Tag: cursing cats

I have bad news, but wait! Good news too.

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I saw the plastic surgeon on Monday about doing my breasts in March. He thought breasts could be done for sure, but he also wants to do a scar revision on my stomach. Not because the scar is bad, but because there’s more skin he can get and tighten even more now that my swellings down. Nice. I also asked about getting all the side-boob fat. You know, the fat that you shove in your bra cause your boobs are more like a blob than a perky magazine chick in reality. He said he could totally get that, but there’d be a scar. OK. Have you seen me? I’m up to, like, 4 feet of scarring at this point.

I also asked him about the overhang on my elbows. He tried to address it with lipo, but it’s not a fat problem, it’s a skin problem. The skin from my shoulder to my elbow is just too long after losing weight. He was hesitant about that one. He said he’d consult with his peer and see what he thought. So they took lots of pictures. But the good news was — he said he wanted my last drain out this week! It was still draining too much but he said he didn’t care, he wanted it out this week. It’s only been 2 and a half fucking months. THANK GOD.

LIARS! Fucking Liars! We made an appointment for Friday to pull that last god damned drain. I went in and did it get pulled? No, it did not. Because for some reason, on Wednesday it decided to start shooting up in drainage. It was 80ml on Thursday. Yeah… Not the 15 they want or even the 40 it was when they pulled the other. So the nurse went to talk to the surgeon and he said nope, give it the weekend and call them on Monday with an update. Because at those levels, they’d need to aspirate fluid every other day and every time they do that you risk infection. FUCK.

Yall, I am not exaggerating that I left that office utterly defeated. I wanted to get a krispy kreme donut and cry and spend the day in bed. For real real. I settled for going to the store and buying ALL the keto snacks and working my damn job while eating chocolate.

But wait! In my extreme darkness, I forgot to ask the scheduler about the breast surgery. They never got back to me after Monday. She’s been holding March 15th for me. He’s booking in May right now, so if I can’t do March I have to wait till Fall. That’s because May is not enough time to heal before my pool opens. Well, they just hadn’t got back to me yet — but he’s totally cool with it. Boobs, side boob, and arm and stomach touch ups — all a go for March 15th. I even have my preop appointment scheduled for this Friday. Woot.

It’s definitely a woot. And I know I want my breasts done. However, this surgery I’m much much more anxious about than the last. First, with the revisions, how bad is the recovery going to be? I know breasts are an “easy” recovery, but he’s doing more to my arms and stomach too. Also, my arm scars aren’t that great. So hows this new scar in a whole new place on my arm gonna look? Is it worth it? I think it is but you never know because hind sight is 20/20 and foresight is fucking blind.

Also size. I’ve been sticking to a D or double D. I want to be big but not hard to shop for bras big. Is that too big? Mr C pushed for me to clarify DD because he wants me to go as big as I’m comfortable going. I’m fine with some DDs, but some peoples DDs are way bigger than others. How do I know whats in this guys head when I say DD? I dont want boobs so big that you can’t see my new flat stomach…

I’m scared. And I still have a fucking drain in. UGH.

Midlife Crisis or New Level Unlocked? You decide

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So I’ll be 40 this year. I’m cool with it. The older I am, the closer to retirement I am! Also, I’m happy with where I am in my life. Good husband, decent career, great credit score, own a house with a pool, good friends, decent family relationships, fucking awesome cat. So I don’t think I’m having a mid-life crisis. I’m just making a lot of changes.

New arms, new stomach, new boobs (all through drastic plastic surgeries) — and some fucking sweet tattoos. Like full in on the new bod and tattoos. I’m getting a sleeve, yall. We’re all-in here. And this was somewhat brought on by my turning 40.

It’s like dude, I’m getting old — if not now, then when? And who’s to tell me no? And why not? Like, bitch I’m 40, what say do you have in my life? Career? I can cover the tats if it’s a big deal or an interview. Long sleeves and pants — check. Husband? He hasn’t objected. In fact he’s pretty jazzed about the boobs. Family? Meh, mom was the only one who would have had any weight, and well, we know how 2020 took her out. Friends? Why would a friend object? I hope I don’t choose friends so badly.

So yeah, I’m halfway through this bullshit we call life. I think I’m doing OK at it. I feel like 40 brings a new freedom. Is that a mid-life crisis or mid-life catharsis? I’m not trying to regain my youth — fuck that, my 20s were a shit show. So was my youth. Fuck that shit. It’s more like: now I have permission. It’s a shame I don’t have hair I could dye amazing colors. I’m too hot-natured for wigs as an alternative. Gonna have to put all the color in the sleeve.

My Goomba! (First Tattoo)

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I got my first tattoo today! It’s a goomba on my ankle.

Isn’t he adorable!? I got him from Devon Greig At Alchemy Tattoo in Nashville, Tennessee. She did an amazing job. He even looks better than the fake ones I was sporting for a while! She did the outline all in colors darker than the pixels they surround (except for the grey surrounding the black).

The pain wasn’t as bad as I expected. However, I had seen people tapping out of tattoos and heard stories of people screaming and taking lots if breaks. This one took just barely over two hours of tattooing. I didn’t need a break or anything. Just to shift twice because I my other leg was falling asleep.

It felt like a skinned knee. And the lines were the worst part. She did the grid first and then went back and colored in the many many pixels (“so many little squares,” as she put it). So yeah, the fine lines were more painful than the coloring in. And it hurt worse towards the back of my leg for some reason.

Now I’m ready for my sleeve. Bring it on. (In Fall, after pool season).

K went with me to Nashville. We made a lovely day of it. Traffic was light. We went to the studio early enough to grab lunch there. So I google mapped “restaurants near me” and it suggested a hole in the wall BBQ joint — well, when in Nashville… It looked shady as hell, but they also had a food truck parked behind it. I love some food truck food. Yall, that place was fucking awesome. Everything we had was delicious. Pork, Sausage, Bologna, Brisket quesadilla, Fries, Cole Slaw, White Beans, and Banana Pudding. All 5 stars. K said she knew it was going to be good when she saw grandma behind the register. And it seemed like most of the people in there were regulars shooting the breeze with the smoke master.

The bathroom was out of soap and paper towels. Usually that would be a no go for me — but fuck, that food was so good. I’ll go back when I go for some of my sleeve, I’m sure. Thanks to K for joining me on my adventure!

It’s a Good Thing: Pentel EnerGel RTX Retractable Liquid Gel Pen Review

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How about a product review? I just reordered some of my absolute favorite pens. I’m pretty possessive of a good pen. I covet them. You will not take my good pen. And ever since I found these Pentel EnerGel RTX Retractable Liquid Gel Pens (Amazon Link), the purple one has been my precious. I’ve ordered a set of just purple and now I’m ordering another set of the multi-colored package because almost all of them have run out.

Here is my original Amazon review (I’m a whore for Review “likes” — so feel free to hop over and mark my review as “helpful”) :

I signed into a meeting Monday with a brown pen — the color was meh (brown) but the ink line was fantastic. It flowed perfectly. Perfectly. I wanted it. I asked whose it was and it belonged to the meeting coordinator — he was not going to let me have his pen. So I asked to borrow the pen and wrote down everything about it. Then I went home and ordered a pack of my own. Now I have purple and dark green (and 7 other colors since I gave three to my husband). They arrived last night. *SQUEE*

Purple is my favorite color of pen to use at work. I’m an engineer so I have to keep it semi-professional. This pack has a lovely dark purple, a dark green (looks lighter in the picture — there are two greens, one is lime and one is dark), 3 of 4 blues (I’m counting the turquoise here), black and brown. I consider all of these seven colors professional enough for work purposes. There are other lovely colors here but those will stick to home use. The Navy pen looks almost black when you write with it. I prefer to avoid black and similar pens at work because I need my writing to pop on printed pages. So this multi pack was an awesome choice for me. Next time I might just order a set of purple. However, I wanted to try all the colors first.

I’d consider getting a nice metal version of this pen and just switching in these ink wells. However, then I’d be even more possessive of my amazing pen. I might develop a tick when someone asks to use it.

“My precious…”

9 Weeks Post-Op

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So I’m 9 weeks post-op tomorrow (tummy tuck / abdominoplasty, arm lift / brachioplasty). I should be working out by now but I’ve still got a fucking drain in!

Yesterday I saw the doctor. I presented the graph of obvious non drainage decline and he said OK, we’ll take one out and watch the other over the next few days. Awesome! Well, then he left and the nurse wasn’t so happy to take out a drain. She insisted that this was normal and they were going down. She’s worked there for 19 years, you know. Bitch, can you not read a line graph? It’s a fucking picture. And the doctors been there longer than 19 years. I know those nurses hate me. She mentioned the numerous requests in my file about the drains. And she said if they are removed, they’ll have to manually remove the fluid with a needle multiple times. Bitch, I know. I accept this. I do not accept keeping useless drains in when they could be the irritation causing the damn drainage themselves.

So he said come back in a few days. The nurse, however, said to call when the drain goes down and blah blah blah about 15ccs. So I’m not sure when they’ll actually take this second one out. However, they did take the problem one out — the one that was painful because it had slipped out about an inch, was cloudy, and was smelly. Having one long tube to deal with is also simpler than trying to keep two from getting twisted and tangled. So half victory.

I asked about getting on his schedule for March for the breasts. I need them healed up before I open the pool in the summer. So if they can’t be done in March or April, I’ll put it off till the pool closes in Fall. He said that should be fine. Of course he’s booked up. Which is why I’ve mentioned it in my previous appointment and he blew me off with we’ll talk about that next time. UGH. So the scheduler is supposed to talk to him and then give me a call. I’m crossing my fingers. But I’m also prepared to hear that I have to wait till after summer.

Also FIRST TATTOO THIS WEEK! Saturday I’m getting my Goomba!

Depression and Fucking JP Drains

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So I see the surgeon on Monday for my 8 week follow-up (Tummy Tuck, Arm Lift — get caught up). Really, I was 8-weeks two days ago so it’ll be more like my 9-week follow up. I still have my surgical drains. The longest I can find on the internet is a reference that they can drain for 1-5 weeks. I was originally told they’d be in for 3 weeks. Then it became when they’re under 15cc per bulb per day. OK.

Then last time I saw the doctor (2-weeks ago) he said that he’ll take them out at 8 weeks anyway. Well, his nurse corrected him that they wouldn’t. The nurse again reinforced that they can not come out until they are down to 15cc per day when I called to complain that one of the drains is turning cloudy and smelly. So I’ve been looking forward to Monday, but as it get closer (and keep in mind, I’m depressed over here anyway), I’m thinking: Holy shit, they’re not going to take them out.

To see if I was right or the nurses were right, I charted the data. Maybe they’re going down in a very slow, languid progression. December to January looks great:

But wait a minute — lets zoom in on January:

They aren’t going down! And maybe it’s just because my body doesn’t like plastic tubing in it. But you can’t tell me they’ll go down while I’m looking at FOUR WEEKS OF DATA WHERE THEY DIDN’T GO DOWN. That’s a week longer than they were supposed to be in there in their entirety — 4 weeks of nothing. Everyone on the facebook groups I follow had them out in a few days or at two weeks (for those who have it done in Miami and then go home and have to have a doc take them out). No measurements, just a time frame. Well my time frame done passed on by.

Yall pray for me. Yes, I printed out my data for the doctor. But you know how often doctors listen to patients. And lord knows his nurses are only concerned with quantity. Even though one of them has gone from crystal clear yellow drainage to cloudy and increasing and smelly. I kinda think that’s a problem. I’m just looking forward to talking to the DOCTOR Monday and not his fucking “how much did they drain yesterday” god damned nurses.

PS: I acknowledge that they are still draining a lot. And taking them out might cause me to need to have the fluid manually drained. But I just don’t think they’re going to go down anymore with the drain system still in there. I think my body wants it out. I also think there are injections you can give to encourage it to close up. I’m gonna research those too.

Putting Away Christmas

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I’m finally making a dent in putting away the Christmas decor! It’s been weighing on me heavily as a task that needs doing. We never take it down before Mr C’s birthday — but once that passes, it’s just such a chore. I come down from work, I’m already a bit depressed, and I’m just overwhelmed. I can’t relax because I gotta do it — but I also don’t want to do it — so I just nap instead.

Not today, Satan!

Last night I had Mr C bring in all the boxes and started packing up. Today I took down the tree. The downstairs is officially de-decorated. HA! And Mr C took all the front decorations around back for me too. So I don’t have to feel ashamed about the neighbors judgement. This is a huge victory against depression! SUCK IT!

The upstairs trees are not as much trouble and they’re not in “my space.” So I’m not looking at them feeling weighed down. Moms room is fast as I just stick the whole tree in the closet. Then the office tree is small. The bedroom tree is a bit of a pain, but not as bad as our main tree. So yeah. I’m doing it!

Some Things 1/18

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  1. I’m seven weeks post op tomorrow (tummy tuck and arm lift). Nothing really new to talk about on that front. Yes, I still have my cursed drains. I saw the doctor yesterday for a regular followup and he said they remove them at 8 weeks. The nurse replied with “not when they’re at 40!” and he didn’t reply. So he scheduled to see me in 2 weeks. That’ll be almost 9 weeks post op. I have faith that he’ll take them out at that appointment no matter what. I honestly think at this point, maybe the drains themselves are making the wound not heal up faster. They were on a steady decline to 35/40 until January started. They’ve not moved since (except one day number 2 shot up but it was just that once). So I’m scared they’ll have to drain fluid with a needle if they remove them, but I also haven’t been laid since NOVEMBER.
  2. At least he took off my 10lb lift limit. I can pick up things now! Rather than stare sadly at them and ask someone else to do it.
  3. Mr C’s birthday was yesterday! The big 40! I made him the lemon tart (recipe here) that he loves because he got chocolate mousse for Christmas. I made it all — the giant pain in the ass. I used M’s tip to mix the crust pastry in the food processor rather than by hand — GENIUS. I juiced all the lemons, I zested, I custard-ed. I clean up all the dishes and then went to put the beautiful tart in the fridge and saw one and a half sticks of butter on the counter. Fuck fuck fuck. I had to dump out all the custard, put it back over the heat and dissolve all the butter then pour it back in. It doesn’t seem to have suffered for it but damn. Close one. I was so pleased with myself before I saw that butter too.

Drains and Discouragement

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I’m never going to get these damn surgical drains out. It’s been over five weeks! Please, I want them gone. I feel like they’ll never get low enough to come out. Who has them this long? I thought it was gonna be three weeks!

I’m just feeling discouraged. Depressed. Melancholy. I’m tried of the surgical drains. My new job sucks. I’m scared to dive in and try to do new things I don’t know how to do. I feel like I’ve already let my teammate down. He’s stuck with me. Ugh.

I’ve meant to finish watching the Witcher season 2 for the past 3 nights but I have not. I’ve chosen, instead, to lay on the couch and nap.

I’ve been worthless this week. Completely worthless.

Back to the Grind

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I returned to work today. Well, work from home. Even then I couldn’t actually get back on the VPN until about 2:00, so not much of a work day. And yet I’m stressed.

I mentioned my boss quit. My new temporary boss is his boss. He called me to see if I was online. I wasn’t because my account was shut down while I was on leave. We have a meeting tomorrow to discuss what I’m working on. He also wants weekly status reports. UGH. This feels like a new job. Sure, I started in November. But when I started in November, this was all just temporary because I was gonna be out in December. So I didn’t really have to do anything. Now I have to work. Actual work, not just onboarding and training and paperwork.

I’m terrified I won’t cut it. I have no idea what I’ll be doing or what is expected of me. I’m freaking out.

So yeah. It might also be because my surgical drains hurt and belly button hurts and I started my period today. But still — freaking out.

I’m going to bed early.