks ago.
Today, I’m in the office and I get an automated call from the security company. These are always a nightmare because I screen my calls and the robotic voice mispronounces everything so the transcript is insane shit. However, I recognized this style of insane shit and picked up in time to request a text of the info. My security system sent out a low battery signal. So I call the company and ask whats up. She just reads me the error message. Yeah, I caught that. Where is the battery? What kind of battery does it need? She said she can forward me to the service department. OK. She forwards me to the exact same number I just called with the same options. So I choose request service this time instead of customer service. I have to go through all my info. Phone number? Address? Name? Security code? Whats the problem? Yeah I see it sent out a low battery signal. I KNOW. Where is the battery? It’s in the system box. It’s a metal box. OK, what type of battery does it need? You’ll need to look at it to see.
I’m gonna admit, I’m pretty pissed about this. I’m not home. I need to know what battery to buy. I didn’t install this system nor do I own the components. They installed it and I kinda rent it from them. Shouldn’t they know what system I have? Shouldn’t they be able to look up the system components? So I ask if they can just send me a battery. She says they can, but it would be cheaper to get one at Lowes or Home Depot. Again, this is stupid because I don’t even own this shit.
So husband had been texting while I was on the phone. Turns out, here at home, the security system was going nuts. I tell him the problem and ask him to look for the battery. Surprisingly, he does. Usually, he would tell me he’ll do it later or tell me I can look when I get home. But he sure did go get a screw driver to look. And this isn’t the kind of stuff he’s great with. Also, there’s a lot of “metal boxes” in that closet. It’s like our wiring hub for everything in the house. So it wasn’t in his first box choice. Fail. Turns out it was in his second choice! A big ass battery. So he sends me a picture of said battery.
It is not in stock at Lowes, Home Depot, or Walmart. I’m not too disappointed because I really didn’t want to go to any of these places anyway. So I ordered one online. It’ll be here Saturday. I pray the security system doesn’t go nuts every day until it is replaced.
Then I get a doorbell ring on my phone from my spiffy new Ring doorbell. It’s the lawn guy. We don’t have a mower, so we pay a guy to mow our yard. I figure he wants his check. So I call husband who is at home. He doesn’t answer. I assume husband must be napping and text lawn guy that I can be home in 15 minutes to get his check (I was about to leave work anyway). Then husband calls and tells me that lawn guy says one of the pool pipes had burst and is gushing water. WHAT THE FUCK? NOT MY POOL! So I tell husband how to shut off the pump (he has never touched the pool equipment. That’s my area) and rush home.
Yep. One of the connectors to the salt cell that was cleaned 2 weeks ago has completely fractured. Our pool equipment is facing South and gets burning heat in full sun all day. So it does a number on the PVC and shit. The connector had cracked completely and come undone. So I ask lawn guy if this is where the water was coming from. It was. I fire it back up to verify. It won’t get suction. Probably because the pool has lost 3 inches of water and is now below the skimmers. So it’s pulling air from the skimmers, not water. *Sigh*
I gotta go to the grocery store anyway or I won’t have lunch tomorrow. So I text pool guy a picture of the problem. Thankfully he calls me and says he can just replace that connector. I ask about the pipes because lawn guy thinks we’ll need to replace the whole section of pipe. Pool guys says we just need a new connector and he probably even has some laying around. He’s going to try to come over tomorrow and replace it. However, he works all over our region so he really has no idea where his job will take him tomorrow. I told him if he can’t make it, let me know and I’ll go buy some shock and dump it in the pool. I can’t have a freaking algae bloom or something because I can’t run the pump.
So I’m thinking when we get a new pump (it is inevitable), maybe I’ll build some shade over all that equipment. It would probably be good for the equipment. Also, I get sunburned almost every time I’m over there cleaning it. It’s in direct sun and hot as fuck. Then I thought — that sunsail was cheap as fuck… what If I just get a little sunsail for the side of the house? It was kind of a joke but I really thought about it while I was in the shower and I’m seriously considering it for next year when we get the new salt cell. It wouldn’t need super high posts like the one for the deck so I could install those that myself with some friend help to dig the post holes. I could totally get a little square beige one just to cover the equipment. Hell, If I got a longer rectangle, it could even cover the downstairs HVAC unit. Might be good for it too…
First, let’s get this out of the way. I have clothes in the dryer I haven’t put up for two weeks. OK, onto the good!
Saturday, I got our new Ring camera up and going. I was very pleased with myself. I’ve missed having the camera. I’ve meant to replace it because they are 1,000% worth it! So when they were $100 off for Amazon Prime Day, I had to pounce. I’m super happy with the improvements to the Ring Pro too. Here’s what I had to say about it on facebook: “This is a newer version than I had. I’m pleased with some of the changes (over 7 years). There is far less packaging, for one. I also like that they don’t include all the faceplates anymore. That was so wasteful (my previous Ring Pro came with 4 different colored faceplates). You can still order one free faceplate, but now you don’t have that waste. They also include a wedge mount now, which nearly everyone needs (I bought a different one not knowing). They also include the pro power kit with it. Previously, this was an add on that nearly everyone needed. It was free, but you had to call customer service to troubleshoot and find out you needed it and then wait for it to arrive.”
Sunday, I got some more cleaning done in the garage! I’m super proud of myself for having finally collapsed all the huge boxes that were pilling up in there. So this weekend, I immediately collapsed the huge ladder box I had delivered, AND broke down the TV box since it’s warranty expired last year. I put ALL that cardboard in my car so I could get rid of it. I listed it with my old wheelbarrow on facebook market place and got rid of it all today! I was able to move around the “gardening and tools” area in the garage too. Lots of leaf blowing. Looks so much better. I also took the long broken hose reel off the wall. There just needs to be a hose pot in there. I’ll get a nicer one for the deck and move that one in there eventually. Clean garage makes me happy. Only area left to clean is my stained glass desk.
Speaking of the new ladder… I had to get it out to the garage. So I figured, why not use it to put the cap on the sunsail post before I put it away? So First thing this morning, I did it. I climbed up HIGHER than my 6 foot fence on a ladder! It’s still not painted (and won’t be until it’s had at least one month to dry out). It will be painted brown like the fence. But even with just the cap on top, it looks a lot better.
My new ladder is heavy and a little unwieldy. A lot of Amazon reviews complained about that. But if my 254lb ass if going to climb up a ladder, I want it to feel sturdy! Was it a pain? Yes. Do I hate climbing ladders, hell yes. But once I got to the height I needed, I was pretty comfortable up there. I didn’t feel like I was going to break the ladder and die. So A+! I even had to climb higher than the bend joint! So I feel like when I have to paint it, it won’t be the end of me.
The sunsail is already ready for a bit of tightening but I have no idea how I’ll be able to access the ratchets since they’re not at the anchors, but in the middle of the wires. I think I’ll text my neighbors and see who has a giant A-Frame…
REVELATION! A few hours after writing this, I had a look at the post and looked at the pictures from the previous post. It’s such a pretty deck. And I realized — holy shit. So I have a ladder that can now easily reach the mount points when we need to take the sail down for winter. The problem is, the ratchets are in the middle of the lines. So, like, we’ll need an A frame to reach those. And someone will have to be standing on a ladder with two hands doing the ratchet. UNLESS! I can take the corner down — take my time to get it safely shortened, and then rehang it! I’M A GENIUS!
When we built our pool, we did the regular concrete surround (a certain allotment comes with your pool installation). To fill in the rest of the fenced in area, we used a 2-inch rock mix. (Maybe it was bigger than 2 inches?). We have regretted this ever since. What a fucking terrible idea. They didn’t put anything under the rocks, so weeds just grow right up through them! And in the Fall, all the leaves and crap fall and it’s near impossible to clean out. Even if you spend hours with a rake and leaf blower, it has never looked 10% as good as when it was first installed (It did look wonderful when it was first put down).
The weeds are murder. There’s nothing to do for them. I’ve tried all the home remedies to kill them. For 7 summers when we clean the salt cell with acid, we dump the bucket on the rocks. Fucking morning glory vines still grow there! (In fact, there’s a little morning glory growing there right now peaking out under the new deck stair). The only thing to kill them is the purple Round Up. And that shit’s a hundred dollars a bottle (The purple is much more concentrated than the others). I mix in even more concentrated than the instructions call for. This takes about 2 weeks to fully kill shit. But you know what? It’s still there. Now it’s just brown.
This year, as they were opening the pool (I have a pool guy come remove the safety cover and start it up for me — then he comes back in Fall to close it), I sprayed Round Up. It was nice having someone out there to chat with while I worked. Problem: Poison Ivy. This is the first year Poison Ivy has shown up in the rocks. And I am INSANELY allergic to that shit. I can’t even be around when people are doing yard work because the oils in the air will get on me. So even though it’s been dead for two months, I can’t even weed eat to knock it down. I just call that corner the “Corner of Poor Unfortunate Souls” now. So that really put an impetus on the whole “we need a deck” thing. Anyway, so here’s the before:
That picture is actually it looking really good. That’s after I did the first Round Up and killed everything off. I even already have my plants up on the stairs. I specifically took this picture as a “before shot” when I found out we were building a deck. As you can see, I had to move all the stuff that was over there so they could build. Also worth noting, this square is the WORST for weeds. It must have the perfect combo of sun and water because it’s usually solid morning glory (that’s what you see already coming back under the gutter spout). I actually think it looks so good because I had put down a rug/mat and put my hammock over there. As seen in this post. I love my new hammock. So it didn’t get enough sunlight under that huge mat.
Anyway… this is what it looks like NOW:
Just LOOK at all that usable space! It’s HUGE. It’s something like 21 feet deep and maybe 23ish wide? As you can see, we not only went over the rocks, we took it all the way to the stairs so there wouldn’t be a weird concrete “alley” there. Here’s some side by side before and afters:
They did AN AMAZING job. We had discussed doing the rock square and then cutting over to the stairs — like an “L” shape. But look how he built it out like a giant rectangle with the corner off. It looks so much better than having it cut back in an “L.” Also creates even MORE usable space.
You know, I never realized that we didn’t have a ton of space around the pool. It’s always been fit for needs. When we have parties, we set all the chairs up around the tanning ledge half circle. That’s where everyone puts their stuff and everyone congregates. Now though, this is amazing! We had family over for July 4th and I got out 5 folding chairs to put out and brought over two more umbrellas. Plenty of room:
The other day, K and K2 were over and K2 and I were eating lunch — she sitting by the hammock and me in the hammock chair. K was laying out on a pool float. We still had tons of room for people to join us. Hell, that rug/mat is a 9×12 foot rug!
I also moved my plants off of the stoop and onto the deck. I didn’t think they made the stoop look crowded before, but now everything looks so much more… spread out. Nothing is crowded. There’s SPACE.
And yall, those rocks don’t count as space. You can’t walk on them barefoot. You can’t even really walk on them in flip flops. They’re just too painful. So my hammock chair has always been on the rocks, but I had those four concrete stepping stones to it and under it so you didn’t have to walk on rocks. Now those stepping stones are by the deck to get to the gate.
It’s so amazing to just walk out and sit in the hammock. Even if I don’t want to get out the hammock pad for the super nice full size hammock. I can sit in my hammock chair for a few minutes after watering the flowers or something. It’s just so luxurious compared to what we had. It’s so NICE. Like we have a gorgeous pool. Premium Hydrazzo aggregate finish — gorgeous tanning ledge — full width stairs. It’s a damn nice pool. Now we have the space to spread out by it to match! I mean the rest of the rocks still look like shit, but don’t look over there. You can just walk around. Hell, even after I empty my skimmers into my bucket and go to toss the leaves over the fence, now I don’t have to tiptoe over rocks to do it. I just step up on the desk and toss it over the fence. LUXURY, Yall.
I even got a weatherproof storage box/bench for my hammock pad and a few chairs (also the mosquitos coils and stuff goes in there). And do you see the beautiful sun sail!?
So Husband asked how we would shade it. I said eventually, we could get a sunsail. So I pulled them up to show him what I was talking about. Holy shit, why are sunsails so cheap? That sunsail there is 20x20x28 feet with a full three year warranty for $65 (Amazon link, now it’s $60 plus 5% off). So fuck yeah, we went ahead and bought one. We went ahead and had the builder install a 6×6 anchor post on the other side of the fence and hang it for us. Now, I knew he’d do a good job hanging it – better than I could hire anyone else to do it. He used 9 inch bolts to attach the anchors to the house where the second floor floor-joists are so it aint going anywhere. Now, did I know he was going to charge $300 to hang that sail (in ADDITION to the $300 to install the anchor post) — NO. No, I did not. But anyway — moving on.
I was actually going to get grey or beige but when I asked Husband what color we should get, he said a bright one. Weird for him, but OK! And I LOVE IT. I think it looks fantastic. I’m so happy with it. Unfortunately, due to the curvature on the sail to keep it taught, it’s not actually nearly as big as a perfect 20x20x28 triangle would be. However, where the full sized hammock is remains shaded all day from sun up to sun down. I did not get a waterproof sail because of wind and tiki torch smoke. Mostly tiki torch smoke. If you know, you know. So when I saw that it was just a lightish weave, I was afraid it wouldn’t be shady enough — but it totally is! It says it blocks 95% of UV rays and I believe it. It’s so nice laying in the hammock and looking up at the bright teal and hearing the pool bubblers.
I moved my plants out there too. They had been up on the stoop by the door. They look so good against the dark fence! The bright colors of the coleus really pop! I put the fern by the stair to kind emphasize that stair edge there. I’ve since added a lavender plant from Publix and a tropical looking plant from the nursery. No, I don’t know what the tropical looking plant is. It’s cool and has big leaves. It’s tropical. Speaking of, tomorrow I need to remember to drill a drainage hole in that plant stand. It was full from the rain this week.
But yeah — my deck is AWESOME. I’m so happy about it. I’ll have to get up early this weekend and enjoy my hammock before it gets too hot. Sunday should be great for a pool day! Maybe husband will come sit in the hammock and read to keep me company for a bit?
I’m told to give it at LEAST one month to dry out before we finish it. I’m going to use a sealant/finish combo and make it like a greige color. Have to protect the investment! That shit’s expensive.
Oh, and I didn’t want to pay to move my pool filler’s shut off valve. Because, why? The builder was like, we can just move that. I was like no. I’m not paying for that. So we made a cute little trap door in the deck that you can pick up to access the shut off valve. I currently have a spare key on the pool fence in a lock box. I’m thinking of moving it to install it on the bottom of my trap door. Just for funzies. It’s like a little secret.
Holy. Shit. So I’m reading Reddit, like I do. It’s a story about malicious compliance. Basically, this guy was getting overheated working and went to get water and his dick manager said no. So he went back to work and purposefully had a heat stroke.
Anyway, in the comments, people were talking about heat intolerance and how every time something like that happens, it can get worse and you tolerate heat less and less. And I’m like wait, tell me more.
Symptoms:
* feeling very hot in moderately warm temperatures
* excessive sweating
* not sweating enough in the heat
* exhaustion and fatigue during warm weather
* nausea, vomiting, or dizziness in response to heat
* changes in mood when too hot
What the fucking fuck! I have all of those except for the not sweating one which is canceled out by the excessive sweating one!
I have literally been diagnosed with sun poisoning before. Twice, random strangers have stopped me, sat me down and brought me water because I looked like I was gonna pass out (once at the ice cream place with friends — but we were by the drive thru so the heat exhaust from the cars was on me PLUS Alabama summer. A lady took me to a bench and sat me down and bought me a water. Then another time, I was leaving a grocery store and someone stopped me to ask if I was OK. I sat down on the curb and they went and got me water and ice).
I’m ALWAYS HOT. I just bought a fan for my desk and told Husband TODAY and K yesterday (she recommended the fan I bought) how pleased I am to have a nice fan blowing on me at work now.
And yall, KNOW I get angry when I’m hot and thirsty like no ones business.
The other day, Husband’s sister, was talking about working in a room with no AC and how she was pretty much OK until it hit 88 and I was like, no shit I WOULD DIE. No way could I work in 80 degrees. No way. And K and K2 can tell yall how I’m basically a water fountain when I work out.
So now I’m like worried, what causes this? They’re talking about underlying conditions — I don’t have diabetes. I am fat — but this was a problem when I was 175 too. I distinctly remember being crazy bitter that everyone said I’d be cold all the time when I lost weight and I WASN’T.
Husband can attest to being freezing in a robe while I have the fan turned on pointed directly at my face in a tank top.
Parkinsons? MS? Gillion Barre?
Graves disease.
Oh FUCK YOU.
Well. I guess now at least we know why I’m hot all the time. I swear to God last time I slept at the InLaw’s it was winter in the NE and I cracked the window and slept under my light weight fuzzy blanket.
So I’ve been taking excellent care of my tattoo. Only the best lotions and sunscreens. Long sleeves if I’m swimming. Excellent care.
So it occurred to me, I could actually take care of my face too. Right now, in mid summer, my face doesn’t look terrible. That’s because it seems swimming in the pool helps my complexion. Usually though, I have zits and tons of ingrown hairs. PCOS gives me chin and lip and sideburn hair that has to be shaved daily. Every day. So when there’s a zit or something, there’s never time for it to heal. It’s getting shaved over every single day. I don’t wear makeup daily so this makes me very self conscious.
I’ve also got a secret, I don’t use lotion. Yep (or nope?) I never developed a skin care regimen. I don’t even know where to start. But like, I decided I should try it on my face. So I went through all the subscription box stuff I just tossed in drawers over the years and googled easy facial routines. Now I’m doing a routine. Evening: Wash, Toner, Serum, Lotion. Morning: Wash, Lotion with sunscreen. I’m so fancy! So apparently you need cotton rounds to apply toner. So I bought some. But like, these are ugly. How shall I store this?
Oh yeah. That’s right. I’ve been married over a decade, and I finally have a good use for my old leather condom box. Magnificent. I’m so chuffed with my condom box.
Anyway, I’m making an effort here. Does anyone have any advice for sunscreen lotion? I bought some for $18 and it burns my eyes just like every god damn sunscreen I’ve ever put on my face. The only sunscreen I can use on my face is Sun Bum stick. It’s so solid that it doesn’t move or sweat. It’s on ’til you wipe that shit off. Everything else eventually ends up in my eye corners and burns! Help!
I went to the Tattoo Expo with K and her boyfriend. I’ve never been to a tattoo expo. We saw some work by legit amazing artists. Then there was one guy who wanted us to get these tiny flash for $200. Are you kidding me? You want to do 10 minutes of line work for $200? NO.
So today ran from 2:00 – midnight. So I figured it would be better in the evening. So we met up at 6:30. And guess what? We missed the good stuff! WHAT THE FUCK? I’m legit going to complain to the organizers. We couldn’t find a schedule for this show anywhere. Big fancy website, no schedules. I even went the the circus people’s website (sword swallowers and stuff) to see if they had a schedule. Nope. Walk in and the first thing they give me is a lovely laminated schedule hour by hour for the whole weekend. Oh look, we missed the circus by an hour! DAMMIT. I’m legit pissed about this schedule thing.
Anyway, none of us were really shopping for tattoos. There were 200 tattooists there from all over. And they do tattoos right there. But I’ve got plenty of work to do on mine as it is. But I tell ya, I did see a lot of flash I liked.
There was a booth of a lady selling crystals — like carved crystals and jewelry and stuff. So K and I were looking at the necklaces. I asked her what was good for anxiety and she hands me a white one. Like the most boring of the stones. But she says it’s good for anxiety and getting rid of negative energy. She said it basically says fuck off to bad energy. Oooo. Give me. The card said it was good for sleep too. White Howlite.
According to some random internet search: “It can help reduce your levels of stress and anger, and dispel anger that is directed towards you from others. Howlite works by absorbing negative energy and filling the void with calming properties that help you feel at peace.”
We’re building a deck for the pool! I’m so excited! Like, I’m so excited, I think I’ll clean up the chair hammock and give it’s wooden bar a paint refresh. I’m gonna put both hammocks on the deck so when K2 falls asleep in the new one, I can chill in the hammock chair.
And I can have lots of plants ’cause I can water them with the hose now! First on the list is lemon grass! It keeps mosquitoes away. I can only find tiny little lemon grass plants. But when you see pictures, you see big bushy bunches of lemon grass. How do I get that? Do I have to seed it in Spring to get that? Is that a next year thing? I’ve got a big ass pot so I could have a huge bush of it. Maybe even drop a tiki torch in there! Yeah! I asked on nextdoor if anyone has any lemongrass to spare.
Lavender is supposed to be good for mosquitos too (good meaning, they don’t like it). My first priority is keeping mosquitos away from me.
A vibrator necklace and a Disney bag. Choose a lane, Ulta! Also is that really a vibrator necklace? How small are the batteries? Surely not. I gotta click that shit.
“The iconic necklace that brought together pleasure and self-expression. Crave’s Vesper is designed to enable beautiful experiences in public and in private, both as a statement jewelry and a strong slim external vibrator.”
Benefits
Vesper represents beauty, pleasure, and self-expression. As a stainless steel necklace, it enables the wearer to toe the line between subtle and provocative, to create conversations and to openly express their desires
With a removable chain, the Vesper easily turns into a slim external clitoral vibe with a rumbly feel and a smooth rounded tip for pinpoint sensation. Not for internal use
That’s some fucked up shit, yall. Don’t be wearing your vibrators out in public. That’s gross. What is wrong with you people? EW.
